a/n. Idek. This chapter just went nuts.

4.

WILLIAM MCKINLEY TRAILER PARK, LIMA, OHIO

The FBI had commandeered the only office in the trailer park reception building. From the front door Santana watched the flickering lights from the fire trucks and emergency response officers trying to get the situation under control. Through the window behind her Agent Pierce began to interview the mysterious woman.

"Would you mind removing your eyewear, ma'am?" The woman snapped a bubble from her gum and took off her sunglasses with a smirk like a cocky teenager. "Do you have a name?"

"Nothing you could pronounce."

"Try me," Brittany looked at her intently.

"Shugahmottalpeace," the woman blurted out as rushed as she could.

"Uh, right, cool name. How about if I call you Sugar?" To Brittany's surprise Sugar smiled genuinely at her.

"That'd be rad."

They both looked over as Agent Lopez entered the room. "The fire department just recovered two bodies. Looks like Artie Abrams and his step mother, April. And, uh, April is visible now. Of course," she muttered. Santana turned to Sugar with a sharp glare. "But what I'd really love an explanation for is how her corpse got from my locked morgue all the way to Ohio."

Sugar blew another bubble completely unfazed by the Lopez death glare and nodded her head indicating Brittany. "Ask her. She's got it all figured out."

"Oh, I know what she'd say," Santana said. "She'd say that you're some kind of a jinni from 1,001 Nights or something like that and that you grant people wishes."

"Well, there you have it," Sugar nodded, looking pleased with that conclusion.

"One thing I haven't been able to figure out is whether you're a good jinni or an evil one," Santana pondered. "Everybody you come in contact with seems to meet a bad end."

"That's the conclusion you've drawn? That I'm evil?" Sugar's mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. "Rude!"

"Only possibly. Possibly evil," Brittany interrupted to clarify and stop any spiralling confrontations. "Possibly cursed. A curse to others. Maybe."

Sugar looked upset at this. "The only thing people are cursed with is stupidity. Everybody. Mankind. Everyone I have ever come into contact with without fail. Always asking for the wrong thing and then making out like it's my fault!"

"You mean making the wrong wishes?"

"Yeah, it's always: 'Give me money. Give me big boobs.'" Sugar waved her arms about indicating Santana's too good to be true chest.

"I'll have you know these are real!" Santana spluttered indignantly while Brittany bit her lip trying not to laugh.

"Give me a big hoo-hoo. Make me cool like the Fonz." Or whoever's the big name now."

"You been out of circulation for a long time," Brittany noted.

"So what?" Sugar snapped, upset at the thought she was responsible for other people's stupid choices. "People never change," she scowled and flounced back in her seat in a sulk.

Santana and Brittany exchanged a glance, Brittany pleading with her eyes. Santana huffed and asked. "So, have you been doing this a long time?"

"I'll admit that people smell better now, generally speaking, but human greed still reigns supreme... shallowness... a propensity for self-destruction." Sugar continued with her rant.

"Are you saying that you have been a first-hand witness to hundreds of years of human history?" Santana asked with a squeak of disbelief.

"How did you even become a genie?" Brittany asked her curiously.

Sugar's lips curled into a smile, pleased to have an attentive audience taking an interest in her for once. She stood in the centre of the room between the two agents and waved her arms around for dramatic emphasis. "In fifteenth century France is where we lay our scene."

"Bullshit. I'm calling it," Santana interrupted.

Sugar and Brittany ignored her. Santana scoffed but Brittany hushed her much to her indignation. She sat back with a scowl, her arms crossed in defiance. Sugar addressed Brittany instead, who was sitting in front of her with her mouth open in rapt enthralment.

"I was in the fields slaving away under the baking hot sun, harvesting... spuds? No! Turnips, yes, turnips."

"Oh, come on!" Santana couldn't help herself. "Look at you, you'd have a heart attack if you got a speck of dirt under your nails and they didn't even have potatoes in fifteenth century France."

"I said turnips, and it's not normal that you would know about the entire history of potatoes if you're not even Irish. I had this boyfriend once from Ireland who-"

"Sugar, get on with the story before I arrest you for wasting FBI time and doing my head in and stealing my invisible body."

Sugar scowled. "Fine," she huffed. "I was at a yard sale with my folks and accidentally kicked over the carpet. Unfortunately it had Jesse in it."

"Jesse?"

"Jesse was the Ifrit. An Ifrit is a very powerful class of jinni. He was hot so I went out with him for a bit, and it didn't hurt that he promised me the world. I wished for a recording contract and fame and fortune. My Ma went nuts because she thought this guy was a drug dealer and was paying for everything with blood money."

"A recording contract in fifteenth century France?" Santana queried, but Sugar wasn't listening.

"My second wish was for a time machine, but we wont go into that just yet."

Brittany and Santana stared at her in wonderment. Who the hell was this girl?

"What happened to 15th century France?" Brittany asked tentatively.

"Oh, that's the official line. It's not really what happened. I'm from NYC."

"What was your third wish?"

"My third... I pondered for a great while. I didn't want to waste it. So, finally, feeling very intelligent I spoke up and I said, 'I wish for great power and long life.'"

"And became a jinni yourself."

"I know, right? I at least wanted a lamp, or a bottle. It's really hard to keep from smelling musty in a carpet and it ain't no fun in heels, I can tell you. Anyway, Jesse tricked me. We went for a ride in my time machine and then he told me I got his job and house and then the slimy douche ran off with the machine leaving me a couple hundred years away so I couldn't track him down. I'm still figuring out how this magic works, I cant do time travel yet, I have to do it the old fashioned way."

"That's why your wishes are a bit... hit and miss."

"That and I get bored easily and people annoy me. I get that from my ma."

Santana nodded in sympathy.

"What time are you from?" Brittany asked.

Sugar's eyes widened. "Um... not too long to go now. A bit ahead of now."

"I know you spent a lot of time in that carpet and that must keep you young somehow, but how long have you spent out of it, granting wishes?"

"7 years. I was 16 when I got the gig. Two hundred years downtime."

"You're just a kid," Santana said softly. "What about your family?"

Sugar shrugged and sat back down in her chair, her arms wrapped around herself. She looked so much younger than her 223 years. "I always knew I'd see them again." She began to look uncomfortable under their stares. "You've just gotta be specific with your wishes is what I learned. So, am I under arrest?"

Santana rubbed her temples and shook her head. "No. I can't think of anything we have to hold you on. And, not surprisingly we don't have any evidence of any of this, so, uh... I think she's free to go."

"Ahhh, but no, I'm not. She unrolled me," Sugar smirked and pointed to Brittany.

Both women looked at Brittany as her face slowly registered Sugar's words. A mega watt grin spread across her face as she realized what this meant. "I get three wishes."

"Oh my god," Santana whispered.

PIERCE TOWERS

Sugar scratched Lord Tubbington behind his ears much to Brittany's amazement because that cat didn't like anyone touching him, not even Brittany and she was the registered keeper of the can opener.

"So, your partner left the airport rather quickly. I don't think she likes me very much," Sugar said, seeming a bit upset by that.

"I don't think she knows what to make of you and probably thinks you'll lead me astray. I don't think I know what to make of you either, really."

"Well, you could always give up your three wishes. I'll disappear- no hard feelings," Sugar waggled her eyebrows at Brittany who gave her a little smile. "I didn't think so. So, what's your first wish?"

"Well..." She tilted her head to the side and stared off into space, deep in thought, then laughed. "What would your wish be if you were in my place?"

"I'm not you. It doesn't matter," Sugar said offhandedly as she circled the apartment checking out every personal effect she could see while being followed the entire time by Lord Tubbington as though he were escorting her.

"But, I just... you know, I'd like to know."

"I'd... wish that I'd never heard the word "wish" before. I'd wish that I could live my life moment by moment, enjoying it for what it is instead of worrying about what it isn't." Sugar stopped at the window and peeked through the blinds looking out at the traffic and people bustling below. "I'd just wish that I could go home," Sugar said quietly. "And sit and have coffee with my ma and watch my brother and mom play superheroes in his treehouse. I just want to go home," she whispered. "But then again, I'm not you," she spoke up again. "So I doubt that's your wish."

"You know, I think I'm beginning to see the problem here. You say that most people make the wrong wishes, right?"

"Without fail. It's like giving a chimpanzee a revolver."

"This is because they make their wishes solely for personal gain."

"Could be."

"So the trick would be to make a wish that's totally altruistic. That's for everyone. So, um... I wish for peace on earth."

"Peace on earth. That's it?"

At Sugar's words Brittany looked worried. "What's wrong with that? You can't do it?"

"No. I can," Sugar looked with what Brittany thought was a pitying stare at her. "It's done."

Brittany beamed in delight. The ecstatic look on her face froze and then fell into panic when she realized that all the sounds from the traffic outside had disappeared. "Oh, crap."

She went to the window and tugged on the cord for the blinds. Her jaw dropped open at the sight below and she ran for the door, pausing only to trip over Lord Tubbington before running outside. Outside, the street was full of empty cars and buses. Brittany stared at a bus stopped in the middle of the intersection with no one aboard.

"Oh crap, oh crap. I should have seen this coming!" She looked around the street but there wasn't a soul in sight. She began to run down the street heading for the FBI building. "Santana!"

FBI HEADQUARTERS

Brittany burst into her office, "Santana?" but there was no answer. She hurried though the deserted building checking each room, the lab, the cafeteria, but there was no sign of Santana or, in fact, anyone else. Random piles of scattered files on the floor indicated where people may have been walking before they... disappeared.

"Hello? Hello?" Brittany called out desperately. Reaching Assistant Director Fabray's office she checked inside but it was also empty.

Brittany kicked the floor with her foot and then applauded sarcastically looking around the empty room. "Alright, very good. Very impressive. Ha har. Sugar? Sugar, whatever the hell your name is..." She tailed off when she spotted Sugar sitting in Fabray's chair, her feet up on the desk and a smug grin on her face.

"You called?"

"What the hell is this?"

"It's what you asked for. Peace on earth. Listen." She put her hands up to cup her ears and exaggeratedly listened to the lack of sound.

"You know damn well that's not what I meant."

"You didn't specify."

"This has nothing to do with specificity. You don't have to wipe out the entire population of the whole planet just to effect a little peace on earth and goodwill towards men."

"You didn't say goodwill towards men. So, what, you expect me to change the hearts of six billion people? No religion in history has been able to pull that off. Not Allah or Buddha or Christ. But you'd like me to do that in your name? So... what? You can feel real good about yourself?"

"Did I say that?" Brittany got all defensive. "I didn't say that. Where the hell is Santana?"

Sugar clicked her tongue in a tutting sound. "Hmm, how grotesquely egotistical of you. I bet you wish you hadn't made your first wish."

"Yes, I do," Brittany yelled. "Since you butchered the intent of that wish so completely. And another thing, I think you've got a really horrible attitude. I guess that comes from being rolled up in a rug for the last 200 years."

Brittany continued to rail at Sugar not noticing her second wish had been granted already and undone the first. In the office, seated around the conference table, Assistant Director Fabray and five other agents watched Agent Pierce with great interest as she shouted at, what was to them, thin air and an empty seat.

"But we're not all that stupid! We're not all chimpanzees with revolvers. I think there's another possibility here and that's just that you're kind of a bitch," she pointed furiously at the chair behind the desk.

Sugar twirled a finger and indicated that the irate Agent should look behind her. Brittany slowly turned around with an escalating sense of dread creeping up on her. As she did, Sugar disappeared with a chuckle.

"Agent Pierce?" Assistant Director Fabray was staring at the agent with a mixture of astonishment and confusion.

Brittany gulped. "Ma'am."

"How did you get in here?" Fabray asked, puzzled.

Brittany's face flushed pink in sheer embarrassment and she shuffled her feet wondering if she should use her last wish for a hole to open up in the floor beneath her. "Uh..."

X-FILES OFFICE, FBI BUILDING

In her office, Brittany typed furiously away at her computer focused entirely on her document while Sugar leaned on the back of her chair and snorted aloud every few seconds as she read the agent's words. She read aloud a selective few sentences of Brittany's writing.

"Whereas, I have one wish left and desire to use it most effectively for the good of all mankind" yadda, yadda, yadda... 'Here on this plane of existence...' Hmm... Hmm-hmm. What, are you a lawyer?" She looked down at Brittany who ignored her and continued typing. Sugar grinned. "You're cute, d'you know that? I can see why she likes you."

"What?" Brittany looked up.

"Never mind. But you should probably get a move on with it, I wasnt born yesterday."

"I'm going to get this last wish perfect. I'm not going to leave you any loopholes. I'm not going to let you interpret this as an edict to bring back the Third Reich or to make everyone's eyes grow on stalks."

"Oh, geez," Sugar melodramatically drew her hand up to cover her heart. "And I was so looking forward to that."

Agent Lopez entered the office with a file of papers in her arms and eyed the two of them with equal amounts concern and suspicion. "Fabray called me, Pierce. Is everything all right?"

Brittany jumped up from her seat and practically bounded over to Santana, grabbing her by the shoulders and inspecting her carefully. "You don't remember disappearing off the face of the earth for about an hour this morning?"

"Uh, no?"

Brittany hugged Santana tightly, crushing the pile of papers between them. "Oh, thank God." She stood back with a great sigh of relief. "Well then, I guess everything's okay."

Santana sighed and began to speak. "Okay... Bri..." She turned and looked at Sugar who was unashamedly watching their every move. "Could you give us a minute, please?"

"Sure." Sugar didn't move from where she was leaning against the computer desk.

Santana took another step towards Brittany and then not having heard Sugar leave the room she turned back around. "Like today?"

There was no one there. Sugar had disappeared. "Where did she go?"

Brittany crossed her arms 'I Dream of Jeannie' style and did a dorky head boink. "Boink!"

"No... It's got to be hypnotism or mesmerism or … something."

"Santana, it is what it is. You examined an invisible body, remember?"

"I thought I did."

Brittany rolled her head in frustration. "Argggh!"

"All right, say that you're right. Say this is what it is. Then what you're doing is extraordinarily dangerous. I mean, you even said that yourself."

"The trick is to be specific, to make the wish perfect. Sugar told me herself, I think she likes us," Brittany smiled. "That way, everyone is going to benefit. It's going to be a safer world, a happier world. There's going to be food for everyone, freedom for everyone, the end of the tyranny of the powerful over the weak. Am I leaving anything out?"

"It sounds wonderful," Santana said wistfully.

"Then what's the problem?"

"B, maybe that's the whole point of our lives, to achieve that. Maybe it's a process that one person shouldn't try and circumvent with a single wish."

Santana hesitated as Brittany thought over her words, then sighed and left the office. She stuck her head back around the door a moment later. "Just tell me you didn't watch 'I Dream of Jeannie' as research material, did you?"

"Of course not," Brittany snorted and chuckled. She turned back to the computer and button bashed in an attempt to look busy. Santana smirked and left again.

"You ready?" Sugar asked, popping up out of nowhere.

"Yeah, I'm ready." Brittany closed document she was working on and turned off the monitor. She turned to face Sugar. And smiled.

PIERCE TOWERS (later that evening)

Brittany put a DVD in the player, the screen displaying the FBI warning as she picked up the bowl of popcorn at her side and threw herself down on the couch next to Santana.

"I can't believe you don't want butter on your popcorn. Ugh. It's un-American."

Santana ignored her snub and picked up the DVD case. "'The Invisible Man'. Really, Britt? You went there after I saw your 'I Dream of Jeannie' boxset hidden under the Aspidistra and I didn't even make a comment about it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. 'The Invisible Man' is a classic American movie."

Santana slumped back on the couch and took the opened beer Brittany passed her. "That's what you say about every movie you make me watch."

"Okay, when you invite me over to your place we can watch 'Jersey Shore' or whatever it is you're obsessed with."

"I've got the latest boxset," Santana's eyes lit up.

"Oh great."

Santana flicked her beer cap across the room and landed it unerringly in the waste bin. Brittany threw her beer cap in the same direction. Santana snorted into her beer as the second cap bounced off the wall and onto the floor, missing the bin completely. Lord Tubbington pounced on it immediately, well, as immediately as a cat the size of a warthog can pounce. Brittany huffed until Santana swung her legs up on the couch and stretched them out into her lap.

"So, what's the occasion?"

"I don't know. Just felt like the thing to do. Cheers."

"Cheers." They tapped bottles and drank.

"I don't know if you noticed but, um," Brittany fiddled with the label on her beer bottle peeling at the corner until it came away in her hand. "I never made the world a happier place. Sadly."

"Well, I'm fairly happy. That's something," Santana smiled happily at Brittany who grinned back. "So what was your final wish, anyway?

Brittany gazed at her intently for a long moment, taking in all of her, then sighed contentedly and took another swig of her beer as the haunting movie theme started.

NYC, 2032

Sugar opened her eyes and looked down at her attire. She wore a red and white stripy summer dress and large, red, heart shaped sunglasses on her sixteen year old body. She let out a shuddering sigh of relief. Next, she was on a sidewalk. On the grass verge next to it people were milling around a yard sale under the hot summer sun. She looked around as someone called for her.

"Sugar!"

Not far away her mom and brother were sitting next to a box of mixed toys happily sorting through the action figures and using them to fight each other with.

"Hey Sug, come and look at this." She looked over to see her mami holding a old looking wooden puzzle box, shaking it and listening curiously to the rattle from inside. Sugar's eyes widened as she recognised the rolled up carpet leaning up against the table her family were dangerously close to.

"No!" She ran over and dragged her mother away by her arm.

"Sug, what the? What are you doing?"

Santana looked down at the girl who was staring at her, her mouth open as though trying to say something, her eyes glassy with tears. Santana looked carefully at her daughter who was clearly upset by something.

"What is..." Her eyes narrowed and a flash of recognition jolted through her for a second, then just as quickly as it arrived, it disappeared. Sugar threw herself into her rather astonished mother's arms and hugged her tightly until they were interrupted by Brittany who hugged Sugar from behind.

"Sugar sandwich!" she giggled. "Are you guys ready to go? My stomach is telling me it's lunchtime."

"Are you okay, Sugar?" Santana asked softly. Brittany wrapped her left arm around Sugar's shoulder holding her tightly into her side.

"Yeah," she sniffled. "Let's go. So long as we don't have to go to BreadstiX, again."

"Rude! But maybe you can choose somewhere then?" Sugar chuckled as Santana gasped in horror at what her son was battering hell out of. "Tony, leave the drumkit. I'm sorry, no matter how much I love you, you're not having a drum kit."

"But mom said I could have a drumkit!"

"You wish, kiddo." Brittany looked down at Sugar who was still tucked safely under her arm and had tensed at her words. "Alright, baby?"

"Yeah," she grinned. "Yeah."

The End

A/N: Thanks for reading and sticking with me for this experimental sort of story. Two of my favourite things sandwiched together: X Files and Brittana. Guh.