A/N: Hi everyone. :) Glad to be back with a new story for you. Thanks for reading and I'd love to hear (read) what you think.

Special thanks to CreepingMuse, who is the best beta and a great friend at the same time. The story wouldn't be half as good without her comments and invaluable support.

Timeline: season 4.

"Elena."

Caroline's voice brought me out of my reverie. I averted my gaze from the crackling flames in the fireplace. Focus, Elena, focus. No need to give them extra reasons to worry. Care pressed her lips together and watched me with a determined expression. I sighed, bracing myself before the undoubtedly unpleasant discussion that my friend was about to start.

"What?"

Thankfully, the long, exhausting day was almost over. It was another day I spent at the boarding house, another day filled with longing looks and unspoken words. I didn't want anything but to crawl under the sheets in my room in my house and sleep for two days straight.

"I can see something's bothering you, and you know I'm not letting it go until you tell me what's wrong."

I looked at Bonnie, hoping for some support. Please, please. I so did not want to have this conversation.

"She's right, Elena," said Bonnie, smiling apologetically. "We're your friends, we love you. Talk to us."

After the party we'd just had, Caroline had forced everyone to leave, including Stefan and Damon, and I just knew it would ultimately lead to some kind of serious talk. It was probably the last thing I needed, but Caroline seemed to think otherwise.

I took a deep breath, scrutinizing my coffee, but didn't say a word. I wouldn't do it. I couldn't. I had been smiling and laughing and trying to be happy for a month. And avoiding Damon. When he was near, smiling, laughing and being happy suddenly became a lot more difficult. He seemed to have understood, and made himself scarce whenever I was at the boarding house. It felt wrong to spill the beans after the perfect show I'd been putting on.

"Okay, if you're not gonna talk, I'll have to be blunt," said Caroline after another half a minute of silence. "Is it Damon?"

My gaze shot up to Caroline's face. "What? Why?"

"You were staring at him half the party."

I'm sure the look I gave her was full of terror and shock.

"I wasn't!" I wasn't. No, absolutely not. Impossible. Maybe I'd stolen a glance or two, but that was okay, right? I didn't see Damon much those days and he was my friend, a great friend. We didn't spend time together any more – couldn't spend time together – and I missed him.

Yeah. Right.

"Okay, maybe not exactly staring. That's not the point. What's up?" asked Caroline. I sighed, surrendering.

"He's hurting," I said quietly, and looked away. "He's hurting so much that I can sense it. It shouldn't be this way. He doesn't deserve it. And it's all my fault."

"No, it's not," Bonnie shifted closer and patted my arm, tried to soothe me, while I had to concentrate on anything but her jugular. "It's not your fault that you love Stefan."

"You do love Stefan, right?"

"Care!" exclaimed Bonnie.

"What?"

I made sure my face was appropriately indignant. The tequila she'd drunk at the party made Caroline a little too blunt. Or maybe a little too insightful.

"Of course… I love Stefan," I said, happy that my voice seemed to sound firm and convincing. Pleased with my new confidence, I went on. "But Damon is my friend, and I don't like seeing him like this. I wish I could help him, but I don't think there's anything I can do."

Yes, I didn't like seeing him like this. I hated it. It was probably not the only reason for me to be sad. But Bonnie and Caroline didn't need to know that.

"Well, the only thing you can do is choose him," said Caroline, and I pretended that my heart didn't twitch, hoping she wasn't listening. I had gotten very good at pretending.

"Or…if he stopped loving you," suggested Bonnie.

If he stopped loving me?

I realized I didn't even remember what it was like not to be loved by Damon. I had gotten used to counting on him. When I was unhappy, he was there to make me smile. When I had a plan, he was there to help me. When I was being stupid, he was there to call me an idiot. When I lost all hope, he was there to remind me everything would be okay.

I needed him. Worse, I needed him to love me. While I was trying to convince everyone (and myself) that Damon's feelings just aroused sympathy in me, the ugly truth was that I reveled in this love. And that meant I reveled in his pain.

I had never wanted to be like Katherine, and I wasn't. But I was a hundred times worse. At least since she'd come back, she hadn't lied about her feelings. She hadn't pretended to have feelings for Damon – or to have no feelings for Stefan. Caroline seemed to guess what I was thinking about.

"I don't see that happening soon, though," she went on. "It took him a century and a half to get over Katherine. Anyway, don't worry. He'll probably be okay by the twenty-third century."

"Not helping," I mumbled.

The thought of living for centuries had been difficult to get used to. But I didn't even want to think about living for centuries without Damon. I mean, I cared about him.

"Sometimes nothing can help," said Caroline sympathetically. "Damon will have to figure it out on his own."

"Seems so," I agreed. Bonnie didn't say a word, now staring at the fireplace like I had a few minutes before.

Since the moment I woke up, I knew the day would be awful.

A few days before Caroline had asked Stefan and me if… No, scratch that, she had informed us that she was arranging a party for Elena at the boarding house. According to Caroline, Elena could "use some time with her friends," or something, and Stefan had been eager to agree. I hadn't even had a chance to object, and I would have, because being around drunk humans wasn't the most relaxing activity for a young vampire like Elena. Not that anyone would've listened to me.

The party didn't even seem too bad at first. Well, I wasn't happy to spend half a day with Stefan, Elena and her friends, who variously disliked or hated me. But at least there was booze to help tune out Blondie's chitchat when it became too much. So, I actually started thinking it could go well, until I felt Elena's gaze boring into me. That was the moment the party turned into a fucking nightmare.

I could feel her looking at me when she thought I was too distracted to notice. I was sure I was imagining things until I glanced at her and she had to look away – not soon enough for me to miss it. Then she held my gaze a few times, but I decided not to try to figure out what it meant. Elena Gilbert was a liar. I knew better than to believe her words, her eyes or her lips.

After the party Caroline chased us all out of the house. I didn't really get why, but I didn't care. I ended up with Stefan at the Grill, and did my best to listen to his attempts at a brotherly conversation. I didn't succeed; the place held too many memories of Ric. I paid a lot more attention to my bottle than to my little brother. When he finally said the house was probably free, I was relieved.

When I returned home, it was already past midnight. A lot past midnight. I stumbled to my room, glad to hear no heartbeat but my own, and dropped into my bed, not even bothering to undress. I was too tired. I didn't want anything but to crawl under the sheets and sleep for two days straight.

I heard a car pull up and then someone walked into the house, closing the front door carefully. I assumed it was Stefan, who had gone to check on Elena, like she couldn't survive two fucking hours without him. Statistics showed exactly the opposite, but I wasn't going to remind him. I wasn't even going to get up – Stefan would probably start another speech and-

Except Stefan went to the Gilbert's on foot.

I was downstairs in a flash, instinctively locating a heartbeat – fast, human – and the next moment I was holding the intruder by his neck.

Another moment and my brain was exploding. I dropped to my knees, clutching my head. Damn. Fucking witch. "Stop it," I croaked. "Didn't…see…you."

"Don't mess with me, Salvatore," said Bonnie, the last person I'd expect to see here at one a.m.

"Mess with you?! You're the one who broke into my house at this hour." She still looked all threatening, and I raised my hands defensively. It's not that she frightened me – it took a lot more than a bungling witch to scare Damon Salvatore. I was just too tired to argue. "Okay, okay. No hard feelings."

"Good," she said. "I didn't come here to fight."

"Then what did you come here for? If you want to yell at me for something, I'm not in the mood. If anything else…" I wiggled my eyebrows and then wrinkled my nose in disgust, "…still no."

"I want to talk to you."

I ran my hand through my hair and yawned exaggeratedly. "Can't it wait until tomorrow? I was kinda trying to sleep."

"No, it can't."

I was very tempted to throw the witch out of my house, but it was pointless. She'd squish my brain again, and get me to listen to her in the hard way. So I decided to let her talk. It's not that I conceded – let's say I was being cooperative.

"So," I started after both of us were comfortably seated, "what's the problem?"

"You are," said Bonnie in a serious voice. I chuckled.

"Not the first time I hear that. Can you be more specific?"

She sighed, and for a brief moment I saw something like sympathy in her eyes. Perhaps, the alcohol did affect me after all, in spite of my vampire stamina. I was surely seeing things.

"You love Elena-"

"So that's the problem?" I interrupted and actually laughed.

"The problem is that she doesn't feel the same way about you." Okay, she was probably right. But that was none of her business. "You're hurting. And she's hurting because of that, too. I have an offer for you," she paused, undoubtedly to sound creepier and more dramatic. "I can fix it."

She wasn't making sense.

"Wait a minute. You want to help me? Not that I need to remind you, but you hate me. And you aren't actually offering to make Elena love me, are you?"

"No!" she said indignantly, and I shook my head. Witches and their annoying habit of talking in riddles. "It's very dangerous. And I wouldn't do that for you, anyway." Of course not. "But I can make you fall out of love with Elena."

What the fuck?

"Are you crazy?" I rose to my feet, unable to wrap my head around the idea.

She seemed to lose her composure at once. I hadn't seen her this timid since my first days in Mystic Falls.

"Look, it's…wrong, I know. Witches shouldn't influence people's feelings. But I don't care. I just want my friend to be happy. And she can't be happy if you're suffering. If you don't love her, it will be easier for everyone. For you, for Elena, for Stefan. Think about it."

She had definitely lost her mind. I started pacing, trying really hard to keep my cool. Probably failing. I couldn't be with Elena, I rarely even saw her, and even all that wasn't enough. I was still guilty of…something.

"Perfect! Sure, let's remove my feelings if they inconvenience everyone so fucking much. If you believed even for a moment that I'd let you fuck with my head, you thought wrong."

"But it's better for every-"

"Get out," I growled. "Now." I couldn't listen to her any longer. Her offer was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard in my life. If she stayed, I would probably lose it. Attack her or something.

If she stayed, I would probably consider agreeing.

"Fine. I'll leave," she stood up. "But I'll come back tomorrow, when you're sober, and you'll see that I'm right. It's the only solution."

She turned around and strode out of the house. I stood frozen, for a long, long while.

I woke up well-rested and full of energy the following morning. Vampire stamina. I looked at the clock – half past eight. Got out of the bed and strolled to the bathroom. A good, hot shower was exactly what I needed. I listened hard for any signs of life in the house, but I seemed to be alone. Stefan had probably spent the night with Elena. No, I wasn't going to think about that.

I wasn't going to think about Bonnie's offer, either. Absolutely not. It was out of question.

But why the hell did it have to sound so tempting?

I had nothing to lose. Elena? We would remain friends, and it would be definitely easier to be friends if I didn't want her to confess love for me over and over and to let me love her the way she deserved. Or at least if I didn't want her lips pressed against mine and her legs wrapped around my waist. I wouldn't lose my humanity, either. It had nothing to do with loving her any more. Pain? I sure as hell wouldn't miss it.

But what if-

No. Impossible. If I still had some delusional hope after everything Elena had put me through, that would make me an idiot. And I wasn't an idiot. I couldn't even think about that tiny illusory chance that she might be with me one day.

After all, she'd had a lot of chances. She'd heard me say "I love you." She'd kissed me (and did a lot more than that, but I wasn't going to think of Denver). She'd remembered our twisted first meeting she had been lucky to survive. She'd remembered my stupid, awkward love confession. None of that had changed anything. There would never be a right moment for us.

Then why not-

No. No way. Because that? Would be the most pathetic thing I'd ever done in my existence. Maybe my life was a mess, but I could handle it on my own. I didn't need a fucking witch therapist.

I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off with a towel. I just finished getting dressed when I heard the front door slam and now that I was fully awake I could easily tell it was a human. Bonnie.

"Damon!"

Reckless. I could've been asleep. And I did not like being woken up.

"Wait a sec!" I shouted back.

I took my time. Folded the towel and put it back on the shelf. Smoothed my hair a little. Walked downstairs at normal, human speed, because the witch wouldn't have been even surprised if I'd flashed before her – would've been no fun.

"Morning," I said, smiling my most fake smile. "Can I get you something to drink?"

Bonnie scoffed. "Not in this house."

"Well, I'll have a drink, so you need to wait a little more. You know, that may happen if you break into someone's house uninvited at nine in the morning."

She didn't say anything, so I went to the basement. Got a blood bag from the fridge, poured the blood into a glass. I wasn't so hungry that I couldn't wait until she left, but pissing her off was fun. I returned to the parlor. Bonnie was now sitting in the armchair and looking at me expectantly. She glanced at the glass in my hand, wrinkling her nose a little, and I smiled. It worked.

"Did you think about what I told you yesterday?"

Couldn't stop thinking about it.

"No."

She scoffed again. "You're lying."

"And you're annoying. We all have problems. I told you yesterday. No. I'm not letting you anywhere near my head, heart, soul or wherever it is you witches believe feelings are stored. When I need a vampire neurosurgeon, I know where to find you. Thanks for coming." I indicated the front door with my hand.

"Do you have any idea how selfish you are?"

Now I was selfish? Seriously? "Enlighten me," I said, gritting my teeth.

"You're only thinking about what you want. If you like wallowing in self-pity, that's one thing. But Elena's hurting because of you. And I'm sure so is Stefan. If you don't want to hurt them, I'm giving you a way out. The only solution."

No, it wasn't. There was surely something else I could do. I could go somewhere. Leave town without saying goodbye – the previous attempt at goodbye hadn't gone well, because it had resulted in Elena looking at me with those big warm eyes, full of tears, and consequently me not going anywhere at all. But that would hurt them both, again. That would hurt me, too.

I could pretend not to love her anymore. Find a new distraction and play a boyfriend head over heels in love so well that even Elena would buy it. She thought she knew me well, but I was good at lying. I would make her believe I moved on with my life, fell in love with someone else… Only it sounded ridiculous even to me.

Bonnie had probably noticed my thoughtful look, because now she looked very pleased. The little jerk already knew she made me think that maybe her offer could make sense. I never wanted to hurt Elena. I had to help her, to protect her. I had to destroy whatever caused her pain. Even if it was my own pain.

Still, I wasn't going to give in immediately. I needed to know more.

"Okay, let's imagine for a tiny moment that I agreed. How does this thing work?"

She actually smirked. "It's quite a simple ritual. You just need to concentrate on Elena, I'll read the spell. After that you have to leave and-"

"Wait, what?" If I had to leave town (leave Elena), the spell was pointless.

"Not for long. A few days – five or so. A week would be perfect."

Why the hell couldn't she tell me everything at once? Damn witches. "Why?"

"The spell won't work immediately. It's not like one minute you're in love and the next moment you aren't. After the ritual is performed, you'll love her less and less… until nothing's left."

It sounded easy. Too easy. I knew witches too well to believe there could be a spell without a huge "but." Maybe they wrote it in fine print somewhere at the bottom of the grimoire page.

"What's the catch?" I asked.

"No catch."

"Try again."

She sighed. "It can't be reversed. In a week you won't love Elena, and you won't ever love her again."

It sounded almost as terrifying as it sounded amazing. Hm.

"I thought every spell could be reversed. You always talk about maintaining balance, undoing what's done, yadda yadda yadda."

"Okay, let's say it's highly unlikely that it could be reversed. Which is exactly what we need," she sounded confident. And very, very convincing.

"I haven't agreed yet," I said, and heard footsteps approaching the house.

"You will," said Bonnie. "You know I'm right."

"Agreed to what? Right about what?"

Little brother's timing sucked.

I started wondering, though. What would he say? Would he try to talk me out of it, say that things were okay the way they were, that I didn't hurt his feelings or anything – and show his selflessness? Would he support Bonnie, saying that I didn't have to endure "all this pain" (his favorite expression) – and show how much he cared about me? He would look good either way. It was his choice.

"Here's the thing, Stef…"

Stefan was listening to Bonnie's explanation attentively. He nodded gravely from time to time, frowning in his usual fashion. Actually, he looked a lot like the president in Hollywood flicks about the end of the world.

"You would do that? For me?" he asked, once Bonnie was done.

No. But I could do that for Elena.

"No. But I could do that for myself."

"I understand," he nodded and licked his lips, like he always did when he was nervous.

He understood, my ass. What the hell could he understand? What it was like to be the eternal second choice? No. Everyone had always loved him most. He had been a sweet naïve boy, then a willful thoughtless young man, then a tragic, gloomy vampire – no matter what, he had always been lovable. Me? Never.

I scolded myself mentally. I was jealous, no lying about that, but my brother deserved to be loved. A lot more than I did.

He had loved only twice in his life. He had loved Katherine, even though he wouldn't admit it. He had gotten over her pretty fast, but who could blame him? He had been young and, in a way, shallow. Katherine had loved him back. He loved Elena. Elena…

No. Wasn't going to think about that.

"So, Stef, what do you say?"

He looked at me, still frowning, and sighed. "Does it matter what I think?"

Not really. It wouldn't influence my choice. I knew his life with Elena would be a lot easier if I didn't stand in the way. I didn't even doubt he wanted me to do it. I only wondered whether he would tell the truth or not. And how he would put it. "Yes, it matters to me."

Stefan sighed and shook his head.

"It's your decision to make, brother. I'll respect your choice."

Fuck. Of course he would. Still, I knew what he really thought. And that mattered to me.

"I'll do it," I told Bonnie.