So, hello. It's been a long while since I've written anything that isn't school related and I'm deeply sorry for that. I've had a whirlwind of a life in the past three years, and it got the better of me, but I'm back for a bit, so I thought I might as well try this out again. To SilverSlumbers, thank you for your review in January that inspired me to start writing again. I never imagined that three years later, I would have the drive to start this back up again, but your kind words meant a lot to me. So, I dedicate this chapter to you. Thanks.

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All Kids Go…

Connor had gone to school alone the next day. Ma told him that she was going to keep Murphy home because he struck a fever during the night. He didn't believe her, though. As great of a Ma that she was, she had never been good at lying. But he was thankful for her keeping Murph home, because he really did need a personal day. His brother hasn't been himself, and maybe, hopefully, he would start to feel better after today.

As he walks into his maths class, Connor remembers the encounter with Patrick Null from yesterday. Luckily, the older boy hadn't broken Connor's nose, but the whole thing left a sour taste in Connor's mouth. Murphy was nice to everyone, and was well liked, so why had Patrick gone after him?

"Hey, watch it!"

Connor was too busy thinking about the soccer star to notice that he almost walked into Bridgette Miller, "Aw, 'm so sorry!"

"Jeez, Con, what's gotten into yeh?"

"Thinkin…Sorry," he pushes past her to get to his seat. He can hear her scoff, and he's sure that she is rolling her eyes at him. She may have the best rack in his class, but she can be a-

"Okay class, put yer books an' notes away. We're gonna start the day off with a quiz!"

Great…Connor thinks, just what I need today.

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Ma sits and watches her youngest boy sleep. She hadn't left his side all night, and she doesn't intend to until he wakes up. She watches him out of the corner of her eye while she reads the Bible silently. Murphy's nose had turned almost black from the bruising, and it made him look pale. Or has he been that pale…?

As she watches him, Murphy begins to stir. He squeezes his eyes in protest to the sun and groans as he leaves his dreamless state. Opening his eyes, he begins to panic. What time is it?! He shoots up, quickly trying to get out of bed to get dressed when he feels hands on his shoulders, pulling him back to the bed.

"Murph, it's okay. I called the school an' told 'em yeh were sick. Now calm down," Ma's voice sounded frantic and tired. Murphy looked at her and noticed the bags under her eyes. Had she been there all night? He vaguely remembered her telling him to go back to sleep last night. Or had it been a part of his dream?

"Muph, what's wrong?"

Ma was looking at him worriedly again, "Nothin' Ma. 'm just a bit dazed. Why did yeh keep me home? 'm not sick, promise."

He puts on a fake smile in hopes to prove his point, "See?"

Ma sighs deeply, starting to dread the words that she knows are about to escape her lips, "Murph, yer not fine. Yeh haven't been eatin', an' I know yeh ain't been sleepin' neither. Please, son, tell yer Ma what's wrong."

Murphy is surprised at how desperate her voice sounds. She has never sounded so weak and he feels guilty again. He doesn't mean for her to worry about him, but he can't get all of the thoughts of confusion and worry out of his head. He bows his head, torn between telling her everything that's happened and lying. He desperately wants to tell someone, anyone, what has happened to him, but he just can't bring himself to say it. Not to his Ma. He knows that if he told her what he did, she would hate him forever.

"Murph…please."

He feels tears starting to well up in his eyes. He has to tell her. He has to tell her that he was…That Patrick had…

He sighs, "Ma…I think that I jus' need teh go teh church. Do yeh think you could take me? Please?"

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Murphy walks into the church alone. He had asked Ma to wait in the car, and he could tell that she wanted to say no, but she nodded silently and let him go alone. The car ride over to the church had been quiet, and Murphy had taken to watching the hills roll past his window to pass the time. They sky was gray and the air felt damp. He was sure that it was going to rain today.

The church was empty, save for the priest talking to two nuns. Murphy tries to muster up the courage to walk up to Father MacLise, but he can't. He decides to go into an empty confessional booth and sit. He's been in these booths many times, most at the expense of his Ma, who would make him and Connor Confess every time they got into trouble at school. He smiles softly at the memories of her dragging them up to the booths after Sunday service. He had always hated confessing, but today…Today he wanted nothing more than to talk to someone who couldn't judge him.

He sighs, knowing that no one is on the other side of the screen, but he doesn't care. He wants, no, needs to talk about it, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I…I had explicit thoughts about another man…This man, though…He-he," Murphy breaths in slowly, "He raped me."

A tear falls from his eyes. He didn't even notice that he was about to cry, but he didn't care, "He raped me an' for some reason, I had thoughts about 'im. I know that 'm not gay, but God, why did I feel that? He was so…gentle when he touched me in the bathroom…I liked it, God. He made me feel things that I've never felt before…"

Tears fell gently from his eyes and his breathing was beginning to get harsh, "I don't want teh feel these things, God. I don' want teh make me Ma an' brother worry. It'd be easier if none uh this had ever happened…" Murphy buries his head into his hands, grabbing fistfuls of hair, "Why? Why did you do this?"

He cries silently, hoping to hear someone answer him.

But no one does.

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"Murph, yer lucky that yeh missed today. We had a quiz in maths, and it was hard! I'm sure I failed it."

Connor came home excited to see his brother, but when he opened the door to Murphy's room, his excitement had faltered. Murphy was sitting on his bed staring off into space with a look in his eyes that Connor couldn't quite place. His brother looked sad, angry, and scared all at once. It worried him, but Connor pushed the feelings aside as nothing and began telling his brother about his day until Ma calls them down for dinner.

After dinner that night, Connor walks into his brother's room. He finds him in the same state as Murphy was earlier. He clears his throat, "So, Murph, do yeh want to go to the bridge tonight?"

The bridge was a local hangout where a lot of the kids in his class go to drink stolen alcohol and play cards. He and Connor used to go every Friday night, but that was before. The bridge was where he was walking home from when it happened. Murphy had decided to head home early, and Connor insisted on staying to play another hand of poker. Murphy looks up at his brother and shakes his head, "Nah, I think I'll stay home tonight. 'm still not feelin' well."

Connor bites his lip in concern, but decides not to say anything in protest, "Well, I'm goin'. Ma said somethin' about goin' to the pub tonight, so yeh have the place to yerself. Rest up, brother."

Murphy watches his brother leave and waits until the front door latches before getting up and walking over to his desk. He looks down at his notebook that had words of apology written across the lines and takes in a labored breath, his hands reaching for the pocket knife that Connor had gotten him for Christmas that year.

"I'm sorry."

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I'm back and, as you can probably tell, I'm rusty. This chapter is short, and it can't make up for three years of absence, but it's something. To explain my absence, the only word that works is "life." A lot of things have happened like heart surgery, transferring schools, moving, you name it. But all is well now and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. I personally didn't, but I'll get better.

Again, I'm so sorry for my extended absence. Please review and tell me what I can improve on. Lord knows I need some pointers.