Our Own Brand of Romance

Shindou Hikaru, single, Japanese, male… Hikaru was a lot of things. But he was not known for being a romantic bastard.

And Yoshitaka Waya was going to kill him this Valentine's Day if he was forced to be his agony aunt yet again! If he heard one more thing about his hopeless, miserable crush on Touya or the dickfaced one-night stands Hikaru picked up to forget about the former, Waya was going to explode.

"Shindou Hikaru." Waya shoved his friend into his hotel room, away from the rest of their group at the pre-tournament celebration. "We are going to fix your love life. You are in Paris. Either you find yourself a decently satisfying lay, or get Touya Akira to fall in love with you."

"Wha… Waya!" Hikaru blushed right up to his ears. "Touya's busy focusing on the tournament, I'd just distract him-!"

"Valentine's Day. Paris, city of love. Either get laid, or GET OUT!" Waya shouted at him. Seriously, the guy had all the ingredients to sweep Mr. Pageboy-haircut off his go-loving ass and he thought a simple excuse like 'there's a tournament going on' was going to save him the effort?

"Waya!" Hikaru protested.

And operation GLoGO was going well in Waya's opinion. Hikaru and he had had a long serious discussion and they had agreed… flowers first. Who didn't like flowers?

As the red nose and watery eyes proved, Touya didn't like flowers. Mainly because he was a go-playing cyborg in Waya's opinion, but it seemed to everyone else that he was just allergic to them. Kurata had gone so far as to thrown them out, having sworn the competition had been trying to kill their star player.

Waya was glad the flowers had been sent anonymously.

Hikaru on the other hand, had sobbed over Call of Duty and chocolate ice cream.

"It's fine! We'll just try another tactic." Waya grouched, kicking the unmovable form on his hotel room's couch. The Shindou-shaped lump moaned something about Touya hating him, before curling up into the fetal position to avoid Waya's continued assaults with his foot.

Chocolates had been the next plan of attack.

The good kind, bought in one of those Paris confectionery shops that smelled like fucking heaven and only heartless cyborgs could deny their deliciousness and maybe not even then. Hikaru had drooled over them, and Waya only convinced him not to waste all of his emergency money on chocolate was the promise that if they worked, then Touya would share so there would chocolaty goodness for all.

And of course.

Wary, Kurata confiscated all of the chocolates without telling Touya of their existence, and ate them all to "protect Touya from food poisoning and all those evil French bastards." While this didn't send Hikaru into hysterical crying, Kurata was sporting a black eye and a new fear of incensed go players.

Touya seemed awfully suspicious and shifty, seeing as he'd witnessed Hikaru's outburst and pulled him off of the older go player with frantic hands and a promise of a game of go together beforehand to keep Hikaru from killing him.

Well, it seemed in Waya's mind that operation GLoGO wasn't going so well after all. It was time to resort to… that.

"Dammit!" Hikaru shot a dead body for good measure in Call of Duty. "What next?"

"We get Mr. Pretty-hair wasted drunk." Waya decided it was time to burst out the big guns. Rocket launcher required.

"No." Hikaru brutally killed an onscreen enemy before glaring at his far more attractive partner in crime. "The tournament? We can't get him drunk before the tournament!"

"But we can waste time trying to fix your love life and playing Call of Duty?"

"Point made. Let's get him fucked up." Hikaru grinned evilly.

"On champagne!" Waya cackled.

It went about as well as they probably should've expected; in other words, terrible. Hikaru held onto his crush's waist, supporting him as he tried to shove the unconscious man into his own hotel room.

Waya felt a glare burn into his back.

"How was I supposed to know he was a sleepy drunk?" Waya protested, slamming the door on his friend.

The tournament actually went fine the next day, because apparently Touya Akira was a God and therefore resistant to hangovers. They were both rather relieved at that, because if Touya found out they had planned their little party session in that high uppity French restaurant, Touya would kill them both ruthlessly for the sheer probability of ruining his game-play the next day.

In fact, Waya was actually really jealous now.

Valentine's Day was their last day in Paris, and dammit it all, Hikaru and Waya were frustrated, irritated, and in a great foul mood.

That was, until Touya confessed that he'd known they were up to something the whole time. And then Hikaru and Touya played go on the top of the Eiffel tower, which was the most romantic thing they'd done all vacation.

Waya was about to give up on the mission when he noticed Touya's hand slip into Hikaru's and it was like some sort of fucking miracle because it meant Waya would finally have his room to himself and enough spare time for some intense phone-sex with Isumi.

Yes, he had ulterior motives. Now shut up.

A/N: Finally! Something that's not *le gasp* about Ko Yeong-ha and Hon Su-yon! I knew you believed in me!

This is where my one-shots for Hikago are going, so yes, this one is AkiHika/HikaAki. There are hints of WayaSumi. I should probably put in the description that these are mostly going to be cracky and stupid. You have no idea.

I want to do one where they're all fashion models and stuff and Hikaru is all jealous of Akira because he is teh sex and Isumi feels like his hair is stupid and that's why he isn't getting any new modelling jobs and so he goes to China because that solves everything and when he comes back with his new sexy hair everyone wants him. Especially Waya.

Someone stop me.

I will love you forever if you review, and for a limited time only, I will probably troll you and send you much awkward love!