So while I was in the shower last night, I had this idea that I decided to write. It's another Deleting Data one-shot using Yamamoto Arisa once more.

Warnings: Same as first one, only everything's worse – even worse intended humor that probably nobody finds amusing, even more OOC-ness...

IF YOU HATE ALL CAPS TYPING YOU SHOULD PROBABLY LEAVE NOW AND FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE.

Anway, this one is HeiKazu.

With a strained sigh, Yamamoto Arisa slid into her office chair, managing to simultaneously disentangle herself from her scarf and jacket while also raising a steaming Styrofoam cup halfway filled with black coffee to her lips. (Really, she was quite talented.)

Honestly, maybe I should've signed up for the early shift... I hate working from one to nine thirty at night. Arisa booted up her computer and clicked to the list of (unlucky) peoples' phone numbers. Last time I worked – last week – I called that weird Kudou guy, and he's no longer in the database thanks to me, so next on the list is..."Hattori Shizuka"?

Slipping her headset over her head, Arisa carefully dialed the number listed and waited, tapping her fingers idly as she opened the document containing the latest survey questions.

The person picked up on the second ring. "'ello?" a distinctly male voice, noticeably affected by Kansai-ben (1), answered.

"Hello, sir. May I speak to your... wife?" Arisa inquired, hoping she was correct with her guess about the person's relationship to Hattori Shizuka.

There was an awkward silence.

"W – God, Kudou, it's you, isn't it? You're usin' the stupid voice-changing bowtie, aren'tcha?!" the voice yelled. "Ha ha, real funny, Kudou! But Kazuha isn't over righ' now, aho (2)! Not ta mention that you know we're in a figh' righ' now!"

"Sir –" Kudou? Do they know each other, this random guy and that weird guy from last time?

"Seriously, you and Ran better stop tryin' to get Kazuha an' me together! She wouldn't – I mean, I would never date an aho like her!"

"Sir –" Yeah, whoever this is definitely knows Kudou if he's mentioning Ran as well. God, why do I always get the weirdos?

"Cut it out, Kudou! Jus' because you guys are all happy now tha' you got your body back doesn't mean ya have to try to 'spread your happiness' or something!"

"Sir –" Okay, this guy is really starting to piss me off.

"SO JUST STOP, KUDOU! YOU KNOW I GOT INTO A FIGHT WITH KAZUHA, AN' WE'RE NEVER TALKIN' AGAIN, SO GIVE U –"

"SIR!" Arisa screamed into her headset, covering her mouth when she realized how loud she was being.

"...Kudou?"

"However much you seem to want to believe that I'm Kudou Shin'ichi, you're going to have to accept that I'm not. My name is Yamamoto Arisa, and I'm a representative of Murakami Juugo. Currently I would like to survey Hattori Shizuka-sama if possible. I apologize for mistaking your relationship with her."

"...you're not Kudou?"

"No, I'm not Kudou."

Silence.

"Wait, then how'd you know I was talkin' about Kudou Shin'ichi?" the man's voice suddenly took on a suspicious note. "Are you sure you're not Kudou?"

"For the last time, NO, I'm not Kudou! I had an incident with Kudou Shin'ichi last week when I tried to survey him, and a person named Ran was involved, so I kind of assumed we were talking about the same Kudou."

"An incident?"

"Yeah, I'd prefer not to get into it, though. So may I please speak to Hattori Shizuka-sama?"

"Oh, oh. Sorry – Yamamura-han (3), is it? – but the old lady's out righ' now."

"It's Yamamoto, and thank you for your time then," Arisa corrected as she reached for the "terminate call" button.

"Wait, Yamamura-han, just wait! You're... you're a girl, right?" the man said urgently.

"Oh, no, actually, I'm a man," Arisa retorted sarcastically.

Silence.

"I'm very sorry, occhan (4), I didn't mean ta offend you. I can completely tell you're a man. Your voice is just a little feminine," the man said respectfully. "I'll be going, then."

Are. You. Kidding. Me.

"I WAS JOKING, YOU IDIOT!" Arisa screeched, completely forgetting she was in a professional environment. "I AM A GIRL! AND MY NAME IS YAMAMOTO!"

"Oh! Then great, I really need ta talk ta a girl righ' now!" the voice brightened.

"Are you that desperate?" Arisa scoffed, still somewhat taken aback.

"No, no, not in tha' way, Yamamura-han! I need some advice!"

"Can't you just as that 'Kazuha' person you mentioned earlier?" Hey, random guy, have you noticed I'm a tele-surveyor and not a therapist? Or that my name is Yamamoto and not Yamamura? The answer to both very important and logical questions is no. No you haven't.

"No, 'cause I need advice on a figh' I had with her. I can't go ta Kudou 'cause he's also a guy so he prob'ly won't be much help, an' Ran-chan and my mom will jus' be like 'oh, poor Kazuha-chan! Go apologize 'cause it's your fault!' An' I don't know any other girls, so you hafta help me!"

"You don't even know who I am, what I look like, or how old I am. I don't even know your name."

"Who are you?"

"Uh... a tele-surveyor named Yamamoto Arisa?"

"What color is your hair?"

"Brown?"

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-two."

"Nice ta meetcha. Hattori Heiji. Now ya have ta help me, Yamamura-han!"

Arisa sighed loudly into her microphone, not bothering to correct whoever this Hattori Heiji person was. "What's the problem?" she asked dully.

"Well, what happened was tha' I was goin' ta meet Kazuha – she's this aho who's my childhood friend – at a café. But I got kinda sidetracked 'long the way because a body fell outta the sky and landed righ' at my feet –"

"Wait, what? A body?"

"Yeah. So I wanted ta solve the murder because it was so interestin' and all, I mean, sliced-up body missin' a head and a good chunk of leg flyin' outta nowhere with the blood spla –"

"Okay, now would be a good time to shut up and/or continue your story or I swear I will hang up the phone."

"Don't do that! So... then I solved the mystery – man, that murderer made good use of that pack of piña colada Jell-O and that toothpick, I never would've though' ta use the powder like that..."

"Hanging up in three... two..."

"Okay, okay, okay. So when I go' ta the café, Kazuha was waitin', but it was around five hours pas' the agreed time."

Arisa winced. I'd never wait that long for a guy.

...And there's the reason I'm twenty-two and single.

"So we got inta a figh'. I was tryin' ta make her understan' that the murder wa' really hard ta solve an' she should be real proud that I had solved it in as little as five hours, but she wouldn't listen... and she started... er..."

"Crying?" supplied Arisa.

"Yeah! And I didn't know what ta do, so I said, 'Kazuha, what's wrong with you, aho?' an' she said, 'You're so blind, Heiji! You are so damn dense!' and ran out of the café. I've been tryin' ta talk ta her, but she avoids me at school an' doesn't return my calls or texts."

I kind of agree with Kazuha, Arisa thought, grinning. This Hattori person is pretty "damn dense." "How did you ask her out to the café, Hattori?"

"I think I said something like 'Do ya wanna go out with me to this café on Saturday', why?"

It's official. I agree with Kazuha. Wholly.

"Tell me, Hattori, what exactly was she wearing?" Arisa spun around in her chair, silently bemoaning Hattori's idiocy.

Hattori coughed. "Um, min' tellin' me why you wanna know?"

"Well, what was it?"

"It was a... pink dress? With... straps? And ruffly stuff... Come ta think of it, her hair... was down... Usually... it's up... in a ponytail..." remembered Hattori, his words slowing as realization hit.

"So do you understand why she was so pissed?"

"She thought... she thought it was a... Yeah. Yeah, I do. Thanks, Yamamura-han."

"Yamamoto."

"Right, Yamamura. So I guess I should go apologize n – Kazuha! I'm so glad you're here! I have ta... uh... tell ya somethin'!" Hattori's voice suddenly went slightly higher, and the blush was evident even in his tone.

"Did she just walk in?" Arisa questioned in a low voice. "Go for it."

"Yeah, I'll hang –" he started to answer in an equally low tone, but suddenly a female voice interrupted.

"H-Heiji? Who're ya talkin' ta?"

"Oh, it's just some... er... tele-surveyor?" Arisa heard Heiji stammer.

"Really?" The girl, Kazuha (Arisa assumed), said, sounding quite disbelieving. There was a strange gasping noise and Arisa frowned in confusion.

"Oi! Kazuha, give me back the phone!" Hattori rasped a second later.

"WHO IS THIS?!" Kazuha shrieked into the phone.

Surprised, Arisa managed a, "I'm – er –"

"I KNEW IT! HEIJI, WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO A GIRL! AND JUS' WHEN I CAME HERE TA APOLOGIZE TA YA, AHO!"

"Wh – WHO ARE YA CALLIN' AN AHO?!" Heiji reciprocated.

"YOU! I'M CALLIN' YOU AN AHO, AHO!"

"NO WAY YOU OF ALL PEOPLE HAS THE RIGHT TO CALL ME AN AHO, AHO!"

Wow. All of my counseling and me listening to him for nearly twenty minutes and this is the result. Well, I'm out of here. Arisa tapped the "terminate call" button, exhaling harshly as she deleted Hattori Shizuka's number from the database.

Just in case Hattori Heiji ever decides to pick up the phone again.

(1) Kansai-ben is a dialect from the Osakan area of Japan.

(2) "Aho" is the Kansai-ben version of what would be "baka" in standard Japanese. Both would mean "idiot" in English.

(3) "-han" is the Kansai-ben equivalent of "-san," both of which translate to "Mr./Mrs." in English.

(4) "Occhan" is a casual and friendly version of "oji-san," which is a polite way to refer to a middle-aged man. People from Osaka or speakers of Kansai-ben tend to be less formal and polite in their speech than, for example, Tokyoites, so "occhan" is exchanged for "oji-san."

* Unsure about (4) *

So... I continued it. And screwed up Hattori's accent. Badly.

This time, I tried to make it funnier, but then when I read it over I think I tried too hard to make it funny and now it's extremely un-funny. T^T Story of my life.

Oh~! I forgot to put this into the A/N at the end of the ShinRan drabble. If you get what the title, "Deleting Data," is referencing (hint: it's related to a character inspired one single aspect of Arisa's character), you are extremely awesome.

Thanks for reading! Till next time! ~V. Tsai