This is my first Spemily fic. Please review!

It's been six months since Spencer, Hanna, Emily and Aria found out Mona was 'A'. Six months since Maya was found dead in Emily's back yard. Garret has been charged and convicted for the murders of Alison DiLaurentis and Maya St. Germain.

*Notes for this story*

– There is no more A –

– Spencer and Toby did not get back together –

Spencer's POV

I was in the barn turned loft getting ready for our annual back-to-school sleepover.

In a way things were better now, we could all relax a little more, but we still carried everything that had happened. I still flinched a little whenever I heard my phone. But when I thought about it, I had it easy. It was Hanna and Emily who still bore the brunt of the burden of the last couple years. Hanna, because it had been her best friend that had tortured us, and Emily because it had been the two girls she had fallen in love with that had been murdered.

It was Emily who I worried about most though. She seemed to have been turning to alcohol a little too much lately.

I suppose I couldn't judge. The people I loved had never been taken from me in such a way. Yeah, I had loved Alison, but not in the same way Emily had. We had all seen it, I'd even yelled at Alison about it, the way she led Emily on. I'd wondered though, if Alison had really loved Emily, but was too afraid to admit it. It didn't matter now though, they were dead, and there was nothing I could do to change that.

Aria and Hanna arrived simultaneously. Hanna, who had previously been known to show up 'fashionably late', now had a tendency to show up on time or even early. I think it's because of everything Mona had put us through; we were the only ones who understood. I think it's also because with Mona out of the picture, she doesn't know what to do, especially when Caleb's in California with his mom. If she wasn't with us or Caleb, she had been with Mona. Before Ali's body had been recovered, Mona had become her best friend. She had been there for Hanna in ways we had not in that year.

"Hey guys," I greeted them.

"Hey Spence," Aria said. Hanna merely nodded in my direction.

Aria, at least seemed happier. Her parents were in the middle of a divorce, but they seemed okay with that and so Aria had decided she was okay with it, too. Her family seemed a lot happier. And now that she had gone public with Ezra, Aria enjoyed every minute she spent with him, not that she hadn't before, but it was a lot easier when they didn't have to sneak around.

Emily showed shortly after. Her brown eyes were distant and cold with only a hint of the pain and sorrow inside.

I wondered what was going on in Emily's head. I hated that I didn't know how to comfort her, but then, who did? What do you say to someone that has just lost somebody they loved that makes them feel better? I imagine that there was nothing anyone could say. You don't simply feel better one day. But it was supposed to get easier for them wasn't it? It has to get easier for Emily eventually right?

Emily's POV

I could feel Spencer silently analyzing me from the moment I arrived. I knew she was worried about me, they all were, but they didn't understand. How could they?

Spencer wanted so desperately to comfort me in some way, any way, but there wasn't one. She had to know that, and that alone would frustrate her to no end.

It wasn't long after Maya's death that I had stopped letting them in. I flinched at their touch, and no longer allowed them to hug me. I often wondered what they thought about it, but once I let the alcohol settle, none of it mattered anymore. Or at least that's what I let myself believe.

"Hey," I said, sounding detached and miserable.

"Hey, Em," Spencer said softly. I could tell she wanted to pull me into a hug, but she had learned over the last few months, that I wouldn't allow it.

I think they all assumed that I was still having trouble getting over Maya, and they didn't know what to say anymore. It wasn't that I instantly got over Maya, but that wasn't exactly why I had distanced myself from them. I had come to terms with the fact that Maya was dead. I knew she wasn't coming back. Just like Alison wasn't coming back.

I wasn't going to allow anything to happen to somebody else I loved, so I wasn't going to let love in. I had spent the last few months trying to void myself of emotion, and for the most part, I had been able to. I wasn't so sad anymore, instead, I had made myself numb.

It was better this way. For me, and for everyone else.