The Sunset Means So Much

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

We were an Island, you were the one that broke away,

I was a mess before you came

-Fossil Collective

(Let It go)

As the light in the sky slowly started to fade, Cammie picked at the threads on her sweatshirt sleeve. The whole thing was tattered and worn, but had the complete sense of comfort to her. She sat on the balcony's floor, her head leaning against the doorway, her knees drawn up to her chest. The light of the sun was almost completely gone, the yellows and oranges turning into blues and purples. It wouldn't be long until the sky was nothing but black; another day come and gone.

Down below, the street lamps had illuminated and the guards were switching out for the night shift. Students were hurrying inside from their classes at the P&E barn, eager not to miss dinner. And here she was, on the balcony of Madame Dabney's tea room, watching as the day slowly became night.

"Have you been here all day?" a voice asked from behind her. She didn't answer but abandoned picking at her sleeve and wrapping her arms around herself as the chilly night became cooler.

"Hey," he said, coming to sit next to her, touching her shoulder. "What's wrong?"

She almost wanted to laugh at the complete lack of understanding in his voice. But she didn't blame him, he couldn't have known. On the other hand he was a spy, and should certainly be able to piece it together.

"Gallagher Girl?"

She shook her head. "Go away Zach," she said, her voice a monotone. All she wanted was to be alone.

"What's happened?"

She recoiled from his touch even though she knew she shouldn't be acting like this.

"Have you been up here all day?" he asked, concern evident in his voice. "Are you losing time again?"

It wasn't like Zach to be so inquisitive but he didn't understand what was wrong with her.

"I'm awake," she said, her voice clear and strong. "Please leave."

"I don't understand."

"You don't have to," she snapped. She wasn't mad at him, more at herself, and more likely: at his bloodthirsty mother. She couldn't bear to look into his eyes at this moment. The same eyes Catherine had.

"Tell me what's wrong," he said, his voice was soft and silky, reminding her of all the reasons why she loved him.

She didn't want to tell him— she wanted him to already know.

"You have the same eyes as your mother," she said quietly, not looking at him. She knew that that would hurt him but the words passed through her lips without even consenting with her brain.

"What are you—" he cut himself off then. "You think of me as her. When you look at me you see her," he guessed.

She shrugged. "Not usually."

"Cammie," he said again in his soft voice. "Please tell me what I've done wrong."

"Not you," she said, and reached over and took his hand.

"Who?"

"The circle," she whispered. "Your mother."

"Cammie what happened?" his voice taking on a sense of urgency. "Did they come—?"

She shook her head. "Zach," she said softly. "Today is my dad's birthday."

That left him speechless. He didn't know how to make her feel any better than he had when she hadn't told her the reason she was upset.

"Oh," was all that managed to come out of him. "I didn't know."

She tried to smile. "I know."

He didn't ask her if she was okay and she blessed him for that.

"And this is the first time you know he's not coming back?" he guessed, his voice not intent on hurting, just laying out the truth.

She nodded. "Never."

He placed an arm around her, and played with the shot hairs at the base of her neck. "You don't look like you."

"That didn't make sense."

"You look lost."

She found it eerie how well he knew her. "I guess I am."

"It's just another day."

"It's his day, and your mother took it away from him."

He didn't have anything to say that.

"I don't see her when I look at you," she said a moment later. "I don't. Except for this morning and I just couldn't—" her voice cracked and she stopped talking. Zach only now realized that she was crying.

"So you avoided me all day?"

"I needed to be alone."

His next words were quiet, "I love you Gallagher Girl, I am never going to let anyone hurt you."

She didn't hesitate to say, "they already have."

His arm tightened. She knew it was his way of trying to comfort her, trying to convince her he was going to protect her.

"He's never coming back," she said, the finality of it ringing clear in her teary voice.

"Cammie," he said softly. "You've got so many people who care about you. Your father does to, and I know this might sound harsh but you've got to get past it."

It didn't sound harsh, it sounded like something Zach would say to her. He didn't try to sugar coat it because in the end he knew what was best for her.

"I've felt miserable all day," she muttered.

"I don't think he'd want you to be sad," Zach said quietly, stroking her hair with his free hand. It was such a clichéd thing to say but Cammie knew he was right.

Her father wouldn't want her to be so distressed over it. But he'd understand; he'd have to.

"I know," she said softly. "I just miss him."

"If I could trade my mother for your father I would in a heartbeat."

It meant a lot to her that he'd said that. She sighed. "Me too."

He laughed quietly and they sat in silence, Zach giving her peace of mind.

"We should go inside," Zach said after a while, the sky now a midnight black. He kissed the top of her head. "You're roommates probably think I abducted you."
She nodded but didn't say anything, allowing him to pull her up and grip her hand. As they began walking down the stairs Cammie stopped, tugging on Zach's hand.

"Zach," she said softly.

He turned to look at her. "Yes?"

"I love you."

He smiled. "I know."

"I know you aren't like Catherine."

He nodded again.

"I was being stupid, and I'm sorry."

"You're hurting. It's ok."

She smiled, relief spilling over her face. She didn't know how she'd made it through today without him. She didn't know why she hadn't wanted to. He understood what she felt like, and she should have known he would.

"Thank you."

The crookedness of his rare grin made her heart flutter. She liked that his grin wasn't perfect, the way it bent slightly made it hers. She couldn't believe she had tried to push him away. After everything they'd been through, she should have known better. He would always be there, ready to catch her if she tripped or stumbled.

He kissed her briefly. But enough to make her feel like she was somehow closer to heaven.

"Anytime."

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