Title: Kick Start on the Road to Not Being a Failure
Word Count: Chapter 4/4, 6,084 words
Rating: R
Genre: Humour/Romance
Warnings: Profanity, BL
Series: Hikaru no Go!
Pairings: Saeki/Ashiwara, Isumi/Waya
Synopsis: Saeki's in a slump, Waya's in a frenzy, and Shindou has a running bet with Touya.
Disclaimer: Hikaru no Go! © Yumi Hotta and Takeshi Obata

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-o-o-o-o-o-

Chapter 4: And as the Lines Blur…

-o-o-o-o-o-

-o-o-o-o-o-

When Saeki arrived at the café, he glanced around nervously, expecting Ashiwara to have arrived early. The small eatery was busy, but was devoid of laughing heads of curly brown hair, so Saeki collapsed into a comfy-looking chair by a window and tried to calm himself down by drawing in several deep, deep breaths. It didn't work. He had no idea what to do when Ashiwara arrived, what to say or how to act. Ashiwara would doubtlessly appear to be perfectly comfortable, his big eyes serene. If anyone made this situation worse than it had to be, it would be Saeki, with his awkwardness, and his stupid nervous tick, and his stupid, stupid hair—the breeze had blown it everywhere, even Ashiwara wouldn't be able resist laughing at him—and everything would just go wrong.

...Saeki didn't know why he was acting this way. It wasn't like it was, you know, a date or anything. After all, he'd turned Ashiwara down yesterday, so this was like the total opposite of a date! It was like a...not-date!

Saeki groaned and let his head fall against the table with a thump. He shouldn't be acting this way. It was unfair to Ashiwara, and it was unfair to himself. He'd made his decision, just as Shindou had said to. He had finalized his emotions. So why weren't they feeling finalized?

It wasn't like he'd suddenly begun liking Ashiwara. When he tried to think about the other man in those terms, it still felt wrong, somehow. The problem was that, despite his decision and his action, despite that defining moment when he'd stood before Ashiwara and told him that his feelings were unreciprocated, those words felt wrong, too. Gaaargh. Stupid Ashiwara and his stupid curly hair! Saeki wasn't certain what Ashiwara's hair had to do with anything, but he was sure that his confusion in these matters was directly linked to those thick brown locks. And those big eyes. Yeah.

Shit.

There was definitely something wrong with him.

"Umm... Are you alright?"

Saeki shot up, but it was a waiter who was speaking to him, not Ashiwara. He cleared his throat. "Y-yes, I'm fine, thanks. Could I have a coffee? A really, really, reeeally strong coffee?"

"...Sure. Will that be all?"

"Yeah, for now. I'm expecting someone."

"...I see. I'll be right back with your order, then."

Saeki dropped back down on the table, now mortified as well as confused. Great. As if he needed to be feeling even morerandom emotions.

He glanced at his watch despondently. Ashiwara was eight minutes late. Was he alright? Had something happened to him? What if he was in the hospital and no one had thought to call Saeki to tell him because no one knew that Saeki was waiting for him, that Saeki was his quasi-friend?

Deep, deep breaths.

Okay, so Ashiwara had probably slept in a little or something. Or maybe arriving late to engagements like this was in Ashiwara's norm... Saeki really had no idea. Saeki really had no idea about most things that had to do with Ashiwara.

A throat was cleared delicately, but when Saeki looked up it was the waiter again, this time bearing coffee. Saeki thanked him and took the cup, drinking immediately and wincing when the liquid burned off a few layers of skin. "Could I have some ice water, too?" he asked.

The waiter gave him a strange look, but disappeared, coming back a moment later with a glass and another suspicious expression.

Whatever.

Saeki looked at his watch again. Seventeen minutes late. Maybe Ashiwara had gotten lost? Or maybe his train was running late?

He took another sip of the coffee without thinking, rescorched the inside of his mouth, and quickly gulped some ice water.

Should he call, or send a message? Would that be too naggy? Maybe Ashiwara just didn't want to come to early incase that made him seem too eager. Maybe he just wanted to make this as comfortable of a situation as possible. Yeah. That was it. Okay. Deeeeep breaths.

He'd finished his second cup of coffee and his third glass of ice water when he decided that maybe he really should call, because 47 minutes late was kind of ridiculous. He waited three more minutes, because fifty minutes sounded more impressive, and then took a deep, deep breath and pressed "call."

The phone rang three times before Ashiwara answered, sounding cheerful, relaxed, alive, and distinctly lacking in that worried tone which Saeki thought might accompany the voice of someone who'd been wondering lost through Tokyo's streets for an hour. "Hello, Saeki-san!"

Saeki's heart fluttered nervously before the honorific drove its meaning home. "Huh?" Since when was Ashiwara formal with him? Okaaay... Saeki was suddenly more pissed off than nervous. "Where are you? Weren't we meeting for breakfast?"

Ashiwara was silent for a long moment. "Were we?" he asked.

Saeki saw red for a moment. Deeeeeep breaths. "Yes. We were. What the fuck, Ashiwara?"

Ashiwara's voice was no longer cheerful and calm. Instead, it turned soft and nervous and confused and made Saeki's anger drain away as quickly as it had come. "I thought we cancelled, since you..." His voice caught as he trailed off and that sound made Saeki's gut twist painfully. Shit. And then Ashiwara laughed abruptly. "Er.. yeah."

"...What?" Saeki could hear the panic in his own voice, but he was never good at hiding things like that. "So, what, you're just dropping my friendship as soon as I reject romance or sex or whatever?

"No, no, no! I just—I mean, I've been sort of annoying lately, right? You always look irritated when I talk to you, or when I'm around you. I thought you wouldn't want to meet up, since I've been pushing too far at your personal boundaries recently..."

Saeki let go of his breath and closed his eyes, smiling slightly. "Oi, Ashiwara-san," he said, his voice distinctly whiny. "You knew I was an awkward bastard before you started this friendship-thing; it's too late to back out of it now."

Ashiwara laughed, and Saeki could hear the other man's pleased surprise clearly. It made him feel a bit fuzzy. He wondered if he was glowing. The waiter was now staring at him with a look of comprehension in his eyes, so maybe he was. Or something. "I'll be right there," said Ashiwara.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Waya listened to his clock ticking the seconds away and thought that it would probably be a good idea to get up.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

He rolled over onto his stomach and pulled the blanket over his head. He lay there for a few moments, before he got to wondering what time it was. He sat up and squinted in the semi-darkness of his room, and was just able to make out the directions of the hands.

3:14 p.m.

Waya groaned and flopped back down. Okay. So yeah, this was sort of pathetic. He remembered the heaviness he'd felt just before he and Fukui had had that first tutoring session. His limbs had been leaden, and every movement had felt as though he were climbing through a bog. His head had been fuzzy, and his eyes had refused to stay open until he was lying on his back in the night, at which time they'd stubbornly refused to close.

And now those feelings were all back again. He'd thought before that it was exhaustion from his schedule, but with his new social outings this past while, he'd been busier than ever, but still managed to feel light and energetic. So what was it?

Depression…He knew the answer, but refused to let that word take residence in his mind. It sounded oddly embarrassing, or girly, or something, especially if the cause was romantic rejection. It's not like he was watching soap reruns whilst single-handedly emptying a 4-litre tub of chocolate ice cream-he wouldn't let himself form any other image of depression, out of the fear that the image would bear some resemblance to himself.

His stomach gave a sharp, angry stab, reminding him that he hadn't eaten since lunch the day before. Did he really want to go through all the effort of preparing food and then eating?

After another few painful reminders from his stomach, he sighed, and decided to at least see what was lying around that was immediately consumable.

He rolled over and crawled out of his futon and into his tiny kitchenette, eventually managing, after several failed attempts, to haul himself upright using the handles on his refrigerator. He tugged open the freezer and peered inside, taking in the half-empty ice tray, the three-month-old leftover spaghetti that he'd thought he'd eat later and never had, and the packages of frozen vegetables that his mom kept bringing over. He continued to dig around through the sparse packages absently, trying to figure out what he wanted, before he suddenly realized what he was looking for and slammed the door shut.

Screw food. Maybe he could get something delivered. Or he could just go back to sleep. At… 3:26 in the afternoon. He stomped back toward his futon, tripped on his phone cord, and came crashing down. He didn't stand back up. Instead, he blinked up at the ceiling and hated himself for the tears that were leaking out of the corners of his eyes, for being so pathetic, for liking Isumi when the guy was such a freakin' asshole, for…

He rolled over, ignoring the fact that he was only further entangling his leg in the cord, and listened to the phone ringing. It went on ringing for what seemed like forever before the caller finally hung up.

Idiot, thought Waya. It was the sixth call he'd gotten since he'd stumbled back into his apartment the evening before.

His eyes traced an odd crack in the wall. Had it been there before he'd moved in?

Some time later, a frantic knocking at the door shook him out of his mental drifting. He was slightly disappointed that the door didn't literally shake with the strength of the blows, but eventually decided that it was probably a good thing that it didn't. He could hear Isumi's voice coming from the other side, but he was careful not to listen closely enough to hear the actual words. It wasn't like they'd be true, anyway.

He wondered absently if he could get ice cream delivered, and then he hated himself all over again. Maybe he had been better off back when he thought it was just exhaustion…

How did he fix this, this lethargy, before?

Ha, that's right. He'd made other people do it for him.

Well, in that case… He'd made a promise to rebond with his old friends, right? And who better to deal with his ice-cream-munchy love depression than a girl? They went through this stuff all the time in the movies, so they must have a bunch of hands-on experience dealing with this, right?

He reached up and up, stretching until his muscles screamed, and was rewarded when he felt the phone fall into his fingers. Standing up is for losers, anyway. His fingers dialled the still-familiar number, and he bit his lip, suddenly nervous, and he had almost decided to hang up by the time he heard the phone picked up on the other side. Panicked, he began without waiting for the other party to speak.

"Hey, Nase," he stumbled, not bothering to introduce himself, "if someone told you a lie to keep you from getting hurt, but it really only hurt you more, and you're reeeeeeally pissed off at him—because what was he even thinking, anyway?—would you forgive him?"

The other end was silent, and for a moment Waya was sure that Nase had gotten bored of listening to the ridiculous problems of some guy she used to know who had never bothered to keep up with her. She must hate me, he thought miserably, not even realising that he'd fallen another level down on the Clichéd Romantic Depression Meter.

Finally, Nase's voice came through the receiving end, choked from holding back her amusement. "What exactly did Isumi say, Waya?" she asked.

"What?!" Waya screeched, panicking again. "I didn't say it was Isumi. Why would you think it's Isumi?"

"…Honestly, Waya. Give your friends some credit. It's always Isumi with you, just like it's always Touya with Shindou."

"…Do me a favour and never compare me to them again."

"Only if you tell me what's up!" she laughed. "Wait, no… If I know you, you're wallowing on the floor in self-pity"—Waya winced at this—"so I'll be over at your place in… give me 40 minutes. When I get there, you'd better be showered and groomed."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said Waya, before realizing that Nase had already hung up. "Shit!"

-o-o-o-o-o

When Ashiwara arrived at the café, Saeki didn't feel nervous at all, just sort of heady, like he'd had a few glasses of wine—which he hadn't, and one might think that his two cups of really, really, reeeeally strong coffee might have taken care of that. Oh well. He waved Ashiwara over, despite the fact that Ashiwara had begun walking toward him immediately upon entering, and couldn't help but smile brightly. Ashiwara stared at him wonderingly for a moment, but he was smiling too, so that was okay.

"So what should we have?" he asked, trying to conceal his enthusiasm.

"Saeki-kun, you still haven't eaten? Ah, I'm so sorry for making you wait for me for so long! I shouldn't have just assumed that we wouldn't meet!"

Saeki shook his head quickly. "It was no problem!"

The waiter materialized by the table, refilling Saeki's water while smiling pleasantly, with no traces of suspicious or strange glances. "Would the two of you like to place your orders now?" he asked. The waiter wrote down their orders and departed, shooting Saeki a knowing smirk as he did so. Saeki was immune in his fortress of glowy-happiness, though, so it passed him by as he made light conversation with Ashiwara regarding their study groups the night before.

"Actually, mine didn't go too well either," Ashiwara admitted, blushing slightly.

"Huh? Are you falling into a slump, too? Wow, maybe I'm contagious."

Ashiwara laughed. "No, I just wasn't feeling... at my best, last night."

"Oh... right. I'm sorry, I hope I didn't—"

"No, no, I'm fine! Why don't we go over some of the things we studied last night together, since neither of us were feeling up to par, then?"

"Right, sure!"

A magnetic goban was produced, and the study session began. They left the cafe eventually, and traveled together to Touya Kouyo's go salon, exchanging go-related ideas the whole way.

Studying go with Ashiwara was fun when Saeki wasn't putting all his energy into being terrified of the other man; it was the sort of fun that Saeki had forgotten go could be. It wasn't that he'd lost his love of the game, or lost the will to play (shut up, Shindou), he'd just forgotten how to block out worldly pressures and just focus on the go. The other man was silly and brilliant all at once, making their study session wild and energetic, like Morishita's lessons but without the immense pressure and the booming shouts. When Ashiwara and Saeki began to play a game together a few hours later, Saeki's play was almost normal, and he could feel his confidence in himself building, at least until he glanced up midgame and saw Ashiwara staring at him with this look in his eyes, and Saeki panicked and suddenly the game blew up in his face.

Saeki flushed when he finally resigned, feeling embarrassed. Ashiwara puffed out his cheeks, scowling cutely, before saying, "But the game started out so well! What happened?"

Saeki shrugged, trying not to think about it. About the guilt he felt for turning Ashiwara down, about the fact that he still didn't know how he felt about the other man, what the fuck?

Ashiwara bit his lip uncertainly at Saeki's silence and asked, "Was it me?"

"What?" asked Saeki, shaking off his mental tirade against himself.

"The reason your game fell halfway through. Was it because of me?"

Saeki opened his mouth to deny this, then closed it again, not certain how to respond to this question. Would Ashiwara prefer the more painful truth, or would he prefer a kinder half-truth? Saeki still didn't know much about Ashiwara... He hesitated, and then said, "I think the reason I started out so well was that you make me feel comfortable and relaxed about myself, and the reason I bombed the second half was that I abruptly remembered the reasons you make me uncomfortable."

"Oh," said Ashiwara. There was a moment of silence before Ashiwara suddenly brightened and they began their post-game discussion, which added up to a lot more mortification for Saeki as he noted all of his many mistakes in the latter half of the game. Ashiwara rotated between being gentle and teasing as he pointed out various ways Saeki could have avoided repeatedly screwing his game over.

As the two were collecting the go stones, Saeki looked up at Ashiwara and studied him. The other man's expression seemed calm and content, but Saeki was sure that was a facade. How did Ashiwara do that? How did he hide his emotions so well? Saeki couldn't help but envy him this, and wondered if Ashiwara would feel less hurt about this whole situation if Saeki weren't so easy to read.

Finally, Saeki asked quietly, "Are you okay?"

Ashiwara looked surprised briefly, but then he laughed and said, "Of course! Is something wrong, Saeki-kun?"

"W-well... I mean... I really hope that I didn't hurt you too much last night when I—when I... er..."

Ashiwara smiled at him, and Saeki focused on the smile, trying to figure out how much of it was real. "Don't worry about it! Do you want to keep on studying, or are you ready to call it a day?"

It took a moment for Saeki's emotion-addled brain to follow the change of subject, and then another moment for him to try to come to a decision about it. No, he didn't really want to continue studying go, but he didn't really want to leave Ashiwara's company yet, either. "Er..." he said. Now that the goban was packed up, the other patrons of the salon were looking at them, Saeki knew. The old men had been glancing at them throughout their stay, but now they were all-out staring, their eyes accusing and suspicious. Ugh. Saeki began to sweat. "We could..." His mind remained blank, despite his mouth's desperate prompt.

"Why don't we call it a day? You look tired, Saeki-kun," said Ashiwara, still smiling.

"I—sure. Okay. Want to walk to the stop together?" Deep, deep breaths. Saeki's mind was spinning, trying to get a hold of everything that was happening, everything he was feeling.

"Sounds great!"

The walk to the bus was awkward—even more awkward than it had been before Saeki had clarified his feelings to Ashiwara, if not to himself. Stupid fucking Shindou. He'd said it would get better! Never take emotional advice from a guy who thinks that screaming insults is an appropriate flirting method. Saeki finally reached out to tug gently on Ashiwara's sleve, pulling them both to a stop. Ashiwara turned toward him, questioning, but waited patiently for Saeki to collect himself enough to speak.

"Are you really alright?" he asked.

"Saeki-kun? I told you I am."

"Yeah... I just... Do you feel better now that you know? Or did you prefer the uncertainty?"

Ashiwara was silent for a long moment before he replied, "Are you alright, Saeki-kun?"

Saeki looked down, staring at his hand which was still dangling from Ashiwara's coat sleeve. "No."

Ashiwara closed his eyes, letting out a soft breath, and nodded. "Okay. We don't need to meet up like this, you know. If you need a break from me, to get used to this, or to forget, or whatever you need, that's fine."

"No."

"No?"

"No, I don't think that's what I need. I don't know what I need. Why would I? I don't even know what I want."

"Saeki-kun?"

"I—" Saeki's throat closed up, and so he cleared it and tried again, choking the words out. "I lied to you before."

"What?"

Saeki listened closely, but he couldn't hear anything in that voice but polite enquiry. "I lied—I... Fuck. So I was talking to Shindou, right? He made some stupid bet or something with Touya about us, so my slump has him freaking out, so he was trying to help me with it, right?"

Ashiwara nodded helpfully, but Saeki could see that the other man had no idea where this was going. Saeki was so focused on talking that he was barely aware that Ashiwara had gently drawn him away from the sidewalk and over to a bench.

"So..." Saeki continued, pausing while his mind made the realization that he was now sitting. Cool. "I was talking about my go, and then suddenly I was talking about you, and Shindou seemed to think that I was getting in a huff because I hadn't given you an answer yet, and that seemed right, so he said I should answer you. Only... I didn't know what to say! Because I don't actually know how I feel about you!"

Ashiwara's face went blank. Saeki hastily continued, "I mean, I barely know you, right? And when I wonder to myself if I like you, I know I don't, but when I think that maybe I don't return your feelings, I know that's wrong, too."

Saeki waited a few moments for a response, and when there wasn't one, he babbled on desperately. "I just needed to give you some answer, I felt like absolute shit for leaving you hanging like that, but wouldn't it have been really bad to tell you I liked you when it was a lie? I thought just being friends and seeing where that took us would be the best. But then today I've felt even worse about giving you that pseudo-answer than I did about not giving you an answer at all." Saeki was panting, staring at his shoes. "A-and we hardly know each other!" He said again.

Ashiwara very gently touched his shoulder. "I think," he said, his tone carefully carefully controlled, "that I'd rather know the truth about what you're feeling, even if it doesn't answer me completely. Besides, I told you before—when I told you that I like you, I wasn't demanding a response, I was just telling you. It made me feel a lot better to have the truth out in the open. I can't really function properly when I'm hiding something big like that."

"Even if you didn't need a response, I still felt guilty for not giving you one. You deserve a response, I think."

"Thank you for thinking of me so kindly, Saeki~kun," Ashiwara said cheerfully. "Do you feel better, now that you have your truth out in the open?"

"I don't know. I mostly just feel sick to my stomach."

Ashiwara laughed. They sat in silence for a few moments, before Ashiwara asked, "Saeki~kun... Do you like being with me like this?"

"I—yeah. Sort of."

"...Sort of?" Ashiwara pouted. "That's not quite the answer I was hoping for..."

Saeki rolled his eyes. "Haven't we just talked about how bad I am at giving answers? I... I feel nervous around you, like I'm doing something wrong or really stupid. But I also feel amazing around you, like I can relax and be myself and I don't have to worry about being stupid. So... I don't know. I shift back and forth, sometimes, and sometimes I feel both at once."

"Hmm... And do you mind it when we're touching like this?"

"Huh?" Saeki flushed as he realized what Ashiwara was talking about. He was leaning on Ashiwara slightly, and Ashiwara's hand had switched shoulders so that his arm was consequently wrapped around Saeki. Oh... "I... It feels alright, I guess. I didn't even notice..."

"I figured," Ashiwara grinned. "So we barely know each other, right?" he said, subtly mimicking the way Saeki had repeatedly spoken those words earlier. "Why don't we fix that?"

"You mean..."

"Let's spend loads of time around each other all the time!"

"Uh..."

"I think we should put my initial study plan back into effect, Saeki~kun. You know, where we—"

Saeki had to get out of this one. "Why don't we just have dinner?!" he said quickly.

Ashiwara's eyes twinkled, causing Saeki's stomach to perform some disturbing acrobatics. "Sure. Right now?"

"I—yeah. Sure. Now."

"Great! I know the perfect place!" Ashiwara continued chattering as he grabbed Saeki's hand to drag him to the restaurant, continued chattering as they ate, and continued chattering as he dragged Saeki back to his apartment for a last game of speed go. Saeki wasn't sure if the chatter was a sign that Ashiwara was acting more relaxed around him again or if it was Ashiwara's way of trying to tell Saeki about himself, but he decided it wasn't all that bad. Ashiwara's chatter had a sort of soothing effect, and the game of speed go he played against Ashiwara may not have been his best, but it was pretty damn good.

-o-o-o-o-o-

A panting Waya answered the door, hair dripping, cheeks pink from his shower, teeth brushed, and a dab of shaving cream still clinging to his ear lobe. Nase promptly burst out laughing when she saw him, and shoved a store-bought bento into his arms before moving past him into his apartment and planting herself at the table.

"You aren't this pushy when you're with Iijima," Waya complained, filling up his kettle.

"That's because Iijima isn't a little brat," Nase responded mildly, and ignored Waya's responding outburst of "Hey!" She leaned forward, resting her chin on her palm and stared at him evenly. "So. Start talking."

And so Waya did. To his slight surprise, Nase listened to him seriously and patiently, and when he was done, considered the situation carefully before finally giving her opinion. "I'd be pissed, too," she said. "But doesn't it sound just like Isumi to do something like this?" Waya scowled and didn't answer. Nase signed, and said, "if he really is uncomfortable dating you because you're too young, Waya, I don't think you should push it."

Waya's head shot up, and his mouth opened in outrage.

"Please let me finish, Waya. I know you're feeling hurt because you think he views you as a child, but I think you're more hurt by the fact that he lied to you, as though your opinion in all this doesn't matter."

Waya said nothing, instead choosing to trace patterns with his fingertip on the scarred surface of his table.

Nase continued, "I think you should talk all of this through with him."

"But I… I mean, what do I say?"

"Just the truth, I guess. You don't need to forgive him or anything, just explain why you're angry and listen to his explanations."

"I've heard his explanations," said Waya, scowling, "and they sucked."

Nase sniggered. "Well, maybe he has some better ones to give you, now. Anyway, just talk about what you're feeling, and maybe then you can take a break to calm down or something. You'll feel better when it's all talked through, I think."

Waya looked down, smiling. "Thanks, Nase. I really appreciate you coming here to help me out, especially since I haven't really been very good at keeping in touch…"

Nase reached across the table to gently hold Waya's hand in her own. When he looked up, her eyes were serious. "Don't worry about it, Waya. We're all busy. And if this thing with Isumi doesn't work itself out… Well, I'll take you out for ice cream, okay? My treat."

Waya was still preparing his angry retort when a knock sounded at the door. He froze, and stared at Nase desperately. I'm not ready! he mouthed to her frantically. She just rolled her eyes in response, smirking pitilessly as she stood to leave.

As the two of them approached the door, though, Nase touched his arm, halting his movements. "It'll be okay," she said softly. "This isn't some guy from the neighbourhood laundromat you've been making eyes at; this is Isumi, and you were friends before any of this other stuff popped up. So don't be so nervous, Waya."

Isumi was talking through the door, pleading. He sure was tearing himself up about this… Hearing Isumi's anxiety somehow helped to calm Waya's. After all, Nase was right; they were friends, and he knew that at least in that way, Isumi's feelings for him were genuine. And with that thought, he yanked the door open, scowl firmly in place, and said, "Jeez, Isumi-san; why is it that you always come over when I already have company?" He gestured vaguely toward Nase, who smiled and waved as she walked past Isumi into the hall.

"Don't forget what I said, Waya!" was her only good-bye.

Waya snorted and forcibly dragged Isumi inside, who seemed to be stunned past the point of autonomous movements. Waya shoved Isumi onto a cushion by the table, carefully not mentioning the ignored phone calls and the unanswered door; even if he tried to use Isumi's repeated visits to tease, it would probably reflect more on Waya anyway.

"So," he said, plopping down next to Isumi. "You wanted to talk to me or what?"

Isumi just stared at him, apparently unable to believe his careless attitude after his earlier behaviour. Waya had never been so grateful for friends in his life. Without Nase, he'd still be moaning on the floor, absently thinking about ice cream. Instead, here he was, dressed and showered and at least able to feign a relaxed state; here he was, watching Isumi stutter and blush and panic in confusion.

After a while—a long while—Waya took pity on Isumi and decided to start the conversation for him. "I'm really pissed off at you," he said. Okay, so maybe that wasn't very pitying. He should probably soften it up a bit. "Really, really pissed off at you."

…Well… He was.

This seemed to be more in line with what Isumi had been expecting, because he jumped as if he'd been jolted awake and managed to settle himself. "I know," he replied softly. "I—" his voice broke, and he cleared his throat awkwardly before continuing, "I'm sorry for how I've been handling this situation, but I really didn't know what to do. I wanted to take the approach which would be the kindest to you, which would hurt you the least. I'm sorry I misjudged that so badly."

Waya leaned back against his wall, gripping the ends of his sleeves and stretching out his legs. His Nase-inspired complacency was fading, now, and Isumi's earnest stare was making his belly tingle nervously. "I don't want to be lied to," he said softly. "It's not—it wasn't kind at all. It hurt, when you rejected me. It hurt a lot, but I was able to overcome that, because you're my friend. And then you tell me it was just a lie? That—I feel like the butt of a joke, like… Shit." No, no, no. Crying was not a part of this plan. He might have to take up Nase on her offer of ice cream after all.

"Waya," Isumi sighed, and he leaned over, handkerchief in hand, gently dabbing at Waya's wet cheeks. Waya was beginning to suspect that Isumi was a shoujo-manga hero brought to life.

"Thanks," he sniffled, trying very hard not to look as pathetic as he felt.

"Waya. I didn't mean for—for the way I've been acting, the things I said—I didn't mean for them to hurt you."

Waya frowned, slightly bored with the repeated apology. "I know that. Just don't do it again. Don't lie to me again. If you feel some way, tell me about it, even if you don't want to act on those feelings or whatever."

"It's not that I don't want, too, but—"

"Yeah, yeah-too young, I know, I remember." Waya kicked at the carpet, and then winced when his toe slammed into a leg of the low table.

There was strained silence between the two of them for a long moment, before Isumi finally asked, very tentatively, "I… I'll remember that, next time, Waya. I won't lie to you again. So… are we still… I mean, we're still friends, right?"

Waya blinked at him, taking in Isumi's worried eyes and nervous fingers, remembering all the times he had spent with Isumi, hanging out as friends. He looked away, feigning nonchalance. "Yeah," he said, his voice slightly choked. "Still friends. But I'm still pissed at you. You'd better do something really nice for me to make up for this."

Isumi smiled, his eyes crinkling, and Waya's abdominal area experienced a sudden outbreak of winged insects. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well, you were supposed to take me out for dinner, right?" asked Waya, grinning. "So let's just start there and work our way up, shall we?"

Isumi paused, smile fading. "Waya… I mean, I still—I know I went about it badly, before, but I still—"

Waya waved his hand dismissively, rolling his eyes. "Yes, yes, I'm still too young, we still can't get together. I meant as friends. Let's just… let's just hang out as friends, okay?"

Isumi practically melted in relief, but he managed to recover himself enough to say with a crooked smile, "I didn't seem to manage 'just friends' all that well last time."

"Yeah, well… Now we both know, so we'll manage." And it won't be too long until age isn't a problem anymore. I can wait. I'm not as young as you seem to think, Isumi-san…

"Yeah," said Isumi, and Waya could tell from his expression that Isumi knew exactly what Waya was thinking. Still, he smiled, and repeated softly, "We'll manage…"

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Yo, Saeki-san!"

Saeki turned his attention from the task of putting on his shoes and allowed his gaze to fall on Waya, who was waving at him as though Saeki would have a hard time finding him in the small shoe room.

"Good job today. Morishita-sensei was practically crying with relief. Are you finally over that slump?"

"It seems that way," said Saeki, smiling crookedly.

Waya snorted. "Oh, please. You can never just give a straight answer, can you?"

"Maybe I'm just not a straight person, Waya," Saeki answered drily. As Waya choked, Saeki was suddenly reminded of something Shindou had said… 'Waya's boy-toy'? "Hey," he said, his face turning serious without his noticing it, "Waya… Are you seeing Isumi-kun?"

If Waya kept up with this, he'd never get the chance to breath. "W-what?! How—how'd you know about that?!"

"Something Shindou said. How do you know… How do you know how you feel about him? I mean, that you like him? How are you able to understand your feelings?"

While Saeki was talking, Waya's face had shifted from nervous and fearful to glowing. He smiled softly, a private smile that made Saeki feel distinctly uncomfortable. "I guess I don't really understand my feelings, not completely, but… how else can you define this warmth and affection and nervousness and excitement and—" Waya abruptly remembered himself and ended with a sheepish, "stuff."

"So you just wing it?" Saeki was not impressed. He instinctively felt that there should be a clear plan to follow, along with time-honoured precedents and a sensei around to pull apart all of the past decisions and point out where everything went wrong. 'Winging it' was what amateurs did.

"Uh… Sort of. Was there anything else? Isumi-san is picking me up for dinner…"

"No… Thanks, Waya. Have fun."

Waya laughed. "Of course!"

As he watched Waya skip away, Saeki thought, 'How unbelievably unhelpful." Still… Maybe it was true that not everything needed to have a name to be real. The mere idea of this had relief coursing through Saeki's entire body.

Saeki glanced at the time and cursed, before quickly tying the last loop on his shoe and hurrying out. After all… he had a date to get to, too.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Saeki lost his game against Ashiwara in the title matches, but hey—he played one hell of a game.

-o-o-o-o-o-

-o-o-o-o-o-

-END CHAPTER FOUR-
-END FIC-

-o-o-o-o-o-

-o-o-o-o-o-

[A/N: And it's done! Thanks for reading this through to the end. I hope you liked it :)]