November 15, 1991

Some time has passed since my last entry, and even so I'm not sure what to write. Life has continued in much the same way, and I am busier than ever! I am working to perfect Bach's Partita No. 2 and Paganini's 24th Caprice. I am patient though. Takahashi-sensei is searching for a suitable accompanist for me, for the recital, and possibly the competition recordings. He keeps speaking of the opportunities that will arise if I win either competition, and I try not to become too excited. It is my dream to play on the biggest stages of the world, to sell CDs and inspire new generations to appreciate the beauty of my instrument, and while I am certain I can accomplish this dream it is an undeniably large one. The recital is set for early January, and Takahasi-sensei has invited some of the great violinists from Japan there. "All this talk about Suwanai," he said, "and they have no idea that the most prodigious young violinst in the world is sitting right here in Tokyo." I didn't point out that Suwanai is several years older than I am. He's angry with my parents for not putting me in Toho Gakuen, or using their inluence to get me a debut with a major orchestra. We didn't discuss it much; he knows well enough that, while they are supportive of my violin playing in general, they are not supportive of a career.

Swim club starts up soon, and Oda-sensei pulled me aside last week to tell me that he was naming me President of the Junior High club. I thanked him, of course. Papa expressed concern that I was piling too much onto my plate, and I must admit that 4 extra classes per week, plus all the additional violin practice time and sketching, does eat into much of my free time, but I don't mind. I could hardly give up violin or my art classes, and how can I possibly drop swim club when it feels like the closest I can get to the ocean these days? I haven't been to the beach since Elsa-san and I went together a month and a half ago.

Oh! The Aivazovsky exhibit was absolutely amazing! The way he paints light is absolutely extraordinary. I stood in front of Ships At Anchor for nearly half an hour, until Mama laughingly pulled me away. The way he colored the painting was so romantic, these amazingly soft oranges and yellows that permeate the landscape. I felt bathed in warmth. When I walked away, though, I felt my desire to hear the waves of the ocean had only intensified. I honestly found myself looking through the tapes when we went shopping yesterday to try to find beach waves, and then had to stop myself from crying when I realized how odd that was.

The girls at school have relaxed around me since Elsa pulled me into her crowd. I know their opinions shouldn't matter, but... I am, after all, only human.

A/N: Suwanai was a prodigious talent in the early 90's in Japan, who won or placed in the competitions mentioned a few chapters ago.