Chapter 14

A/N: WOW! It has been a LONG time guys! Sorry I have been focusing on my long term story Lost in the seas of forgotten memories (if you like Clintasha you should check that out) BUT I AM BACK! If you noticed I have a separate side story called 100 days of Avengers short shorts that I was updating pretty much every day while this story was on a teeny tiny hiatus! BUT NO LONGER!

I RECOMMEND REREADING JUST THE LAST CHAPTER TO UNDERSTAND ANIMAL CONTEXT!

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However if you are a lazy bum.

RECAP: The Avengers have been turned into various animals that scarily reflect certain inner qualities about each of them. They need to find Maria Hill who is currently on a date with an unknown blond man because when the world goes to hell…she's the only one who would probably have the foresight to bring a map. Also Fury made it her job to deal with Avenger's shit Monday to Friday. The sad thing is that work literally tends to follow her home on weekends. Poor Agent Hill.

Natasha – python

Tony – hyena

Thor – sloth

Clint – penguin

Steve – Bulldog

Bruce – Sheep/Sheba hulk

Day 35: A day in New York City – for animals

"STARK CAN YOU PLEASE DO SOMETHING?" Steve shouted as he cowered under the table.

"SHEBAAAAAAA STOMP!" Hulk sheep roared once again.

"Just use the extra punch bazooka over there people," Tony said rolling his eyes.

Steve froze.

"YOU TELL ME THIS NOW?" Steve shouted angrily.

"SHEBAAAA STOMP! SHEBA STOMP DOGGY STOMP!" Hulk sheep roared impatiently trying to get Steve to come out of hiding and willingly become a bulldog pancake. No way in hell was that happening if Steve could help it.

"Ugh! If you want something done – you must do it yourself!" Natasha huffed as she slithered over to the bulky bazooka machine and slammed her tail down on the trigger.

BANG!

"SHEEB-uh oh…" Sheep hulk said before he froze in mid-stomp and crashed to the floor.

"Thank god that's over," Clint said lying on the floor on his penguin belly. He was exhausted from all his waddling.

"Um…guys…how are we going to get across town as a bunch of animals?" Steve asked incredulously.

Tony smirked a smirk that should be illegal on a hyena's face.

VROOM. VROOM.

The next thing they knew a jeep roared to life with a hyena in black sunglasses at the wheel.

"Oh yeah baby! This is even more fun as a hyenaaaaaaaa!" Tony shouted as he zoomed out of his garage and promptly crashed into the side of the building.

"Please god – BAAA - I don't wanna die as a farm animal!" Bruce wailed from the car seat that was meant for Pepper's nephew. He was back to being just an average sized sheep.

"OI! Flippers! Watch how much force ya put on that thing!" Tony shouted at the poor penguin being used as penguin labour on the gas pedal.

"Penguins have feelings too!" Clint cried as he sat down on the pedal with a little less force then before.

VROOM!

"Buckle in fellas! We're in for a bumpy ride!" Tony called back as he suddenly spun the car around and shot down the street that led to the highway. 5 avenger animals looked like they were about to throw up.

"Why is he the designated driver?" Steve asked fearfully.

"CAUSE IT'S MY CAR!" Tony said in a singsong voice. They all groaned in unison.

"Speaking of my car…" Tony said as he glanced down and shuffled through his CD's. They all froze and Tony near drove the jeep into a shop.

"KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD STARK!" they all shouted in unison. Tony slammed his paw on the play button.

"I'm walking on sunshine – whoa! I'm walking on sunshine – whoa! And don't it feel good?" Tony sang along with the song at the top of his annoyingly hitch pitch hyena voice. If there was a hyena in the entire world who could sing…they would pay that owner a million dollars.

"My ears…" Bruce sobbed sinking deeper into the car seat.

"Damn I think this hyena body needs some glasses," Tony said as squinted at the sign in front of them.

"Wa….war-? warling? What's a warling?" Tony asked in confusion. All the avengers paled as they suddenly got closer and closer to a drop off zone.

"IT'S SAYS WARNING CONSTRUCTION SITE GOD DAMN IT!" Natasha shrieked as she whipped out her tail out and quickly steered the car off its self-destruct path of doom and onto a safer route. They all sighed in relief.

Until sirens started sounding in the distance. Suddenly a suspicious smile spread across Tony's face – bad sign. Really bad sign.

"Tony…" Bruce said warningly. Tony giggled diabolically.

He flipping giggled.

"HIT IT CLINTENGUIN!" Tony shouted kicking the poor penguin to the metal and shooting across the freeway at 150 miles per hour.

Well that definitely good their attention. One police car immediately pulled up to the side of their car and rolled his window down. Clint covered his face with his flipper.

"I can't look," he muttered.

"Sir! You need to slo- what the hell?" the officer said incredulously as he stared into the car full of animals.

Cricket…cricket…cricket…

Bruce gave a little wave with his hoof.

"Hello officer – good day to be out patrolling no? I think we've met before last week…though I did look more handsome at our last encounter," Tony rambled as he continued to leisurely break every traffic law there ever was. No big deal.

"…b-b-but…" the officer stuttered as he stared at the fury creature at the wheel. It couldn't possibly be a hyena could it?

Tony pulled down his shades with his paw and gave the frozen officer a wicked smile.

"Boo," he whispered. The officer nearly pissed his pants.

"JIMMY THIS IS THE LAST TIME WE HAVE MARIJUANA DONUTS YOU HERE ME?" the officer shouted turning towards his partner. Jimmy frantically nodded his head and promptly whipped a bag of weed out the window.

"See ya later hommies!" Tony called back as they zoomed down a separate side street.

"Stark…you're insane," Clint said in shock. Tony gave the penguin a look.

"Buddy you're three feet tall, your wife is a snake, you are friends will a sloth, bulldog, hyena and a sheep. You fail squeak when you try to walk quietly and…you're too cute and cuddly to be an assassin anymore," Tony said blankly crushing all of Clint's hopes and dreams in 20 seconds.

Sniffle.

Sniffle.

The tiny penguin burst into tears.

"Why are you so cruel to me?" Clint wailed.

"How far are we from the restaurant agent Hill resides in?" Thor asked tiredly as he stared out the window. He was the only chill one on the team at the moment. His friends need to mellow out and feel the breeze…or motor oil backfire fumes.

"We are about another 5 blocks away," Tony replied staring at the iPhone sitting beside him. Clint suddenly sneezed from all his sobbing and accidentally slammed the gas pedal straight to the floor. Oh shit.

"OH MY GOOOOOOOOD!" everyone shrieked as the car suddenly curved to the left and broke right through the side of a low bridge.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they all cried holding on to each other as they were suspended in free-fall for all of 5 seconds before the jeep hit the water and their screams were silenced by the depths of the water.

And that was the end of the Avengers.

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Psh – yeah like a little water is going to kill the craziest but also the best team in the world.

"SWIM CLINT SWIM! PUT YOUR GOD DAMN FLIPPERS TO USE!" Natasha shouted as she wrapped herself around Clint's tiny penguin head. Snakes hate water.

"I would be able to swim better if I could actually see!" Clint shouted as he desperately tried to peak over Natasha's long green body wrapped around his face.

"TOO BAD!" Natasha said as she held on to him tighter.

"HEAVE! HO! HEAVE! HO! HEAVE! HO!" Bruce and Tony were busy trying to keep a very slow sloth above water and dragged him to the shore.

"But the water seems like a nice cool place to take a naaaaap," Thor said sorrowfully.

"You'll never wake up after that nap," Bruce grumbled as they threw the slow being onto the shore and collapsed in exhaustion beside him.

"How far are we again?" Clint croaked as he dragged himself and Natasha out of the water.

"4 blocks away," Tony answered staring at his phone that was strapped to his paw.

Suddenly a flock of seagulls flew over their heads and white projectiles made direct contact with Tony's forehead. He was knocked straight to the ground.

"GOD DAMN YOU UGLY BIRDS!" Tony shouted shaking his paw to the sky.

"Is he yelling at seagulls...?" Steve asked as they stared at the hyena cursing the heavens.

"Yeah they took a dump on his again," Clint said shaking his little penguin head.

"My beautiful hair!" Tony sobbed. Natasha's eye twitched – at least he had hair. She was practically bald!

"Stark?" Natasha asked blankly.

"Yeah?"

"Get your ugly smelly ass over here and find out how to get to this restaurant before we sell you to the zoo," Natasha said dangerously. The hyena paled.

ssssssssssssssssssss.

They all froze and stared at Natasha. It wasn't her. They all fearfully turned around and came face to face with a gigantic – rattle snake.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they all shouted scrambling to hide behind Natasha and her long snake body.

"Natasha! Speak!" Tony whispered hastily. She gave them all a disbelieving look.

"I'M NOT A REAL SNAKE! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT THE HECK HE'S SAYING?" she shouted at her cowardly team.

"My Mia my darling – you look fine today in your nice new coat of sssskin yes?" the rattle snake said seductively in a random Italian accent. Natasha froze. The rest of the Avengers gave the snake a confused look – all they heard was hissing.

"What did you say you little maraca?" she said dangerously. Poor snake didn't know what he was up against.

"Honey you make my insides rattle in anticipation of our coupling?" he said with deep hooded eyes.

Natasha's left eye twitched like mad.

WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

"HOW! DARE! YOU! PROPOSITION! ME! YOU! LITTLE! SKINNY! FREAK!" Natasha shrieked as she repeatedly slammed her tail down on the poor rattle snake. She was practically bashing him to death as he spasmed on the ground.

"Hot lady snake! You so fierce!" the rattle snake wheezed dreamily.

Natasha froze and narrowed her eyes.

"Back away Natasha! I shall deal with him!" Clint said heroically coming to his wife's rescue.

His heroic stance deflated quickly when the bruised rattle snake picked itself off the ground and towered over the 3 foot tall penguin and hissed dangerously at him.

Squeak.

"AHHHHHHH!" Clint shouted as he got whipped across the field and slammed face first into a tree. They all winced as he slid down the bark and flopped onto the ground.

"Thanks anyway honey!" Natasha called out to him.

"No…problem…" he croaked.

"The competition has been dealt with my beauty – will you not see that we were meant to be?" Mr. thinks-he's-so-damn-sexy rattle snake said.

Natasha literally had fire shooting out of her eyes. She might as well have been a basilisk.

She promptly wrapped her tail around Bruce the sheep and held him over her head.

"I'll give you 5 seconds – run," she said dangerously. Bruce whimpered and covered his eyes – he didn't want to be used as a hammer to squish annoying dastardly snakes.

Mr. Rattle snake paled.

"YOU WILL SEE THE TRUTH ONE DAY MY LOOOOOOOVE!" he shouted as he quickly fled the scene. They all watched the snake slither down the street and promptly drop down into the sewer. Splash.

"Oh! The smell!" echoed down the street.

Silence.

"Can you put me down now Natasha?" Bruce said nervously. That set Tony off.

"AHHAHAHHAAHA YOU GOT HIT ON BY A SLEAZY RATTLE SNAKE! AND THEN YOUR HUSBAND GOT PWNED TRYING TO DEFEND YOUR HONOUR!" Tony laughed hysterically. Everyone froze when something in Natasha's eyes suddenly cracked – uh oh.

She had reached the edge of insanity.

"SHUT UP OR I'LL EAT YOU AND MAKE YOU SHUT UP!" Natasha shrieked at the hysterically laughing hyena. That suddenly shut him up and caused all the Avengers to stare at Natasha.

Silence.

"What do pythons eat…?" Steve asked slowly.

More silence.

Stare. Stare. Stare. Natasha hissed at them all.

"Why don't we find out?" Natasha said darkly.

"AHAHAA - wait what?" Tony said in confusion. Natasha flared her non-existent nostrils.

"That's it - YOU'RE GOING DOWN STARK! YOU'RE GOING TO BE LUNCH TODAY!" Natasha shouted as she advanced towards the cowering hyena.

"NATASHA NOOOO!" Steve shouted.

"THINK ABOUT THE PAPERWORK!" Clint added desperately waving his flippers around. He had somehow managed to waddle his way back to his team. While the 4 of them were having a mental break down in the alley beside the river Bruce…was brushing up on his charming skills.

"Hi there my name is Bruce," Bruce said sheepishly to a pretty poodle sitting on a pillow on a balcony beside them. The haughty poodle gave his green wool one disgusting glance and promptly flashed her tail in his face, walked into her owner's apartment and slammed her doggy door behind her.

The poodle totally blew him off.

"WHY DOES EVERYONE JUDGE ME BY MY OUTER WOOLINESS? SHEEP HAVE FEELINGS TOO!" Bruce wailed falling to his knees. The Avengers gave the sheep sobbing dramatic tears a look of disbelief.

"BRUCE STOP CHATTING UP THE DOMESTIC LIFE! WE HAVE A MOUNTING CRISIS HERE!" Clint shouted angrily at the sobbing sheep.

Hiccup.

They all froze and slowly turned back to the problem at hand. The only real problem left was the fact that there was suddenly one less animal in the alley. They all glanced around warily and realized that Tony had suddenly disappeared and there was a suspicious hyena shaped object in Natasha's tail.

"Where did Tony go...?" Bruce asked slowly. Natasha flicked her tail back and forth shiftily.

"Why is there a gigantic bump in your tail Tasha?" Clint asked even more slowly. Natasha sssssed happily.

"Why do you look so happy…?" Thor asked in fear. They all stared at her silent form.

"NATASHA HOW COULD YOU EAT HIM?" they shrieked in unison.

Burp.

"Well for the record he doesn't taste very good," she said with a shrug.

Thor and Clint shared an alarmed look. They promptly picked up the 100 pound she-python and started doing the snake version of the Heimlich maneuver.

"I. AM. NOT. WRITING. PAPERWORK. FOR. THIS!" Clint said angrily squeezing the wheezing snake.

"ACHOOO!" Natasha sneezed. The next thing they knew a slim covered hyena dropped onto the ground in front of them while coughing up a storm.

"OH MY GOD! IT WAS SO DARK, SO COLD...SO LONELY! Ehehehehhehe..." Tony said shakily. Natasha hissed at him.

"You taste like garbage and motor oil!" she hissed. He hissed back.

"You're digestive system chased me around like the devil!" he shouted. She shrugged.

"Obviously wasn't fast enough," she said dryly.

Clint collapsed on the ground with an exhausted squeak and stared at his flippers.

"No paperwork..." he said in relief. The slimy hyena gaped at the penguin lying on the floor.

"Is that the only reason you saved me?" Tony asked incredulously.

Cricket…cricket…cricket…

"THAT'S IT! I'M DITCHING YOU LOSERS! I'MA GO SOLOOOOOOO!" Tony shouted before he promptly spun around and dashed down the alley thoroughly insulted by his team.

They all shared a weary look.

Bruce glanced down at his watch as they waited for the inevitable.

Rumble. Rumble. The ground started shaking. That was never a good sign.

Tony raced around the corner…with an army of angry street cats hot on his tail.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO BULLDOZE THROUGH YOUR HOUSE GUYS!" Tony shouted. The cats all hissed even more.

"Why am I not surprised?" Steve said dryly as he stepped to the side to allow Tony to flee for his life and the cats that followed.

Tony promptly ran up a fire escape with a wave of furry hissing beast right behind him. He quickly glanced up at a wire running the length of the two buildings on either side of the street.

Well…no one even accused Tony Stark of being of sound mind. He grabbed a bra off some poor unfortunate lady's laundry line and jumped.

"DIE VICIOUS FELINES DIE! FALL TO YOUR DEATHS!" Tony shouted as he slid across the cable line onto the other side of the street. He laughed as half of the beasts crashed into each other and tumbled over the edge.

"MEOOOOOOOW!" they shrieked as they fell into the dumpster one by one beside the calmer Avengers.

"What's he doing up there?" Bruce asked as he squinted up at the hyena tail whipping around on the other rooftop. Suddenly a massive, enormous, stretchy pink lady underwear was launched into the air. Their mouth's hit the floor as they watched the genius hyena float to the ground using the ginormous underwear as his parachute.

"When you think you've seen it all…" Clint said in awe.

"How far are we from Maria Hill again Bruce?" Steve asked still staring at the underwear parachute in shock. That belonged to a LADY?

"Another couple blocks – we have to cut across the park over there," Bruce said gesturing towards the green patch of grass across the street from them. It was full of children and parents and everything in-between. Oh dear god.

Tony landed on the ground and the large underwear settled on top of him.

"Are you sure that's hygienic?" Natasha said wrinkling her nose.

"Why, do you want a hug Red?" Tony asked as he tugged the pink beast off his head.

Natasha glared at him.

"If you want to die…" she said ominously.

"Alright people! We're almost there! Let's stay alive for just another 10 minutes okay?" Steve said breaking up the inevitable battle between snake and hyena.

They all glanced at the big obstacle between them and the Italian place across the street.

"How are we going to do this?" Bruce asked ready to make a plan.

They rest of them all looked at each other – they had reached their limit on how much patience they had left or ability to care about who saw what they weren't' t supposed to.

"RUN FOR IT!" they shouted before they raced across the street.

Bruce gaped at his team.

"THAT IS SO NOT COOL GUYS!" Bruce shouted as he ran after them. He quickly weaved around trees and bushes as he tried to catch up to his team.

"You are all breaking so many damn rul-ACK! " Bruce's words suddenly got lodged in his throat as his wool got caught on something. He fearfully looked back and came face to face – with a 2 two old baby girl in her stroller.

"AHHHHHH!" he screamed whispered. He couldn't hurt the baby's hearing! Duh!

"Mama…" the baby girl said tilting her head to the side.

"Oh no! Oh god no!" Bruce said frantically trying to unhook himself from the stroller. He had no hands to do it properly! He froze and glanced at the baby – with hands.

"Hey! Hey you baby! Look here baby!" Bruce whispered to the baby girl lying in the stroller.

"BOO!" the baby giggled.

"Baby! Baby! Unhook me please!" Bruce begged as he tried to unhook himself from the stroller he was stuck to.

"Boo like doggy," the little girl giggled. Bruce sobbed. The mom continued to talk on her cell phone not noticing for a second that her child was petting a green mutated sheep.

"WE'LL SAVE YOU BRUCE!" Clint shouted as he ran towards the trapped sheep with his safety scissors. Where did they get that you may ask?

"Oh mon dieu! My scissors have vanished!" A French artist said in shock staring at his messy art set in front of him.

"DON'T RUN WITH SCISSORS BARTON!" Natasha hissed as she slithering behind him.

"IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE TASHA!" Clint said as he reached his fellow avenger.

"Like a Band-Aid Bruce," Clint said bring the scissors closer to the trapped wool.

SNIP!

Followed by a loud RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!

"My beautiful wool!" Bruce sobbed as he fell to the ground.

"Bye, bye doggy!" the little baby girl waved as she was pushed away by her mommy.

Bruce continued to sob. Clint rolled his eyes as he picked up the sobbing sheep and quickly dived into a bush.

"Mommy, mommy…can animals talk?" a little boy asked as he ate his ice cream sitting on the park bench across from the scene. He totally saw the whole thing.

"No honey – that's only in stories," the mother said patting him on the head. The little boy tilted his head to the side as he watched a hyena drag a sloth down the street with a penguin carrying a sheep while a snake and a bulldog followed close behind.

"You sure it's only in stories mommy…?" the boy asked curiously.

Meanwhile in an alleyway behind a tiny little Italian restaurant 6 exhausted avengers were ready to turn back to normal – and this meant working together for once – oh dear god.

"So everyone understands the plan right?" Steve said glancing around.

"Why are we making a plan now?" Bruce mumbled as he lay on the ground in a puddle of his own tears.

"Because only you needed a plan to make it across a damn park Bruce," Tony said rolling his eyes.

"I hate you all…" Bruce muttered into the ground.

"You ready for this team?" Tony said whipping out his super cool sunglasses once more.

They all reluctantly nodded their heads.

"Good –let's do this!" Tony said punching his paw into the air before they all ran off in different directions.

"Why do I have that weird feeling this is not going to end well," Clint muttered as he waddled behind his fast team.

In a slightly saner part of the restaurant with more socially acceptable people doing slightly more socially acceptable activities.

Maria Hill sat in a little booth with her date – John Watson himself. HE WAS DAMN FINE!

"I hope you like Italian," he said nervously. Maria laughed as his nervousness – the only reason men were ever nervous around her was because they knew she could shoot them dead within a 3 second time frame if they moved a single toe out of line. Too bad Fury assigned her to handle a team that was exceptionally difficult to murder – but a group of people that tested your patience like no enemy could.

"I got you these sunflowers since you said you weren't a roses type of girl," John said sheepishly. Maria winced internally. If only he knew.

"Oh that's so nice of you John!" Maria said happily. Her agent skills suddenly kicked in even if she didn't want them to at the moment and she noticed the light tap, tap sounds coming from the vents above their table. That was never a good sign.

She glanced over his shoulder and noticed a penguin statue staring right at her – except she was sure there was no statue there a second ago.

"Is there someone you know over there?" Watson asked as he looked behind him as well. She shook herself out of her little paranoia moment. Don't bring work home with you. Don't bring work home with you. Don't bring work home with you. She chanted inside her head.

"Oh no! I just thought I saw something flash in the corner. It was nothing – so tell me about your job," she asked quickly changing the topic. The hairs on the back of her neck rose as she tried to give him her full attention. He didn't look quite convinced but didn't know her well enough to push the topic.

"Well I was an army trauma surgeon and then I got shot in the shoulder in Afghanistan so now I work here and there doing a few shifts at the clinic and some other stuff on the side," he said vaguely. She paused – he was hiding something. Why were the good guys always hiding something?

Creak. She glanced down and noticed a bulldog wobbling down the hall. It looked right at her as it passed their table.

That was odd…he even seemed very familiar. She followed the bulldog with her eyes as it wobbled unsteadily to the back of the restaurant. She froze as the bulldog suddenly slapped a sloth upside the head around the corner.

First of all Bulldogs don't have walkie talkies slung around their tiny bodies.

Second of sloths don't frequent Italian restaurants the last time she checked either.

And the penguin statue had disappeared.

This had the A- team written all over it. The pain in her ass team was here. HERE!

WHY DOES WORK ALWAYS FOLLOW HER EVERYWHERE?

"Excuse me for a second," Maria said smiling nervously at her date before she quickly stood up and stalked towards the back of the restaurant. She glared daggers at the cowering bulldog and sloth who were poking their heads from another the corner. She rounded the corner and stared at the insanity before her.

There was a hyena being shaken to death by an angry penguin. And a deadly python that looked like she was ready to eat them all.

They all froze when they noticed their audience.

"Um…hi agent Hill…" the penguin said slowly allowing the KO'd hyena to fall to the ground.

"Nice to see you again?" Bruce chimed in trying to get on her good side. She narrowed her eyes at them all – they were never on her good side. They were exiled from her good side.

"Of all the stupid things you people have done, made me suffer through the paperwork for and had us waste money to repair damages or refute lawsuits against - this is a whole other realm of idiocy!" Maria Hill whispered angrily as 6 animals stood in front of her with sheepish looks on their face...well Bruce was a sheep so that goes without saying.

"Hey we didn't know!"

"It wasn't my fault!"

"Stark touched the glowing ball first and nothing happened until half an hour later!"

She raised her hand asking for silence. The animals quieted down and stared up at their potential saviour with hope in their eyes.

"Did you or did you not touch the suspiciously glowing ball in the center of the room without first verifying what exactly it was?" She asked point blank.

Cricket...cricket...cricket...

"I'm leaving," she said turning around.

"NOOO! AGENT HILL SAVE US!" they all wailed as they grabbed onto her ankles as she tried to get back to her date.

"Oh my god Lady - what's on your leg?" a random waiter asked staring at the insane scene in front of him. Maria shot the animal avengers a dirty look before she whipped out her taser and shot the poor waiter. They all winced as he crashed to the floor.

"Did you see what you just made me do? I have to do PAPERWORK for that!" Maria growled giving the hyena, sloth, bulldog, snake, penguin and sheep wrapped around her ankle a withering glare.

"Do the eyes," Clint whispered hurriedly.

"You're our last hope agent Hill!" they sobbed giving her the biggest sad eyes they could possibly manage.

Maria glared.

Their eyes got bigger.

She glared harder.

Their eyes increased to massive proportions.

Her left eye twitched.

Their eyes took over half their faces.

"ALRIGHT DAMN IT! ENOUGH WITH THE EYES!" Maria shouted at the pitiful animals.

"Told you they'd work," Clint whispered.

"Maria? Are you alright? What's with all the yelling?" Watson called out as he approached the back hallway.

"Wait John no-"

Everyone froze as John Watson rounded the corner and froze as he laid eyes on the madness in front of him.

"Are you going to taser his ass too?" Tony whispered.

"NO!" Maria hissed at the annoying hyena.

"Um…was this your emergency?" Watson asked slowly. Maria banged her head against the wall beside her.

"This is work following me home," she groaned in defeat. She could never have a social life because of these 6 idiots!

"I thought you worked for the American government on international relations?" Watson said slowly. Maria just gave up.

"There are many different ways of explaining international relations…particularly the relations between the world's…superheroes," she said with a winced. A look of realization crossed his face.

"Oh you work for that superhero intelligence organization! SHIELD or something right? I remember Sherlock mentioning something illogical yet maddeningly American about that," Watson said with a nod.

"Yeah," Maria said blankly. She gave up – she would be single for life apparently.

"When did you guys start using animals?" Watson asked in confusion. She glared daggers at the 6 cowering creatures.

"We don't," she said through gritted teeth. The avengers squeaked.

"Does this happen often?" John asked warily. Maria groaned.

"I want to say no so badly...but this is actually considered a good day," she said banging her head against the wall again. He whistled.

"Well...now I don't feel so nervous of you meeting my best friend and flat mate. If this is your normal you'll fit right in," John said happily. She glanced up at him warily.

"Too good to come without a catch eh?" she said dryly. He shrugged.

"I could say the same for you at the moment," he replied. She looked back at the frozen A-team and sighed.

"Who put the glowing shape changing object in your room?" she asked flatly. Steve tilted his bulldog head to the side.

"Um...ruff! We think Loki did it," he replied nervously. John raised an eyebrow - first date and he's already met a talking dog. He might just ask her out on a second date. Maria rubbed her forehead.

"If I tell you where Loki is and let you have at him will you all promise to leave me the hell alone for the next week? No shenanigans, no explosions, no emergencies and no magic?" she asked tiredly. They all rapidly nodded their head up and down. Steve nodded his so quickly he nearly tumbled over.

"YES!" they all shouted in unison.

"He's being held in a zero gravity SHIELD compound in Czechoslovakia," she said tiredly.

"Cheka wah?" Tony asked as his large mouth hit the dirty floor.

"Well you know what this means right?" Clint asked glancing around. They all stared at him. He threw his flippers up in the air.

"ROAD TRIP!"

Honestly guys…a million things happened on that road trip – but that is a story for another day.

6 righteously pissed animals burst into the most highly secured SHIELD prison in the world – however it was just another toy to reroute for Tony Stark – even with his hyena handicap.

"Loki you bastard," Clint said dangerously.

"I give you 3 seconds to turn us back to normal – or else," Natasha added darkly.

"You can't make meeeeeeeeeee!" Loki shouted as he stared up at 6 pairs of angry eyes and vicious glares.

Natasha hissed showing her fangs.

Steve looked ready to charge.

Bruce's wool started turning a bit green.

Clint got his penguin equipped machine gun aimed and ready.

Thor just continued to sit on the tiny demi-god.

And Tony had the crazy wild look in his eyes that said you didn't want to know what he was about to do.

Loki gulped.

"Maybe I'll reconsider?" he squeaked.

"AVENGERS ATTACK!" Clint shouted raising his machine gun above his head.

Loki has seen better days.

"Alright! Alright! I GIVE! I GIVE!" Loki sobbed as he was mobbed by the animal Avengers.

"Stand back boys – I wanted to do this for a long time," Natasha said darkly from behind them. They all glanced at the baseball bat wielding snake and paled. They all quickly took a gigantic step away from the crippled demigod.

"Little red human…have mercy…" Loki croaked.

"I'M FREAKING SHEDDING A NEW LAYER OF SKIN EVERY SECOND!" Natasha shouted holding the baseball bat over her head. Thor covered his eyes with his paw – he couldn't watch. Tony and Clint watched with unhealthy glee.

BAM!

3 days later.

2 normal human Avengers were sitting in Agent Hill's office as she gave them the evil eye.

"You know we put you on this team to keep the insanity at a bearable level right? Not to blow it up to massive proportions!" Maria said incredulously glaring at her two best SHIELD agents. Clint and Natasha gave her a look.

"Watson seemed to be practically head over heels for you after we showed up," Natasha said giving the pretty charm bracelet on her wrist a pointed look.

Hill paused.

"Damn you Romanoff..." Hill muttered dumping the probation papers into the garbage bin beside her.

"Do you still have the mystical glowing ball?" Natasha asked suddenly.

"Yeah..." Hill said slowly.

"Give it to me..." Natasha said with an evil look on her face.

"Oh boy…" Clint muttered beside her.

3 hours later.

"WHERE HAS MY BROTHER GONE?" Thor shouted as he burst into the conference room on the SHIELD base.

5 Avengers quickly spun around and covered the experimental room window behind them.

"Comrades…what are you hiding…?" Thor asked slowly.

"BROTHER!" they heard a little voice squeak.

"I TOLD YOU TO MAKE IT SOUND PROOF!" Natasha shouted as she slapped Tony across the face.

"Ugh! My face!" Tony wailed.

Thor stomped across the room and rammed his face against the window.

"BROTHER WHERE ARE YOU?" he boomed against the glass.

"NO! Don't look at me Thor – I'm hideous!" a tiny voice wailed.

Thor glanced down at the little cage on the floor and gasped.

"YOU TURNED MY BROTHER INTO A COCKROOOOOOOOOOOACH?" Thor shouted. They all winced from the volume.

"Now he looks the same on the outside as he does on the inside," Natasha said with a shrug.

They all glanced at the roach in the nuclear reaction room and back at the accomplished looking Russian spy. They paled.

"We still have Romeo's pizza blackmail woman," Tony and Clint said together.

Natasha whipped out a memory wiping device and promptly tasered all the men in the room.

"EK!" they all spasmed and fell to the floor. She blew the smoke off her epic taser.

"When all is said and done – I am king," she said firmly.

A/N: Wow….Was that a nice return gift? Haha leave me a review if you think I should continue! How about the next day be honey I shrunk the kids style? *Diabolical laughter.*

ALSO…WHAT WAS YOUR FAV JOKE IN THIS CHAPTER? :D