My work brought me to my doorstep hours later than I had anticipated; my angel probably would be sitting worried on the other side of this door, the only barrier that barred me from moments of peace. I pressed my ear to the solid cool door hoping to hear him restlessly moving inside. Silence. Resting against door frame for a few seconds more I turned the door knob.

The house was hidden in semi-darkness; gentle breathing came from within the darkness. On the table on a banquet was waiting for me, I walked over to the sink and could tell that the boy had slept on an empty stomach. "Ka-Kanou-san", floated from the shadows followed by a light sigh. As I sat down by myself I heard him stir, within moments he emerged through the darkness like a ray of light, dressed in a pale blue pajamas wiping his eyes and clutching a deep chocolate teddy bear with an olive green bow-tie. "Kanou-san…I thought it was you…welcome home", Ayase smiled at me as he sleepily rubbed his eyes.

Standing there like a child, trying to hold back his yawns, I simply could not hold back, pushing back the chair I walked up to him and scooped him into my arms. Surprise flashed across his face, cheeks mildly flushed then he smiled brightly and snuggled into my chest and fell right back to sleep. Poor child must have exhausted himself waiting for me.

As I put him under the covers and turned to leave, his slender fragile hand reached up and grabbed my shirt sleeve, mumbling an almost inaudible thank you he let go of my short sleeve, turned on his side and pressed his bear to his chest. What I would have given to be that bear.

Pulling the blankets to his shoulders I went to freshen up myself and wind up the table. God knows how long I stood under the shower thinking about the petite blond sleeping in our room. Did I love him? Or did I simply keep him to satiate my lust? I can only remember ravishing his small body, pushing him past his point and filling the house with his hoarse moans.

I toweled myself off and stepped out of the shower, my bathroom sink which earlier only had my aftershave, razor and toothbrush, were now accompanied by a small potted plant and other knick-knacks. A fluffy bathroom-mat sat proudly just before the door and a royal blue bathrobe hung on the hook. A smaller one in lilac hung adjacent to the blue. Maybe I was generally in a hurry to notice that Ayase had hung air fresheners near the exhaust fan, I chuckled to myself, he wasn't very fond of my smoking.

As I opened my cupboard I was welcomed by bursts of color, simple patterned ties danced with solid colored ones, Ayase even took the liberty to add printed t-shirts to my stack of well-pressed shirts. I took a step back to admire the colour Ayase had added to my drab life.

Remembering that the table still needed doing, I made my way to the kitchen. An array of herbs adorned the kitchen counter, what is always so green and aromatic before? His teddy bear themed apron lay neatly folded on the chair. For dessert Ayase had made marshmallows with a chocolate-berry dip. I dipped my finger into the mixture and brought it to my lips, there was even a hind of mint and lavender. As I looked about me I realized that Ayase seemed to have done away with the morbidity of the house and left little trails of himself instead, I could not have been happier.

Clearing up the table I went to the bedroom, had it not been for his beautiful blond hair I would have missed him curled under the blankets. His hair fell about him like a halo, his small mouth slightly opened, his nose buried into the warmth of the bear.

Such a beautiful sight, I am short of words to describe the feelings that surged through as I saw his sleeping form, it brings warmth to my heart to admit that I actually do love Ayase because at that moment I did not want to ravish him like animals in heat instead wanted to crush his slender figure into mine and hold him till the morning light. I wanted his face to be the first thing when I wake and I last thing when I sleep. I wanted to sit contentedly at the kitchen table sipping coffee hear him chatter and be enveloped by the inviting smell of fresh bakery. I wanted to kiss his blushing face as I sat him on my lap and bandaged his cuts. I wanted to all of Ayase, I wanted to savour it all.

I stood for five minutes or so contemplating whether or not I should slip into bed with my angel. Oh hell with it, I am going for it, pepping myself I tentatively raised the sheets to climb into bed with him. Since he was sleeping in the centre of the bed, I balanced myself on all fours on either side of him. I was just about to kiss his fair face when his eyes slowly opened. I think my face must have flushed red because he looked with those innocent blue eyes and asked in a sleepy voice if I was ok. I could only mutely nod.

He adjusted himself under me and was now facing me; I think he was expecting me to make love to him as I always do. "Kanou-san" his voice barely above a whisper, "Ayase, may I sleep with you today?" "Eh?", he tilted his head and continued to look at me. Clearing my throat I explained further, "I just want to sleep with you, hold you as you dream"

He just smiled and lifted himself on his elbow, "Always" and before I knew it his soft lips touched mine. His arms went round my neck and pulled me closer, I deepened the kiss and broke away soon enough before I gave in to my carnal urges. Ayase's eyes were now red and welling up, before I could offer words of apology he said, "I love you Kanou-san and I miss you so much when you are not here." I was completely dumbfounded and tried my bloody best to tell the boy that for me he was air, I could not dream my life without him. I made up for my loss of words by going in for another kiss hoping that he would understand what he meant to me. I think he understood because he returned my kiss with equal passion and when we broke away happy tears were running down his cheeks, "Me too" he said between hiccups.

I embraced him as we were till he calmed down and his nose now looked at a cute button. He smiled from the depth of his heart and I also honestly smiled from my heart as I kissed his forehead. Realizing that he was still under me he coyly asked, "Shall I scoot over?" and again as a dumb buffoon I nodded.

-X-