Berri's Bad Gas Day (A.K.A. Berri's Farting Problem)

by Yoshizilla-Fan

Yoshizilla-Fan: Yes, believe it or not I started playing Conker's Bad Fur Day a couple of days ago, and a theme like the one of this fic would be appropriate for the game, given it's mature rating and the fact that it has toilet humor alongside violence and all the other stuff that makes it mature. It's just too bad that Berri dies at the end, Conker really should have brought her back to life when he got the chance. Oh well. That doesn't mean he can't still do that right? Well I hope you enjoy this, because it fully contradicts the alcohol fic that Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus made about Conker back in 2007!

Conker was once again walking towards the Cock and Plucker Bar, determined to drink more alcohol to calm himself down before his next date with Berri, who was somehow brought back to life. Conker walked up to the squirrel bartender.

"One bottle of your finest alcohol please." Conker ordered.

The squirrel bartender turned around and saw Conker, recognizing him. "Oh hey Conker. What brings you here? And why arn't you wearing your crown?"

"I'm not the king anymore! I told those bastards to fuck themselves and then I threw away the throne, and the crown! And then I begged the game programmers to bring Berri back to life, and so now everything's back to normal, except for the Fairy Panther King, Weaso and the Professor being gone." he said.

"I see. So who's the king now?" the bartender asked.

"Don't know, don't care!" Conker exclaimed.

Meanwhile, at the throne room...

"Looks like you're going to have to be the new king, little squirrel with the glasses and the indestructible armor." said Franky the Pinchfork.

"What? No! I couldn't." Rodent claimed.

"You seem to be connected with Mr. Squirrel better than anyone else. So take the throne or I'll stab you in the freaking arse!" Franky exclaimed.

"Ok ok!" Rodent said, picking up the crown that Conker threw, which had a dent in it. "But just so you know, even if you stabbed me, my indestructible titanium laminate armor would protect me."

"All hail the new king!" said Ron the paint bucket.

"Yeah. All hail the new king!" said Reg the paintbrush, who was standing next to Ron.

"STOP COPYING ME YOU FUCKING HORSE'S TAIL!" Ron screamed.

"Wow. It's hard to believe that curse words arn't censored in this fanfic." mentioned Franky.

"Well don't worry. This fanfic is rated M, and plus the author who indirectly inspired the author of this fic to make this fic uses curse words in his fics too." said Ron.

"Yeah! Don't worry. This fanfic is rated M, and plus the author who indirectly inspired the author of this fic to make this fic uses curse words in his fics too." copied Reg.

Ron's left eye twitched as he gave Reg a hard, angry stare. "I should just kick your ass right now! If you had one!" Ron threatened.

"Says the can of paint who gets to let me put my "ass" inside of him!" joked Reg.

"That's it! You're going to hell!" Ron tackled Reg, causing paint to spill all over the throne room floor as Franky tried to break up their fighting, but got caught in it. Pretty soon, everyone in the throne room was fighting, even the Panther King's former weasel servants and Marvin the Mouse. Everyone, except Rodent, who just cowered in the corner.

"Anyway, I need a drink so I can calm down before my next date with Berri." said Conker.

"Berri? Didn't that Weavo guy kill her?" wondered the bartender squirrel.

"Yes, but the other day while I was sitting in the throne room, the game programmer came by and I got him to bring Berri back to life for me! That's when I decided to throw in the throne so I could be with Berri again."

"Interesting. Now I gotta put up with you again."

"Just give me my damn alcohol please!" Conker said, raising his voice.

"No! Everytime you come here to drink, you get too drunk and you are never able to get back to your girlfriend Berri without running into all kinds of trouble, especially at the areas surrounding Windy. And how could you forget what happened that day. I'm sorry Conker but if this is how every freaking day is going to be for you, then you get nothing!" the bartender squirrel complained.

Conker cussed to himself as he walked away. "Hmm...there's gotta be a way for me to get my drink for the day today..." he said as he thought to himself, shaking and scratching his head. "I know! I'll use the power of context sensitive!" he claimed. "No wait there arn't any B platforms nearby, and it's raining outside!" he counterthought. "Wait! I've got it!" he said, a lit lightbulb appearing above his head even though he was not on a context sensitive pad. Conker walked over to the fire imp that was maintaining the fireplace in the bar.

"Hey you. I need to type in a cheat." Conker said to the fire imp.

"Oh sure go ahead. Bastards come in here all the time typing in cheats just so they can beat the freaking game! Go on ahead!" the fire imp complained.

"Conker placed his fingers on the cheats keyboard, and typed in the cheat code "FREEALCOHOL", then typed "Enter/Return".

"Yep. That'll work!" said the fire imp, shaking his head yes while giving a thumbs up.

Then, the bartender squirrel walked up to Conker, making him turn around. "Conker, perhaps I was a bit too hasty. Feel free to drink all the alcohol you want!" he said, obviously affected by the cheat code that Conker put in.

"Thanks mate!" Conker said as she went to the back of the pub and started gulping down as much alcohol as he could, without any complaints from anyone which came from the result of the cheat.

Several minutes later, Conker came back out, dazed and drunk. "Ok. Now for my -HIC- date with Berri!" Conker slowly made his way towards the door, hiccuping and nearly losing his balance along the way.

"Hey kid! Don't get lost again! You don't want to stand up your girlie again! You might ger her killed again!" said the fire imp.

"You...you're -HIC- right!" Conker said while lifting his arm and pointing up. "I gotta make sure -HIC- I get to Berri's house without any -HIC- problems!" Conker walked over to the fire imp's fireplace again, proceeding to type in another cheat code, this time a cheat code that would get him to Berri's house without any problems.

"Ok...B-E-R-R-I..." he said while typing "BERRI" in. Meanwhile, a random squirrel accidently stepped on Gregg the Grim Reaper''s robe.

"Hey! Watch where you're walking you Shithead with a capital S!" Gregg cussed. Conker overheard this and unintentionally typed an S in, being too drunk to realize what he was typing in.

"Oh come on! What I did was not that bad!" said the random squirrel as Conker unintentionally typed in "BAD" after the squirrel said it, again being too drunk to pay attention to what he typed.

"Yeah and the next thing you know you'll get stranded in the middle of a desert and die like a car or motorcycle that just ran out of gas!" Gregg insulted, with Conker overhearring and once again putting his subconscious attention on the last word he heard, and then typing in the word "GAS" without a note of any typos.

"...and then you'll beg me to bring me back to life!" finished Gregg.

"You know what, forget it." said the random squirrel. "I've had enough of this for one day." And yes, Conker once again put his focus on the last word and typed in "DAY". At the point, the cheat said "BERRISBADGASDAY". Conker then snapped into attention as he pressed the "Enter/Return" key without noticing what he had typed in.

"Yep. That works!" said the fire imp while giving a thumbs up and shaking his head yes.

"What do you mean? I'm still here! The cheat didn't work!" Conker complained.

"Yes it did! I know when a cheat code works and when it doesn't work!" said the fire imp.

"Ahh screw you to hell! I'll find my own way." Conker yelled, then turning around. "Stupid good for nothing tricky firey inbred from hell who deserves to fuck himself..." Conker said to himself.

"I heard that!" yelled the fire imp, insulted by what Conker said.

Conker simply ignored the imp and left the bar, trying to figure out which way to go. Conker walked to the right, avoiding the Monk Gobling, who was reading his stone tablet as usual.

Meanwhile, at Berri's house...

After doing some more of her workouts while listening to music, Berri was standing around with her arms crossed, shaking her head while moving her foot around impatiently.

"Like, I hope Conker doesn't stand me up again." Berri said to herself. "Just because that little furball got the game programmers to bring me back to life doesn't mean he can keep ditching me for alcohol every chance he gets."

Berri's stomach growled loudly, causing her to place her hands on it. "All this exercising has like, made me hungry."

Berri farted loudly, ger gas echoing throughout the house, causing her to blush as her eyes widened. "Oh my gosh! Did I just like, let one out?" she said, embarrassed as she pooted another raunchy one, causing her to blush more. "Gosh I hope I don't rip one in front of Conker."

Berri walked over to the door "Maybe this time I'll look for him instead. He probably got drunk again. So I'll go to the Cock and Plucker and like see if he's there."

Another loud gas blast pooted it's way out of Berri's sexy ass, causing her to blush as she placed her hands on her butt as more farts came out, each one louder and raunchier than the last. "My gosh! Like why can't I stop?" she said, before letting out a loud, 10 second fart that went from raunchy to wet, causing a dark stain to appear on the back of her pink panties. Berri gasped as she looked at her butt, which was stained from her loud farts.

"Just great! Now I have to go change." she said, frustrated as she walked sexually to her room, more loud poots coming out.