Chapter Ten

-Number 62-

The day started off much as the one before had. This time, it was in DADA, but Snape's billowing was in top form. I considered holding up a scorecard with a big 10 on it, but his glare was turned up higher than usual. He'd get an 11 for the glare.

"Miss Granger, what are you wearing?" Snape snapped. I looked down innocently. It was a garnish red and gold tutu that I'd conjured that morning. All and all, I was quite proud of myself for it. My Transfiguration skills weren't too shabby, if I did say so myself.

"If you're jealous, you can try it on later," I said with a smile. No one laughed, but Snape's scowl deepened, if such a thing were possible, and with a flick of his wand the tutu vanished. "Tough crowd..." I muttered.

"Miss Granger, you have detention at 8 o'clock with Headmaster Dumbledore. While you might think you're above it all, being a member of the Golden Trio, while you attend Hogwarts you will follow the dress code. I want no more of your foolishness."

"Sorry, sir," I said. I put my head down. I didn't know if this was his idea of another prank,but I wasn't amused. I thought we had become friends. That much snark over a little tutu was a bit much.

Snape ignored me for the rest of the class. I raised my hand for every question, but he didn't call me a know-it-all or asked for an answer just to make a comment about how I memorized the textbook.

Class let out and I almost expected for him to ask me to stay afterward, but he continued ignoring me.

"Sir, where should I go for my detention?" I asked. Was he serious about detention with Dumbledore?

"To the Headmaster's office. I trust that you have enough brain power in that head of yours to find yourself there in one piece," he snapped. A few of the students who were still packing up snickered. I quickly turned and fled from the room.

Maybe it was just another prank. He could have set it up with Dumbledore, though that seemed a little strange. Maybe I would have to polish his lemon drops or something.

Either way, I was in a bad mood for the rest of the day. I stayed in the library studying until right before my detention. The staircase to Dumbledore's office was already opened when I got there, so I walked up until I heard voices.

"...just until the end of the year."

"You don't have to worry, Albus. I'm not going to steal the child away as soon as she graduates."

I realized that I was accidentally eavesdropping on Dumbledore's and Snape's conversation. I turned to go back down, but the door burst open and from it burst a flurry of black robes. Snape almost ran into me.

"Er, sorry sir," I said. Snape sneered down at me.

"Eavesdropping? I would expect no less." He pushed past me and stormed down the stairs. For some reason, I felt close to crying. This definitely wasn't a funny prank.

"Miss Granger? Are you out there?" Dumbledore called out. I sucked it up and went in, giving him my best smile.

"Hello, sir. Sna-, um, I mean Professor Snape said that I was to report now for detention?"

Dumbledore sighed. He was sitting behind his big desk with all the strange contraptions on it. I started following a spinning one with my eyes, but it made me dizzy. "This isn't a detention, Miss Granger. Professor Snape had instructions to send you to my office so that we can talk about something."

"Am I in trouble, sir?" I asked.

"No, no, it's nothing like that," Dumbledore said. He smiled. "Sit down, if you will. Lemon drop?"

"No thank you." I sat down. Dumbledore looked at me. "So, um... why am I here?"

"Miss Granger, a student has come forward with a concern about your relationship with Professor Snape."

I blinked. "What?" I may be the brightest witch of my age, but I had no idea what he was talking about. How could anyone have come forward? Snape and I had been acting pretty covert recently, discounting the tutu. But the complaint had clearly come before that. "Professor Snape isn't hurting me or anything, if that's what you think. His pranks are just silly, he hasn't been hexing me."

"Miss Granger, the student who came forward feels that you are not in physical danger, exactly, but another kind of danger. This student believes that there is something inappropriate going on between Professor Snape and you."

"Inappropriate?" I parroted back. Now this had to be part of the prank.

"While Professor Snape assures me that your pranks are good-natured, I must put a stop to them now. There will be no more detentions with Professor Snape or cursing each other across the Great Hall. I'm sorry to say this, but I think you've gotten too close over the year. While I'm happy to see that Severus and you have become friends, it isn't an appropriate student-teacher relationship."

"Sir, no, there's nothing inappropriate," I protested. I felt myself blushing. Somewhere, some student thought that Snape was Slytherin in to my Chamber of Secrets. I wondered how long it would be until the rumors were all over the school. "Professor Snape and I are just friends, just like Harry and Remus, or Draco and Professor Snape."

"Harry saw Remus as a father figure, and Professor Snape is Draco's godfather," Dumbledore said. "I'm sorry, but I must be firm on this. I do not want you and Professor Snape interacting outside of classroom matters. The student who reported questioned the validity of your grades. I know you wouldn't want your academics called into question."

"No sir, of course not." Who was the little shit who said I was sleeping with Snape to get my grade? Some snotty second year, I'd bet. If I got my hands on them, I'd strangle them.

"I'm glad you understand."

Another thought occurred to me. "Sir, does this mean I can't do my apprenticeship here at Hogwarts?" Dread filled me. That had been the perfect solution! If I had to start looking elsewhere for apprenticeships, I was doomed. The school year was almost over. No one would accept applications now, but who would want someone who'd taken an entire year off? They'd think that my skills were rusty, I'd never get an apprenticeship, and then I'd never get a job. I'd be a full-grown witch living with my parents until they died. If I was lucky, it would be in some kind of accident, and I'd get money to keep living until I decided to jump off a broom.

"No, Miss Granger, it means nothing of the sort," Dumbledore said. He smiled. It didn't make me feel better. "Your apprenticeship will continue as planned. In the wizarding world, it's common for apprentices to become very close with their mentors. In fact, Professor Snape still goes drinking with his old Potions Master now and again."

"Really?" I asked.

"And don't forget, Professor Slughorn will also be one of your mentors. Your time will be split evenly between Horace and Severus."

I rolled my eyes. There was no world in which Professor Slughorn and I would become friends. "Alright, sir. I promise not to do anything outside of the student-teacher relationship with Professor Snape."

"Thank you, Miss Granger. Are you sure you don't want a lemon drop."

"No thank you."

"Then you're free to go." I stood up and turned. "And Miss Granger, remember what I said. I truly am happy that Severus has found a friend as true as you."

"Er, right. Sir." I left him, ignoring the smart remark that the gargoyle had for me. If he was so happy about our friendship, he wouldn't have accused me of sleeping with Snape for my O.

Ugh, I thought. Even thinking that sounds dirty. It's not that the idea of sleeping with Snape was repulsive, it's that the idea of sleeping with anyone for a grade was absolutely despicable. I would never do such a thing. I'd rather get a T.

I slammed the door to the common room when I returned. Not surprisingly, Justin was there. He raised an eyebrow.

"Have a fight with Snape?"

"What? No. I had a detention."

"With Snape?"

"No," I said. Merlin, Justin was annoying. How had I never noticed? "With Dumbledore. I helped him sort lemon drops."

"Seriously?" Justin asked.

"Yes," I lied. Like I would tell him what was really wrong.

"Well if you need someone to talk to, I'm here," Justin said. I rolled my eyes and went to my room. Yeah right. I'd go to Hagrid with my secrets before I told Justin.

-*HP*-

The rest of the year passed incredibly slow. If I had been bored at the start of the year, it was even worse now. I studied as much as I could, but there was only so much to be done. I was finished. I was too old for Hogwarts. I still wanted to stay on as an apprentice, of course, but as a student I was done. I had always been mature for my age, but each time a Second Year cried about a D on her Potions essay or whenever a shy Ravenclaw boy would cast a Tripping Jinx on a girl he liked I felt about a million years old. How did Dumbledore cope? There must be something in the lemon drops.

"Are you ready for exams?" Ginny asked as she dropped down next to me at breakfast. Exams started that day. It'd been so close to the end of the school year that I hadn't wanted to inconvenience anyone by asking to sit for my own personal exams, so I'd passed the time annoying Crookshanks by knitting him little sweaters.

"Yes," I sighed. I had been ready ages ago. I memorized every book in the library, it seemed. Even the one about sexual enchantments, though I doubted that would come up in the Charms examination.

"You don't seem very excited," Ginny said. She took a swig of pumpkin juice. "Is everything alright?"

"I'm just missing how things used to be."

She raised an eyebrow. "You mean, when Riddle was trying to kill us all?"

I smiled. "No, just having Harry and Ron around." And Snape. Snape had been a terror in class. For some reason, I always expected him to make me stay after class to apologize, even if he made me scrub cauldrons with First Years after, but the one time I'd tried staying after to ask a legitimate question he'd bolted from the room faster than Umbridge being chased by a Centaur herd.

"Well, you'll be able to see them this summer, I'm sure," Ginny said. "I just got a letter from Harry. He says that Auror training is going really well. He wants me to become an Auror too, but I'm not too sure."

"That's nice," I said distractedly. Ginny rolled her eyes and started talking to the Sixth Year on her other side.

I got up and started towards my first exam. Being early wouldn't hurt.

-*HP*-

By the end of the week, all my things were packed. I had left out my school clothes, a set of Muggle clothes, and exactly one pair of underwear from my trunk. As soon as the Closing Feast was finished, I was Apparating myself out of there. My apprenticeship didn't start until later in the summer.

My last exam was DADA, of all things. Though there were N.E.W.T.S. instructors that were actually testing us, I dreaded it all the same. Snape would be there, silently stalking in the background with his cape all a-billowin'. He'd been so nasty to me that I questioned if we had really ever been friends. I was torn between talking to him before leaving and waiting until I started my apprenticeship.

Since I was completely packed and ready to go, I decided that I would talk to him. I was a Gryffindor. I had faced Riddle. If I could take on the evilest wizard in the last century, I could talk to my DADA professor and wish him a happy summer.

… that was, if he was in a good mood. Depending on the scowl, it could wait.

I left early and made it to the exam room with plenty of time to spare. Snape was nowhere in sight. In fact, none of the instructors were there. I was really early.

"Hermione?" someone said. I turned and almost groaned out loud. Justin? Really? He had to come super early too? He was way too nosy, I couldn't talk to Snape in front of him. I briefly questioned whether or not Justin was following me.

"Hey, Justin. I just wanted to get a good seat," I said lamely. The written exam was first, then the practical exam. Not that seat placement mattered in either one.

"Right," Justin said. He smiled at her. "I'll be sad to see you go, Hermione. I feel like we've grown close over the year."

"Er, sure," I said. If shared a study space and occasionally making eye contact constituted as getting close, then they were thick as thieves.

"I'm sorry about the thing with you and Snape. It was a bit creepy though, don't you think? Like, all those detentions? What kind of old man wants to spend that much time with a schoolgirl, you know?"

I scrunched my brows. "What?" Snape wasn't that old. Just barely old enough to be my dad. My actual father had at least fifteen years on Snape. Maybe twenty. My Arithmancy exam had left my brain a little scrambled. I was almost certain that there wouldn't be any math in the DADA exam, so I wasn't concerned.

"Snape hitting on you. Come on, it was obvious! I reported it to Headmaster Dumbledore as soon as I was sure. You're lucky he left you alone after that. You must have been seriously grossed out."

I stared at him. Without knowing what I was doing, I grabbed my wand. "Are you telling me that you're the anonymous student that went to Dumbledore and claimed that I was sleeping with Snape to get an O?"

"Yeah, but it was for your own good," Justin said. He grinned. "You can thank me later."

I growled at him. An actual growl. He blinked back. "You're such an idiot! Such a pompous little Hufflepuff!" I raised my wand at him. There were still no instructors present. I could curse Justin to make him think he was a bird long enough to drive the message home before anyone caught me. "Mutatio memoriam avem!"

Justin threw up a shield charm just in time to deflect the blue beam. I watched almost in slow motion as the curse came back at me. I had enough time to notice that it'd changed to purple before I was on the ground, flat on my back. I was able to make out, "Mr. Finch-Fletchley, what is the meaning of this?" before I blacked out.

-*HP*-

I woke up in a comfy bed. It was a really comfy bed, will just enough blankets and pillows. I yawned happily and opened my eyes to see an old woman standing over my bed. I smiled at her.

"Hello," I said pleasantly.

"You're awake, thank Merlin," the old woman said. She turned around. I noticed that I was in a little room, almost like a hospital room, but the woman didn't look like a doctor. Or a healer. Some part of my brain identified her as a witch. "Severus, Albus, Poppy, she's woken up! I think she's ready to go to Saint Mungo's."

I looked at her. Who was Saint Mungo? However, I didn't have time to ask. Three people burst into the room. The first two were also old, but the third was just right. He was sexy as hell, all tall and lean with dark eyes. I figured that I would tell him so.

"Why sir, the doctor didn't order me to receive a dose of sexy, but since you're here I guess I'll make use of you," I said. My guests looked at me in shock. The sexy one looked the least affected. He rolled his eyes.

"Minerva, I hardly think that that's necessary. Miss Granger is clearly feeling like her old self," he said. He had a voice like hot oil. I wanted it to drip down my body.

"Who is Miss Granger?" I asked. The sexy man frowned. Oh no, I thought. I didn't want that!

"You're joking, right?"

"I wouldn't tease such a handsome man as you," I said. I winked. "Since I'm in the hospital, we can play Healer if you want." I didn't feel particularly sexy at the moment, but a man like that shouldn't be passed up. I was no shy violet who couldn't go after who she wanted! I couldn't remember who I was, exactly, but I knew it wasn't a shy violet!

The sexy man's eyes widened. "I've reconsidered. We should get her there as soon as possible."

A/N: Taaadaaaaaa! The end! Now, don't kill me. I realize it's been almost a year since the last update, but I was serious when I said I hadn't abandoned the story! I have had a LOT going on in my life. I also recently tried lemon drops, which are amazing, so you should get some the next time you're at an old candy story.

Anyways, that's the end of How to Annoy Severus Snape. Don't think that this was an abrupt ending to the story just to get it finished, this was how I planned the ending all along (more or less). As I mentioned before, there will be a sequel, How to Seduce Severus Snape. It'll start right where this fic leaves off. It might take five years for me to finish it, but it's coming eventually. Follow me (or favorite, or subscribe, whatever, it's been a long time since I was on here) to be notified of when I start the sequel. Obviously from the title, it's going to be a Hermione/Snape fic. It will also be humorous.

Thanks for any of you who've been following this since I started writing it. I'm happy to finally finish the story for you guys. Happy lives, and whatnot. I don't know how to end this.

Edit: First chapter of How to Seduce Severus Snape is up.