Disclaimer: I don't own the Legend of Zelda. If I did… xD

"Cowardice" is rated "T" for some mild language, action description, and overall hijinks.

Cowardice

A Legend of Zelda Fanfiction

It all started a few days ago when Nabooru asked Zelda what Link's weakness was.

If she was thinking at the time, she'd say that Link had no fears. Or she'd say that it was nothing major. After all, Nabooru was clearly up to no good. It seemed like the Gerudo simply wanted some dirt on the Hero of Time.

Instead of thinking rationally, Zelda replied she had no idea although she was always curious about the subject. Naturally, the girls decided it would be fun to figure out Link's weakness. Zelda, being Link's fiancé, was to test most of the theories. The girls created a checklist of potential fears and were determined to try them all out.

Two weeks before her wedding day, Zelda really shouldn't be worrying about something so trivial, but hey, what was some harmless fun?

She spoke the truth when she said she was curious. To her knowledge, Link possessed no fears. That made sense for several reasons. One, Link was the Hero of Time who fought countless foes, faced perilous challenges, and saved Hyrule despite being only nine years old at the time. Secondly, he was the possessor of the Triforce of Courage. As the name implied, the bearer of the Triforce of Courage contained endless bravery and perseverance.

As amazing as he was, Zelda knew the other girls had a point when they said Link must have a weakness. Zelda was no fool. She knew no one was truly invincible. Being his fiancé and his closest partner, Zelda knew everything about Link. However, she couldn't help but feel there were some things the young Hero kept from her.

You know what they say, curiosity kills.

Besides that, Zelda wanted to have a little fun. Who says that princesses can't have fun?

She never imagined in her wildest dreams that the bravest, most intelligent, handsomest, and best man in all of Hyrule would ask for her hand in marriage. Eleven years ago, Zelda sent Link back to his original time. He briefly left Hyrule on a journey to search for Navi. After he left, Zelda thought she'd never see him again. To her surprise, seven years later, Link returned to Hyrule. He told her he was done searching and returned be by her side and protect Hyrule. Last year, he popped the question.

It wasn't necessarily considered tradition for a commoner to marry a princess, but Zelda made an exception. Her father died when Ganondorf rose to power, leaving the young princess in charge. Being the leader of Hyrule, Zelda made the rules. She considered the hero that saved Hyrule more than royalty status. Link was in a class of his own.

The people loved Link. They were very eager to crown Zelda as queen and Link as her king. Link refused to do anything politically. He claimed he was bad at public speaking and wasn't good with people although Zelda knew otherwise. Truthfully, Link didn't want to infringe on her duty. Zelda appreciated it.

It was yet another reason why Link was so endearing.

He always stood so tall in the face of everything. Just once she'd like to see him break. Not too much, but a little.

Fast-forward to the present.

Zelda was finishing her preparations. She carefully laid out bait that was sure to draw out the biggest spiders Hyrule had ever seen. Ruto pawned the bait off some sketchy woman with a hunchback. Oh well. Anything goes in this showdown.

Zelda had to admit, she wasn't the biggest fan of spiders. However, soon to be Queen of Hyrule, she wasn't about to let a few spiders get the best of her. After all, the character she played for years was a fearless male.

Zelda knew a thing or two about putting on a performance. She dressed herself up as a male for seven years. The so-called manly things she was forced to do for all that time…Zelda shuddered at the thought. She was admittedly never the biggest fan of dresses, but after that time her wardrobe never looked so wonderful.

Out of the corner of her eye, Zelda saw a massive, hairy spider emerge from the corner of the room. The thing was about the size of a porcelain teapot. It was smoky gray in color, resembling a common bear. Its thick, matted, fur was enough to make anyone run away. The spider seemed to be drooling. Zelda didn't know spiders could drool. Huh. You learn something new every day.

Zelda took a few deep breaths. She wasn't scared of an icky spider. No way was that thing scary.

Never mind the big, beady red eyes that looked like the color of blood or the dripping talons that were probably laced with poison. It was a common Hylian spider. Yeah. It wasn't anything dangerous. Nope…

The spider was staring at her. It wanted her for breakfast. She could swear she saw it licking its talons, preparing to go in for the kill….

"EEYAH!" Zelda screamed, unable to contain it anymore. "LINK! HELP!"

She ran out of her bedroom, crashing into Link. He heard her scream and came running as quickly as he could.

"Zelda! What's wrong?" Link asked, holding his fiancé gently in his arms. Zelda was shaking, clutching on to his green, musty tunic for support.

"Spider…in the bedroom…"

Despite the serious situation, Link laughed good-naturedly. Zelda glared at him. How dare he make fun of her! Did he know how big that spider was? It certainly wasn't natural! Hmph! She was the Princess of Hyrule!

"Sorry Zel," Link said, attempting to quiet his chuckles. "I've never seen you this frightened before. It's adorable. You know, it's probably more scared of you than you are of it."

Zelda frowned. Wasn't she supposed to be seeing him scared, not the other way around? Some foolproof plan. Now she looked like the idiot. She buried her head into his tunic mostly so he couldn't see her flustered expression.

"It's no normal spider," she huffed, attempting to salvage what was the remainder of her dignity.

Link smiled, kissing her lightly on the top of her head. "It's okay, love. I'll always protect you, no matter the foe." He released Zelda from their embrace, patting her on the shoulder and winking at her confidently.

The little braggart, always acting so tough. Wait til he saw the size of this spider! She nervously followed him into the bedroom and peeked at the room from behind his shoulder. She grabbed his tunic again, ducking behind him as the evil eyes stared at her again. Yep, that's right. That was a horrifying spider. Link had to be at least a little scared. She looked up at him expectantly, waiting for a look of terror and instead saw that he was smiling.

Honestly. There was a fifty pound spider in the room and he was smiling.

Not. Fair.

Seeing her look at him, Link squeezed her hand. "It's okay, Zel," he assured her. "It's just a little spider."

Uh, little? Excuse me? In normal Hylian, that thing was considered massive. She didn't even want to know his definition of a large spider.

Link readied his bow and arrow ("I don't want to dirty the Master Sword with something so trivial") sticking his tongue out slightly in concentration. He closed one eye, focusing on his target. Taking a deep breath, he released the arrow.

The creature wailed in pain, slamming into the wall. Link let loose another arrow which skewered the gargantuan mammoth clean in two, spraying its guts all across the room. Zelda placed a hand over her mouth, fighting to keep the contents of her stomach down.

Zelda was a courageous woman. She experienced so much hardship and witnessed tragedy. She remembered once bandaging up a soldier with a steel beam protruding from his stomach. That didn't cause bile to ride up in her throat.

Spider guts were another story.

"There," Link said proudly. "See? That was nothing! It only took two arrows to bring it down."

Only two arrows? That was what he was worried about? Zelda hopde he knew that normal spiders could be crushed with a rag. She raised an eyebrow at him.

"What?" He asked defiantly. "I killed it. See…oh," he trailed off, realizing that the once white room was now stained with spider innards.

Instead of offering to clean the mess up, Link wandered over to the mess. He was going to retrieve his arrows. He removed two of his arrows, wiping them clean with an old towel, placing the arrows back into his quiver and admiring his handiwork. Link started to walk away, head held proudly in the air, when something stopped him. With a mischievous look, Link wandered back over to the spider carcass, poking the remains with one of his arrows like the child he was. Giggling almost maniacally, Link continued to prod the cadaver with the arrow, observing the anatomy of the spider.

"This is awesome!" He said, motioning to her with his arrow. "Zelda, look at this! Did you know that these spiders have three stomachs? Cool!"

He stopped abruptly when he realized his princess was not amused.

"What are you, four?" Zelda asked, putting her hands on her hips. "Who's going to clean up this mess?"

"I am?" Link offered lamely.

"That's right," Zelda responded. She was angry at him for not being scared at all. Sure, her pride was a bit damaged from the affair, but that wasn't it. Not only was he not scared, he almost seemed excited to kill that thing.

Clearly, Link was not afraid of spiders.

Only one hundred more fears to try.

"You're lucky I love you," Zelda said more playfully, sticking her tongue out at him. He gave her a completely adorable childish look, sheepishly putting his arms behind his head. He always did that when he was slightly embarrassed.

"Yes I am," he agreed. "Who else would put up with me?"

"No one." Zelda blew him a kiss, not wanting to go near the spider. She didn't care if it was dead. That thing was nasty. "I have a couple of meetings to attend to. I'll see you after dinner."

"I love you," He called after her.

She grinned. She loved him too.

As Zelda left, Link smiled to himself, returning to his work. The thing almost looked like one of Gohma's children. It certainly wasn't normal or native to Hyrule.

As a matter of fact, it was like someone deliberately put that spider there.

Zelda was not happy.

Saria was kind enough to inform her that the first boss Link faced was a giant spider. Naturally, he killed the huge thing with ease.

"You could have told me that before I looked like a total idiot," She snapped.

Saria giggled. "I'm sorry Princess, but I couldn't resist."

"Who would have thought you would freak out at a little spider?" Ruto teased.

"I did not freak out," Zelda huffed. "I was merely startled."

"Startled?" Nabooru teased. "Wasn't it more like, 'Eeeeyaaaaahhh! Save me, dear Link, save me!'" She imitated Zelda, running to Ruto and pretending to hide behind her.

The three female sages giggled before noticing their princess's livid expression.

Now everyone thought she was scared of spiders. Weren't they supposed to figuring out Link's weakness, not her's?

"So, what will we try next?" Saria asked, smartly deciding to change the subject?

"What about ghosts? Everyone hates ghosts," Ruto said.

"It's worth a shot," Nabooru said. "Zelda, would you do the honor?"

Of course, as she always did.

"They say this is the most haunted building in all of Hyrule," Zelda said, calmly walking through the abandoned temple in the back of Kakariko Graveyard.

Zelda wasn't a fool, she knew Link previously visited the Shadow Temple. However, she knew of its horrors. Surely something in here scared Link. Perhaps from a bad experience?

"Oh, the Shadow Temple!" Link cried, running to the entrance. "I remember this place. Yeah, there were screaming monsters, hands that fell from the ceiling, possessed boats, and a giant zombie drummer."

"Sounds awful," Zelda agreed, observing the cobwebs on the ceiling. She wasn't nervous, especially since Link defeated all the monsters, but she was curious what he thought about his experience.

"Not really," Link said. "Actually, most of it was pretty cool. I mean, a zombie drummer? That was awesome. We even had a bit of a rhythm going during our battle."

The most terrifying shadow creature was now a mere "zombie drummer" in Link's eyes. Clearly he was more amused than terrified.

So much for ghosts.

"You can see everything from up here!" Zelda cried, leaning over the edge. They were on top of the watchtower in Kakariko village. It really was a beautiful view. Zelda loved feeling the wind hit her face. The people looked so small. A fall from the tower would certainly be fatal.

Today she was testing his fear of heights. They'd never been up that high from what she could remember…

"Be careful," Link warned cautiously, pulling her away from the ledge. "It's dangerous."

Oooh, he seemed nervous. This was good. At least they were actually making progress for once. Grinning mischievously, Zelda leaned forward even more.

"But the wind feels so nice up here!" She called, closing her eyes.

"Zelda!" Link called, pulling her back and keeping her in a tight embrace. "Careful, you might fall."

"But wouldn't it be fun if you could fly through the sky?" Zelda asked. "The feeling of free-fall is so amazing, isn't it?"

Now it was Link's turn to grin. "I agree completely," he said, pulling out an item from his adventure, space-defying pouch. "You ready to try?"

"Try what?" Zelda asked.

"Falling."

"Wait, seriously?" Zelda asked incredulously. Sure, she loved the feeling of the wind and she was no stranger to long jumps, but this was something else.

With a twinkle in his eye, Link picked her up and jumped over the edge. Zelda screamed, clutching onto Link as the two fell through the sky.

Yep, he was serious.

At the last minute, before they slammed into the ground, Link extended his free hand and accurately shot his longshot onto a nearby roof, pulling them on top of the building. The house had an attic exit, so it would be a safe ride down.

Zelda had to admit that was fun. She smacked him playfully regardless anyways. Doing something so dangerous...

But if he openly jumped off a building that could mean his imminent death, clearly he wasn't afraid of heights.

Here we go again.

"You know what I could use now?" Zelda asked. "A nice thunderstorm. Rain always made me happy."

Link tickled her playfully. "You may be the ruler of Hyrule, but you can't control the weather," he teased, kissing her lovingly.

"But I want a thunderstorm!" Zelda pouted childishly, pouncing on Link and knocking him to the ground. The two laughed.

"You're such a spoiled little girl," Link flicked her nose gently. "But then again, that's mostly my fault and I'm an enabler. You sure you want a thunderstorm?"

What Zelda was trying was get Link to tell her what he thought of thunderstorms. Thunderstorms were another common fear, and now that Zelda thought about it, she never really observed Link's actions during one. Instead, they were playing like little kids and snuggling in their room. She couldn't help the fact he was so lovable and she was easily distracted.

"Yes," Zelda said. "I want a thunderstorm."

As she was distracted, she forgot one tiny, eensy little fact.

Whipping out his ocarina, Link played the Song of Storms.

Outside, rain slammed against the window and thunder shook the entire building. Bright flashes of lighting lit up the sky. It was an awesome display of nature at its finest.

"Her Highness's thunderstorm," Link whispered in her ear, kissing his princess on her cheek.

Wait, the Song of Storms? Link produced a thunderstorm whenever he wanted. Duh, Zelda. Let's actually think for once, shall we?

It wasn't her fault that Link went on such a strange adventure.

Zelda was ready to give up. She'd tried pretty much everything. Spiders, ghosts, heights, thunderstorms, darkness, other bugs, fire…the list went on and on. Normally she wouldn't have that much time to play around, but seeing as it was before her wedding the Hylian officials were allowing her to relax a bit.

It was the night before her wedding. Zelda was enjoying the beautiful moon from her balcony. Link came from behind her, wrapping his arms around her in a tight embrace, kissing her hair gently.

Zelda smiled, placing her hands on top of his. Her soon-to-be husband truly was a stunning man.

Zelda felt ashamed for trying to find his weakness like that. She was sure that he was afraid of something, but that was a personal experience and she didn't want to intrude. If he wanted to tell her his fear, he'd tell her when he was ready. Zelda sighed.

Still, she had to admit these past couple of weeks was fun. They created a lot of fun memories with each other and it was only the beginning.

"Hey, daydreamer," Link's breath tickled in her ear. "Someone's been a naughty girl."

"Whatever do you mean?" Zelda asked in her innocent voice.

"You're trying to figure out my weakness," Link stated simply.

Goddesses damn it. Damn Link and his intuition.

"Am not," Zelda protested indignantly. "Why would I ever do that?"

"Because the Sages put you up to it and you were curious?"

He knew her a little too well for her liking.

Zelda sighed in defeat. "You're practically indestructible! I was just curious," she said. "But now that I think about it, a weakness is a personal thing. I'm sorry for intruding. I should have just asked."

"It would have saved you a lot of trouble," Link agreed with a laugh. "Although I'll admit, these past couple of weeks has been really fun. I always enjoy your company and it was nice to see you with your guard down. You can be so serious that you lose a bit of who you truly are."

The two shared a passionate kiss. Link was right, as he always was. Usually Zelda was caught up in all of her duties and carried a "princess-like" attitude at all times. Princesses must be proper and formal at all times. Sometimes, she couldn't really be herself. When she was with Link, it was a different story. He brought her true personality out. It was yet another reason of why she loved him so much.

"Seriously," Link broke the silence. "You could have just asked."

Zelda placed her hand on his cheek, staring into his pure blue eyes. She loved looking at him in the moonlight. His eyes always sparkled more than they normally did. "So I'll ask," she said softly. "What are you afraid of?"

"Honestly," Link started, taking her hand and squeezing it gently. "I was terrified when I heard you scream. Do you remember? With the spider? Whenever I hear you scream, I get so nervous. I'm afraid that I'm going to lose you again," Link brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it. "That's my true fear. Losing you again."

Zelda smiled. Link was shaking slightly, emphasizing his concern for her. Over the course of their travels, the two were separated several times. Link watched Ganondorf capture her. She watched him walk away. All instances were painful for them both.

She pulled him into another passionate kiss, stroking his hair. "You'll never lose me again, Link. I promise. I will forever be yours."

Link kissed her again, resting his head on her shoulder. "Then I have nothing to fear," he said. "Nothing…"

If only these moments lasted a lifetime.

"You're finally married! Congrats!" Saria smiled, greeting the happy couple.

"Even though clearly I was first in line to marry Link," Ruto huffed.

"Lay off of it. He should have been mine," Nabooru replied.

"Technically, I knew him first," Saria retorted to both.

Zelda and Link both laughed as the females playfully started a catfight about who should be rightfully Link's wife. Zelda stared into Link's eyes. The crown that was now atop his head looked slightly large and crooked, but it fit him anyways. His golden blond hair shone in the sunlight. He was the most handsome man in all of Hyrule. He wasn't just handsome. He was Hyrule's hero.

He was Zelda's hero.

"I love you," Link pulled Zelda into a loving kiss. The two shared a moment, ignoring everything around them and allowing themselves to be lost in their kiss.

"I love you too, my King," Zelda said with a wink of her eye.

"Enough with the 'King' nonsense," Link muttered, flushing a light shade of pink.

"Ah," Zelda teased. "So the hero is really afraid of public speeches."

"Again with the fears? I told you what my true fear was," Link cried indignantly, kissing her on the cheek nonetheless.

Zelda opened her mouth to respond when Malon came over. "Zelda! Link! Congratulations! I'm sorry a bit late, but it took me awhile to bring my present over."

"You didn't have to, Malon," Zelda turned to the girl. Not surprisingly, Malon brought a cow over from Lon Lon Ranch as their present. Lon Lon Ranch raised the best cows and they produced nutritious milk. She was grateful, although the farm girl gave cows away for everything.

"A…cow?"

Zelda and Malon turned their attention to Link. The color completely drained from the young hero's face, leaving him a sickly pale color. He took a few steps back, eyes wide, panting from the shock.

"Link?" Zelda asked curiously. "What's wrong?"

"Why is it always cows!" Link yelled in an uncharacteristic outburst. "First a cow appears in my house out of nowhere while I'm taking a nap, then a cow comes out of the ground wanting me, then there was that one in Gerudo Valley, and then in Jabu-Jabu's belly! They were everywhere! They wouldn't stop mooing! They were coming out of the side of the wall! It was terrifying!"

Link screamed that all very quickly in an incoherent ramble. The cow Malon brought over mooed at Link in affection.

"No!" Link cried. "I don't care about free milk! I don't care about items! Just keep them away from me!" He ducked behind Zelda. She could feel his whole body shake.

"Link…are you sacred of cows?" Malon asked in a serious voice.

"Now that he mentions it, there were cows all over Lord Jabu-Jabu's belly that one time," Ruto said. "I seem to recall some pretty nasty puzzles involving them. And they always mooed at Link. I think they like him."

Nabooru burst out laughing. "That's what you're afraid of? Cows?"

Link was no ordinary man. He defeated the toughest challengers, traveled through time, and tackled the trickiest puzzles. He loved unconditionally and was without a doubt, the greatest Hylian of all time.

Who would have thought that cows, of all things, would be the Hero of Time's greatest weakness?

Life was full of surprises.

A/N

I hoped you enjoyed "Cowardice." Heeheee… "cowardice"…"cow"…I thought it was very punny. ;) Yes, the "cows in Jabu-Jabu's belly" is from the Ocarina of Time Masterquest and the inspiration behind this story.

I contemplated ending this two ways: the crack way with the cows and the sweet way with Zelda. I loved both options and stuck both in there!

Btw, I moved to my Dad's place for awhile and should have plenty of time to write stories. The key words being "should be." I have the majority of chapter 2 for Foundation done and I've started chapter seven of Ascension, although that takes some serious thought and probably won't be done for awhile. I like writing one-shots, so it's fun to break up the two stories once in awhile.

I wrote this story just for fun. I thought I'd post it up for all of you. Last time it was "Among the Fortress" and everyone seemed to like that, so I figured why not?

Please let me know if you spot any grammar errors/typos in here. I tend to miss my own mistakes!

Please review and let me know what you all think!

I hope you enjoyed "Cowardice" and I'll see you all soon!