Holy fuck. It's been awhile...
I would love to have a good excuse for why I haven't updated in so long but it's just a mixture of perfectionism/procrastination/loss of muse. Which is not a good combo. Here's the next chapter and other than thanking everyone for the reviews, follows, and favorites I think I'm good.
Enjoy.
Going back to school; back to his life, had never felt so unappealing to Ichigo. After Ichigo got home at the early hours of the morning without, surprisingly, waking up any of his family, he had been unable to sleep, which had sucked since he was physically exhausted but his mind had kept him awake with the new knowledge he had learned of the blue haired boy.
The entire weekend had been painstakingly uneventful and boring. Ichigo had done nothing but do homework, think about Grimmjow, eat something, play videogames until he felt his brain was going to dribble out of his ear, think about Grimmjow some more, read a book, watch TV, and think even more about Grimmjow.
It was pathetic how much he thought of the guy.
He couldn't deny that he might be attracted to the asshole-ish, jerk, bastard.
And then when the boy didn't come to school on Monday, Ichigo internally freaked out, his mind conjuring up panic filled questions. Maybe he'd scared the boy off with his strange behavior at the cemetery? Maybe he thought him a stupid pussy for going so far as to hug him?
Weeks passed, with nothing from Grimmjow. Ichigo became desperate to catch even a glimpse of him. Crazy plans formed in his mind about breaking into the principal's office to find Grimmjows file and find out where he lived. Desperate, insane plans that didn't really make sense but Ichigo's mind was conjuring up just to do something and not feel like a tool.
A month passed, and Ichigo was ready to give up, convinced that Grimmjow had left because of him.
"Yo! Ichigo!"
Ichigo was shaken out of his thoughts by the voice of one of his closest friends.
He sighed inwardly, hoping to all the gods out there that Renji was just coming to say hi and not bother him as was his usual daily routine.
No such luck. Before Ichigo could react, Renji had him in a headlock and was happily giving him a very painful noogie.
"Oi! What the fuck asshole, get off me!" Ichigo snapped before driving his elbow into Renji's stomach, making him loosen his grip and giving him the chance to escape. He smirked down at a gasping Renji clutching his stomach as he tried to regain his breath.
"Aw fuck…Ichi-go…that hurt." gasped Renji.
"Well, that's what you get."
"Nice Ichigo. That's the fifth time this week. At this rate you're going to end up breaking him." Rukia complained from behind him.
"He started it!"
Ichigo turned to see the rest of the group behind him: Tatsuki and Chad giving him amused looks at his childlike answer while Uryu gave him a disdainful look that Ichigo pointedly ignored and Orihime looked on with a slightly dazed expression.
"I think you ruptured my spleen, you asshole." muttered Renji as he slowly straightened with the help of Rukia.
"Tch. Get over it. 'Sides it's not like I haven't done that before. It's no-" Ichigo's sentence trailed off as he caught sight of shocking blue hair that he hadn't seen in weeks, before briefly locking eyes with the guy he had been ready to give up on.
"Ichigo? You okay?" Tatsuki asked.
The question fell on deaf ears as Ichigo watched in half-fascination and half-anger, Grimmjow look down solemnly at him before jerking his head, the universal sign for come over here. He tore his eyes away from the insufferable bastard, realizing that Tatsuki had asked him a question.
"What? Yeah. Yes. I'm fine. I just forgot-I…have to, uh, finish some homework. I'll see you guys later," he muttered distractedly.
"Oh. O-" Ichigo quickly wandered off in the direction of the school, not bothering to wait for an answer. "kay," Tatsuki finished.
"What's with him?" wondered Renji out loud.
Tatsuki looked at Ichigos retreating back. "Beats me."
XXxxXX
"Kurosaki. Long time no see."
Ichigo scowled at the use of his surname.
"Ah sorry, forgot. Ichigo right?" Grimmjow corrected himself with a small smirk.
Ichigo looked at Grimmjow up and down. The boy had on a pair of black jeans, a simple grey thermal shirt and a pair of ripped up black high-top converses. His hair was in its usual casually chaotic hairstyle and when Ichigo looked closely he could see that Grimmjow had a bruise on his cheekbone and a long red scratch above his right eyebrow. He was about to ask what had happened to the blue haired boy when something completely different slipped out of his mouth.
"Where the fuck have you been?"
Grimmjows eyebrows rose up in surprise. "What do you care?"
The question threw Ichigo off. Why did he care? "I-I don't!" he sputtered, cheeks flushing.
"Really? Cuz ta me it seemed like you did care." said Grimmjow with amusement in his voice but face curiously blank.
"W-well you were gone for a month so I was-never mind." trailed off Ichigo.
"Look, Kurosaki-Ichigo, whatever, tell me the truth. Why the fuck do you care so much?" asked Grimmjow, no more bullshitting around.
Ichigo frowned, Grimmjows bluntness catching him off guard but also helping him clear his head. "If you want the honest truth Grimmjow I really can't tell you why I care so much-"
Grimmjow scowled, about to retort.
"Let me finish," said Ichigo, raising up his hand in a 'wait' motion. "But I just have this, I don't know…feeling I guess. I think you're um, kind of like me. I mean, I don't even know you but I feel like at the same time I do. I sound like an idiot. Look, what I'm trying to say is, I really don't have an explanation why I care about you and all I know is that when you're not here I worry about you. I know, I sound really, really stupid but it's the only reason I can come up with." Ichigo took a deep breath, waiting with baited breath for Grimmjow response.
Grimmjow frowned, still digesting what Ichigo had told him. "I uh, kinda get where you're coming from. I guess."
Ichigo chuckled under his breath and Grimmjows head snapped up to look in his direction, wondering what was so funny.
"Sorry, sorry, I know it's weird to laugh but I can't stop thinking about how if we'd never met at the cemetery we wouldn't be here right now. We would probably wonder, at least for a while, but then life would get in the way and gradually we would forget about that first little encounter when you talked to me. We would go on with our lives and forget about ever talking to each other and pretty soon, when we happened to catch the others eye something in the back of our head would try to resurface but then we'd get distracted and forget again. Then we'd go our separate ways and never talk to each other again…It's kinda sad isn't it? How the little stuff can make such a huge impact and change your world so suddenly." said Ichigo, his eyes looking out over the city.
Grimmjow looked at him, something weird bubbling up in his chest at Ichigos thinking aloud. When had the kid become so philosophical? And it was true really. If Grimmjow hadn't locked eyes with Ichigo that day; hadn't run into him outside of the classroom or at the cemetery things would have been really, really different.
"Grimmjow?"
"What?"
"Where exactly where you this past month?"
"Business." grunted Grimmjow in a voice that said 'drop it'.
"Way to be vague." muttered Ichigo, ignoring the other boys hint.
"It was just shit you don't need to know about Ichigo. Trust me, its better if you don't."
"Is that how you got that bruise?"
Grimmjow touched the bruise on his cheekbone with the tips of his fingers. "Yeah." It didn't throb as bad as when he'd first gotten it. Now it was just a small dull jolt that was really just annoying.
"Oh."
The two were silent, neither having realized that the bell had rung, announcing the beginning of school.
"So now what Kurosaki? We best friends for life or somethin'?"
Ichigo snorted softly. "Or something."
Grimmjow chuckled quietly and finally noticed that the lot was empty. "Oops. Looks like I kept you from gettin' ta class on time."
"Huh?" Ichigo looked out over the roof. "Fuck! Kuchiki-sensei is gonna kill me!"
"Calm down, it's not really gonna kill you right? Why don't you ditch with me?" smirked Grimmjow, hands in his pockets.
Ichigo looked at him, perplexed. Why the fuck not? It wasn't like he always ditched school right? Hell, he was a hard working student who had his shit together. Skipping one measly day of school wouldn't really kill him.
Ichigo smiled back. "Where too?"
XXxxXX
"What is this place?"
"Home sweet home."
"You live here?"
"Yeah. What's wrong with it?"
"It's so…sketchy."
Grimmjow snorted in amusement. "Wha'd you expect? A nice two story house with a patio and a big backyard to let the kids play in?"
"Don't be stupid." scoffed Ichigo.
"Yeah. I'm the stupid one."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing." said Grimmjow innocently before opening the door to the small apartment.
"Shut the fuck up." muttered Ichigo dejectedly.
Grimmjow snickered and walked in, Ichigo trailing behind.
The place was a two bedroom apartment with a tiny kitchen and an okay size bathroom. The walls were a neutral gray and most of the furniture was in shades of dark blue.
"Anyone else live with you?" asked Ichigo, noticing the extra dirty dishes left in the table from this morning.
"Hm? Yeah. Nnoitra."
"Nnoitra?"
"He's, I don't know, like a brother I guess."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
There was an awkward silence between the two. The kind were a newly made friend had invited you over and you didn't really know what to talk about or what to do so you would go to their room and play videogames or hang out until the awkwardness was gone.
"You wanna beer?" said Grimmjow, breaking the silence.
"Sure."
Grimmjow went into the kitchen to get two beers and Ichigo looked around in wonder at the medium sized apartment. He had been expecting something more…broken in, if that made any sense. The living room was bare except for a navy blue sofa, a flat screen TV covered in dust and a small coffee table with multiple dark stains on it that Ichigo didn't want to know about.
Grimmjow came back with the beers, handed one to Ichigo and walked past him into a tiny hallway that led to his room. Ichigo opened the beer with a hiss and took a long swig of it, hoping the cheap alcohol would give him at least some liquid courage.
He steeled himself and stepped into the room of his current crush.
Ichigo's breath left him in a slow exhale as he stared in fascination at Grimmjows room.
The walls were a weird mixture of bluish green, darker than teal but lighter than navy blue. You really couldn't see a lot of the color though because almost every inch of Grimmjows walls were covered in band posters, pictures, a few play announcements, guitar picks, doodles, stickers and writing. He had a single tiny desk overflowing with papers, pencils, a crappy laptop, erasers, pencil sharpeners and a little mountain of pencil shavings in one far off corner. Two beautiful electric guitars hung on the wall and a worn looking acoustic guitar leaned against a tiny sagging bookcase filled with mostly paperbacks and one or two hardcover books, a small TV in the corner and for some reason a blue mattress leaning on the wall across from his own bed.
Oh and a huge selection of cd's, tapes and records covering one entire wall. Plus the drool worthy sound system.
"Holy shit I think I love your room." breathed Ichigo in amazement.
Grimmjow laughed the sound appealing to Ichigos ears. "Yeah. Most of this stuff was given to me or I bought it cheap at thrift stores. And almost everything in here has significance to me so just don't break anything and we're solid."
"Were did you get that beautiful thing?" pointed Ichigo, quite rudely really, at the sound system.
Grimmjows smile tightened. "My dad's. Couldn't let them take it away when he died."
"Ah. Um. Sorry." apologized Ichigo lamely.
"It's okay. Happened a long time ago." said Grimmjow with an awkward smile that looked fake and brittle.
Ichigo rubbed at his arm, the itch deep and burning under the skin in his wrists, the burning only flaring up when he was intensely nervous or hurting. Grimmjows eyes didn't miss the action and flickered quietly at the motion but Ichigo didn't notice and he didn't say anything.
He opened his own beer and pressed play, hoping some of the awkwardness would leave the room. Mr. Rager by Kid Cudi spilled out of the speakers and Ichigo instantly relaxed.
"I love this song." Ichigo smiled softly.
Grimmjow studied him closely, feeling weird bubbling in his stomach from Ichigos smile. He was just some guy. Why did something as simple as this boys smile make butterflies pop up in his gut and want to flood out of his mouth?
Grimmjow took a pull of his beer and hummed along with the lyrics, unconsciously focusing on the beat like he always did. He watched Ichigo walk up to his bed, almost hesitantly, before sitting down. The boy placed a hand on the grey sheets and pressed down, watching the mattress push back in weak resistance. Ichigo looked back at Grimmjow and grinned. For some reason Grimmjow found himself grinning back and sat next to Ichigo, more relaxed than he had been in a long time. Grimmjow chugged the rest of his beer, crushed the can and threw it in a random direction that resulted in a surprised look from the orange-head. Grimmjow shrugged in response and leaned back on his hands, his head falling back to look at the ceiling where he had tacked a giant poster of Hollywood Undead.
Fifteen minutes later the conversation started pouring out. And surprisingly it was very easy. They talked about everything. They talked about nothing. They joked and argued and slowly started to feel a light buzz after three or four beers.
Ichigo laughed at Grimmjows lame story about how Nnoitra had somehow gotten locked out of the apartment naked for the third time that week and the neighbors had finally called the police which had led to a six foot something freak threatening to piss on any cop who dared to get any closer than six feet of him.
He couldn't remember when was the last time he had laughed this much and Ichigo suddenly felt guilty because the last time he had laughed this hard his mother had still been alive and Yuzu…
"Ichigo?"
The track switched and the two beings in the room suddenly became very still, both recognizing the haunting tune.
You've stripped me down, the layers fall like rain
It's over now, just innocence and instinct still remain
You watched me while I slowly disappeared
I reached for you to save me, you were frozen in your fear
Ichigo gulped and looked down, unable to meet Grimmjow's eyes. He could feel his heart hammering against his chest like it wanted to burst out and spray the room with chunks of his hollow muscular organ.
Grimmjow was just as silent, unable to think of anything to say. The left side of his body was suddenly very hot, as Ichigo was leaning against him, radiating warmth and the smell of soap.
Take it all away, take it all away
Take it all away, take it all away
"What-"
"I-"
The two stopped and locked eyes, neither one wanting to really talk but wanting the terrible nervousness to be gone. The air quickly became charged and the two knew something was going on that wasn't really there doing or entirely against their will. Both wanted the other but they just hadn't figured it out, all the emotions tangled up in a web that left them muddled and panicking. Ichigo was the first to look away, afraid to drown in those impossibly blue eyes.
The itch; the stinging sensation from his wrist, was back, worse now as the tension in the room increased. Ichigo circled his hand around his wrist, wishing desperately for a razor so the burning would stop. His grip tightened and he watched his knuckles turn from olive-toned to bleach white when he felt Grimmjow's eyes follow his movement to his hand.
Get away. I need to get away, screamed his instincts. The space rapidly became smaller and smaller as Ichigo began to panic internally, trying to control his breathing and heart rate.
Circling the pain inside my soul
I reached inside your silence to steal what you won't show
I tried to find the answers in my fears
But what was found is lost again as soon as it appeared
Grimmjow watched the orange-haired boy have a mini meltdown in front of him, his breath leaving his body in short bursts that were quickly becoming gasps. He watched on as Ichigo rubbed almost viciously at his wrist as if to erase something. Something he didn't want anyone else but himself to see. Grimmjow knew though. Of course he did. He had seen it right from the start.
Ichigo Kurosaki was a cutter.
Grimmjow had never done it himself but he'd come so close to it. The only reason he hadn't was because Nnoi had barged in at the exact moment he'd finally gotten the courage to do it and the pain had been too unbearable. He'd only been twelve at the time, the death of his sister and father-especially his father's- still fresh in his mind. How he was even alive today was a wonder to him, with all his rash and stupid attempts at suicide.
Ichigo's hands shook. His eyes frantically skittered the room, not once straying to the figure next to him.
Get away.
Get away, Get away, Get away.
Something warm brushed against his knuckles and Ichigo jumped violently, his eyes settling onto arctic blue ones.
Grimmjows hand settled down over Ichigo's own twitching hand chafing his wrist. He stood completely still and merely waited as the broken boy before him started to calm down; his breath settled and the wild unsettling look in his eyes faded but not once did he look away from Grimmjow's arresting oceanic blue eyes.
Take it all away, take it all away
Take it all away, take it all away
His hand was warm and calloused, Ichigo noticed absently, unable to look away and realizing that he really didn't want to look away from Grimmjow's eyes. They reminded him so much of a kaleidoscope filled with different hues of blue that shifted every time the light hit them a certain angle. It was fascinating and otherworldly and Ichigo was certain that if he could have, he would have spent hours merely looking into this man's eyes. Ichigo wanted to get closer. He wanted to be so close to Grimmjow that he could smell him and see each of his individual strands of hair and find all of the different blue hues in his eyes.
I'm breaking, I can't do this on my own
Can you hear me screaming out?
Am I all alone?
His eyes were so light they were almost gold and Grimmjow wondered if it was the sun hitting them a certain way. But the blinds were closed.
He was frozen.
Mesmerized by how Ichigo's eyes seemed to shine that light golden buttery color and as he drew closer he saw flecks of gemstone green, intertwined with shavings of dark bitter chocolate and even deeper into the orange haired boys eyes, rays of hazelnut butter burst forth with a radiance that almost blinded him. How could someone have such expressive eyes? 70 percent of the population in this world had brown eyes but Grimmjow could say that he had never seen such eyes as those belonging to Kurosaki Ichigo.
And it wasn't a very big surprise to him that he was unexpectedly torn between wanting to travel the rest of Ichigos face with his eyes and wanting to keep their gazes locked. It was so frightening and exhilarating at the same time. Frightening because Grimmjow hadn't felt feelings like this in a long time and the last time he had he'd only been a child and everything had been ripped away from him so suddenly that he was incredibly hesitant. And he was angry as well. To let someone like Ichigo strip him down completely and have him this vulnerable in front of a boy that he didn't even know very well.
How had things become this chaotic? But he didn't want to stop. Not for the world. So he steeled himself and broke gazes with Ichigo. Both blinked, almost owlishly, but before the past electricity could dissipate Ichigo was detangling his hand from Grimmjows grip on his wrist and reaching for the other who realized this but did nothing to stop it as long, thin, fingers that could easily belong to an artist's tangled into aquamarine locks.
You take away, you take away
You take away, you take away
Ichigo was surprised but pleased at how silky Grimmjows hair was. He let his fingers run through the others hair and watched, entranced, as it seemed like his hands were wrist deep in bright cyan water that shifted at his touch.
Grimmjow wanted to purr at the feel of Ichigos ministrations. It felt so fucking good. Instead, he took advantage of the others interest with his hair and openly and unabashedly studied the distracted boys face. He noticed how close he really was to the other; even closer than when they had been up in the roof that day that seemed years ago now. They were so close that Grimmjow need only to twitch and their noses would touch and lips would brush.
His eyes started up in Ichigos eyes, who was to observed to notice and slowly trailed down to his nose, which he noticed was long and straight and at the bridge he spotted a sprinkling of very faint, cinnamon colored freckles scattered on the bridge of the red heads nose and cheeks. They were so faint that if you hadn't been as close as Grimmjow was and Ichigo wasn't flushing a light pink that made them stand out all the more you never would have seen them. Grimmjow had an overwhelming urge to kiss each and every individual freckle but continued onto his exploration of Ichigo and his eyes met with soft-looking pink lips that were parted slightly, the top lip curving up and still damp from, most likely, Ichigo licking his lips, the bottom lip jutted out a little more and was fuller and made Grimmjow bite his own lip as images of kissing Ichigo sprang up in his mind. Neither noticed how the larger of the boy's eyes grew a tad darker. Grimmjow broke away from the enticing view, feeling his face grow hot and growling to himself that if he was blushing then the red head really must be messing with his head. His eyes focused and went back to trailing Ichigos face down to a strong jaw that was really the only thing that made him look older, that and his scowls.
Grimmjow internally chuckled and almost chocked on his own spit when he felt Ichigos fingers massage a certain area of his scalp that sent shivers down his spine. He looked up at the other, who had a small smile on his lips and when he met Grimmjow stare his smile widened; Grimmjow didn't know whether to punch him or groan and the feel of those fingers.
Ichigo watched in amusement as Grimmjows rigid body slowly relaxed as his fingers continued to massage the blue haired boys scalp and wanted to laugh but was afraid to ruin the moment.
You take away, you take away
Grimmjow held in a moan as Ichigo's skillful fingers once again massaged beautifully against that certain area that made him see stars behind closed eyelids. Who knew he would be so affected by a stupid massage? He locked eyes with Ichigo once more and the saw that Ichigo still had that smile on his face but it was more tender than cocky now. Everything inside Grimmjow softened and later he would ask himself how this boy had been able to make him so soft so quickly. It was embarrassing and he was almost disgusted by himself. Right now though, all he was thinking about was that he really, really wanted to kiss Ichigo. He leaned in the tiniest bit and their noses bumped against each other and Ichigos hand in his hair froze. Grimmjow scowled lightly but continued to get closer. Ichigos parted lips where parallel to his now. Grimmjow eyes never left Ichigos as he drew closer, and closer.
You take away, you take away
Ichigo watched with wide eyes Grimmjow own eyes laugh at him and he noticed how they had darkened to shades of navy, indigo and sapphire blues. He sucked in a breath. Grimmjow smelled like aftershave and for some reason apples mixed with some sort of spice. Ichigo shivered in apprehension and anticipation as he realized that if he so much as blinked their lips would be touching. He felt his own eyes darken into pools of dark chocolate and his lids become heavy with what most likely was lust.
A single fraction of a second passed.
A door slammed somewhere in the apartment complex. A faint shout rang out. The sound of a car honking and a dog barking in response drifted into the apartment before silence descended once again.
Their lips met.
You take away, you take away…
Oh my god did I just do that? Yes. Yes I did.