A/N: So duckynoel text me when the Opening Ceremonies started tonight (well last night now) and said she wanted to read an Olympic fic. Stupidly I agreed to write one. The plan is to update everyday for the next 17 days. It could be 2 words in a chapter or 10,000 (-ya right, it will never be 10,000). Duckynoel is my beta/pre-reader and we are doing this quickly late at night so don't crucify us for some grammar crap yo. Also, I've only attended an Olympics, never volunteered or competed so it's all completely made up and not factual. Ps. none of these characters are mine, just borrowed for 17 days.

Holy. Freakin'. Crap.

It is time. They've all arrived, the rings have been hung, the medals polished and most importantly the condom dispensers stocked.

Did you know that there are 150,000 condoms in the athlete's village? There are even bets that they are going to run out. I happen to know that they will, because Edward Cullen and I are going to use every single one.

Who is Edward Cullen you ask? Well first, shame on you for not knowing, he's only the best and hottest swimmer ever. If you Wiki him you will find out that he is 27, from New York and has six Olympic medals; one for each of his delicious abs that I intend to lick in their entirety.

I suppose I should tell you that I haven't ever met Edward Cullen…yet. I fully intend to, and when we do the gods of Olympus will be shining down on us as we give into our inevitable lust and I will give him my virginity. The intense preparation and strategy sessions that I, Bella Swan, have undergone to prepare for this moment are extensive.

My plan began over a year ago. Yes, a whole year! We are talking a double-0-seven, covert special ops type of operation here. I have lived with my dad in a small town in Washington state since I can remember, spending the odd week here and there with my mother in whatever country she had set herself up in for the time being.

Luck should have it that my mother actually settled down in London England with her new husband three years ago. This new husband Phil, happened to be head of the planning committee for the London 2012 Olympics. That is when I knew the gods approved of my deflowering plan and were aligning the starts in perfection.

So after celebrating my 18th birthday, I transferred in my last year of high school to a school in London, and selflessly agreed to become a volunteer for the Games of the thirtieth Olympiad. That is when I really got down to business, securing the very best volunteer positions and becoming a woman of action. Unfortunately, there is no Olympic Speedo putter-on assistant, or Olympic bed turner downer, or even personal condom hander-outer. Believe me, I proposed each one to my step-daddikins and each was unjustly turned down.

I have however, scored one hell of a schedule. Of course getting assigned to all swimming events was a must, as well as assignments to the athlete's village after the swimming events are over and even a stellar role in the Opening Ceremonies.

At first the stupid choreographer guy wanted me as some pilgrim type, dirt smudged, frumpy clothes wearing, iron worker person. Gross and so never happening. I righted that quick. I informed him that I would look great in the black and gold track suit strutting around lighting flames and shit but they decided to go in a different direction for that job. I was also immediately shut down when I offered to carry the US flag…apparently there are specific requirements for that position.

Instead, I get to carry the sign for the United States. Yeah it's a little uncomfortable and awkward to hold this sign, and the dress isn't as form fitted as I would like, but I do get a prime spot hanging out with the athletes before the parade and get some prime camera time on NBC. This is paramount as Edward isn't going to be at the ceremonies. He competes tomorrow and needs to be on top of his game if he's going to beat that evil Jacob Black. Well I guess evil is an unfair description. Apparently they are friends but trust me, Jacob Black is way over rated. So what if he won more Gold medals in a single Games than anyone else, big deal, he barely won that last gold in Beijing, just luck I tell you. Unlike my man EC who is all talent.

As we all gather waiting for the parade to start I decide to make friends with any swimmers I can find. We bond over discussions of team outfits, I mean seriously Czech Republic, rubber boots? Give me a break. I bet you showed up in Vancouver two years ago wearing parkas. Debating who the biggest fash-hole in this room is could go on for weeks, but suddenly we are being shuffled into our starting positions and making are way towards the entrance of the Olympic Stadium.

Hearing the roar of the audience excites me and I place a mega-watt smile across my face and step into the light. I repeat a mantra to myself; walk carefully and sway my hips slightly to portray a sexy sign holder and get my subversive message of sex across the screen and into the eyes of my Speedoward.

The dignitaries are seated to our right. I give a nod of what's up to Michelle Obama as we pass her and then search for her Majesty the Queen. When I was younger I was convinced that she would be my future grandmother-in-law, but alas I have moved on to bigger and better and tighter and swoonier things. Which right now seems like it was a great plan because that lady looks pissed. She's at the biggest party on the planet and she's checking out a hang-nail while the geezer next to her has fallen asleep. Lame.

We get through all the boring ass speeches. I try to pay attention to Phil when he is talking because I know my mom will want to dissect it later but he's so mono-tone I think the Queen has joined her neighbour in that quick catnap.

A flag is raised, a flame is lit, and we all cheer and now can blow this pop-stand. A couple other volunteer girls and I are going to go party it up in the village thanks to my all access pass from Phil. Tomorrow, Edward wins his first gold of these games and I will have my first face to face encounter with him. That fireworks display tonight will have nothing on us.