The Sting of the Rain

By: RavenHeart101

Summary: "It felt as though someone had crawled into his body and pulled out his most vital organs, leaving him rotting in an alley until he would pass away into nothingness." Or the story of why Blaine missed the fifth week of his senior year and the fall and rise from there on out.

Warnings: Male/Male pairing, mention of non-con, date rape, assault, swearing, trigger warning, verbal abuse/emotional abuse/some physical abuse, a general rising from the ashes.

I'm not going to lie and say this story is going to be happy because it's really not going to be.

A: N – Don't ask. Enjoy the angst. I love you all. This is a different style than I usually write….

This is my first adventure into the SeBlaine fics. Oh my… and to think I'm doing it with angst.

"So here you are two steps ahead and saying on guard. Every lesson forms a new scar. They never thought you'd make it this far." ~Eyes Open by Taylor Swift

"You ready, squirt?" Cooper's fist banged against his door both loud and light, jerking Blaine out of his reverie. He pushed himself up from his bed, shaking his head to get rid of the memories that were plaguing his thoughts. It had been a month now. He was okay.

He was okay.

Maybe if he repeated that enough to himself it would come true.

He straightened his collar and unlocked his bedroom door, pulling it open to face Cooper's happy, yet cautious, face, Blaine's book bag slung over his shoulder.

"When are you going back to California?" Blaine asked as they walked down the stairs. "Not that I don't like having a personal chauffeur, or anything." He shrugged, trying to ignore the way Cooper's shoulders had tensed at the question. Almost as though he didn't want to answer in worry of saying something that would ruin the truce they had called the year before.

"Whenever they want me." Cooper patted Blaine's shoulder as he walked passed him, unlocking the car and climbing into the driver's seat.

Blaine let out a weary sigh. He knew why Cooper wasn't going back to California. Just like he knew why he had to repeat to himself over and over that he was okay.

All because of that one night weeks ago.

It was the same reason why Blaine had lost all contact with the Warblers – namely one Sebastian Smythe – and it was the same reason why Blaine had chosen to fade into the background of New Directions and let Artie, Tina, and Sam take over things for a while.

It was easier that way, anyway.

Blaine was as good at blending in as he was at standing out. And blending in was easy – perhaps a bit too easy, but what did they expect Blaine to do? He wasn't about to run to them crying about how pathetic his life was. He wasn't that kind of person and it was about time they all learned that.

He huffed, tugging his jacket closer to his body and shutting his eyes, letting his forehead rest against the cool glass of the window. He didn't sleep much last night. Actually, he hadn't been getting much sleep at all. Usually when he would sleep he'd wake up in a tangle of sheets with sweat dripping down all panels of his body and a scream on his lips. Nightmares were a bitch and, even though he'd had them plenty of times before, none quite surmounted to the kind that his brain were making up this time.

His mind flashed to the most recent one – it was bright out. Daylight, daylight, daylight. And there were birds chirping. Bricks against his back. Dalton. McKinley. He couldn't be sure. Laughing. Jeering. Taunting. You want this. You want this. You deserve this. Yelling for help, always yelling for help. Only no help came. No one came. Alone. Alone. Alone. – Cooper nudged his shoulder; his eyes alight with concern when Blaine nearly jumped out of his skin.

Perhaps he had fallen asleep again. Or perhaps he had just been sucked into a dream.

Because it hadn't been daylight out.

He hadn't screamed for help.

It hadn't been at a school.

And, even though they had been too late, someone had come.

They had stayed with him for a whole day. Then they had left.

Blaine grabbed onto the door handle, leaning across the center console to give Cooper a quick, one-armed hug. "I'll see you when school gets out?" He didn't have to ask – Cooper would be there whether Blaine wanted him to be or not – but he did anyway. Just for familiarity sake or something like that. Maybe. Blaine could never be sure of things these days.

"Of course." Cooper pat his back gently and with a protective grip at the same time, his eyes shining a bit but Blaine paid them no noticeable mind besides leaning up to give Cooper's cheek a quick, brief kiss and letting him hug him a bit longer than usual. "Three. Any later and I'm throwing that school apart for you."

Blaine laughed dryly – not a real laugh, but as close as he had done for the past month – closing his door behind him and walking up to the school looking as though he had a purpose. Blaine may have been blending into the shadows nowadays, but he knew that if he didn't act as though he had reason to be there the homophobic jocks would be all over him. It wouldn't do for him to be noticed now. He didn't want to be noticed now.

So he kept his head down in the figurative sense and his chin up in the real sense. He avoided eye contact with most everyone and gripped his bag tighter.

Blaine could already feel a migraine pulling at the tip of his mind.

His locker in sight, Blaine turned right, letting out a breath he hadn't even realized he had been holding once he reached the metal. He allowed himself a moment of relief, leaning his head against the cool metal before straightening and spinning out his combination. 37-6-18. He grabbed his books and headed off for his first class.

Routine. Routine.

Blaine could do routine.

"Blaine!" He jumped at the familiar voice, flinching a bit when a hand landed on his shoulder. Mister Schuester gave him a curious look but he shrugged it off like most people did nowadays. Blaine was just generally jumpy. It was nothing. Had to do with the bullying and nothing else. "I was looking through the list of people trying out for the musical this year and your name wasn't on the list."

Blaine wondered if there was some plausible reason for Mister Schuester to be stating the obvious. Blaine didn't answer; instead he shifted his books onto his other arm, looking at the wall behind Mister Schuester rather than the man himself. "I just wanted to know if everything is okay with you." Mister Schuester reached out to touch his arm, but seemed to change his mind at the last second, his hand falling back to his side. "If the bullying has gotten worse or if it's getting harder to deal with… you're not alone Blaine."

He pushed back a sardonic laugh and forced a show smile on his face. It fooled the teacher – Blaine knew it fooled him because sometimes it even fooled himself sometimes. "I've just fallen behind in some of my studies, Mister Schue. I can't afford to have that happen in my senior year." He shrugged and began to walk towards his classroom again, the warning bell chiming from above. "I'm going to be late." He jerked his thumb towards his classroom, nearly sprinting for the door and falling into his seat with a loud sigh.

Sam looked at him from the corner of his eye – his Forensics Lab partner and fellow Glee Clubber – his notebook out in front of him. He pushed it over to Blaine's side of the table slowly, as if to get his attention. There was a question sprawled out across it in Sam's messy handwriting but Blaine didn't pay it any mind. He didn't want to pay it any mind.

To put it simply, Blaine didn't want to pass notes today.

Blaine hadn't wanted to pass notes in a long time, actually. Yet Sam kept trying.

Sam was a good friend. If a bit persistent and naïve.

Rather him than Sugar – it seemed as though Blaine had become her most recent charity case.

"You can't ignore me forever." Sam leaned closer to whisper. Blaine didn't pay him any mind. He wasn't ignoring him. He was trying to stick to the routine.

And the routine didn't include passing notes with Sam Evans.

"Listen, dude." Sam's hand coved his lower arm, halting his motion of writing the date on the top of his paper. "I know you miss him, okay? I know."

Missed who? Who did Blaine miss? "Who do I miss?" Blaine asked slowly and lowly, his eyes never leaving his paper, but his hand making no motion to pull out of Sam's surprisingly limb grip. He would let Blaine go if he really wanted to be let go.

Too bad Blaine's brain wasn't quite up for figuring that out right now.

Sam's eyebrows furrowed and his hand fell onto the empty table in between them. "Kurt." Sam paused for what Blaine assumed was everyday dramatic effect. "Your ex-boyfriend that you dumped in New York?"

Oh. Right.

Blaine supposed he was upset about that. Maybe not the right kind of upset but he was upset.

Sometimes he couldn't help wondering just what it was that Kurt would do if he knew what had happened to Blaine. Sometimes he wondered if it would have even happened if he hadn't made the decision to break up with Kurt in the first place.

But Kurt had moved on. He had a nice new boyfriend in New York and he was happy and even though it hurt it didn't hurt that much.

Blaine had become almost numb to all of the hurt he was feeling lately.

He figured that was a good thing.

"Blaine?" Sam's hand found his own again, his eyes alight with concern. His hand was shaking in a way that it tended to do nowadays. Blaine hated it when it shook but there was nothing he could do about it.

Suddenly, he wasn't so sure he could make it through the day.

Today was one of the bad days, he decided. One of the really really bad days where nothing went the way it was supposed to.

One of the bad days where he could feel every rush of air as it pulled itself from his lungs.

One of the bad days where he was consumed by fear and a deep seated pain and he just wanted run run run. Have to run. Have to get out of here.

Blaine didn't even bother telling the teacher where he was going. His chair scraped backwards and he slung his back over his shoulder, running from the room, his back impossibly straight and a hand over his mouth in the cover that he was going to be sick.

Except it wasn't a complete act. He might actually be sick.

He ran into a bathroom – girls, boys, Blaine didn't know. Nor did he care – the stalls already blurry in front of him. His breath came in short, shallow gasps, his heart pounding in his chest.

The door clanged against the wall but Blaine didn't have the peace of mind to think of locking it, dropping to his knees and throwing up what little Cooper had been able to force him into having for breakfast. His heart still pounded in his chest, sweat still dripped down his forehead, and his breath still wasn't even.

He crossed his hands over his heart, trying to will the thoughts away. Trying to will the panic to subside. He tried to remember the things Cooper would do to calm him down. He tried to remember the way Sebastian had gotten him to breathe in the hospital that night. He tried to remember something, anything, but that night.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Kurt's hand waved around at the park around them, his arm linked through Blaine and his voice chirping like a bird in Blaine's ear. Blaine smiled at him, a bit sadly. He couldn't bring himself to be truly happy when he knew what was going to happen next. Once Rachel and Finn had gotten sufficiently far enough ahead of them that they wouldn't be overheard.

"Yeah." Blaine answered softly, his voice trailing off at the end.

Kurt pulled them to a halt, his eyes concerned – what color where they again? Turquoise? That's what they looked like that night, anyway – and his lips pursed. "Are you okay? You've been suspiciously quiet this whole day."

He had been. He had been trying not to be. He wanted it to be an enjoyable day for the both of them.

Guess that hadn't worked out as well as he had hoped it would. "Just thinking." He said with a sort of half smile.

"About what?" Kurt smiled teasingly at him – Blaine loved that smile.

Blaine stared at him for a moment. How stunning he looked in the lights of the city. How much happier he seemed here. Maybe it wasn't the best time for him to do this, but maybe it was the only time for him to do this. "Us." It came out softer than intended. His eyes watering suspiciously. Kurt's face paled.

"What about us?" Kurt's breath hitched. Blaine knew he got it. Knew he had been thinking the same thing himself, he just hadn't been willing to bring it up.

"Kurt…" Blaine swallowed, looking passed Kurt and over to Rachel and Finn, the two of them walking happily down the walkway, their hands clasped between them, Rachel leaning her head on Finn's shoulder. His heart screamed out in protest. He licked his lips.

"If you're going to do this Blaine, just do it." Kurt snapped, his voice a lot meaner than he must have intended. Blaine flinched back. He knew Kurt didn't mean it to be as harsh as it was – or maybe he did, who was Blaine to know? – but it still hurt.

"I don't think we can do this." He whispered, hating his voice for breaking, betraying how sure he was that they actually could do this. Showing how much he wasn't sure if they both wanted to do this.

"Don't think we can do this or don't want to do this?" Kurt's voice was cold but Blaine knew he was holding back tears. Blaine knew Kurt enough to know that he was hurt. Anger was just his default emotion when he was in pain.

Blaine could sympathize with that. At least Kurt didn't shut down. "I want to do this-."

"So do this!" Kurt's emotions got the better of him, his voice breaking.

"But I don't want to hold you back." Blaine's own voice cracked and he looked down at his shoes, scuffing them against the dirt.

Kurt's eyes softened and his hand touched Blaine's sleeve gently, comfortingly. He always had that soft touch that could make Blaine change his mind about anything. "You're not going to hold me back." Kurt threw his head back for a moment, almost as though he was exasperated. "We've talked about this before, Blaine. I'm not going anywhere."

"You should be." Blaine refused to look at him. If he looked at him he wouldn't do this. He had to do this. He had to set him free. "You should be doing what Rachel did. You should be finding guys left and right and being happy and not thinking of me every day and… I can't watch you get brought down because you're worrying about me back in Ohio. I can't."

"Why are you doing this?" Kurt's hand fell limp to his side, his eyes wide and tears falling from his eyes.

"Because I love you." Blaine heaved a deep breath, looking Kurt in the eye this time. "Because I love you so much that it hurts. Because…" His eyes shut for a moment. "Because I'm afraid you don't love me the same."

Kurt looked stricken, his mouth open wide as though he were insulted. "How dare you-?"

"And maybe it's just my low self-esteem talking but I can't feel guilty about you being in New York without me. I can't do it." He was crying himself now, no matter how much he was trying to keep it all at bay. "I can't watch you hold yourself back because of me." He dropped his hands to his sides. "I have to let you go." He whispered brokenly. Kurt stared at him in betrayal for a long moment before he made a noise in the back of his throat and stormed away.

Ran away.

Crying.

Blaine pressed his palm to his mouth, tears finally falling from his eyes. Painful tears. Painful sobs.

He lurched forward again, grabbing the cold porcelain and dry heaving over the water. He fell forward with a loud sob, his head falling against the lid.

There was nothing Blaine wanted more than Kurt's comforting touch on his back, rubbing soothing circles or his voice in his ear telling him that it was okay.

He wrapped his arms around his waist tightly, curling in on himself and praying that no teachers or other students would wander in. He prayed mostly, however, for the pain to go away.

Please, God, make the pain go away. Make the nightmares stop. Please, please, please. Let me forget. Let me forget.

Glee that day was like Glee any day. It was busy, and almost every conversation seemed to be held through yelling and song. Blaine sat in the far corner of the choir room – unlike when he used to sit in the front earlier in the year. Now he understood exactly why it was that Puck had always chosen this corner.

Basically, Blaine wasn't bothered.

He sat with his headphones in his ears, some soothing music flowing through the earbuds. Piano music. Slow jazz. The sort of stuff that he always had on a playlist made specifically to relax.

That was the only playlist Blaine usually listened to nowadays.

No Katy Perry. No Michael Jackson. No Pink.

If the Warblers could see him now.

Well, that would be particularly hard for them to do since they hadn't made any effort to talk to him for almost a month. Or maybe he hadn't been making the effort?

He wasn't too sure anymore. "Blaine?" He snapped out of his thoughts, his hand yanking one of his earbuds out with a shocked look on his face. No one had bothered to talk to him for a month and now suddenly people were scrambling at his feet to speak with him?

Well, that was rude. They had talked to him. He hadn't exactly spoken back.

He wasn't the best conversationalist nowadays.

"Yes?" He asked whoever it was that had been talking to him.

"I was wondering if you would like to join us today." Mister Schuester's voice held no room for argument. And, even if Blaine didn't want to, he found himself at the center of the room with the rest of the club, being paired up with Tina for their newest dance routine.

For Sectionals.

Well Blaine really had been missing out on a lot, huh?

Tina smiled brightly at him and Blaine couldn't help the fake one he sent back.

It wasn't completely fake, but it was fake enough to get the illusion that he was incredibly happy across.

Sometimes he wished he could go back to acting like an overactive puppy. Maybe that would get people off his case. "I'm sorry." Tina put a hand gently on his own and her touch was almost as comforting as Kurt's used to be.

Blaine shook those thoughts from his head.

There was nothing he could do about Kurt's absence from his life. He had made his decision a long time ago.

To be honest, Blaine wasn't even sure if he was even still in love with Kurt. Or if he just missed the times where he could be bring himself to be happy.

Maybe he should go back onto those pills the doctors had put him on after Sadie Hawkins.

"For what?" He asked cautiously. Did he really want to know what she was apologizing for?

Oh, God… what if she knew?

Then what would he do?

Blaine forced himself to swallow, pushing back his rising panic and tilting his head in question at her. "For Kurt." She shrugged.

"Oh." That was easy enough to shrug off. Kurt, Kurt, Kurt. So long as everyone kept believe that he was messed up because of Kurt things would be okay. "You didn't cause any of it." He shrugged. "Not like it's your fault."

"No." Tina nodded her head in agreement. "It's just… It's obvious how messed up you are over it. And it's obvious how not messed up he is over it." Her eyes were sympathetic. "I'm just sorry that he wasn't as invested as you were."

"That's not true." Blaine cut her off. Tina looked at him with a growing confusion. "Kurt was plenty invested. He didn't do anything wrong." Even fought for Blaine to come back. Fifty text messages and twenty missed calls. Sebastian had pressed ignore on every single one of them and told him that he had done the right thing – the honorable thing. And where was Sebastian now?

Well Blaine didn't know.

Tina and he didn't say anything else for the rest of the lesson, Blaine the last one to leave the room besides Mister Schuester. Luckily, the teacher was distracted by Miss Pillsbury so he didn't have to worry about being pestered about trying out for the play or taking a solo or doing something that would put him out there and in that spotlight again.

2:30. He had half an hour to kill before Cooper got there.

Blaine sat outside, his jacket on the ground beneath his worn jeans and a book open in his lap. A book on philosophy and Plateau. He drowned himself in the words, his sunglasses propped on his nose.

He looked up as a shadow fell over the page.

"Hey." The familiar Dalton uniform almost made Blaine shrink back into the walls of McKinley.

Blaine's eyes flitted over to the crowd of boys in the corner of the parking lot, neglecting to notice their lead singer talking to their previous lead. His eyes found their way back to Sebastian Smythe. "Hi." He said quietly, his bookmark sliding into the book to hold his page.

"Can I-?"

"Where have you been?" Blaine cut off whatever it was Sebastian was going to ask. The other boy blanched, his face paling instead of blushing, his hand rubbing up his neck and his eyes avoiding Blaine's at all and any cost.

For some reason that made it all hurt more than the thought of Kurt ever did.

"Are you okay?" Sebastian asked instead of answering. Maybe his question hadn't deserved an answer or maybe Sebastian just didn't have one to give.

Blaine shrugged, biting on his lower lip and running his hands over the smooth cover of his book. They didn't speak for a long time, and the other boys still had yet to notice much else besides the sports teams practicing. "Blaine… I'm sorr-"

A horn blared from the space in front of the doors. Blaine glanced at his watch. 3:04.

Cooper was late.

He pushed up from the wall, grabbing hold of his bag and sliding his sunglasses up to his forehead. "See ya." He dismissed. He got a few steps forward before Sebastian's hand was on his wrist, pulling him back.

Blaine flinched and Sebastian let go. His eyes shut in embarrassment. He really needed to learn how to control that. Every person that touched him wasn't a threat.

"Blaine… Are you okay?" It seemed as though it was very important question. And very important questions deserved answers. Or something like that.

Blaine was caught off guard by the sincere worry in Sebastian's voice. His eyes instantly searched his out. His breath caught in his throat and tears started to well in his eyes. He couldn't breathe.

Had to get out. Runaway. Runaway. Runaway.

"Yes." He slid his sunglasses back over his eyes and tugged his wrist out of Sebastian's grip, walking towards Cooper's car.

Have to get out, have to get out. God, please, help me get out.

A: N – Any takers? Pleeease?