How can I erase this memory when it's already imprinted in my head?

There was never so much crying in one place. Well maybe there was … but I had never seen her cry like this. I didn't like it. I didn't like seeing her in pain. We were best friends and I was going to be there for her no matter what. I could only imagine how hard this was for her. Her mom's sudden death was a shock and tragedy to everyone. As long as I've known Ally, I thought her mother was already gone. She never talked about her mother and it almost seemed as if her mother was non-existent. This whole time she was in India. She was part of the Peace Corp and never talked about it because she felt like she was missing her mom too much. But then reality hit. She was on a flight back to Miami to see her family that she has missed so much. Ally was over the moon to see her mom again. So you can only imagine how devastated she was when she found out her mom's plane had crashed. It was all over the news, on the Internet, in newspapers from sea to sea. She just couldn't seem to get away from it.

Now I had just arrived at her mom's funeral at a local church. I guess you could call it more a memorial since the plane had crashed somewhere in the Atlantic. Trish and Dez weren't here yet. Trish texted me that they wouldn't be here until about ten minutes. I'm not sure when the actual memorial starts, it's the wake now. I looked all over in the church for her but I only saw her family, distant relatives, and close friends. I walked outside and saw that the sky was a bit overcast. It sure fit the mood well. Then I saw her. There was a deserted little playground behind the church. She was on the swing sobbing. My heart nearly broke at her sadness. She meant the world to me. Slowly, I walked over towards her. She lifted her head up and as soon as she saw me, she ran over and jumped into my arms.

"I thought you weren't going to come …" Her voice was choked with tears. I tightened my grip on her.

"Are you kidding? Of course I'm here. I'm here to support my best friend." I pulled back and smiled a little. She was wearing a black dress and her hair fell on her face. I could tell she didn't put on any make-up because she knew she'd be crying. That was okay though. She's perfect without it. I was dressed in black too. It was nothing too fancy, just a black dress shirt with a tie and some jeans. She returned to her spot on the swing and I sat next to her.

"Thank you." It was nearly a whisper. She smiled. "For everything."

I smiled back. "Your welcome."

It got to a point of awkward silence. I had so many things that I want to say to her, but I'm not exactly sure how to say them. I didn't want to hurt her or accidentally say the wrong thing. "So what are you doing? You know, out here by yourself?"

"Trying to forget." She said simply.

"Huh?" I was confused at her answer.

She stopped looking at the ground and turned to look me in the eye. Her beautiful brown eyes were glossed over in tears. I felt my eyes getting misty as well. "Trying to forget. Forgetting all the memories of my mom helps the pain subside."

"Well you can't just cut your mom out of your life Ally …" I carefully started my sentence to see her reaction. When she told me to go on, I did. "All those memories, they'll be there forever. No matter how much you try to erase them, they will always be with you. This isn't about mourning her death, Ally. It's about cherishing her life and the moments you spent with her."

She smiled at me. "Wow Austin, I'll have to remember that. Those would be some killer song lyrics."

I pulled her close to me again. She needed a shoulder to cry on, and that was exactly what I was going to give to her.

How can I stop a heart if it has already bled to death?

The memorial was lovely, very sad, but lovely. Dez sat at the end of the pew and I sat next to him. Ally was sandwiched between Trish and me. Ally had cried silently. I held her hand during the whole ceremony. Much of her family thought we were a couple, and that wasn't unusual for us. I want to be a couple. She started off as a stranger, then partner, then friend, and then best friend. Somewhere in the best friend stage I begin to develop feelings for her. Trish has been nagging on me for quite sometime to tell her, but I didn't want to now because she was already going through so much. I was going to support her. Ally is my best friend and I don't want to lose her. What surprised me the most was that Ally actually went up to speak about her mom. I know she has stage fright when performing in front of big audiences, but I don't know about talking.

"Hello I am Ally Dawson. Penny Dawson's daughter," She seemed confident while addressing the crowd. Her voice seemed to waver a little bit when she said her mom's name.

"My mom … she was absolutely amazing. She was brave, and smart, and was not afraid to stand up for what she believed in. She has been a role model to me and I want to follow in her footsteps by helping those in need. She taught me her amazing skills of songwriting, which is now my career." She made eye contact with me and smiled. I smiled back and gave her thumbs up. Usually the roles are reversed. "I really wish I knew she was going. I would've said a proper goodbye, I would've told her how much I loved her, and how much I'll miss her …" She paused for a moment to wipe her eyes and I felt the strongest urge to rush up there and hug her. She continued her speech with confidence. "I know that I can't bring her back, no matter how much I wish I could. But I also know that I'll join her someday. I know that we will meet again, but until then I say goodbye. I love you mom and I miss you, I will continue to help people, and to write." She finished proudly, followed by polite applause. Then she awkwardly shuffled back to her seat in between Trish and I. I retook her hand in mine and she smiled and rested her head on my shoulder. I felt Trish staring at us.

How can I save a life that has already been written on polished stone?

After the ceremony, everyone exited the church. Ally went to talk with her dad and Trish smacked me on the arm.

"Ow! What was that for?" I held my arm and she just smirked at me.

"For not telling her your feelings yet you dimwit!" She exclaimed.

Behind me I heard Dez mutter. "Better him and not me …" Trish whipped her head around and Dez jumped back a little.

"I was going to, I swear. But then this happened. I don't want her to think I'm taking advantage of her while she's sad or anything."

Trish's face softened. "Ally wouldn't think that. If anything she needs someone there for her to help her be strong. She needs you Austin."

I sighed and looked down at the floor. "I know …"

How can I understand life if it holds no connections to the life I own?

Stop hiding out in the shadows. Scared to show the world you exist. Don't lock yourself in the darkness. The world is so much brighter than this …

I sat at the piano in the practice room, randomly singing the lyrics to 'Break Down the Walls.' I was going to anyway, I going to break down the walls. It has been a week since the memorial and I was finally going to tell Ally how I feel. I was nervous and Austin Moon never gets nervous. Well, I guess I do when I'm about to tell the girl that I love that I … well love her. I heard the door open and sure enough Ally walked through the door.

"Hey Ally, I thought you were working." I said casually.

"My dad took over my shift," She scooted next to me on the piano bench. "What are you doing?"

I shrugged. "Just thinking …"

"About what?"

"Stuff, just random stuff." I answered pressing down on the piano keys.

"Well do you want to head over to Zinga Juice and discuss some song ideas?"

"Why at Zinga?"

"Trish works there for the moment." She chuckled and grabbed her purse from the table.

"Ally before we go over there ...can I talk to you?" This is it. I'm going to tell her.

"Sure." She sat down and faced me. "What is it?"

I started breathing heavy. My heart started beating so loud that I wonder if she could hear it. "I-I don't know exactly how to say this,"

She looked at me worriedly. "Is everything okay Austin?"

I looked at her. There was only one way to do this. Slowly, I leaned towards her and cupped her face with my hands. Closing my eyes, I gave her a sweet and chaste kiss. It was absolutely amazing. With my eyes still closed, I leaned by her ear and whispered. "I love you Ally. I have for a while now, and its okay if you don't feel the same way. I just wanted you to know …" I pulled back and stared at her. She was blushing furiously; I hope this wasn't as awkward for her as it was for me. I knew that her mom was still a sensitive subject for her to talk about. I also didn't want our friendship to be weird. All my worries vanished when I felt her lips reconnect to mine.

"I love you too, Austin."

Those words, they made me happier then ever. More than when I'm eating pancakes, or killing zaliens, or even performing. That's how happy she made me. And I was going to make sure I made her happy too.

We are all just a speck of dust; Glimmering souls for the world to see.

Everything seemed a whirlwind after Ally and I started dating. Our hit song 'Illusion' hit the billboard charts, and I got to play Times Square on New Years Eve. Everything was perfect. But the best day of my life had to be the day where Ally and I got married. She looked absolutely stunning in her simple, lace dress. I remember clearly when she walked down the aisle with her dad. She was holding a bouquet of all sorts of flowers. There were many lilies, wildflowers, marigolds, and there was one rose. It stood out from all the others and was absolutely beautiful. I can remember when we both said 'I do', and when we kissed. It seemed as if it was only Ally and I, nobody else mattered. The reception was amazing. Dez and Trish congratulated us and we all shared old stories. Of course Dez was my best man and Trish was Ally's maid of honor. The best part was when I serenaded Ally.

"This song is for my wife, Ally. I love you, baby, always …" I smiled at her before playing my guitar.

I don't know what your up to, but baby I see me and you

Walking round through the town always.

No one else, just you and me. Lying in the sand holding hands, always. Cuz' I waited this long for you to tell me you love me too.

I hope I'm not to late, to see your face. It's all the time, stop-asking questions; just make up your mind. Baby, take your time. Baby, don't be shy. Just come with me darlin' and we'll get by.

Wherever you wanna go … And I'll always hold you close…always. Girls, I'm yours forever more. My friends they ask, but I am sure. I'll be right here for you, my dear, always. No one can keep me away. I'm for real. I'm here to stay. I'll be your man, understand, always. Cuz' I waited so long for you to tell me you love me too. I hope I'm not to late, to see your face. It's all the time, stop-asking questions; just make up your mind. Baby, take your time. Baby, don't be shy. Just come with me darlin' and we'll get by. Wherever you wanna go … and I'll always hold you close always. I'll be there, just you and me. A love so strong. Don't pretend that you don't know I've been here all along. Girl I waited this long for you to tell me you love me too. I hope I'm not to late. Girl I promise I will wait …to see your face. It's all the time, stop-asking questions; just make up your mind. Baby, take your time. Baby, don't be shy. Just come with me darlin' and we'll get by. Wherever you want to go … and I'll always hold you close … always.

I finished the song, grinning. Everyone was clapping and cheering. I went down to Ally who was crying in happiness and kissed her. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. And that was exactly what I was going to do.

But slowly, the light dims out because no one is there to ever believe.

I woke up instantly. I heard a sound from downstairs and I needed to make sure everything was okay. I slowly untangled myself from Ally, who was sleeping peacefully. I gave her a kiss on the forehead and headed downstairs. Ally and I lived in a two-story family home with our eight-year-old son Justin and our six-year-old daughter Annie. We were a very happy family. I looked around downstairs to see Annie on the couch. She was sitting and staring out the window. Snow was falling gracefully, and our Christmas tree was lit up. We were living in the New York but not the busy city.

"Hey Annie, what are you doing up past your bedtime?"

Surprised, she looked over and stood up. "I'm sorry daddy, I was just waiting for Santa Clause …"

I smiled and sat next to her on the couch. "And did he come yet?"

"No." She pouted. Her blonde hair was in two braids and she was wearing princess footie pajamas. "See he didn't even eat the milk and cookies yet. I don't want the milk to get sour …"

I chuckled and hugged her. "I don't think the milk will get sour. He'll come, but not while your awake …"

She smiled which was adorable even if some teeth were missing. "I wanted to see him. I wanted to sing winter wonderland to him. I finally learned all the notes on the piano."

"Oh you did …"

"Yeah, mommy taught me last week after we sang at the homeless shelter."

I smiled; it was so like Ally to help make the world a better place. "Well Santa won't come unless you're sleeping, so how about you sing it to me instead?"

"Okay!" She bounded off the couch and onto the bench of the small keyboard we had. Happily, she began to play.

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening? In the lane, snow is glistening.

A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight. Walking in a winter wonderland. Gone away is the bluebird. Here to stay is a new bird.

He sings a love song, as we go along. Walking in a winter wonderland. In a meadow we can build a snowman,

She began to forget some of the words so I sang with her.

Then pretend that he is Parson Brown. He'll say: Are you married? We'll say: No man! But you can do the job when you're in town. Later on, we'll conspire. As we dream by the fire. To face unafraid the plans that we've made, Walking in a winter wonderland. In the meadow we can build a snowman, and pretend that he's a circus clown. We'll have lots of fun with mister snowman, until the other kids knock him down. When it snows, ain't it thrilling? Though your nose gets a chilling. We'll frolic and play the Eskimo way, Walking in a winter wonderland.

She finished the song in glee. "That was awesome daddy! We should play it for mommy and Justin!"

"We will in the morning, but right now you have to go to sleep" I kissed her head and she hugged me.

"Goodnight daddy. Merry Christmas," She skipped up the stairs and into her room. I smiled at the way she pronounced Christmas. She made it sound like Quismiss.I walked over to the window and looked outside at the falling snow. It was so beautiful and graceful; just like a winter wonderland. I couldn't help but think of how lucky I was. I had made my dream of being a musician come true, I had wonderful kids, and I had Ally. Everything seemed perfect.

Leaving our footprints in the sand; we can show the world who we can be.

Fifty-three was just too young. It was too young to die. It was too young for Ally to be diagnosed with terminal cancer. And there's nothing I can do. We had just found out and I remember us coming home and absolutely sobbing. I didn't want her to leave me. She just couldn't. We sat there in our family room, digesting the news. I tried so hard not to worry and not to cry.

"I can't believe this, …" I whispered stroking Ally's hand. None of my tears had escaped yet. But hers had. "T-terminal cancer?"

Ally nodded. "I'm going to die … in less than a year,"

"Is there anything I can do?" This is when my tears started.

"No …but its okay. It's my time to go now …"

I immediately pulled her in a tight hug. "Please, baby, don't say that. I need you"

She hugged back and I could tell she was crying. "I-I need you too, but w-we can't do anything about it. The best we can do is live life to the fullest. That's what we're going to do. Live life to the fullest …" I could feel her lips on mine and I just wouldn't let go. Every kiss counted.

"We've got to tell Justin and Annie. A-and Trish and Dez,"

"We will … I just hope I can see my grandchildren before I'm gone."

Justin was married and had two sons whose names were Cory and Cody. Annie just found out she was pregnant but we didn't know the gender of the baby yet. Trish and Dez got together and had a girl named Lizzie, who was about fifteen now. Life took its turn and it wanted to take Ally away from me. I wasn't going to give up that easy.

We had gone camping, on a road trip, even to Hawaii. We did everything that she ever wanted to do. We saw the world, even though we had on my world tour. I tried to put it out of my mind that she was slowly dying. But I couldn't forget about it. That memory will always be there and it can't be erased. That's why we replaced them with new memories. Memories we will hold onto and share forever.

It starts with love, friendship, and family. It starts with you and me.

Allyson Dawson-Moon

November 29th 1995- April 18th 2049

Wonderful Wife, Mother, and Grandmother

I looked at the grave feeling like there was something missing. I wasn't sure what it was. She left me a year later in April. I missed her terribly. I still had Trish and Dez, my children, and my beautiful grandchildren. I missed my Ally. My heart ached every day I woke up and she wasn't by my side. Today was her birthday and I brought her a beautiful array of flowers. I talk to her when I go to the cemetery. I talk to her because I know she can hear me.

"Hey Ally, I just want you to know that I miss you and love you. Happy Birthday sweetie! Things have been going along fine with the kids, Cory, Cody, and Katy are all growing up so beautifully. I wish you could be here with me to witness it. I know you're with your mom and dad and that you're happy. I want to join you too. I've lived out my dream of being a rock star and it's all because of you. Thank you so much Ally."

There's no way I can make it without you, do it without you, be here without you. It's no fun when you're doing it solo. With you it's like woah. Yeah and I know I …I'm in this dream. 'Cuz I …got you with me. There's no way I can make it without you, do it without you, be here without you …

I sang to her and I know she was listening. The way the wind blew in such a gentle motion was a sign. "I found this poem in your book Ally. It's so inspirational. I love you Ally and I will forever. Always …"

Poem by Allyson Dawson

Written December 2nd, 2011

Life in Alternate

How can I erase this memory when it's already imprinted in my head? How can I stop a heart if it's already bled to death? How can I save a life that has already been written on polished stone?

How can I understand life if it holds no connections to the life I own? We are all just a speck of dust; Glimmering souls for the world to see. But slowly, the light dims out because no one is there to ever believe. Leaving our footprints in the sand; we can show the world who we can be. It starts with love, friendship, and family. It starts with you and me.

The End

Hello there :) I hope you guys like this oneshot. I've never done anything like this before so I hope it turned out well. I actually wrote that poem, its called 'Life in Alternate' so please don't steal. Always is a song by R5 and Felix Bernard owns Winter Wonderland he was the original composer. Illusion is actually an upcoming Austin & Ally song; it's going to be on the CD released in September. I'm pretty sure that's it. SOAS probably won't be uploaded for another week because I spent all week on this. Thanks so much for reading!

-Evelyn