Tuesday

Later I asked Kim about what Leah had said during lunch. I kept trying to think of a casual way to ask, but in the end I just blurted out, "So, what was up with what Leah said, about Edward's mom doing drugs?" I hoped it played off as simple curiosity.

"Oh that was a big rumor when Edward first got here, that his mom is a drug addict, and that's why he had to move in with his aunt and uncle."

"Is it true?"

Kim shrugged. "I don't know. It seems to be one of the rumors that stuck the most, out of all of them surrounding him."

I was reminded of that mystery that surrounded him freshman year, and I was taken back to that time. But I was different now, and I was so DONE with Edward Cullen.

He was just so infuriating and horrible and impossible. I thought of that casual way he said "Got busy," when I asked him why he hadn't texted me back. He was a selfish prick and he didn't care about me. I couldn't let myself get taken in by him again. I wouldn't.

I wouldn't.

Annnnnnnd, the next day I signed up for peer tutoring.

Even as I was doing it, I knew it was a mistake. I knew it was probably going to end badly, but I couldn't stop myself. I walked toward my English classroom in some sort of trance, "Um, Mr. Barnes? Is that peer tutoring still available to sign up for? I'm hoping to have some stuff to add to my college applications." The mentally rehearsed words spilled out of my mouth almost involuntarily. Could he sense my racing heart, my nervous expression?

It wasn't like I knew for sure that Edward would be the one I would be tutoring. This is how I justified it to myself. And anyway, it wasn't like I was hoping for some miracle explanation for why he acted the way he did, some apology. I wouldn't allow myself to hope for that. I just wanted to get him out from under my skin.

If I was paired with Edward, then I would have an excuse to talk to him. Not because I wanted to be with him, I reminded myself. All I wanted was closure. That was it. I swear.

And if I wasn't paired with Edward, well then. Perhaps that was for the best, and it means it wasn't meant to be.

"Bella! Yes, that would be wonderful," Mr. Barnes beamed at me. "What's your schedule like? Are you available after school any time?"

I nodded. "Yes. After school Thursday or Friday is fine." I still had my job Monday through Wednesday.

Mr. Barnes nodded, pulling out a piece of paper and making a note. "Okay. There are a few students who need tutoring. I need to ask about schedules. See me tomorrow after class and I'll let you know what's going on. This is great Bella, I really appreciate you taking your time to do this. This is the kind of thing colleges love as well!" He beamed at me.

"Okay, thanks Mr. Barnes," I said, tugging at my backpack strap, leaving school and heading toward work.

.

Thursday

.

He was sitting in the library after school, exactly like Mr. Barnes said he would be. A part of me half expected him not to show up. He was leaning back in his chair, a notebook on the table in front of him.

"Hey Edward," I said, coming to stand next to him, slinging my backpack off my shoulder and setting it down on the table.

"Bella. So, you're going to tutor me? How exciting." The sarcasm in his voice made me clench my jaw and refrain from sitting right away. Something about his cocky attitude, well, I just wasn't buying it. That didn't mean I had to put up with his games.

I was done with trying to make Edward like me. I wasn't quite done with wanting to be around him, wanting closure, but at least I was done with that.

"Can I just see your paper?" I asked, still not sitting down.

Edward looked hesitant for a second, before adopting his standard cool demeanor. "I don't have it."

"Why not? We were supposed to go over it today, that's the whole reason for this study session."

Edward leaned back in his chair. "It's at my house."

I sigh and grab my bag.

"Let's go look at it there," Edward said, standing up.

"I can't."

Even though I don't have any particular obligations today, I'm not going to be bossed around by Edward. Not anymore.

"Why?"

"Because you should have brought it with you here." I say simply, though there is a bite to my tone.

"What's the big deal?" he asked. "I can drive you there and back home later. It's not that far."

"I'm not going to your house," I say, turning away .

Edward quickly follows me as I start walking away. "Come on," he says quietly. He's standing close enough that I can smell his cologne. "Bella. What's the big deal?"

The line reminds me of our first time, after school, by the pop machines. Is he doing that intentionally? Because it worked for him before? I didn't know what his game was, but I had a sneaking suspicion that he never had any intention of working on his paper today.

"I'm only here to do peer tutoring. I'll meet you next Thursday like we scheduled, bring your homework if you decide you want help." With that I turned to leave.

I didn't expect him to apologize. I didn't even expect him to acknowledge how he had treated me, but it still hurt that he didn't. On the bright side, I was happier with how this interaction went than the previous one. And if it was the last one we ever had, at least I handled myself better.

"Are you dating Cheney now?" he asked from behind me. The question took me by surprise, and I turned around to look at him. I really hadn't thought that Edward worried or even noticed what was going on in the other parts of my life.

"That's none of your business," I said.

"What is it, a secret?" he asked

He didn't push it further when I turned and walked away.

.

Friday

.

Ben asked me out again.

He waited until the end of the day when he came up to my locker. "So Bella," he looked nervous. "I was wondering if you wanted to go to the movies with me later tonight? No big deal, it doesn't have to be a date or anything. I just thought, maybe. . . "

"Yes," I said, not letting him finish. "Sure, that sounds fun."

His smile was so wide and happy that I couldn't help but smile back. This was good. Ben was good and sweet and he liked me. He must have been bolstered by my holding his hand at Halloween. I worried that I was leading him on, but it wasn't like I was making a lifetime commitment to him. I was just agreeing to one date.

"Okay, so . . . I'll pick you up at 7?"

I nodded my agreement.

"For our not-date?" He asked. I could hear the question within the question. He was testing the waters. He wanted to see if I would contradict him.

I was tempted to- to give him what he wanted, but I held back. "Okay," I said.

Ben barely looked disappointed. "Okay," he agreed.

As he walked away, I remembered Edward's question about dating Ben. It nagged at me, especially when I remembered that flash of disappointment I thought I saw on his face when I turned him down for the Halloween party.

Could Edward be jealous? Was he being standoffish because he thought I was dating Ben? Or was that just hopeful thinking?

.

.

.

When I told my mom I was going to the movies with Ben later she raised her eyebrows.

"So, is this a date?" she asked.

"No." I said honestly.

"Why not?" she asked. "It seems like you like each other."

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I do like him. And I know he likes me. It's just. . ." I half tempted to hell her, just to have someone to talk to, but there was no way I could tell her about Edward.

"You like him more as just a friend?" she asked.

"I think so. I don't know," I said.

"Have you kissed?" she asked.

"God mom," I said, and buried my face in my hands.

"You should kiss him. He's cute!" she said.

"Mom!" I complained. Then I sighed. "We did kiss," I admitted. "Once, after the dance."

"Well, how was it?" she asked excitedly.

"Fine."

She pursed her lips and raised her eyebrows. She contemplated me, I guess debating how to broach her next question.

"So, does the hesitation with Ben have anything to do with Edward Cullen?" she asked. Her tone was too casual for that pointed insight.

"No!"

"Edward's a very handsome young man." her tone was leading.

"He's just a boy from school."

"Just a boy? Really?" She had the frustratingly "knowing" tone to her voice, like she could see right through me.

"I'm going upstairs now."

I was surprised when she didn't have a retort to shout after me.

I wasn't sure if I should change, but ultimately decided not to. It might appear to "datey" that way. When he showed up at my house, I saw that Ben hadn't changed his clothes either, which I appreciated. He did come to the door, though. "Hey Bella" he smiled when I answered.

"Hi Ben!" Mom said brightly from behind me. Please, please don't take a picture, I thought.

"Hi Mrs. Swan!"

"Okay, let's go," I said, urging him out the door. Ben gave my mom a little wave goodbye as he led me to his car.

"So, what are we going to go see?" I asked as we settled into his car.

Ben pulled out his phone and typed in it for a minute, before handing it to me. "Here, you pick," he said. The movies and showtimes were pulled up on his screen. What a gentleman.

I scanned through the movies. "Oh, I wanted to see this," I said excitedly, naming the romantic comedy on the list before I could really think it through. Ben probably didn't want to see that, and if we went to it, it would be solely for my benefit. Too much like a date. "Or, maybe not. We can watch something else," I hastily added.

"No, that sounds good," Ben pulled the car out of the driveway. "What time does it start?"

"Um," I said, checking. "Not 'til 8:10 actually. It's fine. We can go see something else."

"Bella, really, it's cool. This will give us time to hang out before the movie. Did you eat already?"

"Well, yes."

"Good, me too. How about some dessert then?"

"Sure," I said. So this was turning more date-like by the second, but Ben was just so casual about the whole thing that I found myself going along with it.

He took us to the local diner, which made the best pies. I got a slice of pumpkin and Ben had a piece of pecan. We both ordered hot chocolates.

"So, I meant what I said before. This is a no pressure situation. It doesn't have to be a date if you don't want it to be." He reiterated as we started eating.

"Thanks. My mom was sort of grilling me earlier about you."

"She was? What did you say?"

"I told her we were friends and . . ." Uh oh, why did I bring this up? How should I end this 'and' that was lingering there in the air? "Whatever." Not so smooth. I need to blurt something out to cover up the awkwardness. "She thinks you're cute."

Ben's eyes bulged. "She does?"

"Not in a creepy way or anything," I hurriedly explained, "Just that she thinks we would be a cute couple, or something."

Ben smiled kind of dopily. "Really?"

Uh oh. I was making this worse. "I think, at this point, she would be happy if I dated anyone really. I think she's embarrassed that I've never had a boyfriend."

Where had that come from? It wasn't that I didn't think it was true, it was more like I really hadn't intended on saying it.

Ben looked like he didn't know what to say to that. I hated that I always had to make things so awkward. "I'm sure that's not true," he finally said.

"Yeah," I mumbled, hoping to change the topic.

"I guess I sort of thought maybe the reason you didn't want to date anyone is that your parents didn't want you having a boyfriend. Is it your dad? He seems pretty protective."

I swallowed my bite of pie and took a sip of my hot chocolate before I answered him, giving myself time to think about the question. Despite being police chief, and owning a gun, my dad wasn't like some big, scary, 'stay-way-from-my-daughter' type of guy. Though he was a bit more protective than my mom.

"He is definitely more conventional than my mom. Like, if I break curfew, my dad wants to ground me, but I think my mom is kind of secretly happy about it." I deliberately ignored the part about Ben hinting as to why he thought I didn't want to date him.

"Why would she be happy about that?" Ben asked, confused.

"I don't know. It's kind of hard to explain. She was more of a free spirit, back in the day, and I think she's a little disappointed I'm more of a nerd and not like her."

Ben again looked uncomfortable. Maybe a pseudo-date wasn't the best place to unload my insecurities and mother issues. I've never really talked about that with anyone before. I could tell Ben was uncomfortable with subject, and suddenly I felt uncomfortable and embarrassed to having admitted that to him.

"You're not a nerd, Bella," Ben said reassuringly, reaching across the table to give my wrist a little squeeze. It sort of felt like Ben was telling me what he thought I wanted to hear, and not the actual truth. Because the truth was that I was definitely a nerd.

Ben didn't get it, and that was okay. I realized I didn't want to be having this conversation. I wanted to go back to the light-hearted stuff.

"This pie is so good," I said, changing the subject. Kind of an inane topic, since everyone in town knew the diner had the best pie.

"The best," Ben grinned, relieved at the topic change.

We got back to chatting casually then. We talked a lot about school. We had talked about a lot of the same things we've talked about a dozen times before, rehashing old talking points. We covered different classes, grades, that sort of thing. It was nice. Pleasant.

When it was time to pay, the waitress handed Ben the bill automatically, and he quickly took out his credit card to pay for it.

"You don't have to do that. I can pay for my own," I quickly assured him.

"Don't worry about it, my treat."

"Umm, okay, thanks," I said. "I'll pay for the movie tickets then, okay?"

Ben hesitated. "You can pay for yours, but I'll pay for my own."

"I'll pay for yours," I insisted. "It's only fair. Since you got dessert."

"Please. It was my treat. I invited you out. I wanted to buy it for you, okay?" He grabbed my hand and gave it a little squeeze before dropping it.

"Okay, thanks," I finally said, because the conversation was awkward and uncomfortable, and I really wanted it to end. So we each ended up paying for our own movie ticket.

The movie was predictable and a little cheesy, but still fun, and definitely had some funny parts. Though Ben put his hand on the arm rest, this time I didn't reach out and take it.

"I hope that wasn't too painful for you," I said teasingly to Ben afterwards.

He smiled. "Okay, promise not to tell anyone this?" I nodded. "Well, I kind of actually like romantic comedies."

I laughed. "Really?"

"Sure," he shrugged, "Even though that's totally uncool for a guy to admit."

I shook my head, "Your secret is safe with me."

"So when is your curfew?" Ben asked.

"11:00." We both glanced at the clock in his car. It was just after 10:00.

"Is there something you want to do for a bit? Or just go home?" he asked.

"Um, like what?" I wasn't sure what there was left to do this late in a small town like Forks.

Ben shrugged, "Nothing really." He turned the keys in his ignition. "I guess I better just take you back."

"I had fun tonight," I said on the ride home. "Thanks for taking me out."

"I had fun to. Thanks for coming."

When we pulled into my driveway, we sat in the car for a minute. "So, goodnight," I said, starting to get out.

"Bella," he stopped me. He took a deep breath. "C-can I kiss you?"

I sort of went still, but then eventually nodded.

I knew I wasn't butterflies-in-the-stomach about Ben, so why did I saw "yes?"

I said yes because he just seemed so nervous, and I didn't want to say "no." I also said yes because I really did have a fun time tonight. But I also said yes out of just plain curiosity. I hadn't ever really kissed anyone who wasn't Edward. Ben had given me a small kiss before. But I wanted to give it another go, really give it a chance.

We leaned into each other, and this time it was more than a little peck. I kissed him back passionately, ran my tongue along his lips, opened my mouth just slightly. I felt his tongue go in my mouth and it was awkward and poky.

Ben wasn't a very good kisser, but I tried to do my best to kiss him with everything I had anyway. Though I was trying to kiss Ben like I would kiss Edward, it was still different. With Edward I stopped thinking, and just wanted to melt into him. With Ben, I was going through the motions.

"Wow," Ben said when we pulled apart. All I could do was give a small, half-hearted.

"Goodnight," I said, making my escape.

"Night."