Someone wanted to know what happened next? Well, here you got but you probably won't thank me for this. Instead of calling this collection of crack trash "Get Your Priorities Straight," I should have titled it "What Does It Take To Ruin An Undead Lich's Unlife?"

Also, warning for some suggestive language, swearing, and brain bleach imagery. I was advised to put this here by a friend of mine when we discussed the idea but I think it was an over-reaction. Anyways, this is a thing.

Will we ever be forgiven? Will we ever be free?

"I'm so sorry Yulgar." Ty apologized awkwardly as the former inn-keeper sullenly swept the rubble and broken wood of his property into another pile.

Dage had crushed the inn flat. Ty didn't know the full details of what happened but she had seen the blue light that emanated from the communication crystal glowing from the windows before the entire place exploded into bits in pieces, shooting in all directions. It didn't stop there. Another brilliant flash of eerie blue light and all of the debris was sucked back towards the crystal like some black hole had been torn into the space itself.

After some debate, Ty decided that she wouldn't put it pass Dage to actually tear the fabric of reality over some dumb joke. Granted the joke made the back of her eyeballs burn like a rash had developed on them but still.

Yulgar's back was turned to her and when his shoulders slumped, her heart plummeted and smashed open on her pelvis. That was what it felt like at least.

Because of her sister's dumb joke, a man had just lost nearly everything. Oh gods, where were Serenity and that hot blond dude with the glasses? Were they dead? Were they fucking crushed to death because of Alison? Holy fucking shit.

"I…I…" Ty tried to apologize again, throat parched and stinging.

"You know what?" Yulgar spoke, looking up over the wreckage. "I think we needed this."

"What?" The gasp came out like a pained gurgle but it was relieved. Ty wasn't sure why they needed death and destruction but it made Yulgar happy.

Sucking in a breath that he seemed to have been holding back for a long time, Yulgar let the broom fall to the ground.

"A break is nice. With the conversations between the adventurers that went on in the lobby-"

Of course. Why did Ty feel like she needed to ask in the first place when she had also witnessed the toilet of human nature that was the lobby of Yulgar's inn? Only the wrath of a butt-hurt Dage could cleanse that place of its filth and discord. The forces of Chaos would have dry heaved over the weird shit that went on in there.

"What about Serenity and that hot blond guy with the glasses?" Ty interrupted Yulgar but the innkeeper was too set on his road to bliss to chide her for rudeness.

"Oh them? They leave every time you and your friends come in."

"I can't blame them," The adventurer cringed a bit at the answer but Serenity was smart and that hot blond guy was too if he followed her out. "So, how long do you want this break to last?"

"Till Friday. The Heroes may be…strange at times but they are generous when it comes to fixing the town. This wasn't your fault so please, don't make me wake up to a room bursting with gold. The donations will come fast enough." Yulgar said, turning to face Ty.

"But-"

"You can do something else for me though." It was Yulgar's turn to interrupt now and the bliss of the break went out of him so fast, Ty could feel the backdraft.

"Sure. Anything." She replied quickly.

"Could you not call Hans a hot blond guy with glasses?" There was no humor in hearing Yulgar, with his full middle aged oaken lumber jack beard say those words. "I think we've had enough of hot blond guys…or any guys you find hot."

It took a moment for Ty to understand what the innkeeper, someone who was supposed to be her friend, had meant. Squinting from under her hood, 'hot blond guy' circled her working mind until it ran fast enough to catch fire. Lots and lots of fire; flames that engulfed screaming children begging for fresh air and an end to their burning pain and misery.

It was comparable to a trip to the local schoolbuilding.

"Yulgar. What the fuck?" Ty frowned hard enough to make the Guilty Joy of Grief feel optimistic about her predicament.

"Ah oh…uh I'm sorry," Yulgar scratched the back of his head, looking down at the remains of the inn's roof at his feet. "That was uncalled for. I don't have an excuse for that." He said, even though there were perfectly good reasons littering Battleon's grounds.

"Let's stop talking about it," Ty rested her hands on her hips and sighed, feeling a good ten years of her life slip out with the breath. "If you excuse me, I'm going to have my war flashbacks somewhere with a better view."

"Uh…sure." The innkeeper nodded in farewell before squatting to pick up the broom. What was the point of dropping it in the first place?

Meanwhile, Ty was already on her way to the forests when she saw Ash walking towards her with a jar. Promptly, turned the other way.

"Ty! Ty, don't leave me alone with her! Ty! TY!" Ash screeched like his life depended on it though that was a gross overstatement. Only his sanity depended on it.

Had it been anyone but Ash, and maybe a select other few, the Hero lurking about on the side of Evil would have fast-walked out of there until her legs became dry nubs of flesh.

Scrunching up her face, Ty counted to ten before she let herself relax. It was like loosening up before an inevitable crash to lessen the damage done but to be completely and absolutely honest, she would have rather gotten every single one of her bones broken one by one courtesy of Twig than speak with her sister at length.

"Something wrong?" She asked the distressed young man quivering with a jar of mushy gunk.

Pale as a tall glass of curdled mayonnaise, Ash swallowed and uncapped the jar.

"Tell Ty what you did!"

The red and black mush in the jar fidgeted. Ty was surprised at the sight. Dage was indeed a skilled necromancer; he managed to reduce Alison into a wad of flesh stuck between the realms of life and death. It must have been ungodly painful but as Alison would say- fucking worth it.

"Hey, sis. How are you?" The mass of blended viscera greeted its sister.

"Fuck you."

"I love you too, Ty."

Without thinking much on it, Ty gently took the Jar cap from Ash's hand and screwed it back on to her sister's container but alas. Ash had been a kind soul. He had poked air holes into the cap.

"Aren't you gonna ask what I did?" Alison, or the pulp that was her, bubbled excitedly.

"I'm going to ask myself why I'm not sinking you into the lake in Chiral Valley but the people in Mobius have enough on their plate as it is. They don't need their largest water supply to turn into acid." The scowl on Ty's face only made Alison more excited.

"You know that lovely romance novel I wrote about Sugar Buns and his N-Daddy?" The slush asked and somewhere in Lore, Dage would have felt the need to projectile vomit but thankfully, he no longer had organs…as far as anyone knows.

"Is that what we're calling that abomination?" Ty said.

"Alison, everyone in Lore knows about your…uh romance novel." Ash shivered and that got Ty thinking.

Did Dage have a humble beginning? He certainly must have. Before he was the supreme douchebag lord he was today, Dage had to have been born to an expecting couple. Did his parents love him? Were they dead now? If that was indeed the case, did the spirit of his mother get her hands on Alison's work of love?

Then maybe the world won't end when Drakath opens his gate. Maybe it would end when Dage's mother reads the written work where her undead son does the horizontal with his asshole former mentor. She would cry and her tears would slick up the path for the end of all days to slide merrily into the humble world of Lore.

"Well, I was thinking about chil-"

"NO!" Ty screamed. She screamed for all the voices that couldn't be there to voice their opposition at Alison's suggestion.

"…Childr-"

"NO!"

"Chi-"

"NOOOO!"

"I saw Dage's butt up close." Alison said instead and that got Ty's attention. Ash was still reeling from Ty's gentle rejection which meant he couldn't stop the two from heading down that ugly ugly path of conversation.

"…Go on." Ty crossed her arms, wary of what she had just allowed to proceed.

"Actually, it is an insult to only say that I saw Dage's butt up close," The Alison paste said a-matter-of-factly. "What should be said is that I got to see the face of god up close."

So it had been spoken. The face of Lorithia, the Being who carved Lore with her loving hands, resided on Dage's backside.

"And just before Sugar Buns worked his magic, I realized two things."

Ash and Ty were listening to what Alison was saying but they were also astounded by how Dage had come in person to wreck his offender's shit. They hoped he washed his hands right after.

"One, his butt does glow like a beacon of hope-" Ty made a little fist pump at this. "-and two, after eons of being and undead, there was some of his DNA left on him! Bone flakes! I've never been happier to get some."

Ty knew exactly where this was leading and when she blinked, she didn't open her eyes again.

"Ty?" Ash waved a hand in front of his friend's face. "Ty? Don't make me deal with this alone. TY!...Gosh darn it." Ash bowed his head; his hopes of an escape from this sticky uncomfortable hell were dashed.

"Children are the ultimate example of the 'fruits of love or desire.' Isn't that right?" Alison tittered and Ash felt the last of his innocence drain from his body.

"Dage and Nulgath are not in love. It's not even one-sided," Ash shook his head vehemently. "No matter how good the…thing you wrote was, it can't change reality."

"I did say love or desire, didn't I?" Alison said. "Your heart can pound against your chest but you don't have to be in love. Besides, have you seen Dage's butt? If N-Daddy had eyes, which he has like six or eight of them, he'd know those were gems. I'd be angry too if I got stabbed in the back by such a gorgeous piece of-"

"Alison, no. Please." Ash tried to talk but she kept plowing forward.

"That butt can get you places. Plus, it's the ultimate necromancy weapon. Like how Dage raises the dead and binds their souls eternally to him, his ass raises Nulgath's-"

"RATED E FOR EVERYONE!" Ash screeched, not ready for his ears to shrivel up and fall to the ground just yet.

"Aw fine…His ass raises Nulgath's peeper like-"

"STOP! STOP!" The young man teeth were grinding from the pain searing his mind. It was like someone shoved a red hot poker into his skull similar to how, in chapter 154 of Alison's masterpiece…to put it plainly, even the good King Arthur of Avalon couldn't pull this sword out of that stone. "NO!"

"No no no, that's all you guys can say but you have to admit, you don't have enough proof to argue against me. I mean, is Nulgath here to object? Is Nulgath's glistening pee wee here to shake it's head at me? Do you hear that?" Alison asked but all Ash could hear was the sound of his internal screaming. "That's the sound of Nulgath's wanger danger not saying no to doing the number after 68 and before 70 with Sugar Buns."

At that, Ash dropped the jar on the ground and let it roll. He still had enough mind in him to scoop his friend up from under her arms and drag her to somewhere nice. Maybe Aria hadn't read the romance novel yet. The animals there didn't seem spooked.

As for Alison, for all he cared, she could get eaten by the dumbest vultures in the world.

"-And the best is yet to come! Ehe," Alison laughed loudly as the jar came to a stop on a rock. "Oh? Did you abandon me? Or are you still there? My eyes got smushed by Sugar Buns so I can't tell where you are. Hmm, if you're still there, I got bits of Nulgath too. It wasn't as difficult as getting Dage's and thankfully, I didn't have to leap dimensions to get it. Me and Sally are going to mix them and see what kiddy pops out. Because, if you're going to write something like I am, you need to do as much research as possible for quality."

"I don't know why I'm bothering but I am." Ash returned as there was somehow enough care left in him to keep Sally and Alison from unleashing this terror into the world. Ty was beside him, slightly more lucid from a few seconds away from the madness.

"Alison?" Ty grumbled. "Where did you leave Nulgath's essence? How did you get his essence?"

"まっすぐな目で見つめられて, 心の自由が利かないの." Alison sang and both knew that they wouldn't get any more answers out of the unrecognizable blob. Instead of shaking the jar until the answers came out, Ash and Ty began to head to Shadowfall with Alison, singing in perfect bubbly happy go lucky tone, the theme song she picked for the Nulgath/Dage fic. The sugariness of the melody contrasted with the couple in question so much that Ty felt the world fracturing with every bubblegum-sweetened note. "恋をするって言うのとはちょっと, 違うけどわりとドキドキした."

Through some morbid coincidence, the pink cloaked blond necromancer heading to the throne room in Shadowfall was humming the lyrics as well. Noxus was being toted along, baffled at the current events.

He missed the days when hate was just hate. Now he had to watch his every move lest he fall victim to the growing fad as well.

"見つめないで, 心の自由が利かないの. 恋をするって言うのとはちょっと, 違うけどわりとドキドキした."

"What language is that?" The lich on a stick asked, feeling like he was on the brink of weeping rainbows and pixie fluff.

"Don't know but it's catchy and that's all that matters." Sally grinned, poking her head into the throne room. The place was empty save for a set of guards.

The Empress of all Evil had nimbly dodged a bullet.

"It should be under the throne." The necromancer mumbled as her shoes tapped on the meticulously polished floors of the throne room. Evil's seat of power may have been the heart of all darkness but a deeper malicious item had been stowed away underneath it. Nimbly hopping up the steps, Sally procured the jar of Nulgath's essence from its hiding spot and held it up to the dim moonlight for inspection.

"What is a jar of super glue doing under…"Noxus paused, a disgusting revelation blooming in the crevice of his hollowed out skull.

"Me and that witch are going to do an experiment," Sally whistled, affirming that the jar held the reagent that they needed. "She told me that she was going to get a piece of Dage, throw them together with some dark magicks, and see what pops out. If not, we're gonna find a way to dump it on Dage and it should have the same effects."

Noxus was an evil being. He was one of the largest pieces of scum that currently marred this universe with his taint. The blood of many an innocent life stained his skeletal hands and he loved it. He reveled in the pain and misery of others but…

"Set the contents on fire." The lich firmly suggested, earning a confused glance from the insidious little girl. "The extra energy should add more potency to the mix."

Sally stared at the lich for a long moment, weighing his words carefully before shrugging and going to find a good place to start a fire.

Noxus wasn't even going to wring out a favor from the undead legion's leader. To reiterate, Noxus was unredeemable scum but….man, you have to draw a line somewhere.

"Oh wait!" Sally stopped suddenly, touching her chin in surprise. "That witch is going to be here soon and I need to show her what I made!"

"...And what is that?" Noxus asked carefully. Whatever it was sounded evil but he wasn't sure if it was the evil that he enjoyed.

"I liked the witch's piece so much, I got inspired to put one together myself! It's an AU though. An alternate universe; something that answers the question 'what if this happened instead?'"

Yes, this was the evil that Noxus would rather open a soup kitchen than touching.

"I titled it, 'I Can't Believe My Apprentice is This Cute!' The witch is going to swoon over it!"

Somewhere on the path to Shadowfall, Alison cried out from her jar. The yelp made her companions jump.

"What's wrong?" Ty asked.

"...I don't know. It felt so cold all of a sudden."

Author's note:

まっすぐな目で見つめられて, 心の自由が利かないの

By looking forward I can see, my soul is unable to be free.

恋をするって言うのとはちょっと, 違うけどわりとドキドキした

Saying this is 'falling in love' is wrong, but my heart is still pounding in the same way.

見つめないで, 心の自由が利かないの.

Turn your eyes away, our souls are unable to be free.

恋をするって言うのとはちょっと, 違うけどわりとドキドキした

Saying this is 'falling in love' is wrong, but my heart is still pounding in the same way.

Lyrics are from Dreamin Dreamin by Capsule. It's the most bubbly J-Pop song that my friend and I joked about putting it to Alison's masterfully horrifying Nulgath/Dage fic.

So there are some references to events in Dragonfable and by extension, Double Edged, but enough of other distasteful jokes to cover for it.

Basically a bunch of nothing happens in the installment but you've read up to here. You either actually like this or are morbidly fascinated.

Anyways, thanks for reading. I actually don't have a lot to say about this besides...I'm sorry?