The Measure of a Man

Standing at the top of the stairs outside his office, Jack looked down into the Hub. Tosh was busy, glasses perched on the end of her nose, running a new security programme. Gwen was taking keys off various key rings and Owen…well, Owen was playing a video game.

"I knew that little bugger was up to something," Owen stated, turning the joystick to the left and then hard to the right. "He was to bloody quiet for my liking."

"He loved her," said Tosh, in his defence.

Owen frowned, placing the joystick in his lap. "How could he love a heap of metal, tell me that!"

"Shut up, Owen," retorted the Japanese woman. "You'd have done the same, if it were Katie."

Owen's head came up as he threw Tosh a look that could turn water to ice.

"We all would," added Tosh, looking up at Jack.

Jack sighed, pushing his hands deep into his trouser pockets, before turning on his heels and heading back to his desk. Sitting behind his desk, Jack ran a finger along the split in his top lip. It hurt like hell, but he'd never admit it.

His mind kept going over the events of four hours ago…

'Down on your knees…You brought a Cyberman into my home…Execute her, or I will execute you both…'

'I clean up your shit and that's how you like it…You never once asked me about my life…I love her…You're more of a monster than anything down there…'

Jack closed his eyes and sighed. How could he have been so blind? Ianto Jones was straight. He'd only slept with Jack to keep him away from the true reason he was at Torchwood Three…Lisa. Part Cyberman, part woman…the woman Ianto loved. Now, three people were dead, including Lisa and the Hub was in turmoil. Protocol had been broken. Ianto Jones had betrayed his colleagues at Torchwood Three. Had betrayed Jack, personally, and that hurt Jack more than anything.

Said Ianto Jones was now on a months suspension. 'Good riddance', Owen had mumbled. Jack wasn't so sure. The archives had never looked so neat and tidy since Ianto joined them. The place ran smoothly. His coffee was out of this world and no one wore a suit as perfectly as Ianto Jones.

Jack thumped his fist down on the blotter and leaned back in the chair. He ran a hand over his face and blew out a breath. Why did he feel this way? Why couldn't he face the truth? Why was it so hard to let go? His heart knew what his head wouldn't admit…he was smitten with Ianto Jones. In love with him, if he'd only admit it to himself. From that first meeting in the park. To the near kiss in the warehouse…he knew this was the person he wanted to spend eternity with.

But everything changes.

The truth hurts…cuts deep like a knife, when it goes in. You can feel it twist and turn your insides until you are too far gone.

But why was he feeling like this? There was no spoken words of love between them. There was sex…great sex. There was an instant attraction, on both their parts, or so Jack thought. His head was spinning and he knew he had to have answers and have then now.

Standing up, Jack put on his greatcoat and headed for the door.

Owen looked up from the video game he'd resumed playing, while Tosh merely cleared her throat.

"Where are you off to, Harkness?" asked Owen.

"Out."

"I can see that!"

"I'll be back in a few hours."

TWTWTW

Ianto sat back down on the floor of the bathroom, his face and hands covered in puck. He'd thrown up for a second time, not bothering to flush the loo. He rubbed a hand over his face, trying to stem the flow of tears. He fell back against the shower screen and let the tears fall. He needed to cry, to let it all out. He was a broken man. There were no visible pieces, just a hollow, empty shell of a man that was Ianto Jones hald a day ago. His love was dead…his lover hated him and his life was probably almost over. He looked down at his hands and then his suit. Blood covered him almost from head to toe. Lisa's blood. Maggie's blood. The knuckles on his right hand were bruised and bloody, too, from where he'd hit Jack in the mouth. He threw his head back and it collided with the shower screen. He did this twice more before falling on his side, curling into a ball.

Defeated. Spent. Alone.

Ianto was still lying on the floor when Jack walked through his flat and into the bathroom. The smell of vomit and blood assaulted Jack senses. Opening a window, he took off his coat and knelt beside the Welshman.

"You need a shower. You stink."

Ianto didn't move, but Jack knew he heard him.

"I'll get you some clean clothes."

Ianto lifted his head and looked up at Jack. "Get. Out."

Jack ignored him. Instead, he turned on the shower, then leaned down and pulled Ianto to his feet.

"You need a shower."

Ianto lifted an arm to hit out, but Jack pushed him into the shower and and closed the door. Ianto spluttered and cursed as the water washed over him. The water ran red as it made it's way through the drainage hole. Jack could only watch, as Ianto leaned his head against the wall, his shoulder sagging in defeat.

Once the water stopped turning red, Jack switched the shower off and lead Ianto to a towel he'd placed on the bathroom floor. He slowly undressed the Welshman, placing the wet clothes in the hamper.

"I…don't want them. Need to be…burnt."

"Let's get you dry and into clean clothes."

Jack wrapped a towel around Ianto's waist and another around his shoulders. Leading him into the bedroom, Jack put jogging bottoms and a sweat shirt on the younger man.

"You got any whiskey?"

Ianto nodded. "K-kitchen cupboard."

Jack sat Ianto on the bed and went out into the kitchen. He returned a few minutes later with two glasses and a half bottle of whiskey.

"Not a secret drinker, are you?"

Ianto shook his head.

"Good."

Jack poured two doubles, handing a glass to Ianto.

"Here, drink this."

"I…can't."

"Sure you can. It'll make you feel better."

Jack wished he'd chosen his words before speaking them aloud.

"I don't want to feel better." Ianto shrugged. "Besides, you're going to kill me, so I want to be sober."

"Kill you? What makes you think I'm gonna kill you?"

For the first time, Ianto looked Jack in the eyes for longer than a few seconds. "Protocol requires it. No, demands it. I put everyone in danger. I betrayed you." A tear ran down his face. "I can see now that you were right, but I don't have to like it. Just…get it over with."

Jack sighed. "I didn't come here to kill you. Retcon you or fire you. I came to see if you were alright." his voice got lower as he spoke. "I would do the same, if I loved someone that much…we all would, given the choice."

Ianto took a sip of the amber liquid. "I didn't want to hurt you. I…never thought I'd fall in love with you." Once the words tripped off his tongue, Ianto couldn't stop. "I just felt this…need, inside. I wanted to be held. To be comforted. I wanted you!" He took another sip and Jack waited. "It's funny. I never thought about being with another man. I was told…in college, that at least once in your lifetime, you think about having sex with the same gender as you. I never have. Never thought I would. Then along you come," he held out his arms, waving them in a semi circle. "Wearing that coat. Oh, how I love that coat." He closed his eyes. Jack thought the Welshman was going to pass out, but the eyes opened, rimming with tears. "In a way, I'm glad Lisa's gone. I felt so bad, betraying her when I was sleeping in your arms," he wiped at the tears. "And I felt even worse when I was telling Lisa that I loved only her and that I wanted us to be together for the rest of our lives. But deep down inside, I just wanted to be with you."

Jack took the glass from Ianto's hand and pulled him to his chest. "Sshh, it's all gonna be okay."

Ianto clung to his Captain. "Is it?"

Jack kissed the top of his head. His forehead. The tip of his cute button nose. His sensuous lips.

"Yes, it is."

Jack leaned back so they were lying across the bed. Ianto fell asleep in his lover's arms, at peace…for now.