AN: I haven't written a fanfiction since I was 14, 4 years ago, way back when I was a massive Death Note fangirl. My my, how times have changed. Anyways, I hope you guys like my return to the trade. This first chapter is rather cracky, but this story is also going to contain ansty, fluffy, and most importantly smutty at one point or another. Frostiron with background Clint/Natasha. Enjoy!

It had been 3 years since the Avengers had heard a peep out of Loki since when he tried to use the Chitauri to enslave Earth. For the first few months, the team had been scattered the farthest corners of the globe they could manage. However, since their disposal of the God of Mischief, a new villain had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, calling himself Doctor Doom. After his first couple of attacks on New York City had gone unchecked for hours until the rest of the team arrived. Now they'd learned their lesson – by command of Fury - and the whole team was currently living together in Stark Tower.

In that time, Thor's people had used the Tesseract to repair the Rainbow Bridge. Thor used it frequently to aid his friends in defending the city, or even to just check in on the Avengers and Jane. Lately, the God of Thunder had been spending even more time on Earth than usual. No one was complaining about the amiable god's presence, but it still made them wonder what could be keeping him from his home.

At the moment the team was in the rec-room Tony had setup, winding down from an exhausting day of fighting off the latest wave of Doombots. Steve and Thor were playing foosball against Bruce and Clint, Natasha was sitting on one of the large black leather couches with her guns laid out on the coffee table to be cleaned, and Stark was sitting across from her on the other couch with the left arm of his suit still on and the armoured plates removed, trying to repair some damage the circuitry had sustained during the fight. Every now and then Natasha would look up and the group huddled around the foosball table when their banter got particularly raucous and chuckled to herself, finding the sight of four large, muscular men huddled around a children's game hilarious. A particularly loud shout came from the four heroes, causing even Stark to look up from his work. Thor was standing there with one of the game's handles clutched in his massive grip, the other three laughing merrily at him.

"I am sorry, Tony. I seem to have gotten carried away with your little spinning man game…" Thor said, looking genuinely distraught.

"Don't worry about it, Point Break. I don't expect anything in this place to last very long with you, Cap, and Bruce around," Stark assured him.

"Sir, need I remind you of the… incident… you had in the lab last week?" JARVIS reminded him.

'One day I'm gonna figure out what makes him so snappy,' Tony thought to himself. "Well, I guess I have done my fair share of breaking stuff, too," Tony laughed, pointing palm at the already broken foosball table and blasting it to pieces. "Oh look, I fixed it."

Natasha rolled her eyes at her team mates, trying to hide a smile. Even though the assassin had no desire to participate in it, she still found their antics very entertaining to watch.

"Sir, Director Fury on the line," JARVIS interrupted, "It sounds urgent."

"He does realize we just got back from a mission, right?"

"Yes I do. But nobody ever said that planet Earth's last line of defense wasn't gonna have to work a little overtime every now and then," Fury shouted at Stark over JARVIS's PA system.

"What's the situation, sir?" Natasha asked, opting to step in before it became a shouting match.

"We're not sure. All we know is someone's blowing up central park. Get your super asses down there now and stop it!"

"Is it Doctor Doom again?"

"We haven't had any Doombots reported in the area, but that doesn't mean that he's just using something we've never seen before. Now get over there!" Fury hung up, and the Avengers sprang into action.

Natasha threw her disassembled guns back together in seconds and ran up to the roof where Tony had installed a landing pad for their hovering jet, with Clint, Bruce, and Steve on her heels. The rest of the mark IV suit that had saved him when Loki tossed him out a window 3 years ago flew onto Tony, almost running into Mjolnir as it flew to Thor's outstretched hand. The god of thunder waited while the suit assembled itself, and they launched out of the building together.

Since Bruce preferred not to go Hulk as much as he could, he had been taught how to pilot the jet. When Ironman and Thor arrived, he already had it circling over the park, trying to locate the source of the random explosions that were happening all over the park. Thor landed in the opened rear bay of the jet while Tony hovered just outside it.

"Call it, Cap," the metallic voice of the Ironman's external speakers droned.

"We need to locate who or whatever's doing this. Natsha, Clint, stay in the jet for now and circle, see if you can get a visual. Thor, you're with me on the ground. Tony, make sure there aren't any civilians left inside the park," Steve ordered.

Simply nodding their agreement, the team shot off to achieve their respective tasks. Thor grabbed Steve and swung his hammer, landing them in a clearly caused by one of the blasts as Tony shot off to fly low through the trees.

"Jarvis, do a scan for any people still in the area, as well as any mysterious energy signatures coming from within the park," Tony ordered his digital butler.

"Already done, sir. There's one directly east of our current location."

"Which one? A civilian or a threat?"

"Both, sir."

"Fantastic," Tony sighed as he swung in that direction.

What he found came as a surprise. There, sitting on a park bench facing a pond was Loki. In his left hand was a rope leading to a young girl he had tied up as a hostage, and in his right was a small ball of fiery green magic, which flashed brighter every time one of the explosions went off.

"Let her go, Reindeer Games," Tony warned, pointing his palms at the god's head.

Loki simply casually turned his head to look at the Avenger, a small though menacing grin crossing his face.

"What's the matter, man of iron? All I wanted was to get your attention. I've made sure the explosions didn't actually injure anyone. Pity."

"You know, you could have just called," Tony said. He was intrigued now, but he wasn't about to let his guard down just to satisfy his curiosity.

"Oh, where's the fun in that?"

"Let the girl go, stop blowing stuff up, and we can talk."

"Oh fine, if you insist," Loki said with a roll of his eyes. He waved his right hand and the green flame died, and he clicked his fingers and the ropes unraveled from around his hostage, who immediately ran off. "Now I would appreciate it if you didn't try to blow my head off with your little toy, since I've been ever so compliant."

Stark lowered his hands and opened up the suit's helmet, ignoring JARVIS's protests. However, before he could being to ask what the god of mischief wanted, Mjolnir came flying out of nowhere, hitting him directly in the chest. The force of the impact shattered the bench and set him flying, finally coming to rest several yards away, the hammer sitting on his chest.

"Good to see you too, brother." Loki wheezed, the last word coming out far more sarcastic than the rest.

"Why do you attack Midgard?" Thor bellowed as he and Steve came running up moments later.

"Straight to the point, I see. As I was telling your rather flashy friend, I merely wanted to get your attention. You've been avoiding me."

"Is that why you haven't been returning to Asgard?" Steve asked.

"Of course it is. He can't stand the sight of his little brother after knowing what tortures he's allowed our father to put me through. Again." Every word Loki spoke that involved any kind of family ties, he spat like the words were venom in his mouth.

After a moment's hesitation, Thor sighed and admitted that Loki spoke the truth, his head hung low in shame and his blond mane covering his face.

"That still does explain why you're here," Tony pointed out, standing over the god and laughing to himself as he struggled to remove the hammer from his chest, even though he knew it was impossible.

"In case it hasn't occurred to you, man of iron, I don't exactly get along with Asgardians. And as much as Thor's brutish stupidity grates on my nerves, his presence has a way of keeping them from making my life too miserable. A benefit that has been sorely lacked since I was released from my prison a few weeks ago."

"I am sorry, brother. Forgive me."

"What are you apologizing for? He's the won that kills a couple thousand people, filled my city with dead aliens, and tried to take over the planet. Not to mention kill you," Stark said, which earned him a glare that would have made anyone else want to curl up and hide from the god lying immobile on the ground. Tony merely stuck his tongue out at him, earning him a look of surprise and even slight confusion from Loki.

"What do you want to do with him, Thor?" Steve asked.

"I suppose it would be cruel to banish him back to Asgard. Despite his three years of imprisonment, there are still many there who want his head on a pike."

"Really? Gee I can't see why. He's such a nice guy," Tony mocked, angering Loki enough for him to hit in the chest with a blast of his green magic. Staggering slightly, Tony merely returned the favor with an energy blast from the palms of his suit. "A real gem."

"I suppose we'll have to lock him up somewhere until we figure out what to do with him," Steve sighed, looking pointedly at Tony.

"Aww, come on? You want him in my tower? The tower I just finished fixing after the last time he broke it?"

"We don't have anywhere else. I'm sure Thor doesn't want Fury getting ahold of him."

"Speaking of which, what are we going to tell him?" Tony asked.

"I suppose we could say it was just one more Doombot that we'd missed from earlier today, causing as much havoc as it could."

"Oh yea, like he'll believe that."

"Steve is right, Son of Howard. I will not allow Fury to experiment on my brother," Thor said, with enough conviction in his voice for the other two Avengers to know that the discussion was over.

"Fine. I'll radio Bruce to swing the jet around to pick us up," Tony sighed. "But if he breaks anything again, it's coming out of your check."

While the trio had been arguing around him, Loki and been attempting the feign looking as comfortable as he could with the hammer sitting on his chest, not even allowing him to move it enough to breathe. This was not how his plan had been intended to go, but he supposed being locked in Stark Tower would suffice for now. Suddenly the god's chain of thought was interrupted when the immense pressure was lifted off his chest and air rushed into his lungs. Then his brother grabbed him by the collar of his long, pretentious leather coat and launched them both into the air, landing in the awaiting hover-jet. Tony did the same to Steve, only a lot more gently. When he landed in the jet, he laughed at the fact that Thor had once again pinned his younger brother down with the hammer, having no other means of keeping him contained. This earned him another of Loki's very best menacing glares, to which Tony responded by simply blasting him in the chest again.

"Hey! What have we told you about no ray guns inside?" Clint barked from the cockpit.

"For the last time, it's not a ray gun, it's a-"

"I don't care what it is; I don't want it blowing holes in my plane! It's bad enough we've got him here, you really don't need to antagonize him." Tony wasn't sure if that last part was meant for him or Loki.

When the team arrived back at the Tower, Thor removed the hammer from Loki's chest once again and led him by the scruff of the neck, following Tony down to basement where all of the heavier duty rooms of Stark Tower were located. This required then walking through his lab, which caused Loki to slow his pace so he could get a better look at all the bizarre machinery crowding the place. Unlike Thor, Loki actually found Midgardian science to be of interest, even if it was nothing in comparison to his magic.

Finally, they arrived at a small but heavily fortified room at the far end of Tony's lab. It had extremely thick concrete walls with reinforcing bars made of the same alloy as Cap's shield, which Stark had managed to synthesize more of. The door was also made out the indestructible material, right now to the hinges, and it had a small window set into the top made of the same glass as the cage Loki had tried to kill Thor with 3 years earlier.

Within the cell, the lights were also placed behind this glass, and the only other things it contained were a metal bed and toilet, made of the same indestructible alloy as the door.

"Thor, show our guest how much he's so not escaping," Tony said.

At his words, Thor brought Mjolnir down as hard as could on the steel bed – which really looked more like an operating table – with no effect other than the deafening clang of metal against metal.

"That stuff's in everything in there. I don't think you're gonna be escaping like last time, Reindeer Games."

"Please do not call me that," Loki sighed at the billionaire.

"Don't want stupid nicknames, don't wear stupid hats." Disregarding Loki, he turned Thor and continued, "Stay by the door until I get back and make him get out of that ridiculous getup. I'm gonna go get some normal clothes."

"And why, pray tell, do you want my clothing removed, Stark?"

"Because if I remember correctly, someone I know just loves to hide throwing knives on their person," Tony replied, deciding to think about what on Earth Loki could have possibly been thinking with that last comment later.

When he got back, the god of mischief had obediently stripped down to his black trousers and left the rest of his clothing in a pile on the metal bed. Stark re-entered the cell, tossing a pair of his own pocketless sweatpants and a t-shirt at him before scooping up the heap of metal and leather and handing it to Thor. He'd also brought with him a pillow and big fluffy blanket Loki could use for padding if he decided to sleep at some point. Tony turned around and allowed him to change, not trusting him to have not kept a knife or two in his pants.

"Made sure to bring things I couldn't hide anything in, I see. I guess I don't need this anymore then," Loki said just before one of his tiny little knives whizzed past Stark's head, actually managing to imbed itself in the concrete.

"This is why I can't have nice things," Tony replied sarcastically.

Then from behind him he heard a gasp, and Loki hissed, "You have got to be kidding me!"

Turning, Stark grinned at what he saw. Loki had finished changing pants and had unfolded to shirt, only to notice the design on it. It was made to look like the suit Tony was currently wearing.

"Like it? I picked it out special just to annoy you."

"No force in all the nine realms could get me to wear this revolting piece of trash."

"Aww, come on. I know the manufacturers got the colors a little off, but it's not all that bad."

"Get me something else," Loki demanded.

"Reindeer games, your spoiled prince is showing. It's that or nothing."

As a response, he incinerated the shirt in his hands, and hurled a fire ball at Tony. The smaller man ducked, but he still had his helmet off and the fire ball grazed his gelled hair, causing it to burst into flames.

Tony screamed and ran out of the cell towards his lab, shouting, "Dummie! Now is a good time to use your fire extinguisher! Now I'm actually on fire!"

Loki stood in his cell laughing, his genuine reaction to something funny sounding disconcertingly like an evil cackle. Thor stepped inside from where he's been standing next to the door and said, "You should not have done that, brother. He's going to be complaining about his hair for weeks now."

"Which is precisely why I did it."

Sighing, Thor pulled the knife out of the wall and collected the rest of Loki's Asgardian clothing, and was about to lock the cell behind him when Stark pushed past him back into the cell, covered in fire extinguishing foam and wielding a pair of scissors.

At the initial sight of him, Loki burst into another fit of laughter, until he noticed the pair of scissors in his hands and the glare he was giving the god that was hot enough with rage to melt Jotunheim. The laughter died in his porcelain throat when Tony starting taking slow steps towards him, the scissors raised. He leapt across the last couple of feet and seized the god's chin, and in one swift motion lopped of a large chunk of Loki's hair from the left side of his head. While the rest of his hair remained shoulder length, a tuft of it now only went to just below his ear.

Before he had a chance to react, Stark stormed out of his cell and slammed to door shut, giving Thor a look that told the god of thunder not to say anything. The two of them rode the elevator back up to the top of the tower in silence, leaving Loki in his dungeon, still staring in amazement at the lock of his raven black hair lying on the floor.

After a while his face twisted into one of his signature smirks, and he thought to himself, 'This is going to be loads of fun.'