A/N: A dark, breakdown of Erin from the start of the game, to the finish. This is just a filler chapter, that doesn't really belong with this story, but I wanted to post it somewhere. I thought it'd just help you understand her better, and her relationships with others. I'll try writing the next chapter soon; for now, I have to get myself ready for school on Monday...

Somewhere deep inside her, dark thoughts swirled around, and clouded her train of thought.

Somewhere deep inside her was pure hate, disgust for the people around her, but she would always smile, always help out, because the only thing she ever wanted was recognition. Even if all she ever received was pain, even if all she ever recieved were glares.

She was an actress; lying was what she did best. A twitch of her lips, and she had you. She tried to be someone else, tries to be someone better, but she can never deny who she was. She was different shades of grey—dull, lifeless, and not much different than someone else. She had no special qualities.

Perfection was unattainable; she knew it, and so did everyone else around her, but she still strove for it; it was the only thing that kept her going, kept her fighting.

Erin... She hated her name, and despised it even more when people addressed her by her last name. It was just a bitter reminder of the parents that didn't want her, that threw her away like she was nothing. She doesn't let it get to her, at least not on the outside. She just laughs that fake laugh that no one seems to notice, and politely asks them to call her 'Rin' instead. It's a subtle difference, she thinks.

They always did, they never asked, never cared to ask maybe. Like toy soldiers running blindly into battle; they just accepted the order.

The name meant cold, severe, dignified; there are times—rare times—that she feels the name is fitting. She can feel her Persona sitting anxiously inside her, feel her when she extends her fingertips. Freya doesn't stir, they're melded together like it had always been this way. Ice coats her heart, and the battlefield in front of her. There was nothing, but blue.

Blue reminded her of the sky. The sky was pretty. In Inaba you could clearly see all the stars if you sat at the top of the highest hill, it wasn't like back in Iwatodai, where all you could see were city lights. It's calming, she thinks. And she stretches her hands high above her head. She liked coming here, it was her escape. It was quiet, the sound of traffic couldn't reach her up here.

She's been here a few times with Yosuke, and Naoto separately. She doesn't remember any of the conversations, just remembers the slight changes in their expression, the soft smiles they'd give her. They were all she had really... them and her grandmother. If it weren't for them...

But even then, they're not enough; they can't take away all the pain, they can only numb it. Her own heart's heavy, but she would rather support them. She can't be happy, but it didn't mean she couldn't make them happy. It becomes her goal, and for awhile, her own anguish disappears with their laughter.

Blue was also associated with sadness, with sorrow, so maybe that's why she liked it. When she wasn't at school, she was wearing some kind of blue shirt. Blues, and earthy colors. Naoto mentioned once that the color suited her, and she genuinely smiled. It did, in a way...

Because blue is ice.

It's all she's cabable of, making things colder. Ice is transient, it melts in your hand, and shifts the atmosphere. It's always there, lingers there, even if you try to ignore it.

Ice is also clear, you can see through it, see through her. She doesn't doubt that she's made friends coming here, but they'll leave her eventually, they always do. Maybe it was meant to be.

She's Erin Suzuki, even if she doesn't want to, even if she wishes she was someone else. She wishes she could hide behind a smile like Yosuke could, or even behind her words like Naoto can, but she can't. All she's good for is being there. She's not special like the rest of her friends; her grades are mediocre, she trips over things that aren't there, slips up on her words, and is always second guessing herself.

She's isn't beautiful; she's flawed, and cracked, and broken, and a lot of other things she wishes she could cover up, and smother. Her parents hate her, she feels inferior to her friends, to the rest of the world, and sometimes she wished for a death that would never come.

All she thinks about are ways she can better herself. Ways she can change, twist and contort herself until she's something new, something even she can't recognize anymore.

Her lies are starting to blend together, to the point she doesn't know what's true, and what's not. It's getting harder to dance around the invasive questions, and she knows Yosuke, and Naoto are worried about her, but there's nothing more she can say.

So she'll laugh, and smile until they've had enough.

It wasn't always like this, she thinks. There was a time, earlier in her life—much earlier, before she could even walk upright, maybe—that she felt loved, felt like perfect porcelain in front of her parents. Sometimes she wonders what it would be like if she were an only child, but she shakes out of such thoughts. All her sister ever did was love her, but she pushed her away. Erin resented her, hated her, blamed her for everything bad that's happened to her. In a way, it was true.

Airi Suzuki's the good twin. Everyone loves her, and she loves everyone; she's softer, and curvier, and has a smile that could brighten the entire room. You could talk to her for 5 minutes, and see her brilliance, see the purity. She's the daughter her parents wanted, not her. It'd never be her.

She has the highest grades in her class, and even recieved a full-paid scholarship to some school overseas—she doesn't remember the name, it's been years since they last spoke. She calls from time to time, but Erin ignores them—and what did she get? She was sent to live in exile, in some rural town that wasn't even on the map.

Erin laughs to herself, but it's dry, and hollow, and empty, like she was. She barely dodges an incoming Shadow attack, and counters with a Bufu-spell. It freezes, and dies instantly. Something flickers inside her when she sees it, but she pushes the feeling down, pushes everything down.

Her teammates look at her.

Smiles, and words of praise buzz in her ear, but it takes her longer than it should to process it.

For the first time in awhile, she feels wanted.

She slowly smiles back at them, and it feels foreign on her lips, like she had forgotten how to do something as trivial as that.

Yosuke offers to walk her home once their out of the TV, and out of earshot from the others. She's blushing, and smiling at him like some sort of crazed idiot, but he's wearing a similar expression. Her hand slips into his, and they walk outside, into the chilly, December air. They walk around for hours—not saying much, just reveling in the quiet—and when they finally reach the floodplains, he kisses her goodnight. It's short, and hesitant, but fills her with something, something she couldn't quite put her finger on...

Was it love?

Before she can say more, touch him more, keep him near for just a little longer, he's waving goodbye—his usual, goofy smile plastered on his face—and she's left stupidfied on her doorstep. It takes awhile for her to walk upstairs, and collapse onto the bed, where everything rushes back to her.

She's trembling, and crying, and shaking her head over, and over. She didn't think she deserved it, deserved him, but... She touches her lips, it still burns, and she can still taste him, like he had never left. Erin instinctively licks her lips, and with a blush, she's forgotten what she was thinking, forgotten everything, and all she wants right now is him—every part of him—inside her.

Maybe it's all she ever wanted.

Fog is clouding up her window, and her eyes are beginning to close. She tries to fight it, but—despite herself—eventually succumbs to sleep.

After 17 years, she's finally awake... The ice has thawed and melted.