Hey people! Remember when I did that one-shot called Shopping Encounter? Well, considering a lot of people read it and enjoyed it, I figured I'd do another one-shot in which Thor and Loki engage in a chess battle of epic proportions! It's going to be awesome!

I guess I'll do the usual introduction. I'm Maralexa, I've written three completed fics, a one-shot, and am working on two more. I'm pretty busy on Fanfiction, as you can very well imagine, and enjoying every minute of it! Imagine what my summer would be like without the beauty and wonders of Fanfiction.

Okay, so I hope you enjoy this. Everyone loves a good comedy, and I'm sure a lot of you remember Pwning and Gaming and Shopping Encounter. Even The Portal of Destiny had some humor. I can't help it—all of my fics have some degree of comedy in them. It's just how I roll. I'll shut up now, so READ AND REVIEW!

The soldiers were lined up for battle. It would be a fight to the death in which the winner would take all of the bragging rights and the loser would endure the task of doing whatever the winner wanted. Stakes were high and both kings knew that lives would be lost. Though the war would be costly, it was completely and utterly necessary to determine the fate of all that was good and awesome.

"You're Jotunheim," the blond-haired blue-eyed god of thunder announced.

"Why am I always Jotunheim?" his brother, the black-haired green-eyed god of mischief, objected.

"You lie, Loki. We have never before engaged in a battle of chess."

"Yes, Thor, but I do believe I've played as Jotunheim in every game we've ever played." He couldn't believe that he, the middle-aged son of Odin, was arguing with his older brother about who gets to play as Asgard and who is stuck with Jotunheim.

"We have only played Checkers and Battleship," Thor pointed out.

"Yes, and I have been Jotunheim every time," Loki replied, resting his case.

"I'm older," Thor said, "so, naturally, I get first pick."

"Are we really arguing about this?" Then, an idea hit him. He smiled deviously and held up a fist. "Why don't we let a classic Midgardian Determining Game do the talking for us?" he suggested. "I challenge you to Rock, Paper, Scissors."

"Challenge accepted." Thor held out his fist. "Two out of three."

"Rock, Paper, Scissors—shoot!" they both said in unison. Loki had paper and Thor had rock. One for Loki. "Rock, Paper, Scissors—shoot!" This time, Loki had scissors and Thor had rock. One for Thor. "Rock, Paper, Scissors—shoot!" They both had rock.

"Why do you always pick rock?" Loki asked.

"Because Rock is strong and powerful like an Asgardian warrior," Thor answered.

"Yes, but the ever-so-sly paper can overcome and conceal its power," Loki pointed out.

"Let's just finish this," Thor said exasperatedly.

Loki nodded, strategizing. Thor probably would not pick rock this time. He wouldn't be that stupid. This time, Loki would pick scissors so that he could either slice Thor's paper or tie with him once more. "Rock, Paper, Scissors—shoot!" Loki had scissors and Thor had rock.

"Are you serious? Were you really that stupid?" Loki demanded. "You picked rock every time and still beat me?"

Thor grinned, proud of himself for outsmarting the trickster. "I knew that you would not expect me to pick rock again," he explained, "so I went with the chance that you would try to go against something else."

Loki facepalmed. It was so simple! He should have known that Thor would pick rock just because he'd expect Loki to expect him to not pick rock. The only reason Loki had figured that Thor would not pick rock was because his brother wasn't the brightest, so he never assumed that the god of thunder would end up thinking this through. "I'll admit—that was good. Almost worthy of me," Loki said. "I believe it is your move, then."

Thor nodded, studying the board, and moved the pawn that was second to last on the right. Loki did the same. Thor, deciding to wing it, randomly moved his left knight up three and over one to the left. Loki kept a poker face so that Thor would not figure out his plan. He nonchalantly moved his right bishop diagonally one to the right, threatening Thor's Rook. Thor, not realizing this, simply moved one of his random pawns forward one. In one swift movement, Loki moved his bishop and took down the Rook.

Thor's eyes widened as he studied the legality of the move. "You—how—you can't just take out one of my boldest men in the beginning of the battle!"

"It's called strategy, Thor," Loki said, smirking. "All's fair in love and war. Now make your move."

What frustrated Thor the most was the fact that he could not retaliate with an epic move of his own. He would get Loki for that later.

Thus, the game progressed. Thor tried the "pawn for a pawn" trick a few times, in which Loki would roll his eyes and comment on how elementary the strategy was. Loki put Thor in check a few times, and Thor…almost put Loki in check a few times. Somehow, the trickster always managed to elude his grasp.

"Have you never played this game before, Thor?" Loki asked when they were halfway through.

"Of course. I've played it against the Warriors Three and Sif, though we get rather bored of it after a while and go off to train or skirmish or something along those lines." Thor glanced down at the meager collection of pieces he had left. "I have never finished a game but once. I beat Volstagg."

Loki wanted to say that that was not a difficult task, thus making it hardly an accomplishment, but he decided not to be that brutal. "Your move."

Thor scanned the board, desperate for a move. He found one. Grinning snidely, he knocked Loki's Queen off the board with his Knight.

Loki's eyebrows rose as he knocked out the Knight with his King. "A Knight for a Queen," he said. "Nice move."

Thor was frustrated that his brother hadn't expressed any frustration or shock. "I just took out the Woman of Steel," he said. "Is that all you have to say? Nice move?"

Loki shrugged. "I do not fret about inconveniences," he said simply. "Now move."

Now that Loki's Queen was down, Thor had little to worry about. He found himself cruising around the board, sacrificing his pawns for other things. As well as his Queen, Loki lost one Rook, both Bishops, and three Pawns. It was not long before Thor had lost all his pawns in taking out Loki's bigger, stronger men.

They are insignificant, Thor thought. Their sole purpose is to sacrifice themselves in order to take down the big guns.

Loki's next move, however, shut Thor's streak down. "I believe I would like my Queen back now," he said as he placed a pawn onto the last square on Thor's side of the board.

"What—can you do that?" he demanded.

"What other purpose could Pawns serve?" Loki asked innocently. "Once they get to the end of the road, they are unable to move anywhere else. Their sole purpose is to revive the warriors that have given their lives to the other side."

Thor shook his head in disbelief. "No, their sole purpose is to give themselves up in exchange for the enemy's more powerful warriors!"

Loki laughed. "What do you think that Pawns would do when they reach the end? Turn around and walk the other direction?" He scoffed at the idea.

Thor, embarrassed, realized that that was exactly what he had thought Pawns could do. Loki did not miss the embarrassment in his brother's eyes.

"No way. You actually thought—do you even know the rules of this game?"

"Yes, and I know they do not concern reviving the dead. Then there would be zombies."

Loki facepalmed. "There are no 'zombies' in chess. When a pawn moves to the other side…imagine that it morphs into whatever fallen piece you desire."

"So there are shape-shifters in this game, too?" Thor demanded. "What kind of game is this?"

"What kind of game is what?" Odin asked, stepping in with Queen Frigga.

A look of relief washed over Loki's face. "Mother—Father—please tell Thor that it is completely legal to move a Pawn to the other side of the board and exchange it for a fallen piece."

Odin shrugged and faced his wife, his expression saying You take this one.

Frigga sighed. "Thor, the rules say that, as your brother said, it is completely legal to move a Pawn to the other side of the board and exchange it for a fallen piece," she said, quoting Loki verbatim.

"So are they zombies or shape-shifters?" Thor asked, confused.

"They're neither," Odin said. "It's just a rule of the game."

"Very well," Thor said grudgingly and handed Loki his Queen back.

Thus, the game continued. Loki frowned, concentrating hard on the task at hand. Somehow, he managed to get his lost Rook back by moving yet another Pawn to the other side. Thor was getting very nervous very fast, and the watchful gazes of the parental units did not help.

"What's going on in here?" It was Sif's voice. She and the Warriors Three entered the room, curious as to what the congregation was about. "Thor—are you playing chess?"

"Yes, I am," Thor said, not taking his gaze off the board.

"And he's losing miserably," Loki added.

"I am not losing that badly. There is still some fight left in me. I have plenty of warriors left."

"That means nothing," Loki said. "I wouldn't want you to lose all of your men, because then it would be a draw. I can still checkmate you without taking out all of the soldiers."

"You're all talk," Thor said.

"Speak for yourself."

Thor fell silent and focused on making his next move. Sif, Hogan, Fandral, Volstagg, Odin, and Frigga were now gathered around them, watching the fight with intense interest. Beads of sweat began to form on both of the brothers' faces as the intensity grew and the stakes were raised.

Soon, Loki had Thor's King driven into a single row with his Rook. The god of thunder could not move down, or he would be in check. He could only move side to side. Smiling, Loki said, "Any last words?"

Thor eyed the board, and then realized what Loki was about to do. "You have fought well, brother," he said. "It has been an honorable battle."

"Indeed. Checkmate," he said, moving his Rook into the row that Thor's King was trapped in. It could not move down, or it would fall into the clutch of Loki's other Rook. He was trapped in a little corner. "Shall you do the honors, or would it be less painful if I did it myself?"

"Keep your filthy Jotun hands off my King," Thor said jokingly.

Odin and Frigga exchanged glances, somehow able to read what they were thinking by simply looking at each other's faces. What does he know? Frigga asked him silently.

Nothing—absolutely nothing. Unless you told him, Odin's expression said.

I did no such thing.

Then there's nothing to worry about. I think it was merely a fluke. Loki was playing for Jotunheim, after all.

"Very well," Loki said, completely missing the facial exchange between his parents. "You do it, then."

Thor, gritting his teeth, knocked over his King. "You win. Now what?"

Loki contemplated this, then smiled. "I propose two out of three," he said. "I'm Asgard this time."

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, ideas, or anything else that makes up the awesomeness of Thor.

AN: What did you think? Send me your reviews and I will be happy.