Thin Skin and Barely Bone: Chapter 6

Unspoken Battles of an Internal War

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

~Oscar Wilde

August 11th, 2011

The sharp scent of chlorine encompassed the atmosphere, water splashing the edges of the crevice that could be recognized as a swimming pool. A blonde and two brunettes puddled along in the shallows of the pool; all three of them wore bikinis, their tan skin glinting against the waves of pool. However, one of the brunettes stood out from the other. She wore a baggy t-shirt, afraid to unravel the secrets that lied beneath the fabric. She had had a hard enough time just putting on the two pieces bathing suit, finding it to be too revealing for her damaged self-esteem. Her body ached with self-loathing and disgust with herself. She didn't seem to have any hope left. She was slipping from the edge of nonexistent self-control that sat as high as Mt. Everest and falling deeper and deeper into a gorge that was about to swallow her whole.

Ezra's behavior was becoming bizarre and was starting to make Aria wonder if he had figured it out. He looked at her like she was a fat kid riding a steep hill on a half-broken bike. The shame and sympathy that radiated from his ambiance every time he was around her made her feel like she was a spec underneath a microscope. He was acting more like a nagging parent rather than the loving boyfriend that she had fought so hard to be with. He didn't understand that she was doing this to make him happy, to make him proud that she was his girlfriend, to make him love her body that she knew that he hated as much as she did.

It started shortly after they went to the mall in the beginning of August just a week before. Something changed in her boyfriend; a new side of him that she didn't like. She didn't know how to describe it. It was like something that Lyndsey said when she was in the dressing rooms. Did she say something about her shape to Ezra? Maybe it was the fact that she was finally able to fit into a size two. Was he able to do the math and figure out her drawing away from him and off a cliff of self-hatred and a spiral of weight loss insanity?

It eventually got to the point where she needed time away from him. She used to rely on him for almost everything; help with homework, a shoulder to cry on whenever she needed one, friend or family advice when things go too rough, and a gentle lover whenever she needed to satisfy her female desires. Now, it seemed like he was a cling-on, suggesting that they just run away together and get away from Rosewood and start all over in a new place without people judging them for their relationship. Or that she needed to see someone about what happened in the town, such as Anne Sullivan. Aria was sick and tired of Ezra's Velcro like attachment to her, so she decided to take a day off and just spend time with her two best friends, Spencer Hastings and Hanna Marin.

The girls' summer vacation was dwindling to a close in just weeks and they had seldom seen each other all summer. Spencer had been busy with her college classes at Hollis as well as juggling her sister's reeling after she lost her daughter due to a miscarriage and then doing God knew what with Toby. Meanwhile, Hanna had been spending every waking moment with Caleb at their cooking classes and studying a new vocabulary to expand her knowledge of the English Language. Emily wouldn't return from Haiti until two days before their senior year began. Last time the group of girls had spoken to her, she was finishing the fifth house and was furnishing it. The others missed her, but they knew that a summer away from Rosewood was exactly what the doctor ordered.

Aria had told them that she had gotten into a photography class in town, beating out hundreds of other applicants; which was true. She had attended a couple times, but when she became too nonchalant about everything but her obsessive eating habits-or lack thereof- she didn't bother to make the trip. Her mentor may as well just give it to someone else. She wasn't going to attend, especially now that she had to find out what was going on in Ezra's head and how she was going to again convince him that he didn't have to worry about it. She knew, though, that that was like asking water not to be wet and for a cow not to eat cud. She was going to have to find a way before he ran away from her again.

Spencer splashed the tiny brunette who was daydreaming about another way to lose weight; the binging and purging phase was close to being over, leaving a place to be filled in with something else. She thought if she could control that portion then it wouldn't be as unscrupulous. The staring and constant exercise became the dominant source of rebuilding her shape to where it had been when she'd met Ezra all those days in Snookers. A website suggested diet pills, but they came with a prescription and since Aria was a minor, she wouldn't be able to get them on her own accord. And her fake ID had been cut up when her father found it and cut it into pieces. She needed to find a way to get them, however, and asking Ezra at the moment was complete out the question. She had become numb to what she

"Wake up, Aria! Goodness gracious, girl. Has Fitz been wearing you out so much that one of the few times that we have together this summer that you're falling asleep on us?" The lean young woman asked teasingly, poking at her sides affectionately, "Has the sacred ground been treating you two that well? From what I hear from our phone and see during our Skype conversations that that bed is hardly made in the sexy teacher's apartment. I can only assume that the two have you been extremely, you know…" She raised her eyebrows in a pattern of a caterpillar, "sexually active since he returned from his dad's up in Northern Pennsylvania?"

"Spencer! That's so inappropriate. And please, for the love of God, never say the words sexually active ever again. You sound like a terrible "bees and the birds" lecture from a sex education class from junior high." Aria's cheeks reddened with a tint of chagrin gleaming in her features. This wasn't the kind of conversation that she'd been expecting; however she wasn't surprised. It was Hanna's favorite subject, "I swear, I need to stop tell you things about my sex life via text. Unlike Hanna and Caleb, we can actually go a day without ripping each other's clothes off in a public venue!"

"Excuse me? Take that back!" The blonde protested almost immediately, her own face turning to the fate of a scarlet river, "I resent that comment, Miss Montgomery! That was only a few times."

"On my Nana's couch!" Spencer interjected with a glint of disgust on her face.

Hanna apologetically glanced at her friend, "I told you that we just got caught up in the moment that one time."

"There were beds right upstairs! I can't even go in that living room any more with my parents because every time I do, I only think of you and Caleb!"

"I'll buy some Lysol, alright? If that will just get you to shut up about it." She ended that part of the conversation with the tall brunette and turned back to her conversation with Aria, "Besides, Ezra has moves. After all, the man waited how many months for you to give up your v-card to him? I'm surprised that his poor balls weren't blue by the time he finally decided to put himself inside of you!" She paused for a moment, "What kinds of condoms do you two use? Do you like a little flavor to them? Are they extra-large for Ezra's package?"

"Hanna…" She and Spencer both warned the blonde.

She didn't miss a beat as she continued on her game of 20 Questions, "Or are you on the pill? Or are you two using both? Have you gotten tested? Have you gotten any pregnancy scares? Seriously, though, what size does he wear so I can tell the freshmen who were fawning over him last fall?" She paused at last, taking a deep breath, "Please tell me that you use some kind of protection because as cute as an Ezria Fitzgomerybaby would be, with long curls and big blue eyes, I don't want to become a Godmother to your and Fitz's child when you're barely seventeen years old."

"Of course we use protection! Do you think I want to be pregnant with my former teacher's child? I know about the rumors going around town about Ezra and me, but I don't want to have them confirmed by a baby bump in the town square during the Founders Day Festival in November." Aria adjusted her position on the stairs leading into the pool, adjusting her t-shirt which she had grabbed from Ezra's apartment earlier that day. It was from his frosh week at Hollis in the dorms and she was shielding herself from the blaring rays of the sun and the judgmental eyes of the Hastings' and the Marins. She didn't not even want to guess on which burn stung more between the two categories of scrutiny against her skin.

"I'm really not comfortable with sharing my sex life with the two of you." Aria ducked her head. It was true; she hated the subject. It was something very private between her and her boyfriend that they treasured. Not that there were too many colorful stories. The two of them were usually very gentle and sweet; only on occasion would they be aggressive and two wild animals coming together for the first time. However, no sound ordinances had been broken.

Well not yet anyway.

"So typical, Aria. You can dish it out but you can't take it. Has someone been taking notes from the journal of our late friend, Allison DiLaurentis?" Hanna rolled her eyes, flipping her damp blonde hair over her shoulder, an attempt to change to subject. Even if it was about something completely irrelevant to the conversation about their sex lives. Not that the fashionista wasn't proud of her first time in a tent with her floppy-haired boyfriend, Caleb Rivers, but she knew that Aria and Spencer actually had a few licks of shame in their beings and decided to end the conversation.

Obviously, she wanted to talk about Ali. In a sense, all four of them in the group did, so Aria couldn't really blame her for taking a detour to that. There were days when she missed her witty blonde was seemed to have had a double life other than the typical fifteen year old girl. She had been killed almost two years before and Aria had to think what she would think about the mess all four of them had gotten to. After all, the dead girl united the girls when they were kids. They were merely strangers who lived in the same neighborhood and in the same old and gossipy town. Then Ali came along and knitted them in a group of five; it was more like a dog pack rather than a group of young girls just trying to figure out who they were.

Following her disappearance, Aria fled to Iceland and the rest of the girls separated. They had exchanged smiles now and again, a show of passive aggressiveness and a want for answers flooding their veins. However, Spencer was filling in her royal slippers as a Hastings, Emily was focusing her time on swimming, and Hanna was losing the weight that she had put on during her parents' divorce and separation. Then the newly found Aria returned and Ali was found, dead in a construction site, buried alive and hit in the back of the head. It united the group of girls again as they fought to find answers and were harassed by the menace, -A, who later turned out to be Mona Vanderwall.

Allison would have loved seeing them thinking and talking about her when she wasn't around. She had inhaled that kind of attention when she had been alive. Imagine her rejoicing in death over her four best friends missing her nearly two years after she was murdered. Aria even had to think what the dead young woman would think of her relationship with Ezra and how she would have reacted to it if she had been there when Hanna had been in the hospital and the truth was revealed about really went on between the two of them. She would have either reported him to the police or would have supported it with every cell in her body. That was the part of Allison that she had never understood; her conditional love to the girls in the group in their darkest times of need.

"Wait, rewind for a second before Aria goes all "guest on The Jerry Springer Show"on us. Did you just tag Ezra and Aria as Ezria Fitzgomery?" Her thoughts were shattered and brought her back to the present time and Spencer narrowed her eyes at the blonde before shaking her head in what seemed to be good humor, "Hanna, where do you come up with this stuff?"

"What? It's like Bedward in Twilight or Stelena on The Vampire Diaries."

"I don't follow."

"Get your head out of the books and into the real life stuff, Spencer. You need to learn on how to speak fangirl. It's really not that complicated." Hanna replied pointedly, "When are you ever going to need to graph a polynomial function outside of Algebra 2? You're not! Now when are going to need to know the date of Prince William's and Dutchess's Kate's anniversary? Or the birth of their first child? How about Destiny Child's reunion? This is beneficial to job market success!"

Spencer just tossed her lecture aside and slipped out of the pool, "Whatever you say, Han." She stretched her long and lean limbs, her tan skin glimmering in the summer sun from underneath her sky blue bikini with the creamy brown polka dots that matched the velvety chocolate texture in her eyes. Aria couldn't help but be jealous of the youngest Hastings. She was lean, athletic, studious, and a simple kind of beautiful that she could never even come close to matching. She could as to why Alex, Wren, and Toby would want to be with her. Spencer was the easy kind of woman to love, even with her obsessiveness with everything be perfect.

"Hey, I'm starving. Do you girls want anything while I'm inside?" The brunette asked as she grabbed a beach towel from her patio chair, wrapping it around her slim body, "I think we have some leftover chocolate cake from my parents' anniversary party. And of course, some scotch my dad's liquor cabinet." She winked at them and headed in, shouting behind her, "I'll grab some chips and salsa, too!"

"Spence! You're such a pig!" Hanna giggled and responded loudly, "Bring all of the above. I am famished." She turned back to Aria, who was looking a bit green at the mention of all of those calories that would be sitting on her thighs later that afternoon. She was going to have to throw up later. She touched her shoulder and she jumped, splashing water all over her best friend. The blonde herself was a bit shocked and slashed back, her eyes narrowed, "Seriously, Aria. What is up with you today? Are you feeling okay?"

Aria shrugged and climbed out of the pool, trying to control her stature. She was beginning to feel a bit dizzy and she nearly had to crawl to her own chair so she could dry off. Nausea swept over her and her hand flew to her mouth. Flashes of Ezra's worried face swept over her mind and compounded her thoughts. He may be a bit overbearing at times, but there was no doubt in her mind that he would jump in front of a bullet for her. He would be holding her up and holding her close to his warm self, whispering comforting words into her hair.

She made herself swallow the bile; although she knew where it was going to end up later. In the upstairs basin of the Hastings' grand Victorian home that they seldom used. It would be the first time in nearly two weeks; the first since the night she ran to the apartment. Aria found it almost ironic on how things like that worked. Who knew that the family of lawyers would have the vomit of a seventeen year old woman in their septic tank.

She started to shiver and reluctantly pulled the baggy t-shirt that she wore over her head and quickly covered herself with her towel. She needed to call Ezra and apologize to him for what a bitch she was being to him. He would forgive her for that; just like she would forgive him for hovering over her all the time. He didn't deserve being treated like crap because of how she was feeling. After all, she was doing all of what she was doing because of her flawless boyfriend. Aria wasn't going to let Ezra Fitz slip from her grasp again. It had hurt way too much back in March. They had come so far from that. He wasn't going to leave her again, would he?

The thought raced through her head as she caught her bearings in the chair beside the pool, shivering in a mere fragileness beneath her towel. She could feel invisible eyes of observers tearing apart every flaw on her skin, every speckle on her back, and every roll on her stomach. As a sob formed in her throat, she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to push aside the state of mind that she was currently reeling in. Ezra wouldn't leave her. Not again. He had promised that he wouldn't. He just couldn't. He may not need her, but Aria sure as hell needed him as her anchor and has her rock as she faced the future. Things may be rough at the moment, but they would always work their problems out.

He can't leave me. I need him more than anything else right now. He's the only one who can make me feel like I actually deserve to be alive. He makes me feel loved. He makes me feel like I have a purpose in this hell that I call a life. She argued in her mind, digging her fingers into her hair, I just can't let him leave me behind again. Maybe if he did, I could go with him and we could both have that fresh start that we've been waiting to get here in Rosewood. Maybe it's time to face the facts that it's never going to happen. We're always going to be outcasts and the people who fell in love in the most forbidden situation. Maybe we can just get out of her, once and for all, never looking back. If he loves me and wants to leave, he better make room in his car. Because I'm going with him!

The blonde adjacent to her, rubbing sun tan lotion on her legs, watched her every move. When Aria began to shake and nearly hyperventilate, she rushed over, holding her head tightly to her chest and rocking them both back and forth, "Aria! Aria? Hey! You're freaking me out!" When she didn't respond and continued to tremble and whimper beneath her breath, Hanna grabbed her cell, "That's it, I'm calling your parents and Ezra. Spencer, get out here!" When the brunette didn't return, she took out her phone and began to dial Ezra's number, "Just look at me, Aria! Ezra will be here soon!"

Aria finally snapped out of it when she realized faintly on what Hanna was about to do, giggling at a rather fake note that anyone with two ears could detect as she attempted to recover for having a panic attack in front of her best friend, "Gotcha!"

Instantly, she released her, glaring at her place on the lawn chair, cancelling her call on her iPhone, "You shouldn't cry wolf like that. What if the next time you're actually having an anxiety attack and I just think that you're joking?" She shook her head and looked at the tiny human beside her with narrowed slits for a gaze, "I'm worried about you, Ar."

She pretended not to know what the golden-haired beauty was talking about and attempted to change the subject, "Why do you have my boyfriend's cell number programed into your phone?"

"In case I ever needed to reach you. You're always with him. He and I had an agreement when he came back in March that we would exchange information in case that there was an emergency. He also gave his number to Spence and Emily. He was all for it and I would want to get in contact him even before your parents because, in my honest, God-given opinion he takes better care of you than they ever have in your seventeen years of life." Hanna said with a shrug of her shoulders, "Don't try and change the subject, Aria."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm fine."

"Fine? You say that and I find it hard to believe. You look as white as a ghost in August and you're bundled up in a shirt. You've been avoiding Ezra all day and just a minute ago, you were having a panic attack." Hanna's gaze softened and she exhaled deeply, "Look. I'm not trying to be how Ali was with me when she helped me throw up for the first time, but I'm not going to lie to you either. Having an eating disorder myself a couple years ago, I was miserable. I felt like I wasn't safe in my own skin and at times, I didn't want to roll out of bed. I was disgusted with myself, so I couldn't imagine what others thought. I get it, really I do. You can talk to me about it if you want to, because I'm right here listening to you. I don't want you to build a wall around yourself like I did."

She stopped herself from furthering her lecture as she watched her friend swallow deeply in her throat and flinched away, "I'm in a better place than I was three years ago, though and that's how I know talking really helps, whether or not . I found a friend who led me to an eating disorder support group and I recovered. There are healthier ways to lose weight, Aria, you know that right? Not that you need to, sweetie. You have the best body to be rocking a bikini all summer long. You're a beautiful young woman and I know that Ezra would agree with me any day of the week. You have a great support system to turn to. Your parents, Ezra, me, Spencer, and Emily are all here for you. You can even turn to Dr. Sullivan. You have so many people who care about you and are here to support you no matter what happens along the way…"

The words coming out of her dear companion's mouth fell to a deaf ear as Aria examined the prunes that made a pattern on the tabs of her fingers. She heard the soft hum of the pool's purifier and the breeze in the trees, making the leaves sway gently in a rhythm of nature. She felt it wisp around the wet curls of her waterfall of hair, soaking her face with the blazing sunshine. Hanna continued to go on and on about she wanted help her find help, but she turned her back to her, shutting her eyes and began to breathe soundly as if she was about to fall asleep. She imagined a world where she was comfortable with herself and that she was beautiful just like Hanna and Spencer were in their bikinis without a second thought. That Ezra was able to make love to her without wanting to throw up all over her.

She felt salt sting her corneas. She'd never had a stable life, especially after she met Allison and she disappeared into a faint dismal existence after she discovered that her dad, the man she had trusted her entire life, was having an affair with one of his students at Hollis. Ali did not disappear long after that, not even a year. Aria and her family fled to Iceland, only to return to Rosewood with even more chaos. She met Ezra Fitz, a young man with goofy hair and a boyish, charming smile, in a college bar. They hooked up in the dirty restroom, discovering the next day that he would be her English teacher.

She wasn't prepared to fall in love with a man who was seven years her senior. Allison's body was found days later after the incident in the bar, revealing the ugly truth that she had been murdered with the method of suffocation. She didn't expect those conflicting feelings of right and wrong mixed with grief and the desire for the answers that laid hidden in a small town of Pennsylvania, with a masked villain targeting the four adolescent girls with all they had, While she was dealing with those non-teenager things, her parents split up when Ella, her heartbroken mother, discovered the truth about Meredith and moved out of the house. She had one hell of a junior year and now even if most of those problems had cleared themselves from the path of her life, she was dealing with something that was way more crucial to her wellbeing. It occupied her thoughts and had taken over her life, something that she was afraid to give up.

Because she had convinced herself that she couldn't.

The entire time that Aria had been lost in thought, Hanna had been continuing with her effort to save her friend's body and soul, rambling on and on about proper eating and exercise regimens, "…So, if you talk to me, then maybe we can get you some help."

She shook her head and crossed her arms across her chest, "What if I don't want help? What if I like losing the weight and keeping it off? You may have been magically healed with talking to strangers about your problems and all that crap, but I don't need your charity for endangered whales. I like who I am and I like what I'm doing." She swallowed, looking at her best friend with tears beginning to fall; she didn't want to admit that she was screaming inside and now at last someone was looking up and she was putting on a defensive front. She didn't have enough pride to admit to Hanna, Spencer, or even Ezra that she was doing the unthinkable to please everyone around her.

"Aria, I'm here to listen to you! Please don't push me away."

"Then stop pulling at me for answers! How about you go screw your boyfriend some more on a bus bench and stay out of my problems? I can take care of myself! I don't need you shoving these things down my throat! Just leave me alone!" Without another word after that, the tiny brunette wrapped her towel firmly around her emaciated body, grabbing her clothes and purse as she stood from her lounge chair and hurried away from the pool side. Aria stepped into the house and almost crashed into Spencer who was on her way outside with the snacks. She must have scared her friend because she was snow white in the face.

She finally got the urge to speak before the taller young woman could, "I just got a call from Ezra. Apparently, he wants to go to Scranton for dinner tonight, so I have to go to the apartment and get ready. I'm sorry for bailing, but I really have to-"

Spencer stopped her, a down expression sitting upon her cheekbones, "No, that's fine. You have a date. I would do the same if it were Toby. Just make sure to come over soon." She balanced the snack tray on her hip and gave her best friend a one-armed hug, pulling away with a faux smile on her face, "Tell Fitz to stop hogging you all the time. I miss my tiny friend being nearby where I can call her shorty and tease her about her sex life with her hot, older boyfriend. It's hard to be team Sparia without the other half of it around."

"Of course I will, Spence. I really need to go get changed, though." She sprinted up the stairs to get changed, leaving Spencer behind her with an agape mouth. She couldn't face her friends. She could hardly even look her parents in the eye, let alone the two people who have seen her at her rest. She slammed the bathroom door behind her and threw her clothes at the shower, collapsing against the wall, tears rolling down her face. Her walls were down and now there she sat, curled up and lost in her own skin.

The toilet sat there, mocking her as if it were waiting for her to lose the self-control that she had worked so hard to build. She turned her nose up at it and closed her stinging eyes, taking deep breaths so she could calm down. There had been so many days and nights when she'd been trying to hide it, losing sleep because of what was happening to her. She needed to find herself again. She didn't need to throw up anymore. However, she needed something else that would need to replace it.

A light bulb went above her head in a ding. She knew that Hanna had diet pills somewhere in Spencer's house during her time after her eating disorder, prescribed to her after throwing up those few times with Ali. She hid them at Spencer's to avoid questions from her mother, as she did never tell her about what was going on with her when she was fourteen or fifteen; the diet pills had been prescribed to her but Hanna made sure that the insurance statement for that doctor's visit was burned and the ashes were buried so her mom would never find out. She knew that they still had to be there someplace, hidden in a crawlspace or a corridor. Maybe in an abandoned mouse hole, covered in cobwebs.

Aria began to go through the cupboards and the drawers in the bathroom. When she came up with nothing, she went quietly into Spencer's room and started to raze through it. This was also unsuccessful and she was becoming unnecessarily anxious. She had to find them! At last, she came to the air conditioning vent where Ali's box of clues were sitting. She moved it and undid the vent cover and looked into it with the help of the light from her cell phone. There was the orange bottle, nearly full as Hanna did not take them for very long. It seemed to have an angelic glow around it; it was Aria's hero since she now had the pills and no longer had to make herself throw up.

She slipped the pill bottle into her purse pocket and put the cover back onto the vent and put Ali's box where she found it. She straightened the room how she found it, making it look like she had never been in there. She got changed quickly into her street clothes and left the Hastings' home, feeling better than she had in weeks as she traveled in the direction of the apartment building where her boyfriend awaited her. This kind of therapy was exactly what she needed.

She would be back to the size she used to be. She would be able to wear a bikini without a t-shirt just like how she did when she was thirteen. She would be able to hang out with her friends without being insecure about herself. Her parents would be able to be proud of their only daughter. She would attract attention on how fit she was on the beach and on the sidewalk. And most important of all, Ezra would be able to look her in the eye again, holding her close and making her feel like the luckiest woman in the world as they danced along and shared a kiss on the balcony of his apartment in the moonlight.

She was going to make herself beautiful again.

A slight breeze blew threw a curly haired man's dark brown locks as he huffed and puffed on his run down the vacant small town sidewalk, sweat beading down his forehead and the scent of pastries in nostrils. Perspiration clung to the fabric on his sleeveless t-shirt, revealing tan and toned biceps from all of his days at the gym. It was a humid summer day and most of Rosewood was holed up in their air conditioned homes and watching The Young and The Restless, sipping on iced tea between yelling at their television screens for one character to make or break up with another.

This man was different though. He actually embraced the deserted town and the heat advisory that was set in stone for the entire county until the end of the week. It meant no one throw jeers at him and stare like they usually did. He was in no mood for it. He was running out of frustration and fear, two emotions that fueled his bloodstream and sent him sprinting down the pavement even faster, his muscles burning and begging for him to stop. He pushed on. He had his own personal soap opera going on at his apartment every day and night. The pot was being stirred every time Ezra Fitz looked at Aria Montgomery for even a millisecond, stone-cold silence always present in the atmosphere. He was pulled in and shut out like she was trying to say that they were over before she apologized and said she loved him. He was afraid of what she was going to say next.

He had the distant memory of how they used to be and it made him run even faster. He wanted those two people who fell in love but weren't supposed to. They were never supposed to work out. They were never supposed to make it. They were never supposed to be together for almost a year. Yet there they were. He just wished that they were able to trip and fall back in love; however, they weren't in the greatest place and Ezra knew why, but asking the love of his life about what was really going on with her would be even more ludacris than not mentioning it at all. She would flip out again and leave his-their home faster than he would be able to blink. If he voiced his opinion, she would go and stay at her friend's house for ten days, only to come back full of apologies.

The two of them had not been getting along very well lately. He could ask one question, say one word, or hum one lyric that would set his girlfriend off. It was his fault that she was going through dealing with an eating disorder and he was trying to help her. Aria was growing thinner and thinner every time he looked at her. Her new dress that he bought her a week before was already too baggy. Her once beautiful, long brunette hair was becoming brittle and some strands were left on her pillow when she woke up every morning. Her collarbones could cut through metal with the way that they were jutting out of her grayish skin; it was inhuman and terrifying to see her thin skin and fragile bones all stretched out like that. Her cheeks were hollowed, her jaw about to tear through the facial tissue. It terrified him and every time he looked at her, he wanted to burst into huge, crocodile tears.

He was thinking about what Lyndsey said about taking her to a support group. However, in the state that Aria was in, he knew that it would only drive her off the edge and break things off with him permanently. That's why he needed to lean on someone that wasn't user added information on WebMD or online articles. So, he made a call and got into contact with the head of the eating disorder support group that took place in Scranton about twenty or so minutes from Rosewood. Katie, the head counselor and the one who formed the group after suffering from a yearlong battle with anorexia when she was thirteen, agreed to meet him at the Applerose Grille at one-thirty to get Aria help. Going behind her back like this hurt him more than stinging nettle bushes scraping his legs, but he knew that he couldn't just read articles anymore. His best wasn't going to be good enough, just as Lyndsey had said.

Finally, Ezra came to the abandoned grille and stepped into the chilly, air-conditioned restaurant. He fought to catch his breath and took a stool at the window counter. He ordered water to drink and drummed his fingers against the tile of the counter. He was nervous to meet this young woman to talk about another that used to make him feel like the luckiest man in the world. Now, every time he looked at her, all he saw was a shell of the girl he once knew. He wanted to help her, but now it was in the hands of a group full of strangers who knew what they were dealing with.

A young blonde woman with longer and lighter hair than Aria's friend and his former student, Hanna Marin came into the restaurant about ten minutes later. It was now one-thirty on the dot. She was young, not much older than Aria was; Ezra guessed around the age of nineteen. From what he gathered from their phone conversation, she was attending Hollis and was going to transfer to UPenn to become a psychiatrist.

She sure was in shape and she was something to look at. He admired her. She had a very beautiful face with wisdom filled green eyes that darted around the room and long batting lashes swishing up them. She was lean, muscles gleaming underneath her tan skin with a sheen of sweat covering her small-framed body. She was wearing a white Vote Clinton '94 t-shirt with the sleeves cut to give her more arm swinging room for when she ran.

Katie caught his stare and rolled her eyes, "I swear the male population can't have enough shame to look away from a toned and fit woman." She gave him a warm smile and asked with a smirk, "Ezra Fitz, I presume?"

He nodded, standing and pulling out a seat for her, which she sat in gratefully and he quickly sat down beside her and stuck a hand out to her, "You must be Katie. It's pleasure to meet you."

She took his hand and shook it firmly, surprising him on how strong her grip was for such a petite girl, "Likewise." She pitched in quickly, "Sorry about what I said when I came in. I am a bit of a feminist. I am hoping for Hillary Clinton to run for office again for the 2012 election to give the women of the world someone to look up to."

"Of course, of course. I respect women as people, not as objects." He looked around to see if she had driven, but he found no car parked parallel along the sidewalk, "Did you not drive here…?"

"Oh, no." The blonde shook her head with a giggle, "I don't live too far from here, just over by the high school three blocks away. I only drive when I need to. Otherwise, I walk. I would run, but I have shitty knees. The perks of playing soccer for most of my adolescent life." She looked at him up and down, "I presume from your sweaty t-shirt and dripping adorable, dark brown curls that you didn't drive here in the luxury of air-conditioning either. Now that is one thing that I respect that in a man. Another is him being for womens rights, but that's a whole other conversation."

Ezra felt his cheeks become as hot as the air outside at her flirtatious tone as he watched her twirl a lock of her luscious blonde hair around her finger, staring at him. He quickly found his voice, which was shaking the slightest bit, "Well, I run every morning and night so I don't grow a beer belly by the time I'm thirty. I also go to the gym two or three times a week to keep up my strength. I'm like you. I only use it when I need to. Gas prices don't help my wallet either."

"I hear that!" She nodded in agreement, "You're absolutely right. Staying fit and eating healthy are some of the most important things to do with the limited time we have on this Earth." She thought for a moment before grinning even wider at him, "I just hope God provides us fitness junkies with a gym in the heaven."

The curly haired man smirked at her joke, feeling his shoulders untense. This was much easier than he had thought it'd be. Even if Katie seemed to be constantly flirting with him, she was making this conversation much lighter than what he had expected in his nightmares; maybe it was because she was used to having these type of talks with loved ones of eating disorders. She was a counselor after all, trained by raw self-experience and also from her mentors who looked over her.

"So, I'm assuming that you're not the one with the eating disorder? Because most of the time when someone calls me about having a friend with one, they're usually talking about themselves." She sighed heavily as she took in his appearance again, "However, I see that you are very strong and seem to be eating very well. I wish my boyfriend ran, biked, jumped rope, swam, or did something outside of the gym. All he does is lift weights. And he sure doesn't have that curly hair like you do."

He shook it out, feeling shy. He was used to girls flirting with him; that's why there had been so many rumors going around about him being involved with a student. He attracted a lot of female attention for being a young and fresh teacher. Unfortunately, for those young women, he was already taken with a secret that confirmed that very topic of gossip, "I eat pretty healthily, I suppose. My girlfriend often has me buy vegan takeout. Anything I can buy with coupons and at a Save-A-Lot is what stocks my fridge. I was laid off this past March and it's been tough to get by."

"What do you do? No wait, let me guess!" She leaned on her hands, resting her elbows on the counter, blinking those long lashes at him, "A professor? I think I saw you around the Hollis campus for the spring semester. Rumor has it you were with a high school student, the daughter of the historic arts professor, Montgomery or something like that." Before he could answer, she shook her head, trying to tell him to ignore her input, "Never mind, it's none of my business."

Ezra shrugged, not surprised that Katie would ask about him and Aria, "I fell in love with my student, yes. However, most of the people in this God-forsaken town only listen to what they hear from the rumors flying around town; such as I took advantage of her, that I abused my power as an authority figure, that I forced her to have sex with me, that I even had the audacity to get her pregnant with my child and planned to skip town." He bit his lip and shook his head as the words tumbled from his mouth, his eyes going dark and distant as he remembered the We met before we even knew that we would be in that situation. I was a fresh college grad who went into a pub for a beer and there was this sad girl two seats down from mine, so I asked her if she was alright. It went from there. We flirted for a little while and we kissed, then that was that. I didn't anything of it. A onetime thing for both of us. However, when I walked in the first class at Rosewood High last year, I was shocked to see my one time fling sitting in my classroom, writing in a notebook on her desk. She had led me to believe that she was an undergrad at Hollis, a few years younger than me, but not my student seven years my junior."

He grinned, running his long fingers through his hair, "So, as much as I tried to deny it, I fell for her. I was in love with her. And she with me. We went from there. We snuck around for almost six months and by the time we told her parents, I was at Hollis; I resigned so then it wouldn't be illegal to be together. Her parents didn't like it; they had trusted me with their daughter and I betrayed it, especially since I became close with both of them. Her father, Professor Montgomery, was the one who got me the job at Hollis and he soon took care of that by getting me fired weeks later. Her mom has accepted us as much as she can and she's still trying to grasp it. I left for a while to go north after I lost my job to look for work and it tore Aria into pieces. We had broken up before, but this time was much different. She had thought that I was never coming back. I knew that she needed me, though. I need her in my life, too. I regretted leaving after a week. So, at the masquerade ball in late March, I showed up and we had our first dance together without the masks. At last the rumors had been confirmed and everyone saw us together in public. Since then, we've been attached at the hip."

By the time he was done with his and Aria's story, Katie was gushing with a huge grin, covering her face with one of her hands, "Oh my God, Ezra. I ship you two so much it actually hurts." She shook her head, her face red, "I don't condone student-teacher relationships because in most cases, the teacher is just abusing their power over them. However, with you two, I can see through the stereotypes and the assumptions and actually see an adorable couple with a movie-like story. Like the ones in black and white," Her head swiveled back and forth again, "I guess we should get back to why we're sitting here. I'm assuming that your girlfriend is the one with the eating disorder? You sounded frantic when you called me this morning."

He hesitated in answering her question and she reached over to rub the top of his hand comfortingly, "I just hit a nerve there, didn't I?" She let in a deep breath before exhaling heavily, "Every time I get a call like the one I got when you dialed my number and you said what you did on the other end of the line, I just need to go for a walk or a bike ride and think about how I can help that person. Each person is different in their dealings with an eating disorder and going through it myself, I can understand what my own support group was trying to get through my thick skull when I had my eating disorder."

Katie looked at him straight in the eyes, "Let's just get to where it began, okay? I will try to be less blunt. I am a rather brutally honest and straight-forward person." She let both of them relax a moment before asking, much calmer than the first question, "When did you first start seeing changes in her behavior? Or in her eating habits?"

He thought about it for a brief moment, "She started throwing up at the end of June. I remember getting up one morning and seeing that she had started to make pancakes and she went into the bathroom to get ready or something. She left them on the stovetop for too long and they caused the fire alarm to go off in my apartment. When I tried to open the door, it was locked and that's very unusual for her. That was the first time I ever noticed something that she wasn't telling me."

"She's had a rough year, though. She was friends with Allison DiLaurentis and she was bullied. Her parents split up and got a divorce. Her brother was running around and stealing from peoples' houses. Then her best friend's girlfriend was murdered. On top of all that was her relationship with her teacher, which makes me blame myself for part of it." Ezra swallowed back tears before they could fall in front of a total stranger, "I grew used to seeing her cry, as heartbreaking as that sounds. She would sometimes wake up screaming from a nightmare. It terrified me. Now, seeing her with this eating disorder, it's a whole new territory for me. I found out barely two weeks ago. At first, I thought she could have been pregnant; she was having mood swings and was throwing up every morning and every night, which could have explained the weight loss since she wasn't digesting any food. She would often do it right after a meal. When I mentioned it to her, she didn't speak to me for over a week. Then when I saw her next, she was even thinner than she had been before. What I said to her must have intensified the disorder. She started exercising obsessively and at times she gets lightheaded. She hardly drinks enough water to pass the minimum requirement; let alone for running in the late July and August heat. She pushes herself to the edge and I'm-"

He swallowed hard again, still struggling with the urge not to cry, "I'm afraid that she won't be bring herself back and will topple over a crevice and fall into a gorge that I won't be able to save her from. Every time I look at her, I want to weep because I don't see the girl I fell in love with. I see a broken child with walls built around her. I'm terrified, Katie. I don't know what I'm doing anymore." He ran his hand through his curly hair, a single tear rolling down his cheek to drop on the counter beneath his elbows, "I just want the Aria I used to know. She's my whole world and I can't stand to see her like this anymore. I swear, she shrinks whenever I glance in her direction. We went shopping last Thursday and the dress she picked out was five sizes down from where she was in May for Spring Formal. And she's so fragile. She's made of very thin skin and barely bone. I'm afraid to even touch her, she's just so fragile."

Katie listened the entire time, an intent expression on her young yet wise face, "That is quite a lot for a young person to deal with. One thing's for certain, Ezra, you can't blame yourself for her eating disorder. From what it sounds like, you've been there every step of the way through some of the worst times in her life. However, you can't take fault for it. I have boyfriends and husbands talk to me about the time on how guilty they feel that their significant other is going through this traumatic time, rambling on and on about they never told her she was beautiful enough or that she looked good in those jeans."

"Aria most likely isn't doing this because of you. She's probably doing it for you. She's a young woman in a male dominated world, pressured by society to tell her to be a certain weight to wear a certain size to impress the man she loves. Now before you get all tearful again, let me tell you that this isn't new. I deal with this all the time and so have my mentors." She looked at him empathetically, "Something to remember is that Aria is an individual. She has her own mind and doesn't need someone hovering over her all the time. Yes, tell her she's beautiful and that you're the luckiest guy in the world to have her as your girlfriend. All the time, though, will cause her to feel like you're just telling her lies, which will push into that gorge you were just talking about two minutes ago, making it harder and harder to get the Aria you knew back into your life."

When Katie saw that Ezra looked a little sad faced at her gentle way of telling him that she was going about it the wrong way, she smiled sadly at him, "Unfortunately, putting a Band-Aid on this problem isn't going to make the boo-boo go away. I suggest bringing her to group next week. Tell her that you're going to a get together, which isn't a lie, and that you'll be beside her no matter what. We're going to get her the help that she needs and she needs to know that you're there for her. That's what is important. Also, remember to balance your time spent with her. Let her go out without questioning it. Let her see her family and friends without you tagging along for the ride. Let her be a normal seventeen year old girl."

"Don't treat her any differently than you usually would. Kiss her. Tell her that you love her just as often as you did before the eating disorder came along. Don't make her think that there's something wrong with her. Change your own eating habits to show her that you're right there with her. Shoving your nonstop attention in her face is no better than abandoning her all of this." She reached over and touched his hand again; this time was to stop the tears from falling down his face, "Hey. Ezra, buddy, it's not going to be easy, but it's all going to work out. Bring her to group and we'll go from there. It's better to take cautious baby steps and make slow, efficient progress than to take a giant one and fall flat on our faces."

Their conversation was interrupted by the shrill sound of his iPhone in his pocket, revealing his ringtone as well as text tone for Aria, nothing other than "I'll Be (Acoustic Edition)" by Edwin McCain. His cheeks went red again as he struggled to wipe the tears off his face, listening to the lyrics and quickly saying to his new friend beside him, "Sorry… I didn't mean to interrupt-"

And rain falls angry on the tin roof

As we lie awake in my bed.

You're my survival, you're my living proof.

My love is alive and not dead.

Katie smiled at the lyrics as they fell upon her listening ears, "Don't be. I adore that song. It fits you two perfectly. Ugh, your love makes me so jealous. I am going to have to ask my own boyfriend to treat me as well as you treat Aria. He hasn't done anything romantic for over a week. I need to have a talk with him about that." She shook her head before standing, "I better be off then so you can answer that text. I have to meet with my roommate to discuss our lease for our apartment." She locked gazes with him, falling upon his puffed eyes from crying, "There's no need to shed anymore tears. Just don't forget about group next week. It's the best way to make a small first step to getting Aria back to old self."

Ezra came to his feet as well, shaking her hand once more, "Thank you for meeting me here. I don't know what I would have done without you telling me what I needed to do. Sometimes all men need some strong feminist wisdom from a brutally honest and blunt young woman such as yourself."

She shrugged, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear, "It's all part of my job, Ezra. It really was a pleasure meeting you. You are not the typical guy I meet through this program. You are actually focused more on your girlfriend rather than your own desires for her to 'shake it off and carry on'. You seem to get that it's a bit more complicated than that." She patted his shoulder and then pulled him in for a hug to whisper in his ear, "Whatever you do, don't let go of that passion for her. You're going to have battles with her and you're going to get frustrated, but do not abandon her. You said yourself that she needs you beside her through every storm that she goes through. Hold onto that. When she least deserves your love is when she is going to look for you to lean on."

Tell me that we belong together.

Dress it up with the trappings of love.

I'll be captivated,

I'll hang from your lips,

Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

He nodded in understanding, "I will make sure to remember that." He gave her a flash of his boyish grin that the ladies always seemed to love, "Thank you again, Katie. I appreciate it."

"Ugh, stop it. I need to go and kiss my boyfriend before I make a horrible mistake with someone else's." She groaned and shoved him away playfully, "Text your girlfriend back." She ordered quickly as she giggled and headed out the door, already in a steady jog.

He saw her off before he pulled out his phone again and saw the text from Aria:

Pookiebear: Aug 11th, 2011, 2:05 PM: Hey, babe! Just left Spence's place and I'm at the apartment. Will I see you in a couple minutes all sweaty and sexy?

Me: Aug 11th, 2011, 2:08 PM: Hi, Pookie. I'll be home soon. I'm just getting something to eat at the grille since we're short on food again at home. Would you like me to pick you up anything?

Pookiebear: Aug 11th, 2011, 2:09 PM: Um, how about the chef's tofu salad? I promise I'll eat all of it this time.

Me: Aug 11th, 2011, 2:10 PM: Anything for my princess.

Ezra slipped his cell phone into his pocket and put in an order for two of the salads his girlfriend requested. As often as they argued, they were still as domestic as an old married couple. They fought and made up faster than they could even blink. That's because they had a kind of love that had the will to last. They had tried to live without each other again and even if they wanted to rip each other's heads off at times, they would be willing to die to make sure that they ended up together at the end of the day, cuddled on the couch, watching reruns of Full House and The Nanny.

Even with his mind reeling on and on about Aria having an eating disorder and missing the girl he once knew, he didn't love her any differently than from the day he met her. She was the only woman who could make him crave vegan takeout and push him to the brink with falling asleep during Chinatown when he won the movie night coin toss. He had fallen for the strongest and thick-headed girl on the planet; probably the only person besides his wench of a mother who could make him rip his overgrown curls out. She confused him day in and day out, indecisive and independent. Then there were the moments where she needed to just bury her face into his t-shirt and cling to him.

She was his angel and he was her protector. They learned that early on in their relationship. And as Ezra set his feet on that sweltering cement of the sidewalk, he knew that he was going to fill his role. He was going to do what Katie advised him to do. Even if Aria resisted help and slammed the door in his face, he would break open a window and be there for her in a way that no one else could be. He was going to do his very best not to get angry or frustrated. He was going to love her unconditionally and be there to hold her hand when she needed him. He would never abandon or leave her alone. He was going to be her rock through the storm and even when she would be at her lowest, he would be there to pick her back up.

I'll be your crying shoulder,

I'll be love's suicide

I'll be better when I'm older,

I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

Wow, it's been a VERY long time since the last time I've updated this story. You've got love life, don't you? It takes away from anything enjoyable. Luckily, I've had this chapter outlined since last August as well as the rest of the story, so the update won't be too far in the future. I apologize for taking so long.

Katie's advice is actually from the both person I based her off of (one of the main supporters and contributors for this story. Love you, KT! I hope I did your character justice) as well as the research I have seen during the process of Thin Skin. As said before I have never experienced an eating disorder myself, so I am doing my best to portray it like I have. It has made me aware through my research on how deadly eating disorders can be.

Thank you for all of the reviews and constructive criticism for chapter 5. I hope that I am doing current and former eating disorder victims justice with this story and although I know I have made mistakes, that they will recognize that I am putting my heart and soul into Thin Skin. Please remember to review and give me more feedback! Thanks in advance!

To my twitter friends who I give links to, please review. I love all the tweets and appreciate them, but I like all the feedback in one place. Thank you for your continued support and patience.

See you soon!