A/N – Here's a crack one-shot that involves a botched wedding, a bag of Cheeto,s and of course zombies. I know there's a bunch of zombie stories out there so thanks for giving this one a shot. Don't forget to Review – I live for your reviews!

Happily Never After

Caroline sat on her couch, cowboy boot clad feet crossed and resting on the coffee table, her ivory lace wedding dress torn above her knees. 'Zombieland' played on her large LCD TV while two loaded shotguns rested next to her, propped up against the armrest of the couch. Caroline was busily jotting notes down on a lined scratchpad while she scarfed down a bag of Cheetos.

Today was supposed to be the happiest day of her life; the day she became Mrs. Mikaelson. Instead, her Original Hybrid fiancé along with half of the town decided to turn into The Walking Dead, thus ruining her happily ever after. From everything she's seen and read about zombies, they were supposed to be pretty slow, limping around with broken ankles and possibly a missing foot. Apparently, that rule didn't apply to vampire/werewolf/zombies however. Granted, "Klaus" wasn't as fast as he was in his original state (no pun intended) but he was still a lot faster than the average "walker", forcing Caroline to tear the long skirt of her wedding gown so that she would actually be able to run without falling on her face and becoming a happy meal.

Caroline pushed 'pause' on her remote and glanced down at her notes. Sure she was a vampire, which probably increased her survival rate by a lot, and she was pretty sure zombie's would prefer living human brains as opposed to dead vampire ones, but Caroline was always one to be prepared and ready for anything. Planning for The Zombie Apocalypse was no different than planning for Senior Prom she had surmised. Besides, it gave her something tangible to focus on. If she didn't focus on this she'd surely be a babbling mess curled up in the fetal position on her bathroom floor. Caroline took her pen and began checking off her list.

Cardio – well she definitely had that on her side, what with her vampire speed and all. Check and double check for Limber Up – as long as she had an ample supply of blood bags she would stay fast and strong. Caroline tapped her lip with the pen as she continued down the list.

Seatbelts – eh, we'll go ahead and check that off with Cardio and Limber Up.

*Beware of bathrooms – Caroline put a little star next to that one. She didn't want to think about a zombie chewing on her ankle while she was taking care of business.

**The Double Tap – Caroline put two big stars next to this one and underlined it as well for good measure. This was an important one. Leaning forward, Caroline checked her backpack that lay on the floor next to the shotguns. It was filled with shotgun shells. Thank God her mother was Sheriff and always kept weapons in the house.

Caroline dug her hand into the bag of Cheetos when she heard a creak come from her front porch. In a flash she was upright, shotgun in hand and pointed at the front door. From behind the curtained window she could see a talk dark silhouette.

'Ding Dong'

Caroline almost jumped out of her skin from the sound of the doorbell. She hadn't gotten even half way through 'Zombieland' yet, but she was pretty sure that zombies didn't ring doorbells. Keeping the shotgun in hand she slowly stepped to the front door, pushing the curtain covering the window to the side with the nose of the gun. Outside stood Damon. Quickly she unlocked the deadbolt (cause that'll stop those evil brain munchers) and swung open the door.

"So an Original Vampire-Werewolf-Zombie-Hybrid walks into a bar…" Damon says with his stupid smirk. Caroline narrows her eyes and jabs the butt of the shotgun towards Damon's perfect face making him duck.

"Not funny, Damon" Caroline grinds out through her teeth.

"Is that a Cheeto in your hair, Blondie?" Damon asked as he pulled what in fact was a stray Cheeto out of Caroline's blonde curls. Caroline swatted at his hand.

"What the hell are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be out on Mission: Keep Elena Safe or something?" Caroline asked as she put the shotgun down by her feet and crossed her arms. Damon shrugged.

"Stefan's rounding everyone up. He asked me to swing by and grab you." Caroline stepped out of the doorway so Damon could enter and went back to the couch, pushing 'play' on the remote. Damon raised an eyebrow as he stood behind the couch.

"Zombieland? Really?" Caroline shrugged as she picked up her notepad and pen.

"I'm doing research." Damon leaned over the back of the couch and snatched up the bag of Cheetos, popping a few in his mouth.

"Seriously? There are so many better zombie movies to choose from." Caroline pointed to the stack of DVD's sitting on the coffee table.

"I have them all."

"Whatever, we don't have time for this anyway Blondie. Pack your bags and let's go." Caroline sighed as she once again hit 'pause'.

"Where are we going?"

"Not sure exactly. I'm kind of hoping that this nonsense is only going on in Mystic Falls. Considering the town's track record, it's definitely plausible." Damon grabbed the two shotguns as Caroline stood and zipped up her backpack before tossing it to him. "Are these the only guns you have here?"

"There's a few pistol's in the gun cabinet. I was going to leave them here for my mom," Caroline said.

"Grab them. They have enough weapons at the Station. And make sure you pack a bag of clothes. I'm pretty sure you're gonna wanna get out of what's left of that wedding dress sometime in the near future," Damon said as he slung the backpack over his shoulder. "I'll meet you outside."

Twenty minutes later, Caroline walked out of her house with two duffle bags; one full of clothes, and a few personal mementos, while the other was filled to the brim with blood bags. She certainly didn't want to have to feed off of humans at this point and risk contracting the virus. Caroline had strapped a chunky brown belt around her hips and had stuck a couple pistols into it for easy access. The other two were stowed away in the side pocket of the duffel bag filled with the blood. Damon was leaning against his car, shotgun in hand, a couple of zombie corpses laid on the street a few yards away.

"It's about time, Barbie. I'm all for murder and mayhem but this is insane."

"Sorry," Caroline grumbled as she threw her bags in the backseat and climbed into the passenger side. Damon hopped into the drivers' seat and started the ignition. As the car slowly moved down the too quiet street towards the boarding house, Caroline couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of guilt wash over her. "I think we should stay Damon." Damon's raised eyebrow was his only response so Caroline decided to continue. "I mean, we're vampires. We probably have the best chance of survival and if we can save the few people left in this town…." Caroline trailed off as she looked up at Damon expectantly.

"So what, you want to be a superhero now? Do you have no sense of self-preservation at all Blondie?" Damon asked as his fingers tapped on the steering wheel. Caroline shrugged.

"I'm just saying….I think we can help." Damon stared at Caroline for a long moment as he ground his teeth.

"Fine, text the Scooby-gang and let them know there's a change of plans." Caroline smiled broadly and pulled her phone out of her cowboy boot.

"Thanks Damon." Damon rolled his eyes.

"Let's go kill some zombies."