Okay so I'm pretty new at this so bear with me. I hope you guys like this and I just want to thank Shadowthorne for helping me get over my nerves and giving me that little push. I also want to thank a good friend of mine, Erin. Thank you for reading and fixing my crappy grammer! I love the both of you! XD

"Call me a sinner.

Call me a saint.

Tell me it's over

I'll still love you

the same.

Call me your favorite.

Call me the worst.

Tell me it's over

I don't you to hurt.

It's all that I can say

So I'll be on my way."

-Call me, Shinedown

Every time he saw him, he felt a strange hollowness in the lower part of his abdomen.

Like he was missing something.

He felt it when those dark sienna colored eyes practically seared into him as he walked down the dully lit hallway towards the front doors of the school. He should have been going to his next class, though he never did though. What was the point?

He didn't like crowded spaces, so being in a room filled with ignorant, horny teenagers for an hour while the teacher droned on and on in the background of a subject that he couldn't have cared less for wasn't his idea of a good time.

The bell had rung a while ago, filling the school with a loud, annoying shrill that had made him snarl under his breath. He hated that stupid bell. Like lemmings, students had clustered around the opened doors of the classrooms. Slowly, but surely walking in to sit at tiny, cramped desks with crude words carved into the dull brown wood. Yet he was still here. Almost waiting for something. Something, or someone.

However, he continued walking, not bothering to even acknowledge him. Pushing open the front doors of the school with his right shoulder, he walked out into the sun filled parking lot. Walking past rows of new shiny cars rich kids had gotten for there sixteenth birthday and then the lesser fancy models followed in suit by the crappy cars at the end. He smirked. He'd have to eat, live, and breathe work to be able to afford even the crappiest of cars.

It was quiet outside, cool air kissing his face though the day was otherwise warm. The only sounds where the rustle of leaves being moved by the wind, the chirping of birds and the distant rumble of the city. No obnoxious kids were hanging around in groups blabbering about who was dating whom, who got pregnant, and who OD'd over the summer. Stupid shit that he didn't really care nor have the time for.

Fuck, sometimes he wished he had a normal teenage life.

Yeah right.

He didn't wish the shit he'd gone through on anyone, but he also knew he had grown from those experiences. He wasn't like everyone else in this fucking school. Blissfully ignorant of real life and all of its shit. He actually knew what he was going to do with his life when he got out of high school. He had already gone through all the things normal adults had to go through by the time he was fourteen. Paying rent, finding a job, and worrying about the bills, were only some of the burdens he had dealt with, and more just kept piling on. At least he was prepared.

He snorted as that last strand of thought left his mind.

He kept walking, weaving in and out of crowds of peoples in front of shops and stalls that sold food, accessories, or other little doodads. Up ahead he could just barely see the outline of Urahara's. The streets quickly thinned out of people as he got closer and closer to his destination. Everyone was at the center of the city, whereas Urahara's was more on the outskirts. Not many people knew about it.

He was an exception.

Grimmjow had been going to Urahara's since he was at twelve. A little place where he could hang out at when he ditched school. Kisuke didn't mind; he knew Grimmjow should have been in school but he also knew the shit he had gone through so he didn't push him. That was one of the things Grimmjow liked about him.

Grimmjow was pushed out of his thoughts by the distinct sound of sneakers hitting pavement. Even when he tried to be quiet Grimmjow could still hear him from a mile away.

"What do you want Kurosaki?" he said gruffly, without turning around to make sure that it was Ichigo. He knew it was.

The footsteps stopped.

"What. It's Kurosaki now?" Ichigo replied and Grimmjow could clearly hear the poorly hidden note of hurt and anger.

Grimmjow sighed, running a hand through his hair. He turned around to look at Ichigo who had his hands stuffed in his pockets. He seemed so small, with his back hunched and his hood pulled up to hide his bright, vibrant locks. There were dark rings under his eyes, which made his burn sienna colored eyes stand out all the more.

Grimmjow felt that hollowness in the pit of his stomach again.

Grimmjow had always loved Ichigo's eyes. That had been the first thing that caught his eye. Not the brilliant orange hair, nor his tough demeanor. Not his tall, slim but built frame and not his handsome features. No, it was his eyes; rich, dark, chocolate brown eyes. When Grimmjow had laid his eyes on them, he knew. He could see everything. It was almost like he could tell when other people had been through hardships like he had. Surprise had shot through him. Kurosaki had always seemed like a normal shit head teenager since they where kids. He had seen from faraway how Ichigo would laugh when someone told a joke, or when his friends were down he would try to cheer them up. Prevalent little things that Grimmjow never did. Of course Grimmjow wasn't exactly a good friend. Sure he had a few friends like Ulquiorra and Nel, but it wasn't like he was always there for them. Maybe for important reasons, but if Ulquiorra had a bad day Grimmjow wouldn't give it a second thought. They knew that. They accepted it. It was just who he was. So why the hell did Kurosaki look so damn lonely?

Back then Ichigo had been surrounded by his friends. Smiling and trying to look interested in what they were saying. He had looked up and seen Grimmjow staring at him. He hadn't really looked surprised. More like his entire frame had given a small shudder and seemed to droop just a little. Like he knew that Grimmjow understood and he wasn't going to hide it. No one had even noticed the small exchanged passed between the two boys. Or that for the rest of the day Ichigo had become restless, fidgeting in his seat and counting down the minutes until school got out.

When the bell did finally ring, he had all but run out the door and to his surprise bumped into the boy he had been wanting to see.

Grimmjow.

"Grimmjow." said Ichigo once again pulling him back to the present

Grimmjow's head snapped up to look at the sickly looking Ichigo. He wondered why his mind kept pushing past memories of him and Ichigo. Maybe he wanted to remember how it had been before.

Before Ichigo had ruined everything

A wave of anger and confusion swept over him as he recalled that night. A whirlwind of emotions making him feel conflicted and unsure of himself. "What do you want Ichigo?" he snapped, lashing out in anger

Ichigo lifted his face, making his hood fall back. Grimmjow's heart stopped for a full minute. He hadn't been able to see Ichigo's face clearly because of the hood but now he could clearly see how much Grimmjow leaving had affected him. His eyes were sunken in; the bright color of his hair was dull, greasy locks hanging down over his face. His skin seemed almost a sickly yellow, pulled tightly over his face. His eyes where abnormally bright, like he had a fever. Ichigo looked like he was horribly sick. Grimmjow took a step forward, his heart clenching. He could feel his breathing starting to come in short fast pants. He felt something almost tear in his chest and his mind. "Ichi…go?" he said tentatively.

Ichigo, realizing that Grimmjow had seen his face, pulled his hood back up hastily glaring at the ground. He couldn't look at Grimmjow. "I should go," he said embarrassed and angry at letting Grimmjow see him like this. He turned halfway around to leave before Grimmjow grabbed his arm and spun him back around.

"What? Ichigo…why are-what I mean is-" Grimmjow looked at him with a desperate and helpless expression on his face.

Ichigo had never seen those emotions on Grimmjow's face before.

It pissed him off.

What gave Grimmjow the right to look so hurt when he had been the one to walk away? Ichigo had tried to explain, to talk to him but Grimmjow had been too shaken up and refused to talk to him. He had practically mourned for this man. And now he was the one looking rejected? Hell no.

Ichigo yanked his arm away. "Forget it Grimmjow. I shouldn't have followed you. I'm going now. You can go on with your normal fucking life. Without me."

Grimmjow looked like he'd been punched in the stomach.

Ichigo felt a wave of satisfaction mixed with guilt pass through him. He pushed it aside. It didn't matter. Grimmjow had been the one to leave. He had nothing to feel guilty about. Especially not when he was telling the truth. He mentally kicked himself for even thinking about following Grimmjow. So what if he had helped him get out of his dark hole? That he had been the reason he stopped cutting himself?

He wasn't going to let Grimmjow take over his life.

He couldn't.

Ichigo scowled, knowing full well that all he was doing was lying to himself. Ichigo had stopped eating because of him. Stopped functioning completely. It was a miracle that he was even standing right now. He hadn't slept in days, despite staying in bed for the most part. His family had worried about him like crazy, his father even suggesting that he be hospitalized.

Ichigo had refused.

He wasn't that weak was he?

Had Grimmjow leaving really affected him so much that he didn't even have the energy to talk?

Did he really love him, need him that much?

Ichigo felt it when his eyes got wet. No. No, he wouldn't cry over Grimmjow. He would not! Not ever.

He looked at Grimmjow one last time, who looked like he was finally recovering from Ichigo's harsh words. Ichigo turned around but was unable to take even a single step before he felt something hold him in place. Fingers around his wrist. He turned back sharply towards Grimmjow. Grimmjow wasn't looking at him though. He was looking down at his wrist.

Confused, Ichigo followed his gaze. He paled when he saw what had caught Grimmjows attention. The sleeve from his thin hoodie had ridden up half way to his elbow so you could clearly see his wrist.

You could also clearly see the thin, red scars going horizontal across his wrist.

Grimmjow looked like he'd been shot instead of punched in the stomach.

"What is this?" he said hoarsely, his voice breaking on the last word.

Ichigo tried to yank his hand away but Grimmjow's grip was like a tourniquet. He snarled. "Let go, Grimmjow. It's none of your fucking business."

Grimmjow tore his eyes away from Ichigo's self-inflicted wounds and looked at him with so much fury and pain that he suddenly felt very small. His eyes were so bright that for a minute Ichigo thought he saw them shining with unshed tears.

"None of my business? None of my fucking business?! Am I the reason you started doing this again?! AM I!" yelled Grimmjow a wild look on his face

Ichigo cringed back, his wrist beginning to throb "What the hell do you care! You're the one that broke up with me in the first place! So what if I do this! You can't do a fucking thing about it!"

Grimmjow froze. His face was suddenly wiped clean of emotion, leaving his eyes looking wide and tortured.

Ichigo didn't know what to do. His wrist was aching constantly now. It hurt and Grimmjow wasn't easing his grip. He stared at Grimmjow; wariness, confusion, worry and fear in his eyes. Ichigo felt it when the pressure left his wrist but he didn't tear his eyes away from Grimmjow's face.

Grimmjow looked like he was falling apart.

He showed no emotion in his face but his eyes and hands were a different story. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides that shook with strain. And his eyes. His eyes were a brilliant cyan color that shined abnormally bright. A thousand million different crystal shades of blue glowing like lanterns. They pulled at Ichigo like a moth to a flame. Except that the torrent of affect his words had caused to Grimmjow had shattered something in those eyes. Something stronger than pain. Something that devastated him and made him want to start weeping in sorrow. There were no words. Nothing he could think of to describe the emotion in Grimmjow's eyes. A growing hole was blooming in his chest making it hurt to breath. He shouldn't have said anything. Stupid. Childish. He should have walked away when he had the chance.

Grimmjow finally took a shaky step back. "This is all my fault," he whispered. "All of it."

He wasn't staring at Ichigo anymore. More like he was staring through him. Eyes that were glazed and dead. His mind in another place. This scared Ichigo even more than before when Grimmjow had been breaking into pieces right before him. He took a tentative step forward, wanting to console him. The motion pulled Grimmjow back and his eyes once again focused on Ichigo's face. He seemed confused for a second, like he didn't know what he was doing there. A shock went through his body making him remember. He stepped back, slowly at first. Then trying to not trip over his feet he spun around and fled.

Ichigo watched in disbelief. Something broke and crumbled inside of him leaving him with a powerful ache in his chest as he watched Grimmjow's retreating back move quickly away from him. Was this what it meant to be heartbroken? If it was, it hurt like a bitch. He looked down at his wrist. There was still faint lines under the new cuts were he had cut himself before he met Grimmjow. He lightly traced one of the scars with the tip of his index finger wanting desperately to have a razor with him so the ache would go away. Another reason to add to the pain. Grimmjow walking away from him. Again.

"I finally put it all together,

That nothing really

lasts forever.

I had to make a choice

that was not mine.

I had to say goodbye for the last time."