Silence is Forbidden Chapter 1: Visits with Carlisle, a twilight fanfic

Story Name: Silence is Forbidden

Chapter Name: Visits with Carlisle

Summary: Rosalie Hale struggles to accept herself. She's been left broken, both mentally and physically. The nightmares are catching up to her, the silence is rare. Rosalie can't control them, she can't accept them. She's lost. What other secrets does she hide behind her mask? Will the new people in her life be able to help her, or will she be lost forever? *better than it sounds.* Rated M for scenes of self-harm and sensitive content.

Main Characters:

Lillian and Gregory Hale, Rosalie Hale, Jasper Hale, Judson Hale.

Esme Cullen, Carlisle Cullen, Bella Cullen, Edward Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Alice Cullen.

Dedication: To all the wonderful souls out there that have suffered bullying, abuse & any other hard time. My heart of love goes out to you. I wish you the best for the future. Keep on fighting, you are strong. You can do it, you just have to believe! God bless you.

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My fingertip fluttered its way up my arm, lightly tracing the lavender hint to some areas. In the cold they turned a rich, deep purple. I sighed and rolled my cotton flannel T-Shirt down over my arm. I heard a distant clicking that was becoming louder be the second, but I ignored it, my eyes taking in the warm, cream color of the wall. I rested my forehead on my folded arms and flinched. I had to be more careful lately. I rubbed soothingly on the throbbing area, trying to make it calm again.

"Rosalie Hale?" A gentle voice whispered.

I lifted my head up slowly and peered at the young, brown haired woman tiredly. Her face held a gentle smile and her chocolate brown eyes were warm. "Dr. Cullen is ready for you."

I nodded, not able to talk from the hysteria building up. My legs threatened to collapse as I rose from the smooth leather and detached myself from the waiting room of the hospital. How had my parents thought I could handle this all by myself? Did they not see how hard this was?

My shaking hand reached obliviously to the wood of the 8ft door. I took a calming, deep breath and shifted from my left foot to the right.

"Ah, good morning Miss. Hale." A smooth, velvet like voice rang out.

I raised my head and took a sharp breath. Dr. Cullen looked like a model; blond hair and clear glass blue eyes. He stood at about 6ft 2in. He was slender, but muscular. He was utterly perfect.

"Come right on in." He stepped to the left of the door and gestured me into his office.

The hysteria came back. I quickly sat down before my legs gave out on my fragile frame. My heart was racing just as fast as someone who had just run a marathon, and my hands were shaking. I was so weak.

Dr. Cullen studied me for a few moments before sitting down behind his desk and offering me a glass of water. I took it just to have something to think about as I calmed myself down.

"My names Dr. Cullen, but please call me Carlisle." He smiled genuinely.

"R-Rosalie." I stammered quietly.

"Rosalie." He repeated. "What a pretty name. Should we get started?"

In my mind I wanted to run, but physically I gripped my hands around the seat and the glass of water and nodded stiffly. I can do this, I thought. I can do this.

Carlisle's hand reached slowly across the desk and rested on my shaking ones. "Rosalie, can you please calm down? Gentle, deep breaths. I think you're working yourself up over nothing. I am not going to do anything."

I know that. I said mentally, but no matter how many times I told myself, my body didn't react. I was scared. So scared. What was going to happen to me?

"We are just going to talk about some things." Carlisle continued soothingly. A few silent minutes later he let go of my hands and sat back. "Your mother phoned me yesterday, feeling very worried about your well being." He informed me.

My eyes fluttered from his gaze as a stray tear trickled down my cheek. My mother hated me, but this life was so hard. I couldn't possibly manage on my own.

"She feels as though you are deeply hurt, Rosalie." When Carlisle said my name, my eyes turned towards his voice.

I didn't know what to say. Was he waiting for an answer? For a reaction? Where was his pen and notepad?

"What are you thinking, Rosalie?"

I shrugged and stared at the mixture of browns swirled into the wood of the desk. I chewed on my bottom lip soothingly as a tear dripped from my chin.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Carlisle raise his eyebrows. "Anything you say in this room will be confidential, Rosalie. But, we will not be getting anywhere if you do not speak, will we?"

I shook my head and sighed. "Mom doesn't like me anymore."

He looked surprised. "Why would you think that?"

"Because of the way she's acting around me right now."

"Maybe she is just worried about you and doesn't know how to act around you just in case you are upset?" He suggested sensibly.

"Maybe." I agreed.

An uncomfortable silence filled the room and I fiddled with the bracelet that hung loosely around my wrist.

"How long have you been hurting yourself?" Carlisle suddenly asked.

My eyes flickered to his face then to my arms. "3 years." I closed my eyes briefly, in silent dread of an answer.

A sharp intake of breath. A cool wave of wind. I opened my eyes to see Carlisle's grief-stricken face. Why was he so hurt if he had only just met me? How could it affect someone so much? It was only 3 years. 3 years of screaming and terror. 3 years of sadness and hell. I was used to it, no big deal.

He swallowed deeply and leaned forward. "And only now people know?"

"Because of school." I muttered dryly. Everything would be fine if the school hadn't been so observant.

Carlisle shook his head sadly. "Rosalie, in our next session we need to talk about it. I can see from your face that you are worn out right now from talking so perhaps we'll do something else for today."

I knitted my brows in confusion as to what he wanted to do but went along with it anyway.

10 minutes later we were sat face to face – with no desk between us – and Carlisle had a clipboard in his hands.

Apparently he would ask a question and I had to answer as thoroughly as I could, and then he would add the amount of points I had at the end and we would plot the score on the "emotions chart."

I didn't see the point in it, but he seemed to think it worked.

"When was the last time you self-harmed?"

I flinched at the word but found the courage to speak out. "3 days ago."

"Have you had trouble sleeping?"

"Yes." I swallowed deeply and rubbed my eyes.

"How often do you have nightmares?"

I couldn't give him a truthful answer. I couldn't. "Often…"

"How many days in a week do you feel unhappy?"

"5 out of 7." I knotted my hands together in a tight ring.

"And finally, how long does it take roughly for someone to cheer you up?"

"1-2 hours."

He scribbled away on his notebook and then looked up at me. He reached over to his desk and handed me a Kleenex. He smiled sadly. "12" He picked up a small pin from a tub and plotted it in the red area of the chart hanging off of his door.

I got up and slowly made my way towards it. Red wasn't good. I swallowed as I stared at pin and the words written in the box around it. "Low," I read aloud. "Not a good week for the patient. Tiredness and sadness are the highest emotions this week. Something is probably troubling them; take it slow and easy with both parents and patient."

I laughed humorlessly at the poster. How could a piece of paper tell how I was feeling? It was the stupidest idea ever.

Carlisle smiled. "Pretty pathetic, right? It seems to help some people smile though."

I shrugged. "Can I go now?" I couldn't handle this 3 times a week. I really couldn't. I was a bottler. I preferred to bottle things up than to tell someone. I didn't like the feeling of being seen through. Especially not by a doctor.

Carlisle nodded and embraced me gently. He was a very caring and forward doctor. Maybe that was for the best. "See you Wednesday, Rosalie."

I smiled once more before turning and rushing towards the door.

I knew that my older brother Jasper would be waiting for me in the waiting room and I couldn't let him see me like this, so I snuck off quickly to the restroom to cool down.

The restroom was empty, apart from a small girl with black, spiky hair who was sat next to the sink with a few tears on her face. She ignored me as I walked in but watched me when I stood in front of the mirror and splashed my face with the cool water. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye to find her smiling. I turned. "Um…hello?"

"Hi!" she said happily. Wasn't she just crying a second ago? "My names Alice! Alice Cullen."

Cullen. Cullen. "You're related to Dr. Cullen." I stated.

Her eyes sparkled widely. "Yes! I'm his daughter. I can't have him as my doctor though because he's my papa. I have Dr. Williams down the hall. You must have Carlisle."

"Uh, yeah." I couldn't keep up with this girl. She was so little, but bubbly. It was like she was unleashing all her energy on me. It was like she hadn't talked for a week.

"He's wonderful!" She scrunched up her nose. "As a daddy, that is. I don't like it that he's a doctor sometimes because he can tell when something's wrong."

You can say that again. I just nodded my head as she babbled on about this and that before I told her I had to go.

"It was nice meeting you!" She called as I headed toward the door. "OH! You never told me your name?!"

"Rosalie. Rosalie Hale!" I called as I shut the door behind me and shook my head in confusion. What a strange girl. Lovely, but strange. My God, whose country was I living on today?

To say that I was relieved when I saw Jasper would be the understatement of the year. As soon as my green eyes recognized his face, I dashed forward and yanked him into a hug. Tears flowed freely down over my face.

"Rosie?" He asked soothingly, running his hand down my hair. I could always count on him to take care of me.

"Jazzy." I whispered back as I buried my face deep into his chest.

He chuckled lightly and slid his hands under my legs; lifting me up so that I was lying across his arms like a child. He smiled down at me for a second before carrying me out of the hospital.

"You can put me down now." I said.

He ignored me and placed me down once we got to the car. I rolled my eyes and got in the passenger seat.

He laughed loudly as he got the car into drive, but we soon settled down. Seriousness took over. "How was it?" He asked gently.

I shrugged and stared out of the window. Everyone acted differently around me since the Principal phoned my mom and told her that "there is something wrong with Rosalie."

I was the same person they had known before. Just because one of my darkest secrets were out, didn't mean I had changed.

Jasper sighed from the side of me and we didn't speak again until we were parked outside the house. "Mom has gone out. Dad's in his office as usual." He told me as he got out of the car.

I too got out and shut the door behind me. "Where's Judson?"

Jasper turned at the mention of our younger brother. "I don't know." It was probably the truth. Judson liked to get out of the house as often as he could. He also couldn't stand to be in the same room as our parents for too long. They were strict people, and hardly ever showed their true emotions. This is why it came to a bit of a shock to me when my mother broke down in tears the day the school phoned. Normally they were too wrapped up in the thought of money to worry about us and our school time.

Climbing the spiral staircase to my bedroom, I listened quietly to my father whistling in his office. I knew that in a few hours time he would emerge and ask me about my session at the hospital, but that wouldn't be until he finished his work.

I was okay with that though; the very last thing I wanted to do was talk about it.

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"Rosalie? Rosalie! Rose?" A muffled voice whispered loudly from behind the doorway to my room. "ROSE!"

I groaned and reached to rub my tired eyes. I quickly scrambled out of my bed as my wounds rubbed against the fabric of the sheets. The red numbers on the clock stated it was 3:03am.

Shoving on my hoodie, I very quietly padded across the wood floor to the door. I turned the handle and peeked out of the gap.

Judson stood there in a pair of boxers; his six pack gleaming in the moonlight that shone through the landing window.

I scrunched my eyes up; trying to see through the light, and ushered him into my room. I gently closed the door behind me and quickly walked to my bed.

I sat down and let my hair fall over my face like a cape - hoping it shielded my face from him. It felt like his eyes could burn holes through my skin, like I was burning. I glanced towards my hand – tracing a bluish vein with my eyes.

Judson stood firmly in the middle of the room – his body still and his eyes held on my face. Peeking up under my lashes, I saw that his jaw was tightly closed and his hands balled into fists.

I took in a sharp breath and pulled the covers around me. He might have been younger than me, but there wasn't a doubt that he was certainly stronger.

"Why are you cowering?" His husky voice asked from the shadows. He didn't feel like my brother at all. Despite the deepness in his voice, I picked up the slight edge of confusion on his tongue.

I didn't answer. Instead I raised my head and looked at him. "I'm scared Jud." I murmured.

The sharpness of his eyes degraded and he rushed towards me. His arms reached out and in seconds I was secured in his hug. "Why are you scared?" He asked.

"I don't know." I whispered. Of course I knew. Why wouldn't I know about them? About him? I let out a small sob and hugged my brother tightly. I was always the one that broke down in the family. Even my little brother had to take care of me. That was wrong, but I needed him, as much as he needed me.

He rested his head on my shoulder and rocked us both wordlessly. My heavy eyelids threatened to close again but I forced them open. The room blurred around me. I had to stay awake. I couldn't let them swallow me whole.

The fact that Judson was humming a lullaby didn't help the matter. I felt myself become weightless. My lips parted, my body sagged and my eyelids closed. Abruptly, I rocked myself up and stared wide-eyed at Judson. I could stay awake if I believed.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "You were just falling asleep. Why aren't you willing to go to sleep?"

I started to bite my lip in anticipation. Should I tell him? No. I couldn't tell him. I hadn't even told Jasper these things. I had to protect my brothers; they were the only ones I had. They had to live a happy and safe life. "I'm not tired." I lied, pulling myself out of his grasp. I headed towards my giant, curved window and pulled myself up on the sill.

The neighborhood was calm; every house in complete darkness. A cat roamed the sidewalk below; his eyes glowing yellow in the night. There were very little cars in gear. All was silent on Oak Avenue.

Judson scoffed from behind me as he approached the window. "Bull. Complete bull. What's going on Rosie?"

My jaw clenched. What's going on? How could people not see that this is how I was? I had been like this for 3 whole years. I thought I was reacting fine. "Just go to bed, Judson. You shouldn't be up. Go to sleep."

"You shouldn't be up either." He grumbled as he exited my room. 16 year old's were so hard to deal with. Or was he the only observant 16 year old around?

I was able to keep my eyes open for 2 more hours before I felt someone moving me from the window. It felt like Jasper but I couldn't really tell.

"I love you Rosalie. Don't forget that." A gentle kiss found its way on my forehead as I drifted off into the darkness.

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:') I adopted this story, and I'm loving it :) Rosalie fanfics don't normally get many reviews but my old Rose story did so can I please get some reviews? I love you guys so much! feel free to check out my other stories while you're here!