A/N: This is written for the OTP Boot Camp Challenge (OTP: AlbusScorpius, prompt #16, Silence is golden), a thread found at the HPFC forum.

It's also written for the Prompts, oh, Prompts thread at the NGF forum, the set of April 28th, 2012, which included the following prompts (as well as the pairing): this too, shall pass, dissever, brain, "Can you speak German?"

Many thanks to my brilliant beta-reader mew-tsubaki.

Dedicated to unwrite.

Silence Singes

Hush, Scorpius
don't speak
or or or
you'll spill it ALL
you'll tell everything from how to when to why

you'll say
"I love you" in that way that makes *fireworks* dance in front of my eyes
whenever you smile"

you'll say
"I've loved you so since we were fourteen
when you said that I was your BEST friend and that
I should never
ever
leave you"

and you'll say
"I love you because
you're A.L.B.U.S"
?isn't that enough?

So shh, boy
you don't want him to hear that
do you?

you don't want your most secret
(secret)
to be left out
to him
to him whom it's all
a-b-o-u-t

So when Albus looks concernedly at you
["What's up?"]
you say nothing
nothing that means something
nothing that tells something
because it's better to be quiet

even though this quiet is making you feel as though you will
b!u!r!s!t
and e*x*p*l*o*d*e
Wouldn't that look funny?
blood all over the place
and Albus crying over you
thinking of how he regrets never ever telling you how he loved you

…stop daydreaming, Scorpius
Albus is waiting for an answer

You cough and say that nothing's up
and think of how if things were different
you could have said something dirty there instead
and how he could have laughed at you
and pressed a kiss to your cheek

But that would (will) never ever happen
because when you've said nothing
Albus nods and your eyes meet and then
there's something in them that looks slightly unfamiliar
but then it's not there a.n.y.m.o.r.e

(though you will savour that moment
for now
and bring it back when you're alone
d/i/s/s/e/v/e/r it
think of all it could mean
and push away the idea that
it doesn't mean something)

and he is back to being your BEST friend
and you're back to his

Just as it should be
you shutting up
him not noticing a thing

One day
one of those {silent} days
filled with BABBLE and LaUgHtEr
but still {silent} when it comes to those things that you desperately want to be
SHOUTED out to the world

That day
one of the Scamander twins bumps into you
he's just llooonnngg legs and tatangngleled hair
and you can't tell whether it was intentional or not
but when his cheeks go red
and Dominique Weasley giggles like !m!a!d! behind him
you don't think it was
you ask him if he's all right
with a {quiet} voice
and he says "sure"
and looks as though he wants to sink through the g_r_o_u_n_d
but then Dominique is there again
and says
"Scorpius, what have you done?"

And you remember those months when you two [you & she] were together
and smile at her
because she let you be {quiet}
and she didn't want any explanations
when you broke up
explanations that you didn't have
or at least couldn't form into words
because you were rather {quiet}
Weren't you?

She continues
pulling you out of those remembrances
"You can't just walk into
poor Lysander like that"

And you stutter
try to say something
But I didn't, it wasn't my fault
Dominique, I swear, it was you who pushed him
but you aren't saying anything of this
and you see how Lysander tries to say something too
but he's as {quiet} as you
and your eyes meet over Dominique's
*sparkling* talk
and his glitter a bit
when he smiles shyly at you

It's comfortable
Lysander&&you
you fit pretty well together
he's TaLLer than you
and you're blonder than him
but neither of you need to fill the {silence}
with endless cHaTteR

(that way Albus does
that cHaTteR that you love listening to)

and he isn't making you stay up
for waaaay too long
to talk about tomorrow
because Lysander takes one day at a time
and prefers just lying with you in bed
and listening to your breaths

(but you catch yourself
when you're in your own dorm
realizing that you miss hearing Albus talking into
the early hours
…you hadn't realized he had stopped doing it)

In your brain
you ask him why?
What has changed?
why he doesn't speak to you anymore

Is it because I'm gay and you feel upset that I didn't tell you?
(because then I'm sorry for not telling)

Is it because I'm gay and you think I'm a fucking faggot who should die?
(because then I might very well go and die)

Is it because you're jeal—

No, that's the one thing you don't want to speak
not even in your mind
because then you might start to h.o.p.e

So you just keep on being {quiet}
and holding Lysander's hand
[tighter whenever you feel particularly as though
the {silence} from Albus
who's supposed to be LOUD
is drowning you]

You voice your inquiries to Ly
even though it feels weird
creating words from something
so f-r-a-g-i-l-e that you're afraid that it will
blow away and into nothing
if you're not careful enough

He nods slowly while you speak
and holds your hand with his thumb
resting in that place between your thumb and your index finger
where your skin is extra ssofft

He says
"When I was little
and had a fight with Lorcan
Mum used to remind me of all the other times I had fought with him
and said this, too, shall pass"

His fingers keep tracing your skin
and you suddenly DON'T WANT THEM THERE
they are TOO soft
his fingers TOO slender

"Just think of another fight you've had with Al"
you nod in silence and keep all the words
inside you
as usual

No, no, it has never ever been like this before
It's something else
something new
this won't pass

We might have fought, Albus and I
But he has never ever been quiet

He should be SHOUTING at you
if he's m!a!d

He should be p-u-s-h-i-n-g you into a wall
if he's a!n!g!r!y

Because that's what Albus does
he isn't the avoiding type

So you decide to talk
yes: TALK
to him
yes: TO HIM

you find him by the Black Lake
just as Rose said
and you said to Ly that you needed to be alone
and you don't want to think about Ly
because blonde, tangled, long hair
and light blue eyes
and tanned skin
are the opposite of black hair
and *emerald* eyes
and skin that you want to feel against yours

you wait for him to notice you
he's supposed to greet you
not the other way around
but the lake is burning beneath his eyes
that's how hard he stares at it

hey you say
clearing your throat and repeating yourself
he grumbles something that could resemble a hi
and keeps counting the waves from the look of it
in your mind, sentences ffllyy around
but none of them fit
so you sit down {quietly}

Albus moves a bit
and you think yes, that's the Al I know
impatient
and you're sure he'll speak now
and that it all will go back to normal
it HAS to
but he says nothing

he's waiting for you
you know it
it's your turn
to take the plunge

"Albus, what did I do?
When did it go wrong?"

You say it with a steady voice
and maybe for once
you've defeated the {silence} that is you

He turns around
apparently you aren't the only one
surprised over yourself and the sound
of your voice

"Lysander?" he asks
you don't know what he means
if he means Or was it Lorcan?
(because once I mistook Lorcan for Ly, don't tell)
if he means Why did you pick Lysander of all people?
(because I didn't, it just happened)
if he means Are you still with Lysander?
(because I am but it doesn't matter, I don't want to)
if he means Is Lysander really better than me?
(because no, Albus, no, no one is)

"What?" you ask

He says "Don't"

You don't know what he means so
you slip back into the safety that's {silence}
and wait for him to explain
but he doesn'the stands up in one a!n!g!r!y movement
and looks at you
that way that is so him
but yet you've never seen him like this
before

His eyes are burning, desperate
"Scorpius,
you have to tell me
this one time
you can't be silent
you can't wait for me to figure it out
myself
because I can't"

The words are j-a-g-g-e-d and the consonants r.u.s.t.y
and you think of how sounds can be so different
ssllooww and -quick-
HARD and (soft)
t'h'i'n and T_H_I_C_K

"Scorpius, say it
tell me
why and when
I thought there was something
I thought"

He sits down again

"I thought it began, that it was the start
I was sure
but then you and Scamander…"

You don't really hear him
and yet you do
you want to answer but I didn't know
you want to SHOUT I'm sorry
but you just shake your head
and are {silent}

He hugs his knees to his body
and the {silence} is there
what should you say
to make it right?

Ly is w-a-i-t-i-n-g for you
and Albus is ho.p.i.n.g for you

and you are {quiet}
and the Black Lake is more than inviting

"Can you speak German?"
you ask

It's easy to say that because it's not
I love you
or
I'm sorry
it's just a question

Albus looks strangely at you
of course
and shakes his head
saying
"Can you speak French?"

You shake your head, too
"Maybe we don't always speak the same language"

"Maybe we don't—
could we please try and do it now?"

You nod slowly and he smiles at you
you want to tell him of the *fireworks*
but you're not quite ready for that
so you say
"I think I have a boyfriend I need to break up with"
and he giggles
and you feel a bit awful when you LaUgH as well
you feel very awful
but it's Albus
and he's giggling and grabbing your hand
and to be honest this is so much better
because it's what you've always wanted
even though you're awful for thinking so

But it's still ALBUS.