Note 1: Merlin and its affiliates do not belong to me, only the contents of this story.

The End of Everything

Chapter One: The End of Everything

By WrittinInStone

Merlin

I honestly never thought this day would come.

Placing the King's plate before him, I quickly and silently take my customary place behind him, my gaze down; the very picture of the perfect servant.

No matter how bad it got, no matter how rude he was, how ungrateful, I never thought I would feel this way about Arthur Pendragon.

We had a special kind of relationship, he and I. We were as close to being friends as we could be, what with him being King and me being a servant and him not knowing our shared destiny. But despite this, for the present, I was content with our relationship.

After all, there's not many kings who would give a servant the power that Arthur gave me even if I did earn each and every privilege he bestowed upon me with my service, my loyalty, my life at times.

Yet I remained grateful, thinking all the while that he was showing me his appreciation the only way that he could. For me, it was enough.

Then, he married Gwen and things began to get a whole lot better; he had began treating me like a true equal. Of course, there were times when he regressed and threatened to have me put in the stocks or banished, but those occurrences were becoming increasingly rare and I never thought he was serious about it, that he would harm me in any way.

It all changed when Gwen's cousins arrived, her having found them shortly after becoming queen. There were three of them, two women; Isis and Linden; and one man, Ian. They were excited and awed that one of theirs had become a queen and not just any queen, but Queen of Camelot.

Their arrival had shaped up to be a grand affair and I had so looked forward to meeting lost members of Gwen's family. It should have been just another celebration and in the beginning, it was, but that was until one of Gwen's cousins began to fancy me.

It was Linden and I admit, I was attracted to her. But she was the Queen's cousin so there was no way I was going there. Avoiding her seemed to be the best way to avoid any… awkward situations, so I did.

It worked well until one evening, after a particularly enjoyable feast, she followed me. She did nothing inappropriate, only made her interest known in a shy, endearing manner. But I shut her down, figuring that being rude was the only way to permanently close the door on that temptation; being cruel to be kind, so to speak.

I didn't anticipate that she would leave with a heart burning with anger. I didn't anticipate that only moments after our parting, she would be assaulted and almost raped by an unknown man. I didn't anticipate that the description she had of her attacker would match mine. And it certainly never crossed my mind that anyone would even think it was me.

Most of all, it never occurred to me that Arthur would believe that I could rape someone.

But that was until I was dragged out of my bed and before a fully assembled royal court in the dead of night.

That was before I saw the look of disgust on Arthur and Gwen's faces, my so-called friends.

At first, I thought it was a cruel joke; it would not be the first time that Arthur had been unkind to me—although never to such an extent—and I was more than a little surprised that Gwen would go along with it. When I finally realized they weren't joking, I was flabbergasted; how could they believe this rubbish? Surely they did not believe this!

I begged Arthur to believe me, begged them to believe me.

But they did not; my pleas fell on death ears.

Arthur… he decreed that I would be punished for my offense.

He…

He…

He had me flogged.

Publicly.

Twenty times.

I remember staring at him, silently pleading with him to end this debacle even as I was tied between two wooden poles. It never even occurred to me to use my magic to escape; I held hope that he would stop, that he would save me. I remember staring into his face as the first lash fell, how the pain was so great that it felt as though my insides had curled inside of itself.

When the third lash fell, and the fourth and the fifth, I yet hoped that he would stop my torture.

But by the time the 10th lash fell, I stopped hoping for mercy and begin to pray for death for in all my years of life, I have never felt such… such… excruciating torment.

I stared into his face as I was whipped, my back afire with soul crushing agony. I gazed into his eyes as lash after lash fell, made it a point to do so even in the haze of my pain. I wanted to memorize the stoniness of his face, the sheer lack of remorse or regret. I wanted to remember it forever.

After it was over, he left me there to hang for hours; allowing neither Gaius nor the Knights to let me down.

And I could feel my blood run in rivers down my back and legs, dripping onto the unforgivable wood as I hang between the poles, hanging because my legs had long since given out on me.

There were plenty of servants, nobles who disliked me. They thought I was uppity, that I had reached above myself like Gwen. I could hear their snickers from where I hang, could hear their proclamations that I had finally gotten what I deserved. But that was not all. They threw food at me, they called me a rapist.

The sheer humiliation, the disgrace… cannot be described.

Yet the shame was nothing compared to the state of my heart.

It was shattered, torn into bits, ground into dust. My broken mind could not understand how Arthur could do this to me. Had I not always been there for him? Had I not always been loyal? Had I not given my life for him? To him?

It was like trying to reconcile fire and water; I could not wrap my mind around what had been done, what had taken place.

When I was finally taken down, I was thrown in the dungeon.

Gaius came to attend me. He was in a poor state and it looked as though he had been beaten instead of me. He tried to get me to talk, but I wouldn't speak, indeed I could not. There was nothing for me to say.

The cold, hard stone of my cell was the perfect place for my despair, my utter desolation. I think my mind shut down for a long while; I didn't want to think, didn't want to do anything. I'm almost grateful for that period as it allowed my body to heal without forcing my mind to deal with all that had happened.

Yet slowly but surely, and despite my desire not to do so, I began to process my surroundings, to become conscious of what had been done to me.

A public beating; that was how he repaid my loyalty, how he repaid all my years of faithfulness; by having me whipped in front of the entire state like an unruly animal.

And I began to hate Arthur Pendragon.

It's amazing how wallowing in the injustice done to you will change you. After all, I had nothing to do for two whole months but think about how Arthur betrayed me, how he failed me.

I tried not to let it happen; helping Arthur, being his protector, his guide, was my destiny. I did everything I could to stop the hate, even going so far as to rationalize his behavior; he had just been trying to impress Gwen and her family, he had just been doing what he thought was right… he had just made a mistake. But none of my rationale worked and the longer I stayed in that cold dungeon, the more I despised him.

But two months is a long time to hold on to anger and after awhile, I simply couldn't anymore. Instead, something even worse took its place; apathy.

I no longer cared about Arthur Pendragon; not about what he thought, what he wanted, not about his safety.

I did not believe in him anymore.

It gave me a measure of peace, allowed me to harden my heart. I had been wrong about him, everyone had been wrong about him. He had proven that he was Uther's son through and through; there could be no Albion with a man like that. Everyone who ever told me about my destiny was wrong.

And that was that.

I was there for two months before the man who actually attempted to assault Linden was caught in the process of raping another girl. It seemed that having the actual culprit was enough for her to admit that she had known all along that it wasn't me.

The King of Camelot himself came to let me out of the dungeon not five minutes after she gave her confession. But it was much too late for anything like that; the Merlin he knew was well and truly dead.

I remember recognizing his footsteps as he quickly descended into the dungeons. It was a testament to how well I knew him—well, how I thought I knew him—that I would recognize him by such a thing.

I heard shouts for someone to hurry—it sounded like Gwaine—then the loud creak of my cell door opening.

There were a lot of bodies in my cell now, but I didn't look at them. I was where I normally was, in the far left corner with my knees drawn to my chest, staring at a random spot on the floor.

Someone dropped down next to me.

It was Arthur.

"Merlin," he said, voice thick with tears, with remorse, with sadness. "Merlin, I am so…" his voice broke. "Merlin…" he repeated, in a voice that sounded out of breath. "Merlin…"

I didn't respond; Arthur Pendragon no longer existed for me.

Someone else moved close. "Merlin." It was Gwaine.

I blinked slowly at the sound of his voice, but said nothing to him either. Where had he been these past two months? Where had any of Knights who had called themselves my friends been?

Gwaine tried to grab my arm, probably to help me up, but I flinched away. They had no right to touch me, I didn't want anyone touching me.

It was only when I heard Gaius' voice that I responded.

"Merlin," the physician said, his voice wavering with emotion. "You're free. Linden has confessed that you weren't the one who attacked her. You have been pardoned by the king."

Hmm… I was pardoned by the king for something I didn't do?

Thank.

You.

Arthur.

"Merlin, please," Gaius pleaded. It was that note of begging in his voice that finally made me move. He had been the only one to believe in me, to visit me regularly; to care about me. I could do no more than respond to his plea.

Slowly, I turned toward his voice, allowing my vision to focus on his face. It looked like he had aged years. There were more lines in his face and a sorrow in his visage that would normally have made my heart ache if it were still functioning properly.

I opened my mouth to speak, strangely wanting to comfort him, but nothing would come out. I guess that's what two months of vocal disuse will do.

I tried again, "Gaius?" It came out as little more than a whisper, strangled and raw.

"Yes, I'm here, Merlin," he said, moving closer to me as though to protect me. "Come, I will take care of you."

He wrapped his arms around me, attempting to help me stand, but I couldn't. I hadn't walked in nearly two months and I immediately crumpled back to the ground, nearly taking Gaius with me.

"Carry him," a voice said emotionlessly.

Arthur again.

Immediately, I fought the arms that grabbed. The last time I had been carried, I was taken to be flogged. But just like last time, my physical attempts were quickly overpowered and I was lifted off the floor.

I had no control.

Again

I went limp, retreating into my mind as they carried me out of the dungeon and through the castle toward Gaius' quarters. Gwaine's inane chatter accompanied our every step

"Don't worry, Merlin. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you ever again."

"I'm so sorry that Arthur did this to you. I tried to get him to release you but he threatened to banish me."

"I knew you were innocent all along, Merlin. I never doubted you."

"I hate the king for what he's done to you, and it's perfectly okay for you to hate him too."

His words irritated and comforted me at the same time.

Then, I was being settled into something cool and soft.

Cautiously, I opened my eyes. I was in my room, my bed.

"Place him on his stomach, please, and take off his clothes. I would like to check his back," Gaius softly instructed the lingering soldiers.

I lay there limply as they turned me over, carefully stripping my garments from my body.

A sharp intake from those in the room came as soon as my tattered back was revealed. I can only imagine how it looked; large, angry red welts and ridges littered my pale skin. A testament to the king's justice.

"Burn them," Arthur's voice rang out hoarsely. "And get him some new clothes. Brand new. The very best you can find. Move now!"

There was frantic shuffling before silence again. I could feel Gaius' presence as he stood over me, examining my wounds, but I couldn't feel anything, me being unable to feel anything there now.

I would never feel the grass on my back ever again.

After Gaius finished what he was going to do, Arthur spoke.

"If you could please give us a moment," he told the physician and I could feel Arthur's gaze on me. The soldiers immediately filed out, but by the tension of the sudden silence, I could tell that Gaius remained. I can almost imagine the elderly physician gazing upon the king in apprehension and reluctance: he didn't want to leave me with Arthur and I didn't want to be left with him.

"Please, Gaius," Arthur said softly. Although it sounded like a request, anything he said was an order because no matter how Gaius felt about him now, no matter what he had done to me; Arthur was still King.

"Very well, sire," Gaius intoned formerly. "I will be right outside."

The last words were to me, but while I appreciate it, there's nothing that he could do should Arthur decide to kill or injure me further. Even if Gaius did use magic, I am not physically able to escape. Besides, I don't think that's what the king had in mind.

Then, we were alone.

The silence was long, being so taut that it seemed a hair's breadth from breaking.

I still lay on my stomach, my face turned away from him, my eyes glazed as I stared into nothingness.

There was throat clearing, then footsteps and he was in front of me.

He kneeled by the side of my bed, but didn't touch me.

"Merlin," he began, then stopped. I could feel his gaze on me, it was almost a physical thing.

He cleared his throat again and then said with false enthusiasm. "So, I've reinstated you as my manservant now that this whole… ordeal… has been cleared up. All you should need is a week before you're back to polishing my amour."

I said nothing, although I raged inside.

Was he serious? He thought I would be his manservant after what he'd done to me?

It seemed he wanted nothing more than to forget about the whole situation, to go back to the way things had been before he gave me a public flogging. But that would never happen; we could never go back to the way we were before.

"Guinevere wants to come here to check on your progress," he said lightly. "She's concerned about you and will be here to see you shortly."

Ah yes, Guinevere, Camelot's beloved queen… and traitorous friend.

She and her concern could burn in hell.

"Linden has been banished from the city," he continued speaking to my unresponsive form. "Isis and Ian chose to go with her although they are ashamed of her behavior."

He falls silent as I continue to gaze into nothingness.

"Merlin," he begins again and the crack in his voice has absolutely no effect on me. I should be happy about that, but I feel nothing.

Nothing at all.

"I… regret the recent events that have occurred, regret them more than anything in my life and I'm sorry. I hope that you can forgive—" he paused, clearing his throat, then began again. "I hope that we can move past this and go back to the way things were before."

When it became clear that I would not respond, he rises. "No more harm will come to you, Merlin, I promise."

At this, I blink slowly. I really wish his words actually meant a damn thing to me anymore, but… yeah.

They don't.

With a sigh, he turns and walks to the door. He pauses for a moment at the entrance to stare at me one last time.

Then the door is closing behind him and he is gone.

#*#*#*#*#

It took more than a week for me to recover.

My back was not in as bad a shape as it could have been as Gaius had come faithfully while I was in prison to tend me.

It was my legs that was the problem. Two months of disuse had left them weak, so Gaius had to reteach me how to walk.

It was a long and frustrating process, but in the end, I was able to walk for short distances, then for as long as an hour.

Gaius insisted that it was a miracle that I could already walk after only a month of re-teaching and that the more I used my legs, the faster they would get stronger. I only stared at him when he said so, unwilling to believe that it was good that it had taken a full four weeks for me to regain the use of my appendages. As I struggled out of bed one morning, I determined in myself that no matter what happened, I would never lose the use of my legs like this again.

One thing I noticed as I practiced walking was a newfound limp. It was slight, yet noticeable nonetheless. When I asked Gaius about it, he hadn't wanted to tell me why I was limping when I never had such a problem before. But after some persuasion, he had finally told me it was because the flogger had probably hit me wrong and damaged a nerve in my back that affected my walking.

He said I would likely have the limp for the rest of my life.

I didn't know how to take the news that I was now a member of the lame population of Camelot, so I simply shut it from my mind, but not before adding it to my newly created list: 'reasons why I no longer believe in my destiny'.

As Arthur said, Guinevere did come to see me and only a day after I was taken back to Gaius' chambers. When she met with the same response as the King, she left in tears, but I did not care. She made her bed just like him and now, she had to lie in it.

Despite my initial and subsequent frostiness, Gwaine came to see me everyday and eventually, I begin to soften towards him. It was much easier to do when Gaius explained that out of everyone, Gwaine had been the one to try the hardest to see me. He was forced to stop when Arthur threatened to banish him if he said my name one more time. I hadn't realized he was telling the truth about that. I appreciated the fact that he was making an effort, which was more than I could say for the other knights.

It was sure as hell more than I could say for Arthur.

He didn't come to see me after the initial visit, didn't even send a messenger to enquire about my health, according to Gaius.

As I said, Uther's son, through and through.

After I regained reasonable use of my legs, about a month and a half after my ordeal, Gaius declared me fit to serve again.

I rose early that morning and as I dressed for the day, I was cognizant of the fact that in a few moments, I would be serving the man who had had me flogged, who had betrayed me.

Is this how Gwen felt when she cared for Uther, knowing that the man had killed her father, that he had tried to banish and kill her? Under different circumstances, it would have raised my estimation of her; indeed, at the time, it had for it must have been incredibly difficult for her to do such a thing.

Now, I would have to do so as well.

The kitchen is up and running by the time I get down there to get Arthur's breakfast. As soon as I enter, everyone falls silent, staring at me. Even Cook stops despite the fact that she usually does not listen to the scandal of the castle.

I do not react, simply go to the table piled with food and begin to select the King's meal.

As I do, I wonder: Did any of these people throw things at me while I hang in the courtyard? Had any of them called me a rapist? I could easily imagine all of them doing it, even the ones who had been kind to me. After all, had not Arthur betrayed me? It's easy for me to believe that they would too.

After collecting a very generous amount of food, I leave. As soon as I exit, a burst of chatter begins. What they say about me means nothing, how can it? These people have seen me at my lowest, indeed, my pride is nothing more than dust. Words can't affect me anymore. Just like the nerves in my back, the lash of the whip has removed the feelings of such.

I arrive at his chambers two minutes later, entering silently and placing the large tray of food on the table. Surprisingly, the room is tidy which means the previous manservant must've been quite efficient.

I am pleased to see that Arthur is alone in his room. I am not privy to the sleeping arrangement between him and his wife but I am grateful that she is not here. Dealing with one of them is difficult, but having to deal with both of them would have been unbearable.

I go to his cupboard and begin to lay out his clothes for the day, the same as I have always done. However, this time, everything is different. It's like I'm outside of myself, watching my stiff movements as I go about my routine.

After everything has been laid out, I finally open the curtains, knowing that the sun awakens him every time without fail.

As expected, he stirs, cursing under his breath as he beings to rise to full consciousness. By this time his eyes are opening sleepily, I am standing quietly by his side, ready to give him his food.

A plethora of emotion crosses his face as he takes in my presence. There's discomfort, apprehension, resignation… so much.

"Good morning, Sire," I intone formally. "Here is your breakfast." I offer the plate to him which he takes cautiously.

His eyebrows shoot up as his face furrows in confusion and wariness. "You're on time. You're never on time. And you're standing at my side holding a plate." He glances at the table and sees that it is piled down with food. "You never get me that much food. Are you trying to kill me?" he says the last part jokingly, but I can see the strain in his eyes.

He doesn't like what I've done, it's not normal; the Merlin he knew would have never entered quietly or laid out his clothes quietly, or prepared such a huge breakfast.

But I am not that Merlin any more. He had been incorrigible, loving; a friend. But that Merlin is dead and in his place stands the perfect servant. Call me George, but without all the perkiness.

"Is it not to your satisfaction?" I ask quietly, not meeting his gaze. A good servant never meets his superior's gaze.

"It's fine," he says tersely.

Nodding, I move to stand in the corner to await further instruction.

An uncomfortable silence reigns as he eats. I stand like a silent shadow, moving nary a muscle. It has never been so awkward between us, so painful. But maybe that's because there's no longer an 'us'.

I close my eyes as I stand, cognizant of a growing ache in my leg, but feeling a sudden need to do something I haven't done in months. Taking a deep breath, I stretch out with my senses, feeling for… ah, there it is.

Magic.

Touching it is like coming home from a long journey.

I let out a small sigh as I feel its power flood into me, wrapping me in a warm embrace as though it missed me. That is when I realized that I had cut myself off from my magic. How had I done that? When had I done it? Why had I done it? The first two question were beyond me, but the last… Perhaps I had done it because I had not wanted comfort. Perhaps I had done it because I didn't want Kilgarrah and Aithusa to feel my pain. Maybe I'd done so as not to burn Camelot down in my fury.

Whatever the reason or the 'how', it is an interesting phenomenon and something I must study later.

Opening my eyes, I notice that Arthur is staring at me.

I do not frown or return his gaze, only look away.

"You've met Lord Ankerfeld, yes?" he asks me suddenly, his gaze still on me.

"Yes, sire, I have," I answer promptly.

"What do you think of him?"

He's testing me, wants to see if I'll give him my opinion like I used to. He really shouldn't have bothered.

"I don't think anything of him, sire," I reply carefully, staring at the wood of his best post.

"Surely you must have some thoughts on him," he insists, studying me closely.

"I am a servant, your Majesty," I respond. "It is not my place to have thoughts on anything."

He gaze is so hot on me that it feels as though it's burning my skin. But what exactly did he expect? Obviously, not this.

"Will that be all, sire?" I ask him after a long moment of silence.

"Yes," he murmurs, turning away from me toward the window. "You my go."

I bow deeply before turning to leave, and as I close the door gently behind me, it feels final, like the end of everything.

End of Chapter 1: Review if you liked.

Chapter 2: The Way Things Change: The changes in the King.

***IMPORTANT***

Hello all you Merlin fans. This chapter has been done for a while, but I've been so busy in the SW fandom that I've never posted it. But I decided to go ahead and test the waters in this fandom.

If you liked this fic, please review. I'm a review hound and I lose interest if I don't think readers are interested ie, if readers don't review. Please think about that when you read. It's exceeding easy to review now, with the changes that this site has made, so please do so.

That being said, I hope you enjoyed this and are eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

WrittinInStone