Cut

By:Jake-Everfree

Disclaimer: I unfortunately lack the talent, creativity, and legal power to be the creator of Kuroko no Basuke. Therefore, by that logic, I do not own it... It being Kuroko no Basuke.

Author's note: The reason I wrote this was because, deep inside all of us, we know that Akashi isn't limited to scissors. That would make him look sane.

Also... sorry if reading this was a terrible experience for you... I did my best... I apologize if it wasn't good enough...

It was tiresome being the captain of the Generation of Miracles. Ryota never shuts up, he's way too cheery. Shintaro is always carrying around some strange object, saying that it's his 'Lucky Item of the Day' (confusing considering today's was a broken Black Cat brand mirror). Daiki (though his enthusiasm is appreciated) only has basketball on his mind, he pushes himself so hard that he ends up sleeping whenever they have a tactics meeting or anything where even the slightest use of one's mental abilities are needed. Atushi can never stop eating, crumbs from his cod flavored candy bars or water chestnut chips are all over the floor and are a pain to clean up. Even their manager Satsuki is a handful, finding every chance she can take before, during, or even after practice to flirt around with Tetsuya who- actually, there's nothing the shadow does that can be considered annoying, he's very polite and seemingly never around. But that didn't matter to Akashi, he would find something, he always did.

Basketball was fun though and it was because of his team mates. If it was only bothersome then he would have quit it long ago. For the red head, the sport covered certain...weaknesses. With basketball, he is a winner; he is someone nobody can deny. Winners get everything in life, losers are denied everything. Winners stand proudly, they are surrounded by the masses, while losers are always alone. However, the masses of flesh didn't really come for him; they didn't really look in awe. They always looked in fear, scared of him. But he was a winner, he could never be alone.

"I'm home", he announced as he entered his abode. Of course no one was there. He was born an only child so he had neither a younger brother running around pretending to be a Nudoru Sentai Soba Red nor did he have an older sister crying her eyes out because her boyfriend dumped her. No, that would be annoying. His parents died when he was eight, a fire gold and crimson that burned their apartment in its mad dance, so no mother experimenting new ways to turn food into inedible blobs nor a father that stumbled in amusingly due to his happy drunken stupor because of a good sale. No, that would be annoying. He lived in his grandmother's house without his grandmother, of course, seeing as she was too busy in her endeavor to kick the bucket instead of staying home to watch period dramas while telling him what it was like back in the Showa era. No, that would be annoying. He has no one in the house, but he is not alone.

"Hello Hannah, hello Anya", he smiled as he passed by a cup on the table holding a group of pencils and two pairs of scissors. The red head took a few steps into the kitchen and opened a drawer. "Tiffany, Clarice, Olga", he greeted to a cleaver, a peeler, and a serrated knife. "Alice, Beatrice, Patty." A chef's knife, another knife for boning, and a paring knife. "Sheila, Matilda, Rose." A slicer, a carver, a fillet. Like every time he came home, he greeted any and all sharp instruments in the drawer, calling them by name. In five minutes he was finished... with this drawer. Almost menacingly, he strutted towards another drawer to his far left. Pulling it open, the fatalist glared at a group of utensils, muttering insults through his teeth. He finished five minutes later, with the same line he always uses. "-and remember: though you have the word knife in your name, it doesn't mean anything! You're as worthless as a spoon!"

Akashi slammed it noisily and took a few steps to the living room, petting the fire poker and stroking the head of the wood ax, "Good afternoon Lynette, you too Ashley." His eyes moved up to the mantle, resting upon a samurai sword his decease grandfather had bought while he was alive. With a low bow, he spoke, "And you too Sylvia."

The captain glanced around the room, making sure he didn't miss any of his 'friends'. With a smile acknowledging he got everyone. A few steps later, he placing his bag upon a chair and uncharacteristically jumped onto his mattress, smiling cheerfully at some red plastic item on top of the bed stand. Akashi grabbed it and warmly grinned, "It's great to see you again Josephine." Slowly he pressed the black button on the item and pushed it up, revealing her blade gleaming from the afternoon light coming from the windows. "How was your day?" he asked, nodding as if he was having a conversation with the box cutter. "Oh really? They did? Damn butter knives, they're just jealous of your sharp looks! They don't deserve to be called knives!"

Akashi stopped himself from continuing and took a few calming deep breaths before continuing the strange one sided dialogue. "Mine was fine. Same old, same old. Basketball practice was fun, everyone was irritating but I guess that's what made it fun", he somewhat complained to the inanimate object. Another pause, a few nods, and some "yeah"s here and there. "So what would you like to do today? I thre- persuaded my teachers to not give any homework today, so I'm free. What about you?"

His face went pale, "What? The meat tenderizer asked you to do what?" A pause, a half glance half glare towards the direction of the kitchen, then a stare at the silver blade. "This... this cannot do Josephine. It should know its place. It is a blunt object; it cannot be allowed to have such thoughts. Wh-what did you answer?"

A pause and a nod, a relaxing of the face. "Oh, really now? Good. If you had accepted his invitation, I might need to get a new meat tenderizer. And you-" The redhead stopped mid sentence, as if he was interrupted. Yes, yes, I know. I'm sorry. I just assumed that you would do what they all do. That you would leave me. But you'll never, ever, leave."

A pause, a large smile that felt like it didn't belong to his face. "Wonderful! Anyway, your favorite movie's on tonight so I thought we could watch it when it comes up on TV. We'll have dinner and everything!" With the retraction of the blade and a clap of his hands, Akashi spoke," I thought you'd love it! It won't be on for a while though so I thought I could get everything ready in the meantime. I hope you could be patient. I'll come pick you up when it's all done." He lovingly placed the box cutter on the bed stand and walked to the bathroom," I'll see you later Josephine!"

'She", like his other metals 'friends', could never leave him. This is good because he could never leave them. They can never break easy. House fires would never fully melt them. Proper care (which he'll give of course) would make them invulnerable to the cruel passage of time. And even the most terrible diseases have nothing on them. They are much better than normal Human friends.

The fleshy puppets are so fragile, and never are agreeable. Like blunt objects, they are so dull, in more ways than one. Others like him are so different and they even go and do something as preposterous as fear him. His 'friends' would spill his blood if he went too far. If someone else goes too far, they'll happily assist him. no questions ask. His 'friends' look out for him, they make it bearable.

"Oh", he stops himself in front of the bathroom door. "Before that", he mutters," I've got to deal with something first." With an aura of an executioner, Seijuro took a few steps over to the kitchen and search the drawers until he found what he was looking for. "So you asked Josephine out on a date did you?" he asked the meat tenderizer. "Well, something must be done about that."

Author's note: How'd you like it? Please review. Just so you know, I was trying to make it funny... a part of me felt like I accomplished it... the other felt like I failed terribly... so here are some omakes in order to o-make it up to you!

Izuki: GOOD ONE!

Omake #1: Cheater

"Hey? Where's the captain?" A Rakuzan player asked as the team warmed up for their first Winter Cup game.

"I don't know, maybe he thinks that our opponent isn't worth his time?"

"Yeah! That's it! He trusts us to deal with the small fries!"

-Back at Akashi's Place-

"I'm sorry Josephine! It was an accident! I wasn't thinking properly! I know you warned me about using strange scissors! I didn't know it was going to happen! It was brash! Please forgive me! I-"

Omake 2: Worthless as a spoon! ...sorry Nancy...

"Kurokocchi!" Ryota yelled in a worried tone as he saw the blue haired boy," What happened to your hand?" Indeed, Tetsuya's right hand was thickly wrapped with a white medical bandage. Akashi wonders if the shadow cut himself.

Lifting up the covered appendage and pointed to it," This? Oh, I cut myself..."

Yes. "But with what?" Akashi thought, wanting to know what beautiful blade did the damage.

"...with an ice cream scooper."

"What!" the small forward and the captain both yelled, although the latter's was confined to his thoughts.

"Yeah, with the right amount of force and the right angle, you can leave a pretty nice gash in your hand."

-Akashi's residence-

"-and you're all as worthless as spoons!" Akashi grinned, but saw what else was in the drawer. "AH!" he shouted, seeing the Ice cream scoop, "I'm sorry Nancy! You're the exception!"