Hold Onto My Words

Chap. 1

June 15, 2012

I bought this journal so I have something to confide in. No one knows who I am. No one knows how I feel. So diary, please, hold onto my words and never let them go. Here is my very first entry ever:

I want to run, diary. But I can't run. If I run, he'll find me. James always finds me.

-Carlos Garcia

June 16, 2012

A memory. Diary, I need to share a memory with you. I think you should know more about James. You'll be hearing alot about him, so I don't want you to be confused.

*He pushed me against the bar counter. He kept saying the same thing over and over, "Drink the damn beer. Now." He was drunk, I coudl tell. I've never seen this guy in my life. So I decided to speak up. Big mistake.

"I-I don't know you." I said timidly. He pressed against me harder.

"Then maybe you should get to know me a little better." he slurred, and next thing you know, his lips were pressed against mine. I didn't want this, not at all. The traces of alcohol on his tongue were bitter and entoxicating. His movements were rough and forced. But I had to admit that it felt good. So I had no choice but to kiss him back.

"My name's James." he whispered into my ear, pressing his body even harder against mine.

I whimpered. This was all so wrong. Why did I follow my friends here? I don't even know where Kendall and Logan are. 'My name's C-"

"Yeah, I know. Carlos Garcia. You're 16. You play hockey. Your dad's a cop and your mom died. Your best friends are Kendall Knight and Logan Mitchell." He interrupted me. I blinked at him. He winked. "I do my research. Now come dance with me."*

I don't want to go further, diary. It's too hard. I'll start crying and ruin your beautiful pages.

Anyways, all I can say is he did bad things to me that night. I told him to stop but he didn't. He still does it to me now.

I have to go. James is home. I just wish I could disappear and when he opens the door, no one will be there for him to abuse.

June 17, 2012

It's almost midnight. James locked me in our bedroom and went out to some club. It hurts that he doesn't bring me with him. But I'm still glad he doesn't force to go to bars and clubs anymore, because I don't like being there with James and loud music and alcohol. It makes him do bad things to me again, diary. I'm getting kind of sleepy.

Sorry, I fell asleep in the middle of an entry. James is home. I hear him moaning and staggering through the apartment. He's calling for me. I have to go.

June 17, 2012

I'm sorry there are tear stains all over this page, diary. Hopefully it dries. Here's what happened when James came home.

*"Carlos!" he called from the living room. "I'm opening your door! What are you doing in there!" I curled up in my covers, scared because I knew James was drunk out of his mind like usual. The door swung open fiercely.

"What were you doing in here?" he growled, standing beside the bed, towering over me. I whimpered and he slapped me.

"Remember? You locked me in here...and then I fell asleep because you took too long." I curled up in a self defensive ball, just in case James slapped me again. Instead, he pulled me off the bed and kicked me.

"Unless you're sucking my dick, you better shut that smartass mouth of yours, understand?" I nodded and he slung me over his shoulder, throwing me down on our big fluffy bed. In an instant he had pulled by shirt off and yanked my boxers down and then did the same to himself. I knew what was coming. James had that same wicked grin and evil glint in his eyes everytime this happened. I'm still in pain from last time.

James flipped me over and I squeaked, provoking James into giving me a hard spank. I bit my lip so I wouldn't scream.

"Shut the hell up. You are here to give me pleasure and NOTHING ELSE." He hissed, spanking me again. "You've been a naughty boy, Carlitos. And every crime has a consequence..." I buried my face into the pillow, letting out muffled cries as I felt James dive down and bite my neck harshly. He sucked intensely. Permanently marking me as his and only his. I relaxed a little as I felt him pull back, probably to admire his work, but then I knew the bad part was coming.

James grabbed the back of my head and yanked me up hard, forcing his fingers into my mouth. "Suck." I obeyed and timidly took his fingers into my mouth, only to have James shove them further down my throat. I gagged and sucked harder. "Yeah, that's it baby...pretend it's my cock...pretend you're sucking my dick and suck like you mean it." he moaned, pushing his fingers in as deeply as he could. I gagged again, and gladly he pulled them out.

I panted. I'm already exhausted. And just when I thought I had gotten enough punishment, I felt a tinge of pain as James forced his fingers into my entrance. He stuck 2 fingers in, scissoring my hole open, and then way too quickly he shoved his whole fist into my ass. I screamed since his fist was so big and also because I was still sore from the other night. And then without warning, he pulled out his fist and shoved his whole dick-the full 10 inches-inside of me. I gripped the sheets below me, shoving my face into the pillow and screaming. I hated that James always did me from the behind, torturing me with the amazing pain and not letting me see what was going on.

"JAMES!" I whined desperately, begging for attention so I could convince him to let me switch positions.

"Shut up."*

That's practically the plot of my life. I beg for love and attention, but all I get is a simple, 'shut up'.

No one loves me except you, diary.

What the fork is wrong with me...I'm sorry for that painful angst and abuse...it was just an idea. I keep getting these multi-chap story ideas, so I write like 2 chapters, and then don't update alot unless it's really good. So don't expect everyday updates.

I like this diary thing. It's a cool concept. And if you couldn't tell the * means the beginning or end of a memory/flashback. Review!

-datsRUSHERiffic