ATUHOR'S NOSE - I mean Author's Notes: Hey there! This is the first fanfiction I've written in about 7 years. Hope ya like it! This has also been cross-posted to my account, where I am known as Sailor Comet. Check it out if you want to read my much, much earlier work. Enjoy this odd little story! -Sam

The princess' ruby-red eyes shone as she set her determined gaze on the skies above Crystal Tokyo. She gripped the Space-Time Key in her slender hand. It had been many years since she had visited the world of Old Tokyo, and as her 16th birthday had neared, she felt an odd pull to return to the 20th century she had once felt so comfortable in.

"Small Lady?" Neo-Queen Serenity's clear, strong voice called. The monarch's deep blue eyes landed upon her daughter and her expression softened into one of reflection. "I suppose I shouldn't call you that anymore, you're so...grown up." The last words were slowed by maternal pride bringing tears to the queen's eyes.

The princess stepped over to her mother and replied, "How about 'Tall Lady,' then?" She broke into a mischievous grin as the queen's eyes cleared and peered up at her, unamused by the entire inch that her pink-haired daughter towered over her by.

"Anyway, Chibiusa," Serenity raised her eyebrows as she reverted to the child's 20th century nickname. "Why did you leave the party? You're having fun, aren't you?" She placed a warm hand on her daughter's arm while her eyes searched the princess' face.

Chibiusa was quick to nod emphatically, "Oh yes Mama, the party is wonderful, I just...I want to go back for a little while."

"Back...?" Neo-Queen Serenity's gaze became confused briefly. "Oh! You mean, back to Old Tokyo?" The small queen peered at her daughter as the younger Usagi nodded, "I'm a little surprised, it's been so long since you visited! Is there some particular reason why?"

"I-I'm not sure, Mama..." Chibiusa struggled to articulate her feelings. "I'm not sure if it has something to do with my 16th birthday, but I just feel that..." She looked her mother in the eyes, a determined glint in her own red ones, "I just have to go, Mama! Maybe it's some sort of beckoning from Usagi and the others, but for some reason I'm being pulled back there!"

Neo-Queen Serenity caught the glint in her daughter's eyes and nodded. Despite the air of formality the queen kept up, Serenity wasn't about to stifle a chance for adventure. "All right, Chibiusa. I'll explain to your guests when I return to the ballroom." The regal woman grabbed Chibiusa for an embrace. Her arms were protective and strong despite her small stature. Chibiusa breathed the scent of roses in her mother's perfume as Serenity whispered, "Promise me you'll be careful, my darling daughter."

Chibiusa nodded and relaxed her head on her Mama's shoulder. "I will, Mama." The two women parted and Chibiusa pulled the Disguise Pen from the tiny pink clutch she was holding.

"Where did you get that?" Serenity demanded, her eyes wide. "I've been looking everywhere for it!"

"Um, well, there was this one time that Hotaru and I wanted to go to a fancy dress party and, uh, the theme was h-"

"Chibiusa!" Serenity looked so much like her sixteen-year-old self when she was displeased.

"Heh heh, well I should be off, Mama, gotta get going, being pulled back you know, connections from the past and, um, that stuff," Chibiusa evaded pathetically.

Serenity shook her head and sighed. "Please return the pen to me when you get back, alright?"

Chibiusa nodded and raised the pen over her head, "Moon Power! Disguise me as a sailor-suited school girl!" The princess' pale pink ball gown was replaced with an outfit far less regal by the beams of light surrounding her body. Chibiusa looked down at the familiar sailor suit with a smile and raised the Time Key over her head. "Time, align for me and open the gate across time and space!" The Time Key charged with a pink glow as Chibiusa continued, "I call upon the power of Chronos to bring me safely through time! Ruler and Guardian of Time, guide and protect me!" A pink beam of light shot forth into the heavens and drew Chibiusa up towards the clouds. Chibiusa smiled at her concerned mother as she rose towards the cosmos. "Don't worry Mama, I'm going back to right after the defeat of Chaos, to a time of happiness and peace." Chibiusa disappeared into the clouds, speeding towards another destination in time and space.

Serenity felt the confidence her daughter exuded as the princess ventured off guided by Chronos' hand. Her heart swelled with pride at witnessing the wonderful young woman her daughter had become. She glanced back towards the palace, which housed the continuing birthday festivities. "Ah, 16..." Serenity murmured in reminiscence. A blush warmed her face. "16, that's how old I was when..." Her bashful expression slackened into horror in realization. She whipped her head back around to where Chibiusa once stood in a panic. "Wait, did she say right after the..." Serenity's eyes widened. "Oh, FUCK!" she cried as she dashed back towards the ballroom.

Chibiusa landed gracefully in a small park in Azabu Juban. Her heart warmed at the familiarity around her, and automatically she knew the route to take to her destination. She broke into a decidedly unladylike gallop. Free of the constraints of her princess image, she careened along as Old Tokyo's setting sun warmed her face. The grin on her face grew wide as her eyes spotted a familiar building and dashed up to the glass door that served as its entrance. Chibiusa's gaze flicked to the apartment call box briefly. It had been so long since her last visit that the number of her destination had grown foggy. She soon spotted the information she sought and was about to ring the buzzer-

"Pardon me, miss," an older gentlemen opened the door she was looking to gain access to and held it open for her as he exited the building.

"Thank you!" Chibiusa responded gleefully at the added layer of surprise her visit would now hold as she skipped to the elevator. She tapped her foot impatiently in the tiny enclosure, her anticipation growing as the elevator rose, passing floors with a gentle beep. Finally she emerged and was walking down carpet lined hallways, turning at corners with familiarity until she reached her destination. The future princess reached forward, fingers touching the doorknob when she heard a familiar voice release a sharp cry from inside.

"Mamo-chan!" her future mother's voice shouted.

"Usagi!" came the panicked whisper from Chibiusa's lips before she instinctively drew up her knee to kick down the door. "PINK MOON KICK!" she yelled more out of habit or for effect than anything and used her well trained senshi strength to bust the door from its hinges. "Usagi!" she cried, "Mamo-chan! Are you...?" she trailed off as she approached the room where the cry originated. Two very confused faces belonging to two very naked people stared back at her. One of them, her long blonde hair in a tousled mess, whispered in horror, "Chibiusa?" She looked between her princely lover and back to her future daughter before conveniently remembering that she was naked as well as in the midst of sexual intercourse and began screaming again for entirely different reasons than before. "Oh my god! Chibiusa! What are you doing here?"

Chibiusa stammered as her teenaged parents dove under their bedsheets, "I heard a scream, I-I...oh my God..." Her face turned pink as her hair and then flushed into a violent red.

Mamoru looked back and forth between the two horrified women and tried to pacify his daughter first as Usagi had chosen to emit a low, monotonous scream into her pillow. "Now, Chibiusa-" he struggled, "When a man and a woman love each other very-"

"Oh my god, Papa! I don't need the talk, you and Mama told me all that stuff when I was 12, I'm 16 now!" Chibiusa yelled, her sanity evaporating.

Usagi stopped her mechanical hum of horror and sat up to look at Chibiusa. "Oh my goodness," she said, a strange calm washing over her. "You're so...grown up." Chibiusa heard her Mama's voice from the 30th century echo Usagi in her head. The young princess would have been touched if she wasn't completely horrified by the situation.

"Our daughter," Mamoru added taking Usagi's hand in one of his and gently embracing her shoulders with the other. The two shone briefly with pride before Chibiusa exploded again.

"I'm the same age as you, Usagi!" she shrieked.

The blonde girl laughed hesitantly. "Oh yeah."

Chibiusa shook her head. "Wait a minute...you were my age when you...oh no..." Her last tidbits of sanity crumbled. "Was I pulled back to witness my...my..."

"HAS THE COITUS BEEN COMPLETED?" A booming voice asked. A swirling portal of space and time opened on the wall opposite of the bed and a tall figure stepped out. Sailor Pluto stood before them, Garnet Rod in hand and looking thoroughly unimpressed.

"Puu!" Chibiusa cried, using the special nickname she had given Sailor Pluto as a child.

The soldier of time sighed and slumped, "Look, Small Lady, we're going to have to talk about that one, you're 16 now and are more than capable of pronouncing the word 'Pluto' and all the other soldiers are laughing at me because it sounds like an English word that has somehow entered common parlance meaning-"

"Sailor Pluto?" Mamoru interrupted, pulling the bedsheets up to his chin. "What's going on?"

The stately soldier turned to him, "I was informed by Her Majesty Neo-Queen Serenity of a possible disturbance in the timeline and I am here to ensure that the continuity and integrity of the timeline is retained."

"What are you talking about?" Usagi squeaked, her face hot with embarrassment.

Sailor Pluto spoke in a grave voice, "Today is the day of Small Lady's conception."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Chibiusa sank to the floor and curled up rather suitably in a fetal position as her fears were confirmed.

"T-today?" Usagi stammered. She looked at Mamoru accusingly. "But we used protection, didn't we?"

"You saw me put the condom on, Usako! I guess we'll have to...go for it again...without it?" Mamoru tried to appease his beloved while trying to wrap his head around the situation.

Usagi turned back to the guardian of time, even more overwhelmed. "Is it really today, Pluto? Right after we defeat Chaos? I don't know if I can handle this so soon..." Her eyes began to take a watery sheen.

Sailor Pluto saw the weary look in Usagi's eyes and her face softened. "I can't imagine what you've been through today, Usagi-san, and I know this is a lot to take in, but if the conception does not happen today your daughter will be a different child entirely."

Usagi's eyes widened and she stared at the teenage girl on the floor. Memories of their time together in both peaceful times and in the heat of battle flooded her tired brain. No matter how she felt or all that the pretty soldier had been through, she could never knowingly lose someone she loved so dearly, especially when that person was her own daughter. "No..." she whispered in terror. Usagi composed herself and looked steadily at Sailor Pluto. "What time does she need to be conceived?" she asked resolutely, taking Mamoru's hand.

"I'm working on that precise calculation right now" came a new yet familiar voice. Sailor Mercury of the future stepped through the portal from behind Sailor Pluto, tapping away at her computer.

"GYAAH!" Usagi yelled in surprise. "Are we going to have an audience while we do this?"

"It is our duty to be at the ready when there is a threat to the lives of the Royal Family, Usagi." came the authoritative voice of the fire soldier and sure enough the future forms of Sailors Mars, Jupiter, and Venus stepped out of the portal as well.

"Rei-chan? Mako-chan? Minako-chan? Ami-chan?" Usagi blinked in confusion, drawing her sheets closer around herself. "But when I left Hikawa Shrine, you were all-"

"We're from the future, Usagi-chan!" Sailor Venus winked. She held some sort of book in her hand that Usagi didn't recognize.

"Oh..." Usagi peered for a moment at her smiling friends. "I thought we stopped ageing after I took the throne..."

The soldiers nodded. "We did," Sailor Jupiter answered, raising an eyebrow.

"It's just that Rei-chan has tiny little crow's feet at her eyes..." Usagi pointed out slyly.

"Usagi, you idiot! The only wrinkles I get are from dealing with you!" The fire of Mars was in full force as Rei stomped around to Usagi's side of the bed to berate her. "Honestly Usagi, I come here to do my soldier's duty and my duty to you as a friend to protect you and your family and the first thing you comment on is my wrinkles? I'm sorry if I don't have the young nubile body full of uncontrollable urges you possess right now!" she roared with all the snark she could muster.

Usagi glared up at the fiery soldier. "You're one to talk, Rei-chan! We all saw the way you were looking at Yuichirou when we got back! Bet your present self is about to show him a little of your 'fire soul,' aren't you?"

Sailor Mars blushed violently. "That's- he's..." she sputtered, "Well you know when you spend all of your time defending the free world you get frustrated in those ways...and...and he had such a good head of hair in those days..." The soldier took a brief, awkward moment of reverie before snapping at Usagi again. "Hey! It's not my love life we're dealing with here, you moron, so stay out of it!"

"Well I didn't ask to put a show for all of you!" Usagi glared, growing ever more flustered. "So why don't you take your mean attitude and stick it up your-"

"Stop it both of you!" Sailor Venus cried. "We need to focus on the matter at hand!" She stepped elegantly around to Usagi's side of the bed and gently prodded her fuming raven-haired comrade out of the way. Sailor Mars slumped and Usagi was equally humbled by Sailor Venus' reprimand. Venus knelt down beside the bed. "Usagi, I have gained vast knowledge in my duty as the soldier of love and beauty."

Usagi nodded hesitantly.

Venus flipped open the tome she was holding and showed the pages she had selected to Usagi. "Position number 45 here is excellent for conception."

Usagi shrieked at the detailed diagram on the pages and snatched the book from Sailor Venus' hands. "What the hell is this, Minako-chan?" She slammed the book shut to read its cover. " 'V-Chan's Guide to Passion: Sex Positions That Will Turn Your Bland Love Affair Into a Miracle Romance.' " she read. Usagi stared at Sailor Venus in bewilderment. "You wrote a SEX MANUAL?"

"Uh, yeah, goddess of love, remember?" Sailor Venus responded casually. Mars, Mercury, and Jupiter shook their heads at Venus' severe disconnect from the situation. None of them seemed particularly surprised at the existence of the manual much to both the moon princess' chagrin.

"You told me your book project was a guide to freshening your hairstyle and colour coordinating with accessories!" Chibiusa wailed at Sailor Venus. "I'm sick of being called 'Yamhead'! This is the worst birthday ever!" Sailor Jupiter knelt to try and comfort the distraught princess.

"Aw sweetie, you were going to find out the truth soon," the solider of love spoke soothingly. "You didn't get to open my birthday present for you yet!"

"You gave my daughter a sex manual for her 16th birthday?" Mamoru attempted to channel his future Kingly self as her glared down at her, the bedsheets still clutched around his chin dampening the effect somewhat.

"Well hey, we were all around 16 when we started, I thought she might as well learn some techniques from the best," Sailor Venus swept her arm through her shining hair with a brilliant though thoroughly oblivious smile. "I almost didn't get it done in time, I needed a little extra counsel on my 'Ms Tall and Brawny' chapter."

"Ms. Tall and Brawny...?" Chibiusa spoke, looking up at the tall and brawny soldier kneeling beside her. Sailor Jupiter stood up, let out a strange laugh that died into a cough and brusquely stepped out of the room. The clattering of pots and pans in the kitchen was soon heard.

"Will you all please stop bickering, I'm trying to do my calculations!" Sailor Mercury implored, a slight blush tinting her cheeks.

"I'm just trying to help the process, Mercury!" Sailor Venus replied, exasperated.

"We were doing just fine until everybody showed up!" Usagi retorted, on the verge of tears again. "Mamo-chan, stop reading that book!" The future queen screeched as she smacked the sex tome out of her lover's hands.

Sailor Pluto stood slumped as the inner senshi yelled at each other. Sometimes guarding the Space-Time Door for all eternity didn't seem like such a bad deal. She looked over at the dejected pile of cotton-candy haired princess lying on the floor. "Small Lady?" she spoke gently, walking over to her. The tall soldier knelt down, setting her Garnet Rod aside and placing a hand comfortingly on the teenager's head. "Don't despair, Princess. I know this has been an overwhelming day for you, but just hang in there. Soon you can return safely to your own time and rejoin your party." She smiled. "I haven't had the chance yet to tell you what an amazing young lady you have become. I'm so proud of you."

Chibiusa raised her head and sniffled, smiling up at her friend and guardian. "Thanks, Puu!"

The long suffering soldier of time let out a small sigh that went unnoticed by anyone else in the room.

"Why are you getting so upset, Usako? Don't you think Variation B of Position number 17 looks kind of fun?" Mamoru sputtered desperately, trying to calm Usagi's anger.

" 'Fun' isn't our priority here, Mamo-chan! " Usagi seethed, her knuckles going white from gripping the bedsheets up around herself.

"I know, I know, Usako, but I can hardly 'perform' when the room is filled with people!" Mamoru protested.

"Actually if you turn to page 82, I've included some tips on solving performance issues in situations involving multiple people!" Sailor Venus chimed in brightly.

"WHO WANTS COOKIES?" came a high-pitched yet still booming call as Sailor Jupiter entered the room with a tray of freshly baked cookies.

Sailor Mars stared at her, bewildered. "How in the hell did you bake those so quickly?"

"Uh...that's...heh..." Sailor Jupiter fumbled as she blushed. "I-"

"Mako-chan lets off a little electrical discharge when she gets...em...flustered." Minako-chan revealed coyly.

"VENUS!" Sailor Jupiter cried, dropping the tray of cookies and leaping across the room to strangle the so-called Goddess of Love. Sailor Mars quickly jumped in her path to try and placate Ms. Tall and Brawny. A shouting match erupted featuring revelations of sexual preferences blended with childish competition to make a perfect mix of chaos and idiocy.

"Everybody, shut up!" Sailor Mercury finally cried. Silence fell as all eyes turned to the genius soldier. "The calculation is ready."

Usagi and Mamoru clutched at each other, barely able to breathe. Chibiusa stood up and shot a scared glance at Sailor Pluto, who wrapped an arm around the young girl's shoulders. Mars, Venus and Jupiter wordlessly joined hands.

"Princess Serenity III, conception date June 30, 1997 at 6:47 and 32.57 seconds." Sailor Mercury rattled off, her expression freezing.

There was a sharp intake of breath and a cry from the couple in the bed as reality sunk in viciously.

"No! NO!" Usagi cried and threw herself back on the bed to bury her face in the pillows.

"That...that was over 20 minutes ago..." Mamoru spoke numbly, letting the sheets fall from his chin as his arms slackened and fell at his sides. A sense of cold, the cold of death settled over the room.

"No..." Chibiusa let out a choked gasp. "It can't be...I just celebrated my birthday...and now suddenly I don't exist...?" The teenager fell to her knees and stared at her shaking hands, waiting for them to disappear in sparks of light. Memories of dying in Usagi's arms, the fade to darkness over Usagi's imploring cries sprang up in Chibiusa's mind. Fearful tears drenched her face and choked her gasping breaths.

The other senshi were slumped, tears forming in their own eyes as the chill captured them.

"We were too late. We were doomed before we even arrived," Sailor Jupiter spoke bitterly. "It hasn't even been ten minutes since we got here."

"I don't understand," Sailor Pluto muttered shakily. "Chronos guided me to this time-point..."

"The gods can be cruel..." Tears burned in Sailor Mars' eyes and she sank her face into her hands.

"I can't believe we didn't realize sooner..." Sailor Venus murmured.

"There was no way I could have gotten that calculation any faster, Venus." Sailor Mercury whispered painfully. "But why, why did it take so long?"

"No, no, not that!" Sailor Venus shook her head, her voice curiously devoid of sadness.

The other soldiers turned to look at their nonchalant comrade, who had taken advantage of Usagi and Mamoru's loosened grip on their bedsheets to poke her head underneath the white coverings. She popped back up with a grin on her face as she announced gleefully, "It appears that the King's Cutie Moon Rod had broken the royal condom! Our Small Lady was conceived before we even got here!"

The other soldiers hurriedly dried their tears and looked at Chibiusa with mingled expressions of hope and disbelief.

The teenager got to her feet. She felt strong and stable, no return of the weakening dizziness that had engulfed her into the shadows so long ago. She laughed in relief and was swarmed by her guardians who laughed with her through their joyful tears. Usagi and Mamoru clasped each other and looked lovingly at their future daughter with tears of relief and exasperation in their eyes.

"Now who wants cookies?" Sailor Jupiter asked brightly as she picked the tray and its wayward passengers up off the floor.

"Ahem," Mamoru cleared his throat. "Actually, while we do appreciate all of your...help...I think now that the danger has passed, it might be better if you left now." A shade of pink blossomed across his face.

Sailor Venus giggled. "Aw, you're just embarrassed that I saw your-"

"OUT!" Mamoru barked.

The soldier of love stepped meekly through the portal, her masterpiece in hand. Sailor Mars was about to follow.

"Bye Rei-chan!" Usagi called, blushing at the pettiness of their earlier argument. She sent the fire soldier an apologetic smile.

Sailor Mars smiled back. "Have fun." She winked back at Usagi as she stepped through the portal.

"Sorry for the trouble," Sailor Mercury spoke shyly before following the other two.

Sailor Jupiter winked as she set the tray of cookies on the foot of the bed before she too, stepped through the portal to return to the 30th century. "Come on, 'Poo!'" she snickered mischievously. A peal of laughter followed from Sailor Venus.

"NOT FUNNY." Sailor Pluto shouted into the space-time vortex.

Chibiusa stood before her teenaged parents. "Well, that was not the birthday I was hoping for..."

Usagi reached out her hand, "Work on your timing."

Chibiusa took Usagi's hand, feeling that strange connection that had pulled her back. She looked into Usagi's deep blue eyes. A girl of the same age looked back, yet an entire generation separated the two. Already Chibiusa saw traces of the resolute calm her mother possessed in the teenaged Usagi's eyes.

"Come back again, hey? I miss you when you're not here." Usagi admitted.

"Please knock next time," Mamoru added wearily.

Chibiusa nodded bashfully. She let go of Usagi's hand. "See you soon." She waved before turning to the portal. "Come on, Pluto-chan!"

"Small mercies," Pluto murmured as she followed Chibiusa into the 30th century.

A couple of hours later Chibiusa sat on the palace steps with Hotaru, chatting away as they looked up at the great, pale moon.

"Sounds like quite the eventful birthday," Hotaru commented. "I'm surprised you're not curled up and gibbering."

Chibiusa shrugged. "I guess the threat of having my existence erased cancelled out the potential mental scarring caused by accidentally walking in on my folks having sex, and consequently learning about the sex lives of the other significant adults in my life."

"Sounds about right," Hotaru nodded.

"I'll just pretend that I didn't see Papa exchange that look with Mama after he confiscated my birthday present from Sailor Venus." Chibiusa added.

The tranquil moon shone its calm on the two young women. Chibiusa smiled in the embrace of the moonlight, feeling perhaps the tiniest bit wiser from her bizarre experience. "You know, Hotaru, I think I learned something today," she began.

"Oh? What's that?"

"Chronos is a fuckin' psycho."

END

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY