First, my apologies for taking so long in writing this. The delay is mostly attributable to indecision on my part. I had an idea for this chapter, and then one of my precious reviewers made a comment that sent me in a totally different direction.

Then I started to doubt whether this was the way I wanted to go and played with the idea of simply writing a conclusion to the story and then publishing this little chapter as it's own ficlet because, quite honestly, I was not sure if it was fair to all of you to throw this type of thing at you midstream (well… at the end of the stream in this case). Then I decided I would just explain myself and trust that everyone would understand and show grace, forbearance and patience.

Let me explain why what you are about to read is so different than every other chapter in the Proving Ground continuum:

The day before I published chapter 4 my brother in law died. He was not just my brother in law, he was the brother that I never had. I wanted to write something in honor of him, but the shock and raw grief actually made it impossible for me to think of anything suitable because I knew, in order for it to truly honor him, it would need to be funny. I say that because that was his mission; to bring joy and laughter to others… to everyone he crossed paths with. I would not honor him by writing something that brought tears to other's eyes. But, as I said, I was at a loss.

Then Foxbear left a review to chapter 4 stating a desire to be a 'fly on the wall' when the 'Bots returned to Diego Garcia. And it hit me: a fly on the wall. It was so totally random and improbable and absolutely perfect. It took me a long time just to figure out how to pull it off, but… even though it burned up a few brain-cells… I think I managed to do so.

Thus this epilogue is not just the final chapter in Proving Ground Redux, it is also a tribute to Mark, and his goal of bringing laughter to others. My hope is that it makes you laugh yourself silly so please, don't take it too seriously. Just… go with the flow. On that note:

Warning: Do not drink anything while reading this.

Epilogue

"A Fly On The Wall"

No one knew how it got there, no one really cared. It's presence was one of those mysteries that was so common as to be endemic and so mundane that pondering it was considered a waste of time that would likely fry one's reasoning ability. Furthermore, none of the native inhabitants of Earth even seemed to notice it… unless it strayed to close and the buzzing of its wings irritated them. The large metallic beings noticed it but it was one among countless billions just like and so was dismissed as just a tiny – virtually microscopic – annoyance.

Having just been brushed irritably away from a gathering of humans consuming their food, it landed on the smooth glass of a white vehicle with blue accents and pink splashed seemingly haphazardly across it. It looked like any other car, but that close there was definitely something different; a brush of energy against the little creature's wings and dancing before its multifaceted eyes. Nothing immediately definable, but still almost hostile.

The fly sensed the approaching danger just in time and took to the air as a seemingly normal windshield wiper swept across the strangely static-free glass.

Divested of its perch, it flew around, following random eddies and air currents only it could detect and use. It found itself drifting to the largest of the six brightly colored vehicles: a red and blue semi, and eventually came to rest on the top of its grill.

Strangely, though it was not able to reason as such, there was also energy radiating from this vehicle. Energy like the other but different. Energy that the tiny insect had never encountered before now. Except this energy was calmer – peaceful. Instead of feeling in imminent danger it felt… tolerated. Almost… protected.

Together these sensations were enough to give the fly a security it had never known and for the first time since it had hatched, it felt safe to rest.

… … …

It was jarred to full alertness as the massive diesel engine beneath it roared to life. Startled, but not inspired to move just yet, it tightened its hold on the smooth metal. The semi, along with the other vehicles, disembarked the ship. The fragile winged insect hung on as they crossed the docking yards and across plains of cement, sand and sparse grass. Clouds still filled the sky, but the rain had ceased falling at some point during the boat ride to this new place.

Of course, the fly had no way to know that – nor did it care.

Then the steadily increasing heat as the sun started to peek over the horizon was replaced by relative cool as metal and glass replaced blue sky and puffy clouds.

It felt a shift in the energy field emanating from the semi that would most accurately be described as 'polite warning' could the fly put such words to the sensation. Even though such reasoning was not possible for it, it was not surprised when the metal beneath it started shifting and moving.

It took to the air in obedience to instincts for self-preservation but did not feel in danger. Thus it was privileged to see the semi unfold into something much grander, something that looked vaguely human but… not. Humans looked to this grand being much like the now hovering insect looked to humans.

With a quiet buzz, it flew closer, upward to where the smoke stacks of the vehicle were now incorporated into the shoulder of the giant metal man. From that perch it could see the other vehicles make similar transformations.

One was a bright yellow-green, broad-shouldered being. The white one with blue stripes that had wanted to kill it became a tall, elegant being, though the bright pink was now splattered across its body in a recognizable pattern. A blue and silver vehicle as well as an olive green jeep – both also covered liberally in fluorescent pink, also unfolded to stand on two legs like a human. Next to those two, a pink splattered police cruiser began its own process of changing into something different.

"At least the others are still in recharge. I mean, if they were to see us like this we would never live it down." The blue one said in a rush.

"Indeed." The former police cruiser said dryly, then looked down at one of the humans. "Major Lennox, you and your men mentioned you would be willing to assist in helping us wash."

It was a statement but sounded like a question. At least that was how the addressed human must have thought, because he answered. "Of course, Commander."

The metal under the fly vibrated with what felt like humor as the black and white giant answered. "At your leisure then, Major."

It was said in the same dry, inflectionless voice and yet held volumes of nuance. Maybe almost a pleading demand, an order and a desperate wish… all at the same time.

The human chuckled softly rather than become intimidated by the large metallic being speaking to him thus. "Yes, sir." He turned to his men. "Okay guys, you heard the Commander. Hop to!"

The order was greeted with a chorus of shouted 'yes sirs' that vibrated the air, ruffling its wings as it watched as the humans scattered. Soon all the humans except the one addressed as major Lennox were gone.

Said human looked up at the black and white giant. "You know, we can't do that in here. We gotta go outside…"

Silence reclaimed the hanger as the pink-splotched beings looked at each other.

After a moment, the stillness was broken by the human again. "Come on. It isn't that bad. And it isn't like none the other 'Bots on the base haven't already been in the same position."

Another period of now uncomfortable silence then the blue one spoke again. "I believe you Major, I really do. And while being seen by the others would definitely be embarrassing it isn't that, its… well, I've never washed down, that is, I mean obviously I have washed down before… I mean, uh… it's nothing. Um…"

"What Bluestreak is trying to say," The white one's voice was cultured and held a hint of the same… borderline disgust that the fly had felt when it had landed on his windshield during the boat-ride. "Is that he has never washed down in front of an alien species before, let alone been washed down by aliens. None of us have."

The great shoulder the fly rested on shifted slightly but not enough to dislodge it's tiny rider as the largest of the metal beings spoke, his deep bass voice rumbling soothingly over the fly's wings. "While routine maintenance is not necessarily a private affair for Cybertronians, Major, it is seldom performed in front of other species, let alone with their assistance."

The human pursed his lips. "Kinda like us not wanting to bathe in front of strangers uh? But you guys didn't put up that much of a fuss."

The fly felt another amused rumble move through the frame beneath it. "Bumblebee had already experienced the act while in the line of duty as he impersonated a car for Samuel. He had already informed us it could be quite… pleasurable."

"…Ah." Was all the human said for a long moment. Then: "Right; pleasurable. And?"

Though the voice of the giant red and blue being was perfectly straight, the fly felt the humorous vibration continue. "The enjoyable benefits far outweigh the initial awkwardness of the experience."

The human squinted up at the metal man the fly was still resting on. "Right. Okay… Um. I'm going to go check on how the guys are doing."

The police cruiser spoke again. "Sergeant Epps and the others are currently connecting what you call garden hoses to exterior medium pressure water spigots."

"Um, thank you Commander."

The blue one actually knelt down in front of the human. "I didn't want to offend you, Major, it isn't personal. It really, really isn't. It's just a wash, right? I mean, I appreciate your willingness to help. It's just awkward, you know? I mean I'm willing to give it a try. But… well... I guess what I mean is, what about you? Isn't it, well…weird for you to actually, you know, wash, an alien?"

Even the fly could tell the human was embarrassed, though all it was aware of was a sudden warmth flushing the superficial capillaries in the man's skin without any ability to interpret what that actually meant. "Uh… Actually, I never really thought about it… quite… like that, Bluestreak. Sorry."

Suddenly the tiny insect was distracted by the distinct confluence of chemical scents its simple instincts were preprogrammed to focus on. It was the unmistakable aroma of rotting fruit. Over taken by an ingrained need to feed, and suddenly knowing how that need could be fulfilled, it launched itself into the air. Only a couple of minutes later it had arrived at the source of the intoxicating smell: an open barrel that had been converted to a trashcan.

The fly had just landed on the edge of the inviting, plastic lined receptacle when the air was disturbed as the human brushed past, muttering lowly. "Okay, I am never going to be able to just wash a car ever again."

… … …

By the time the fly's ravenous exploration of the veritable smorgasbord of rotting human foodstuffs was over, of course it had no regular way of identifying how much time had passed, the pink splattered metal giants were already situated on the white tarmac.

Not that that really interested the insect. Hunger satiated for the time being, it wanted nothing more than a nice, warm spot to rest its weary wings. Taking to the air it headed toward the nearest metal being, unwittingly looking for the large blue and red giant that radiated a protective aura.

However, the first one he came to was the blue one. The metal man was laying on his stomach, those little appendages that looked a lot like wings sticking into the air. A team of at least ten humans were working on him. A handful worked on the wing-like appendages while several more worked on the pink marring the side of his neck and face. The giant's arms were crossed underneath his head and its forehead was pressed against his forearms.

Those great metal shoulders shook slightly, though somehow, the wings stayed perfectly still.

"That tickles!" The blue metal man squeaked out, laughter in his voice.

"Sorry about that" One of the humans called out and resumed scrubbing, albeit with a firmer touch.

"I'm just glad you guys can freeze parts of your frame like this, or something tells me this wouldn't be happening so easily." Someone else concurred.

"I don't want to even think about what would happen." The one being washed responded. "I don't think it would be good. But thankfully that isn't an issue and you know what? It really isn't as bad as I thought it might be. I mean, it's rather pleasant, if a little ticklish at times. Whoever would have thought that being washed by…"

"Don't go there, Blue." One of the humans cut in quickly. "Please don't go there."

Uncaring for the water being indiscriminately sprayed into the air as the arching doorwings were rinsed, the fly moved on to the next closest metal giant.

This one was the white one that continued to radiate disgust. He was settled rather primly on the ground and watched the humans scrubbing at his plating with a mixture of bemusement, embarrassment and discomfort.

"It isn't that bad, Mirage." One of the humans said cheerfully.

"That is easy for you to say." The one called Mirage shook his head minutely. "You are not the one with aliens crawling over your frame."

"Mirage." The black and white one barked from nearby in clear warning though the fly was not able to make the distinction.

The white one looked up and then ducked his head slightly. "I do not mean that in a derogatory manner, Lieutenant." He said softly.

The indicated human gave the metal beneath him a firm pat. "Of course not. Guess in your place I'd probably feel the same. It isn't all that bad though, is it?"

The metal giant was silent for a moment, then conceded. "I suppose it is not. Just awkward."

"I can understand that. Here. Did I get everything in this spot to your satisfaction?"

The fly moved on, finding the giant green one next. He also had a large number of humans scrubbing his plating as he reclined under their ministrations.

"You know, you guys are a lot better at this than I could have imagined." He said idly as he watched them work.

"Why thanks, big guy." One of the humans answered. Said human was clinging to an armor plate several feet off the ground with one arm, a leg hooked around the piece, while he scrubbed with the other hand. "We aim to please."

"Don't let 'im fool you." Another human, this one working on a leg plate. "We just have lots of practice."

"Some of us more than others, Smitty." A different man called out.

"Don't call me that!" Said human huffed in irritation, then turned his hose on the offender.

The targeted human squeaked and ducked behind the plate of armor he was working on, but not before getting a face full of water.

Meanwhile, the giant metal man looked on with amusement.

Instinctively knowing the area to be increasingly unsafe as a spontaneous water fight threatened to erupt, the fly was quick to dart out of harms way. It wondered toward the black and white one. While not having the same protective vibe that the big blue and red one offered, this one was at least calm and steady.

This one also only had one human working on him. The one called Major Lennox.

"You know, Commander, this would go a lot faster if some of the others could help." Lennox said softly.

"Perhaps." The so-called 'commander' responded equally quietly, working with an appropriately sized brush of his own in conjunction with the human's efforts. "But it is a matter or propriety."

"Optimus let a team of us work on him." The human pointed out, then covered his face with his palm. "That didn't sound right."

A sweeping doorwing flicked slightly at that, but the metal being continued in the same even tone. "Indeed, but he has always been far more informal than his position necessarily calls for, and has always been far more willing to make exceptions for the sake of public relations and building trust."

"In other words, you're saying he did so because he didn't want to offend us." The human had arched a brow.

"Not quite so simple as that." The large brushed hesitated in its movements for just a moment as the giant looked at the human working on him. "Also, and perhaps most pertinent, is that I have always been a far more private mech than most if not all of my fellows."

"I see." The human said at last. "They why even allow me to help?"

There was another long pause. "Because we are of similar rank. Sergeant Epps is considered your second in command and would also be appropriate, but he is needed to help with Hound."

Now it was the human's turn to remain silent for a long time. "There is more to this than just you guys not being used to aliens helping with washing you down, isn't there? I mean culturally?"

"Indeed. Though the customs are old and most no longer follow them due to the necessities of war."

Both beings worked in silence for another couple of minutes, long enough for the fly to realize neither would offer it the security it was looking for in a safe place to rest. It was just heading away from them when it heard the metallic man speak again.

"Major, would you kindly explain why you referred to me as a hero?"

"Wha… Oh. Right. That. Well, it's like this…"

The little insect was almost to the next metal giant when a sudden noise startled it. The noise startled the human sitting on the black and white giant as well, because he jumped. As the insect whirled around to find the source of the alarming sound, it caught the sight of the metal being catching the human with one hand and simply depositing him back where he had been.

"That's why you're a hero." Lennox muttered. "Your timing is perfect."

"Your species has unusual standards for heroism."

A bright silver vehicle careened into view and transformed into yet another metallic entity, only to double over with the sound of grinding gears and wheezing vents. It would have been easy to mistake the creature as being in pain – if the fly had been capable of making such judgments – if not for the hard and dirty looks the pink splattered giants were casting it.

"Oh… this is perfect!" The new arrival chortled. "I'm saving these images for my private stash!"

"Sideswipe, you, you lug-nut!" The gray and blue one stammered.

"Aw, what's wrong, Blue?" The silver one purred. "You look good in pink."

"So do you, Sideswipe." The tall yellow and green giant answered.

"Wha… what?" Open suspicion laced the smaller being's face.

"It was my impression that all of the first arrivals have themselves lost to the humans." The black and white one intoned neutrally.

"Oh, we have." The same greenish-yellow one replied.

"Yeah!" The one called Sideswipe exclaimed hurriedly and suddenly a ghostly image of the yellow one appeared, coalescing into existance in the center of the group from a beam of light emitted from the silver one. "That is what Ratchet looks like in pink."

The sound of muffled laughter came from several throats and vocal systems.

Curious about the light show, the fly made its way toward the shimmering display. None of the gathered sentient beings noticed as it passed through, the light playing microscopic rainbows over its wings.

But it was disorienting to the tiny creature and it decided that if a safe haven to rest was not available, perhaps another meal was in order. Thus it sought out the enticing aroma of rotting fruit once again, made all the more potent in the increasing heat the tropical afternoon sun.

Just as it cleared the hologram, the one called Ratchet spoke again, with absolutely no amusement in his voice. "I do seem to recall you earned the name pink-aft that day."

A look of abashed horror filled the silver one's face, though the fly had no way to identify it as such. "You didn't!"

"I did." Even the fly could not miss the malevolent humor in that tone.

Deciding to rest for a moment on the readily available metal of the green giant, the insect saw another hologram shimmer into view.

Though the figures were moving, the hologram itself was stationary. It showed the silver metal giant running through trees being chased by a handful of humans, all the while getting pummeled in the aft with pink paint pellets. Having to negotiate the heavy vegetation was slowing the metal being, making it relatively easy for the humans to keep up their pursuit.

Stunned silence met the image, then the humans started to snigger, trying to keep their humor hidden behind hands, brushes and convenient metal plates. Then the green one, Hound, laughed outright, gears grinding. " 'Pink-aft.' I get it now!"

That was the opening for the floodgates. The one called Bluestreak started laughing openly. Mirage chuckled a bit, shaking his head.

Even the one called Prowl smiled slightly, looking at the human working on his leg. "You are an impressive species, Major."

"Thank you, Commander." They shared a moment's longer amused glance as the image disappeared before returning to their various scrubbing.

Then the silver one started laughing as well, looking at the yellow one. "You're a mean fragger, you know that?."

"Thank you, Sideswipe."

With another shake of his head, the one called Sideswipe walked over to Hound, who was by far the pinkest of the new bunch. "You want some help there?"

Hound nodded and the silver one pulled a brush out of thin air and started scrubbing on a spot the humans had not started on yet.

As the fly landed on the rim of the trash barrel it caught the just barely muttered words of a human who was hurrying away to dump a brush, its bristles worn into dull nubs into the trash and retrieve a new brush from a nearby pile of supplies.

As the fly took to the air to find a safer place to rest as the descending brush came within inches of knocking it senseless it heard one more muttered comment, this time from the human that had thrown the brush.

"Man, they are as bad as we are."

~ Finis ~

In honor of Mark: beloved brother, father and husband.

Yes, this was done from the POV of a fly, though it wasn't necessarily on the wall. No, don't expect any more of this type of thing: It was an effort to do something different for the purposes of honoring a loved one and that is it… Do you know how hard it is to write the POV of a non-sentient creature? And an insect at that? It hurt the head… but I hope it was worth it.

Thank you Foxbear, for the wonderful idea!

Yes, I will eventually get to Proving Ground Contingency, but I have had couple of other plot bunnies bite... hard and relentlessly... that I will need to explore first.