It's been a long time everyone. Hiya!

SPOILERS below for the season 3 premiere. Fair warning.

Disclaimer: I don't own Covert Affairs or its characters. I am not making ny money from this story.

Distance

The phone didn't wake him. He wasn't asleep.

His pillow had become a relative stranger over the past week-since the bombing. Since Jai Wilcox's murder, Auggie's world had experienced a massive upheaval: new job title, new workplace, new coworkers, new assignment. Even if he found the time to come home to rest, his mind couldn't stop listing theories and questions about the who and what and why surrounding Jai's death.

Sleeping was also not high on his list of desirable activities for another reason: the nightmares. The car bomb that took Jai's life bore too close a resemblance to the circumstances that left Auggie blind, and the fresh reminder brought his lurking fears dangerously close to the surface at a time when it was imperative he keep his cool and get to the bottom of the investigation as quickly as possible.

Insomnia was a sort of blessing. If he didn't close his eyes and dream, he couldn't see the faces of his lost comrades or feel the cruel warmth from the blast on his cheek.

His cell phone trilled again. Auggie found it on his coffee table, then brought it to his ear.

"Anderson," he answered. Even though he hadn't been sleeping, his voice sounded weary and strained.

"Shoot." Her soft exclamation was followed by a quick apology. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't."

He'd expected her to call. In fact, he'd been waiting for her to call him all week. They hadn't talked about Jai, or the bomb that took his life, since their five minute conversation in the gym. Annie Walker was not someone who could keep her emotions bottled or hidden; she still hadn't mastered the art of compartmentalization. He could almost always identify the underlying thrum in her speech that signified she needed to vent, to talk to someone about what had happened. Auggie hoped that that someone would always be him.

"Aug, it's three. . .no, four, in the morning there. Why aren't you sleeping?"

Her slip told him that she wasn't in the same timezone, but Auggie didn't have a clue where she was calling from. Wherever Annie was and whatever she was up to wasn't his concern anymore, but that didn't mean it didn't concern him. If anything, not knowing what assignments Annie was working on worried him all the more. But he wasn't her handler. He had no reason - and therefore every reason - to worry.

"Should I call back later?" she asked when he remained silent.

Auggie marked the slight hitch in her voice; two parts desperation mixed with one part fear and covered up with a carefully quilted nonchalance that might lead him to believe that everything was fine. . .if he didn't know her that well.

"No. Let's talk," he said. "What's going on?"

"I don't know how to ask this other than just asking," she told him, and then paused to give Auggie a moment to brace himself for her question. "Do you ever wonder why you were the only one?"

Her tone was soft, cautious. It was her tone more than her question that helped him understand what she was talking about.

Auggie sighed. It was a hell of a time to discuss his past, but Annie's pain was fresh. If he could do anything to numb it just a little - to help set her on the path to recovery that he struggled to find for months after leaving Iraq - he would reopen his own wounds.

"Every day," he responded, equally as soft.

After another pause came a slight murmur: "I should have been in that car with him."

It pained him to even think about it - the possibility that if it hadn't been for that damned, blessed umbrella he might not be having this conversation with her right now. In their line of work, there were too many close calls, too many survivors that could just as easily have been casualties. Every day Annie risked her life in the field, and every day it got just a little bit harder for him to accept there may come a day when she wouldn't come back.

But she was with him now, even if it was only her voice in his ear. And she was still asking him for advice, even if the request wasn't formatted as a question.

"Annie," Auggie started, "there's no good explanation for survivor's guilt. You can say you survived because of destiny or divine intervention. Luck even. But none of those explanations are going to give you peace of mind."

He was speaking from experience. Over the weeks and months it took him to recover and adapt to his own injuries, Auggie had worked through every logical and illogical explanation as to why he had survived. None of those reasons had satisfied him. They still didn't.

"Will it ever go away?" she asked.

"Eventually," Auggie replied, then corrected himself, "Mostly. It's one of the cruelest mysteries of life: why do some people die when others don't?"

Why had he been the only one to survive the explosion that killed his unit in Iraq? Why had he been spared when those few good men had been taken before their time? Questions like these still haunted him from time to time, if he allowed himself to think about them.

He had to find a way to reassure her that it would be all right, that Jai had died only a week ago, and that time and distance truly did help to dull the shock.

"Have you ever lost anyone close before?" Auggie asked.

Annie coughed and cleared her throat, but didn't respond immediately. Auggie recognized the garbled sound. She was trying to stop herself from crying. Or, perhaps she was only trying to hide the fact that she was crying already. He'd heard the emotion in this woman's voice when she was down and angry, frustrated, slightly frightened even, but he'd never heard her conceal her tears before.

"My mom," Annie finally confessed in a whisper. "She passed almost ten years ago."

Auggie bit the side of his cheek at that revelation, but he tried not to focus on the person. He was trying to make a point and he didn't want the discussion to veer off course. "And when she passed. . .you felt helpless? Like it wasn't her time to go? That it wasn't fair?"

"Of course. I was young. I was grieving."

"And that's what you're doing now," Auggie concluded. "It won't happen overnight, but I promise it will get better."

"Some part of me knows that," Annie said. "I just really needed someone else to tell me it would be okay."

"Then I'm your man."

There came a long sigh, and more rustling. Maybe she had a tissue on the other end. Since she didn't give any sign that she was about to hang up, Auggie thought something else must be on her mind. And, sure enough, she asked him after a few minutes of companionable, long-distance, silence.

"Has the investigation turned up anything?"

He was afraid she would bring that up again. He'd effectively deflected her inquires in the gym, but now he'd have to turn her down a little more forcefully.

"I'm not at liberty to discuss where the investigation stands," he stated in a most formal tone. He greatly disliked having to use that tone with Annie. If felt unnatural. He had only known her for two years, but he'd never had to keep her so out of the loop before.

"Oh," she said. "Right."

"I'm sorry, Annie."

He was sorry for so many things. Sorry that he couldn't confide state secrets in her anymore. Sorry that he couldn't give her any true comfort over Jai's demise. Sorry that they were hundreds if not thousands of miles apart.

"No, I shouldn't have asked. I wasn't thinking," she apologized hurriedly. "I'm not used to this."

To hiding things from you, Auggie finished in his head. He knew exactly what she was trying to say because he felt the same way.

"I don't like it either," he admitted. "But it's the job."

"It's not ever going to be the same, is it?"

He wasn't ready concede that that was probably the truth. That their reassignments were going to impact their friendship. That barriers had sprung up overnight, distancing them from one another. Auggie wasn't ready to give her up just yet.

"I'm always here if you need me," he told her.

"But I'm not allowed to need you anymore," was her response.

It took him a moment to process what she meant, then said, "I see how it is. Lena Smith's replaced me with Auggie 2.0."

"It's not like that at all," she corrected. "With this new assignment. . .I don't have a safety net anymore."

Just what did Lena have her doing that she couldn't ask for backup? He didn't like the idea of Annie out on her own; not at all. She was an hell of an agent, but she was still young, still liable to make stupid mistakes that could get her killed. She needed guidance and at least a semblance of structure, not a 'forget the rules' approach.

She added, "It's weird to not hear you on the other end."

"Ditto," he responded. Auggie could sense that the conversation was coming to a close, but he couldn't hang up without knowing that Annie understood how Jai's death impacted her safety."Look, Annie, until I get to the bottom of this mess of an investigation, keep alert, okay?"

"Am I in danger?" she asked, her tone shifting to curious anxiety.

"Until this clears, it's better to be on guard. Follow protocol. Prepare for the worst possible outcome."

"Jesus, Auggie, the worst outcome is that I'll be blown to pieces too."

He hissed at her blunt description. There was a long silence on both sides of the connection.

"We don't know what Jai was mixed up in, or who wanted him dead," he explained slowly. "If any of those people saw you in that diner. . ..If any of them figure out your relationship to Jai and who you are - which they will, because I'm positive whoever did this was in the know - then you could be at risk."

"I'll be careful and vigilant, as always."

"Extra vigilant," Auggie stressed. "I'm not there to watch your back, so to speak. You need to glance over your shoulder every so often."

"I'd rather have you."

Under different circumstances he might have laughed or turned her comment into a sexual innuendo, but it didn't feel right in the moment. Instead he responded with, "You do. Always."

She gave an approving hum and said, "Good."

He was satisfied with her comment, but he wanted to be sure she could contact him whenever, for whatever reason. "You still have that get out of jail free card I gave you before Sri Lanka?"

"I never leave home without it."

It was his first real smile all week. "Good."

A/N: I was a few days behind in watching the premiere (because I'm not currently in the US), but I enjoyed it. Somewhat sad to see Jai go, but maybe it's for the better. His storyline didn't seem to be going anywhere fast. Just my opinion.

Hope you enjoyed. I look forward to all the fics about tomorrow's undercover episode.

Also, if you're curious about what I've been up to the past couple of months, check out my blog. It's on my profile page. (Yep, shameless self-advertising.) ;)