A/N:I'm putting a lengthy warning on this story, not because it's graphic or anything, but because I think that there are people who simply won't enjoy it. This is a McAbby story first of all. Second of all, it's about the pain that comes from infidelity and betrayal by friends. I have been told that parts of this story could be considered bashing by some fans of the show. I disagree, but I will admit that I started this very long story after season 7, the end of which I hated enough that I almost stopped watching the show and was close to hating Gibbs as well. Thankfully, that passed, but I'm less sympathetic to Gibbs in the beginning of this story and it will show...clearly.

So here are the people who may not like this story (although I could be wrong): those who think Abby, Gibbs, Tony, Ziva, and/or Tim can do no wrong. While Tim is the main character, he's not perfect either. People who don't like McAbby. People who think any time that Tony or Gibbs (mostly) make mistakes is an illustration of character bashing.

In case you can't tell, I'm a little nervous about posting this story over here, given the general makeup of the fans on this site, but here it is.

Disclaimer: I do not now, nor have I ever, owned NCIS. I'm not making money off this story, although if I got a penny for each word written, I'd almost have enough to pay off another full year of grad school tuition. :)

Can't Go On
by Enthusiastic Fish

Chapter 1

Tim sat down on his bed. The coming confrontation gave him no pleasure. There wasn't even much anger really. Just sadness...and a horrible sense of inevitability. It wouldn't go away if he continued to avoid it. Abby was downstairs. For the last week, she'd been avoiding him, leaving the bedroom quickly...none of the playfulness that had marked their marriage for the last two years.

With a sigh, Tim got up and walked to the stairs. He paused again at the top. What would he say? What would she say?

It can't go on like this, Tim thought. That was the only thing he knew for sure.

He took a deep breath and walked down the stairs. Abby was in the kitchen. Cooking breakfast. She had rarely ever done that. They usually ran around chaotically in the mornings, searching for something they could eat on the way over. Tim always had his coffee, but they didn't bother with cooking breakfast unless it was a weekend when they didn't have to go to work.

She looked at him, smiled...and then looked away.

"Abby?" Tim asked.

"Do you want bacon?"

"No."

"Your coffee should be ready soon."

"Abby."

Abby turned around and faced the oven.

"Are you sure you don't want bacon? It's good."

"Abby."

"I could whip up an omelette or something like that. Eggs are good for you again so you can..."

"Abby."

Abby stopped talking but she didn't turn around.

Tim sat down at the table and stared at the rigid lines of her back.

"When?" he asked.

The knife in Abby's hand clattered to the counter.

"How did you know?"

Tim found that he was able to smile.

"I'm an investigator, Abbs. ...and you stink at keeping secrets."

There was a hiccuped laugh.

"When?" he repeated softly.

"The conference. Two weeks ago. You couldn't come with me because of work."

"Yeah. I remember."

"My talk went really well. You weren't answering your phone."

"It was dead. I'd forgotten to charge it up."

"I was annoyed."

"I'm sure you were."

"One of the presenters started talking to me. We drank...not a lot, but enough."

"Enough," Tim said, almost in a whisper.

"I couldn't believe what I'd done...but at the same time..."

"It was exciting...wasn't it."

A loud sniff, and Tim watched Abby's hand move up and wipe her eyes.

"Y-Yeah. It was."

Tim smiled again, even though Abby couldn't see him.

"I always worried about that, you know. Me being too boring to keep your interest."

"That's not it!" Abby turned around, her eyes red, her mascara smeared. Then, as if she'd suddenly exposed herself, she whirled back. "That's not it, Tim."

"It's got to be part of it."

"Maybe...I don't know."

"Abby?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you still love me? ...not like you love puppies..." A tearful laugh. "...not even like you love the other people at NCIS. Do you still love me like husbands and wives love each other?"

Silence.

"I have to ask."

"Why?"

Tim got up, circled the counter and stood beside her. Gently, he took her shoulders and turned her toward him.

"Because...Abby...I love you more than anything. I can't imagine loving anyone as much as I love you. ...but if you don't love me anymore..." Tim sighed, feeling the churning in his gut as he tried to express himself correctly. "...I chose you, Abby. You chose me...and I chose you. ...I still choose you. ...but only if you want it. If you've lost that...if you don't think that you feel the same way anymore... Then, there's no reason to try."

Abby's eyes moved up to his. "Try?"

"Yes," Tim said. "Yes...try. If you want to...but only if you really want to. If you don't...then don't pretend. Don't act like you feel that way if you don't." Now, Tim felt some anger, some hurt. "...because I can't... I couldn't take it again. Knowing that...knowing what you did...it's like someone jabbed a knife into my gut. If you want to try, then so do I...but only if it's real."

"I do love you, Tim," Abby said. "I don't know why I did what I did. I really don't. It's not about being exciting... I don't know what it is."

"Do you want to try, Abby?"

"Yes, Tim. I do."

Tim nodded and hugged her gently.

"Then...I guess we're stuck with each other for a little while longer."

"Tim...I love you and I don't want to give that up."

"Then, we'll try again."

Abby pulled back and looked at him. "Do you still want an omelette?" she asked.

Tim shook his head. "No. I...I think we should... go to work separately today."

"Separate?"

"Yes. I need to think."

"Don't leave me, Tim."

"I'm not...but I need to think."

"Okay."

"Tonight...we need to talk. Decide what we're going to do."

"Okay."

Tim managed one more smile and kissed Abby on the forehead. Sometimes, even though she was older than he was, she seemed so much like a child.

"I love you, Abbs."

"I love you, Tim."

"I'll see you at work."

"Okay. Good-bye."

Tim nodded and picked up his bag. Then, he let himself out of the house. He stood on the stoop and looked around. He had thought he had everything he wanted.

What had gone wrong?