Fipp: Because I find evil genius Twilight a source of endless entertainment.

Twilight Sparkle: Mad Scientist

Twilight Sparkle sighed contently as she flipped the next page of her book, The Unabridged History of Time, Space, and Everything In-between. She was currently reading a passage, one of her favorites, about temporal psychics.

There was then a knock at the door.

"Spike! Door!" she called out, not looking up from her pace on the page.

"I'm on it!" Spike answered, walking to the door. He didn't really understand why he had to go and answer the door, since this was a public library and anyone could enter at any time they please. Either way, he opened the door, and was pleased to see five mares standing there. "Oh, hey guys," he greeted them.

"Hello there, Spike," said Rarity, walking through the door's threshold with Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy behind her. "Is everything all right here?"

"Um, I guess," Spike said, closing the door behind them. "Why? Is something the matter."

"Yeah," Rainbow Dash said, hovering a few inches above the ground before letting herself land on the ground. "Remember, Fluttershy got us all to help with those raccoons that kept stealing her garden stuff."

"I'm sure they didn't mean it," Fluttershy said. "Whatever reason they had, I'm sure it was valid."

"They set me on fire!" Pinkie Pie laughed, not seeming to care about the arson.

"Yeah, well, you and Twilight were supposed ta help us catching those blasted varmints, but you guys never showed up," Applejack said, patting the last bit of soot from her Stetson.

"Oh? That was today?" Spike asked. "Sorry, but Twilight's been kind of nervous lately, so a few things have been slipping her mind."

"Really?" Rarity asked. "About what?"

Spike rolled his eyes. "Well, a few days ago-"

Suddenly, Spike belched a stream of green flames, and a piece of paper materialized in the air, only to be caught in the dragon's claws.

"A letter from the princess?" Rainbow Dash asked, before her face became grim. "Oh no, we're not going to have another day like with that doll again, are we?"

"That doesn't look like it's from the princess," Fluttershy said, looking at the paper. "She uses scrolls, that's an envelope."

"Envelope?" Pinkie grabbed the envelope and held it in front of her face. "Is this from kind of really far away country where they speak in clicks and clack? 'Cause I can't read it."

"Pinkie Pie, it's upside-down," Applejack flatly stated.

"Oh." Pinkie flipped the envelope over. "It says it's from the Manehattan University of Research and Science."

"It's here!" Pinkie was pushed out of the way and to the floor, the envelope flying out of her hooves, and landing in Twilight's magic aura. "I can't believe it's here!" She then giggled.

"Hi Twilight!" Pinkie said from the floor.

"Yeah, hey." Twilight didn't seem to totally register that her friends were here, her attention having been fully engrossed by the envelope. Using her magic, she (carefully and exactly) tore the end of the envelope open, and extracted the message inside. She then unfolded the paper, and began to silently read it.

Five of her six friends looked on in curiosity and wonder, trying to figure out what had gotten the purple Unicorn so excited. However, as she read on, Twilight's expression fell, transforming from one of pure excitement and giddiness, to one of utter disappointment and sadness.

"Twilight?" Applejack was the first to speak, seeing the letter fall from her magic grasp and float to the floorboards. "What is that? What did it say?"

"Oh, it's nothing," Twilight sadly said, her head and ears low. "Just a rejection letter."

"Rejection letter?" Rarity picked up the letter and read it over.

Dear Miss Twilight Sparkle,

Again, we appreciate the time you took to explain to us the "importance" of your proposed experiments, but we must, once again, deny you the necessary funds and sponsorship for such projects.

Rarity skimmed over most of it, which basically was the same thing, but written differently. However, the last line of the letter was something she found interesting.

Sincerely, Dr. Kat Scan.

P.S. On a more personally note, please stop contacting us. This was by far your most insane idea ever. One more like this, and we will have to call the police.

"What?" Rarity reread the last line several times. "I don't-"

"So, what is that thing anyway?" Rainbow Dash, grabbing the paper and lazily looking it over. "Some sort of school-nerd thing?"

"Rainbow Dash!" chastised Applejack, causing the Pegasus to flinch. "Now, Twilight. What's this talk about rejection letters?"

Twilight heavily sighed, and looked up to her friends. "Well, Over the last few years, I've developed several blueprints and chemical formulas that could revolutionize many scientific fields. I've sent several well-worded, thoroughly explained, letters to the Manehattan University of Research and Science to see if I could get funding in order to begin with my work. But," she began to growl, "they keep rejecting everything I say!" She groaned. "I swear! It's like they're not even listening to me anymore!"

"Sorry to hear about that Twi," Applejack apologized.

"Maybe next time," Pinkie Pie encouraged.

"Just, um, keep it up," Fluttershy muttered.

"Sorry, I guess." Rainbow Dash didn't seem to care.

"Twilight, about the letter…" Rarity began.

"Does this mean you're giving up?" Spike said, folding his arms over his chest. "Good, because you're crazy, and those smart ponies at that school have told you basically the same thing."

"Spike!" Again, Applejack scolded, but this time it was aimed at the dragon. "Don't you think you should be a little sensitive? Ah mean-"

"For the last time Spike, I'm not crazy!" Twilight walked over to the dragon. "Each of my proposed experiments-"

"Are insane," Spike simply said. "That's why no one wants anything to do with you."

"They don't want anything to do with my, not because they think I'm crazy, but because they just don't understand my propositions!" Twilight stood up straight. "They just don't understand the sorts of things I could bring to this world!"

Spike's eye twitch. "That's the reason they won't touch your with a ten-hoof pole."

"Fine!" Twilight then turned around began heading towards the basement door. "I'll bring up my files, and show the girls, and let them be the judges!" The door opened up, and slammed behind her.

"Um, what was that?" Fluttershy asked aloud.

Spike slapped a claw to his face, and dragged it down. "You guys should just get out of here. Now."

"But Spike," Rarity approached the dragon. "What is going on? What did you mean by those things you-"

There was then a flash of purple light, and Twilight appeared in the middle of the group, with a large pile of folders floating beside her. "Okay everypony, time to read up!"

000

The six ponies and one dragon now found themselves sitting around the wooden table in the main sitting room. Lifting several folders, Twilight distributed the pile between her five pony friends. Spike refused to read anything as he had already gone through all of this before, and instead opted to feast on a small plate of gems.

"Now, in order to prove the foals at the University wrong, I will grant you girls the privilege of-"

"Can we get this over with?" Spike mumbled, bored.

Twilight glared at him briefly, before continuing. "Anyway, I-"

"Hey, Twi?" Rainbow Dash said. "Can I leave? 'Cause I don't think I'm really going to understand all this egghead stuff."

"Don't worry Rainbow Dash," Twilight said, annoyance on the edge of her voice. "In preparation for audiences who don't have the necessary levels of education to properly comprehend my research, I've du-uh, I mean, made it more understandable."

"You were going to say "dumb down", weren't you?" Rainbow Dash skeptically asked.

"No, I was-"

"Hey! Just because I didn't go so some fancy college like you, doesn't mean I'm stupid. I got through high school."

"You were kicked out," Fluttershy said under her breath. "And then crashed then graduation ceremony. You ruined my cap and gown."

"I was home schooled for the most part!" Pinkie added. "It was real fun. Except you couldn't go home to your parents to complain about school because they were the same thing."

"Can we just keep going and get this over with?" At this point, Spike was absentmindedly nibbling on a ruby.

Twilight gave an agitated sigh. "Fine. Girls, just look through the papers and tell me I'm not crazy."

Hesitantly, the five mares looked through the many folders.

After ten minutes of reading, Rarity was the first to speak up.

"Twilight," she said, raising up several papers. "This one experiment, this, um, laser gun…?"

Twilight beamed. "The Molecule Destructor? That was one of my first designs. What do you think?" she eagerly asked.

"Well, um." Rarity looked over the papers again. "Yes, while I do think this is… impressive, I have to say that I find your hopes for it a little unsettling."

"Unsettling?" Twilight repeated.

"What's this Molecule Destructor supposed to do anyway?" Applejack asked, looking up from her papers.

"Well," Rarity began. "According to Twilight, if she managed to properly construct one, it would-"

"It would disrupt the molecular structure of anything within its range, basically causing it to fall apart at the subatomic level!" Twilight explained the whole thing with a wide grin. "Said object would then basically crumble into nothing."

"That sounds… cool?" Rainbow Dash tried.

"One of the applications you say you were hoping to apply was a range of three-thousand miles, with a target area of roughly ten square miles."

Everypony looked at Twilight.

Twilight blinked. "What?"

"That sounds a little bit dangerous, don't ya think Twilight?" Applejack asked.

"Dangerous? Like how?" She gave this a moment's though. "Oh, if you're talking about the possibility of it being used to destroy entire populaces, I've already gone over that."

"And what kind-" Something on the paper caught Applejack's eye. "Mind control device?"

This received more looks.

"A mind control machine?" Rarity asked, uncertainty crawling into her voice. "You mean as taking control of other ponies through their thoughts?"

"Well, if you want to put it in those broad definitions," Twilight explained. "The design I was working for was to see just how much I could affect the brain of a test subject, such as controlling their mind to ends that would even go against their very nature. Other things I was hoping to accomplish were erasing and fabrication memories, to simply driving the subjects insane by simply having them in the same room with the device."

"That doesn't sound too fun…" Pinkie's ear went flat against her skull.

"It doesn't?" Twilight asked in genuine surprise. "But something like this hasn't been done before! What could be more fun than to build something that would leave other scientist has even conceived of making! What could be more fun than that?"

"Yes, but something like dose sound awfully dangerous," Fluttershy voiced her own opinion softly.

"Not as dangerous as some of the other stuff she's thought of," Spike said, lazily biting on a gemstone.

"What?!" Fluttershy gasped. "But what could be worst than that?"

It was then that Rainbow Dash spoke up. "Hey Twi, you made a zombie virus?"

Applejack was sure she heard Fluttershy swear under her breath.

"A zombie virus?" Rarity deadpanned. "Really, Twilight? Please tell me she's joking."

Twilight shook her head. "No, I've actually composed a chemical compound to that would allow the same effects that would allow the deceased to revive."

"Please tell us you haven't actually made anything like that," Applejack pleaded.

Twilight let out a disgruntled groan. "No. Again, no one has been willing to fund any of my projects yet."

"Except those, um, Parasol guys, right?" Spike asked. "Didn't you almost end up working for them?

Another groan. "Yeah, but they went bankrupt before anything went official." Twilight slammed her head against the table. "And just as we were about to close a contract with that organization of suicidal mice who donate their lives to science."

"I really don't like that group," Fluttershy mumbled, looking down at more of the reports, and found something else. "Nuclear bombs?"

The purple unicorn rolled her eyes. "I've leaned to abandon that project. My original intent was to study the long-term effects of nuclear radiation on the environment, but when I realized that I may not live long enough to see the final results, I decided to scrap the project all together." Beat. "And again, for some reason, no one will fund me."

"Geez Twilight, from the way things look, you may have to do some stuff that needs a tight budget," Pinkie said, reading over Twilight idea of animating plastic into assembling an unstoppable army.

"Well, actually," Twilight began.

Spike smacked a claw to his face. "Not 'Project Marey Shelly' again!"

"Marey Shelly?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Who the hay is that?"

"Oh Twilight," Rarity pleaded. "Please tell me you didn't…"

Twilight sighed. "I never got around to actually doing anything. They actually arrested me! Can you believe that? And the punishment was outrageous!"

"Outrageous?" Spike pointed a half-eaten gem at Twilight. "You're lucky you know ponies so high up! They almost threw you into jail for twenty years! You're lucky you got off with only a thousand hours of community service!"

"They had no right to do that to me! I have a degree! In science! I'm allowed to do things like that if it serves a scientific purpose!"

"See! That's the kind of attitude that earns you a life-long ban from cemeteries and hospitals without an escort."

"Is that why Twilight was being followed by security guards when Dashie broke her wing and when the Cake's twins were born?" Pinkie asked.

"Yup."

"Didn't Marey Shelly write 'Frankenpony'?" Applejack wrote.

"Yup."

"So that means Twilight went grave-"

"Yup."

"Twilight!" Applejack scolded. "How would you feel is someone went and used your body fer some freaky science experiments?"

"And here we go again," Spike dully said.

"Actually Applejack," Twilight began. "In the event of my death, I've had it arranged to have my brain preserved until it can either be implanted into a robot shell, a clone body, or downloaded into a super computer."

It was to Twilight's opinion that the stares they kept giving her were becoming old farily quickly.

"Is it comfortable, inside a computer?" Fluttershy asked. "I mean, if you're going to stick your brain in there, should you know that? I mean, if you want to think about it I…"

Rarity spoke up. "You know, with all of these rather, um, 'interesting' ideas, I'm a little glad that no one's given you any money for this. It's a relief that you can't do any of this stuff by yourself."

Applejack then spoke. "Twi, I gotta say that some, actually, all of these things don't really sound right to me. Heck, I'm actually morally opposed to all this."

Twilight scoffed. "You know, I was expecting to hear this stuff from my old class mates, the university professors, Princess Celestia, my mother, my therapist, my-"

"Get on with it!" Spike yelled.

"But you guys are my friends! I thought you'd be at least a little supportive to my dreams! Well, except Spike because frankly he's just become apathetic about all of this."

"It's not that I'm apathetic, I just don't care."

"I was even going to offer you guys a chance for cyber-conversion when I got around to doing it!"

"Cyber-conversion?" Rarity worryingly asked. "What's that?"

"Just this cyborg thing she's trying to get started. It's supposed to make ponies stronger and immortal and stuff, but really it's just creepy." Spike lazily flipped through some pages.

"You know Twilight," Rainbow said, staring the unicorn straight in the eyes. "I know you don't like to hear things like this, but I think-"

"Doomsday device," Pinkie Pie read from one folder, prompting everypony in the room to look at her. "What's this thing about trying to set fire to the earth's oxygen?"

All eyes turned back to Twilight.

"You know," Rainbow Dash continued. "I was going to say you're crazy, but now I'm beginning to think you're just one-step away from being one of those evil scientist."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "I really hate that term 'evil scientist', it makes science look like the bag guys! Science isn't evil! It simply is!"

"That still doesn't change the fact that every single one of these things could be used to take over the world," Applejack said.

"Why would I want to take over the world?" Twilight asked. "Do you realize how much trouble that would be? It'd difficult to administrate, lots of ponies and other creatures would want me dead for whatever reason, and it'd be worthless as real-estate because there would be no one to sell it to." She rolled her eyes. "If two princess have trouble running a single country, what makes you think I could run the world?" Her eyes then narrowed. "Unless…"

"Twilight!" the five other ponies snapped.

"Huh?" Twilight looked up from her own thoughts.

"No more thinking crazy things!" Rainbow tactlessly said.

"You know what?" Twilight pushed her seat back and jumped up. "I don't have to take this from you!" She trotted across the room and opened the basement door via magic. "I have a test-tube mutant to grow!" The door slammed shut behind her as she descended down the stairs.

"Did she say something about a mutant?" Pinkie Pie asked, having fashioned one of Twilight's reports into a hat.

"Yeah," Spike heavily replied. "That's her current pet project." Pushing away his empty plate, he stood up and began to walk towards the door. "I better go help her, and make sure that thing doesn't try her to kill her. Again."

"Um, Spike," Rarity called after the dragon as he opened the basement door.

"Yeah?" Spike looked back to the unicorn.

"Well, even after hearing about all these things Twilight has been working, I still have a hard time believe all this, but still…" Rarity, eyes cast downward, pawed at the table.

Applejack then continued, rather bluntly. "Is Twilight gonna kill us all by setting off a nuke, or something?"

Spike shook his head. "Nah, I wouldn't worry about that."

"Why's that?" Fluttershy asked.

"I mean sure, Twilight's got all these plans for all sorts of nasty monsters and robots and weapons and diseases and-"

"Get on with it!" Pinkie yelled.

"Point is, while Twilight's all smart and stuff about this kind of stuff-"

There was then a sudden explosion from downstairs, and thick black smoke began to rise from the stairs.

"SPIKE!" Twilight's frantic voice screamed from below. "It's loose again! Get the tranquilizer gun! It's-OH MY GOD! NOT THE FACE! MY EYES! WHY DID I GIVE IT BLADED HAIR!?"

Unfazed, by both Twilight's screams and the looks of horror from the five ponies. "While's she's smart at that kind of stuff, the universe really seems to take to much pleasure in screwing her over to actually let her succeed in anything."

000

Please review,

Mrfipp