A/N: Ridiculously long Author's Note. Sorry for not updating sooner. Life got in the way, as always. I also had family that were severely affected by Hurricane Sandy, so my heart goes out to anyone else that is in the same situation. Plus had to get in the right headspace to write the ending to this chapter, you'll know what I'm talking about when you read it.

I want to tell everyone that I am fully committed to finishing this story, so you don't have to worry about me abandoning it. But thanks to those who sent me PM's and emails to make sure everything was ok. More at the bottom.

I promised myself that I wouldn't go see Breaking Dawn Part 2 until I posted this chapter, so I'd like to thank JFish88 and Deebelle1 for getting this chapter back to me so quickly so I can post it and finally go see the movie! YAY. Not to mention they did an awesome job deciphering my jumbled words so that you understand what I'm trying to say.

Also, a special thank you to Elliania for recommending me to the lemonade stand. It was a true honor to be nominated for fic of the week even if I felt like the new actress going up against a bunch of Meryl Streep's.

The usual disclaimer – the plot is mine. Anything else that you might recognize is not. I am not Stephenie Meyer, I just borrowed her characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

Previously on Raising my Son

"I'm ok, sweet boy. There's no need to cry," I said quietly to him as I patted his back hoping to dry the tears that I could feel on my neck.

"Don't go," Aiden said as my eyes shot to Edward. He was looking back at me and gave me a small nod. This must have been what Aiden whispered to Edward. Somehow Aiden must have felt responsible for me tripping and thought that I was going to leave because of it.

"Oh, my sweet boy. I'm having too much fun to be anywhere else right now. I'm sorry I made you cry. If I didn't trip you wouldn't be crying. But I still want to play with you. And I'd also like to go to the Cubs game tonight with you," I said.

"Really," Aiden asked with a hiccough.

"Really," I said holding on to him so tight. I knew eventually I would have to let go, but I never wanted this moment to end. Edward was right, there's no going back to normal after this weekend. "Now where's the little Buster that had all of us laughing at lunch?"

Chapter 9 – A beautiful day for a baseball game

We ended up only playing tag for a couple minutes before heading back to the car. All three of us were really quiet during the drive back to Edward's house. I think Aiden was tired from all of the excitement from the morning, but I was glad he no longer seemed to blame himself for my accident. Edward had a sad yet pensive look on his face. I was curious what was bothering him, but I didn't feel like it was my place to ask. After all, we couldn't be classified as friends yet.

When we got back to Edward's house, Aiden quickly ran inside to use the restroom. Edward started taking the bags out of the car, while I excused myself to the back deck to call to check on Anthony. I was missing him a lot.

Rosalie answered, and I could tell that she was dying to ask a million questions. But she sensed my need, to hear that Anthony was ok. I wanted to make sure he was having fun and enjoying himself, because I was feeling guilty for having fun at the park with Aiden when Anthony wasn't there to spend time with me as well.

These past few days have been emotionally exhausting, with continual ups and downs. I hated this feeling of being torn in two directions. How could I tell Anthony that I wished I was there with him and mean it, while also feeling that there was nowhere I would rather be right now than with Aiden?

Luckily for me, Anthony was more than happy to relay every detail of his day and tell me consistently how much fun he was having with his aunt and uncle. Other than an 'I love you' and 'I miss you' from him, he didn't seem bothered by the fact that I wasn't with him today.

While Aiden and Edward were still somewhere inside the house, I decided to make another phone call. I needed to call Kate to tell her to hold off on creating any formal agreements between Edward and myself, because what we had planned in terms of visitation the other night just wasn't going to work anymore. Before I could call Kate, though, my fingers had entered my dad's number.

"Bella? Are you ok Bells?" Charlie answered quickly.

"Oh Daddy," I said, trying unsuccessfully to hold back all of the emotions of the day. I still couldn't let them out, but hearing my dad's voice made it that much harder to keep them at bay.

"Bells, you're scaring me here."

"He's just so wonderful," I said quietly, as I wiped away the tears that had begun to spill over. "I see so much of you in Aiden. He loves baseball, and he's really good too. I got to see his first homerun, Dad. His first homerun, can you believe it? And he's got our curls – a full head of them."

"Oh Bella," Charlie sighed. "Of course he's wonderful, he's a part of you."

"I can't do it, Dad. I won't be able to walk away from him. I can't go back to my normal life after this week. I don't even know what normal is anymore. What can I do? What choice do I have? I won't be able to survive watching from afar as he has his first day of school, or when he loses his first tooth, or dates, or drives." I wasn't sure Charlie could understand me anymore. I could barely understand myself as the words flew from my mouth as fast as I thought them.

"I knew this would happen. Rosie called me the other night after finding out about your agreement and I knew you wouldn't have been able to go through with it after meeting Aiden."

"I'm pretty sure Edward feels the same way. He hasn't said it directly, but he's hinted at it. He wants to talk more tonight or tomorrow. But I don't know how to make this scenario work. I don't even know what I want to do anymore."

"I don't know what to tell you, Bells. There is a lot to work out. But one thing is for sure, one of you will likely have to move and you will both also have to commit yourself to being a parent to both Anthony and Aiden, which will mean sharing the role also. It's a lot to think about. Not to mention Aiden already has a mother, Bella. What about her?"

"I don't know much about her, Dad, other than she left two years ago."

"But she's still a factor, Bells. I tell you what, if you can put Edward off for another day, we can talk this through more when I get there tomorrow."

"Okay."

"Okay, good. Now get back to that little boy, and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thanks, Daddy."

"I love you, kid," he replied before hanging up.

He was right, there was a lot to consider and I couldn't work it all out on my own. Any decision was bigger than just Anthony and me, too. I had a family who absolutely adored the baby I had raised into a phenomenal little boy, and, if given the chance, were going to love Aiden just as much. Whatever Edward and I decided to do, our decisions were going to affect the rest of our lives, the rest of our sons' lives and our families too. I couldn't make a hasty decision and I needed to do a lot of planning.

I needed to make the call to Kate before I want back inside. I would feel bad if she had been working on my case unnecessarily. The phone rang a couple of times before she picked up.

"Don't worry, I haven't even started," she said sounding amused.

"Hello to you, too, Kate. How is that possible?"

"Come on, Bella. I know you too well. I always knew that as long as Edward Cullen was amiable, you would want to be a large part of Aiden's life. Not to mention, I received an email from Emmett Cullen a couple of hours ago," Kate explained.

I was so shocked that I didn't even know how to reply.

"So you enjoy the rest of your day and we can talk later this weekend. I'm going to let Emmett take the lead on this, since you both are there, but don't worry, I have him by the balls. Plus, I could always stick Rosalie on him if I think he's not acting in both of your best interests. Okay? Hug the bambinos for me, please, and we'll talk later. Bye Bells," Kate said before hanging up. I was still stunned that it took me a while before I realized I had barely said a word.

When I turned to go back inside, I saw Edward and Aiden sitting on the floor of the living room coloring. I had to stand and watch for a moment because I felt like I was witnessing a true father son moment.

I couldn't hear what was being said, but I could see them talking with the sporadic chuckle intertwined. Aiden was biting his lip hard in concentration at whatever he was working on, while Edward was trying to sneak peeks over his shoulder.

They fit together so well already. Edward cared for Aiden so much, and it was apparent in his every move. He was often silent and quite stoic in his mannerisms, but anyone who had spent even the smallest amount of time with them, could tell that Aiden was always foremost on his mind; and Aiden looked up to Edward like he's a superhero. It was appropriate though, since his father was his hero, and the love and admiration that he felt for his dad was more than any mother could wish for, for her son.

Edward looked up and met my eyes, like he has so many other times these past days. I could see him start to get up, but I really didn't want to be on the outside looking in any longer. So, I wiped my tears and went inside to sit down at the coffee table and color with my―our son too.

Aiden looked up at me and smiled as I sat down before going back to his coloring. Edward passed me some colored pencils and a blank piece of paper.

"Are you ok?" he mouthed to me. I shrugged before nodding. No matter how I was feeling, now wasn't the time to deal with it. I was here to spend time with Aiden. I wanted to get to know him better. Edward reached over and grabbed my hand and gave it a quick squeeze. It felt like his way of telling me that he understood. "I'm going to go grab us some waters. Do either of you want anything else?"

"Animal crackers!" Aiden said excitedly and it brought a smile back to my face. Anthony loves animal crackers too, just as did I when I was their age.

We sat and colored until it was time to get ready to head into the city. The picture that Aiden was drawing was of him and me on the swings today. I was so touched by his gesture when he handed it to me that I immediately pulled him into another hug. I wasn't thinking and I immediately became afraid that I overstepped any boundaries that Edward was hoping to set, and that I might have scared Aiden with my hug. But Edward offered me a smile and Aiden just held on tight.

We rode into the city which took longer than I expected, even considering that it was rush hour, or at least close to it. Edward parked in a lot marked for VIPs and we started walking to a restaurant called Rockit Burger.

Aiden was obviously no stranger to Cubs games, because they discussed where to eat most of the trip there. I would have been fine with hot dogs at the game, but I enjoyed watching the two of them debate food options so much. Edward would suggest a place and Aiden would get really excited and start telling me about his favorite thing to eat at that restaurant. But before the decision could be officially made, Aiden thought of another place he liked to eat near the former. The back and forth went on for most of the car ride until they settled on Rockit Burgers, which was, ironically, the first place mentioned.

Dinner was great. Aiden spent most of the meal telling me stories about spending time with his aunt, uncle, and grandparents. It sounds to me like they spend a lot of time together and that he is at the center of a really great family.

There was an awkward moment when the waitress asked Aiden if he was going to the game with his parents.

"Yes!" he replied excitedly and not catching that she said parents instead of parent. "Daddy is taking me and my friend, Bella, and we have really good seats too."

She shot us a confused look because out of the two of us, I looked more like Aiden than Edward. I hadn't anticipated any questions we might get from strangers, or what could happen if we ran into someone that Edward knew. I didn't know how I would feel if Aiden started correcting people by saying 'she's not my mom'. I think it would break my heart. Before I could make myself overly upset by these thoughts, the bill arrived and Edward had snatched it up before I could even react.

"Don't even think about it Bella, this meal is on me," Edward said as he put a credit card in the billfold, without even looking at the total, and handing it back to the waitress.

"Yeah, Bella, a pretty lady shouldn't ever pay for a meal in the presence of a gentle man, and if you won't let Daddy pay, then I'd have to pay, and I'm too young to have a job," Aiden said as he stuck the full force of his puppy dog eyes on me. I started laughing at what he said, but inside I was melting. He was just too adorable for words.

"First, the word is gentleman not gentle man. Second, where in the world did you learn that, Aid?" Edward asked in stunned disbelief.

"Uncle Em," Aiden replied while smiling with a shrug. "I'm his wingman when we're together."

"Well me and your uncle are going to have a chat," Edward said as he signed the receipt and started to gather his things.

We walked back over toward the stadium. The number of people around us had grown exponentially since we'd gone to dinner. Aiden walked in between Edward and me, while holding onto his baseball glove in one hand, and Edward's hand with his other. When we got to the street we had to cross, I was a step behind the two of them but I wish I had a video camera out for what happened next.

They got to the curb and, even though the sign was signaling that we could cross the street, the two of them stopped then each of their heads turned to the right, then to the left, then to the right again. After they were satisfied that no cars were coming unexpectedly, they looked at each other nodded then started walking.

I chuckled a little to myself, but I couldn't help but think about all of the routines that the two of them have developed. The cute thing they did to make sure Aiden washed his hands while in the bathroom, and now the routine they had when crossing the street. Not that I had any doubts before, but Aiden was truly loved and cared for.

"Come on, slow poke," Aiden called to me. I realized that I was more than just a step behind the two of them now. So I caught up quickly, shaking my head to clear the negative thoughts from my mind for now, and just concentrating on being with them.

There was no line at the VIP entrance so we were able to make it into the stadium without any delay. Edward started walking toward the drink line to grab some bottles of water since we couldn't bring any inside with us, when I spotted a Cubs store only a couple feet away. I couldn't come to a game without getting Anthony a little gift.

"Would you mind if I stepped into the store for a second?" I asked Edward and Aiden.

"Oh, Daddy! Can I go too?" Aiden asked.

"Promise you'll stay right next to Bella?" Edward asked.

"Yes, Daddy," Aiden said with an eye roll before he grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the store.

Aiden led me through the store pointing out all of the stuff he already had, even going as far to point out the jerseys that his dad or uncle had. He sure did love his baseball. It reminded me so much of Charlie.

I was in a small jam, though. I wanted to buy something for Anthony but I'm not sure how I could do that without buying something for Aiden at the same time. I also didn't know if Edward would be ok with me buying a little trinket for Aiden and didn't want to upset him or make him feel uncomfortable. Maybe I could just scope it out now, then sneak out later and get something while going to the bathroom.

"So, Aiden, it sounds like you come to a lot of games."

"Yeah, I usually go with my daddy, sometimes Uncle Emmett," he said with a shrug. "Once we went to a game and it was Daddy, me, Uncle Emmett, Aunt Alice, Grandma, and Grandpa. We watched from a booth," he started.

"You mean a box," Edward said walking up to us.

"Yeah, a box! It was really cool!"

"Well that does sound really cool. Thanks for letting me come along with you and your daddy today, I've had fun," I said to him.

"You're pretty good at tee-ball, Bella," he said.

"I've played a couple of times with my son," I replied. I hadn't realized that it was the first time I mentioned Anthony to Aiden and his expression worried me. He immediately looked down and bit his lip. I wished I could understand his expression, because he looked so sad, and that was breaking my heart.

"You're a mom?" Aiden asked quietly. I chanced a look at Edward but he was looking down at Aiden, rubbing his back and I couldn't interpret the look on his face either.

"Yes, Anthony is four, just like you," I told Aiden.

"Bella's told me a lot about him, Aiden. I think you'd get along great. Maybe tomorrow all four of us can do something together?" Edward said looking to me for confirmation.

"That sounds like fun to me," I said trying to bring back the excited little boy.

"Okay," he said quietly. I would have to ask Edward later if he knew what that was all about.

"Hey, Aiden. Will you help me pick out something small for him?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said with a small bit of excitement in his voice as he walked toward the kids section of the store. Edward and I followed a few steps behind.

"Did I upset him?" I asked quietly.

"I honestly don't know what upset him," Edward said sadly.

"I have a question and I want you to know it would be completely ok with me if you said no, but would you mind if I got Aiden something small?" I asked Edward. "I wouldn't feel right buying something for Anthony in front of him without getting him something as well. Plus, I would really like to buy him something to remember our day."

"I'm sure that would cheer him up, Bella. I'm ok with that, but thank you for asking," Edward said just as we reached Aiden. He was standing in front of a rack of small stuffed animals with two in his hands. One was a small red and blue bear cub whose torso was made of a stuffed baseball. The other was a long but thin sock monkey that had the cubs c stitched on his belly. I immediately knew which one I wanted to get for both of them, but I was letting Aiden decide.

"Which one do you think he would like, Bella?" Aiden asked showing both of them to me.

"Well, which one do you like?" I asked kneeling down to look at him.

"I like this one," he said holding the sock monkey up. "But if you don't like that one, you can get him this one."

"Did you see two of these?" I asked grabbing for the sock monkey.

"Yes!" he said turning around and grabbing the other stuffed animal.

"Then would you like it if I bought one for you and one for Anthony?" I asked making sure he was ok at getting the same thing as Anthony. The smile that lit up his face was priceless to me.

"Yes!" he said. "Thank you, Bella."

"Anytime, Aid," I said grabbing both of the sock monkeys and heading toward the register. Edward pointed toward his phone and the exit and I nodded. He was telling me that he was going to take the phone call so I would keep my eyes on Aiden.

The man behind the counter was leering at me in a way that made me uncomfortable. I had a nervous feeling in my stomach and the hairs on the back on my neck were standing up. I just kept one hand on Aiden as I fished my money out of my purse trying not to look him in the eye.

"Aren't you a lucky little boy to be going to a baseball game with such a pretty lady," the creepy cashier said speaking to Aiden. I could feel him tighten his hold on my hand and hide his face in my leg. "Aww, don't be like that."

I started to tap my hand impatiently on the counter hoping to move this along a little. I noticed that there were two other people in line by this point, but one was talking with a friend and the other was texting. Neither were paying me or Aiden any attention.

"I'm just trying to make a purchase here sir," I said quietly. I could feel my body stiffen a little as I tried to square my shoulders.

"And I'm just trying to pay you a compliment," he said.

"And you're holding up the line," I hissed, finding my backbone.

"Just give me one smile."

"Hey you two, what's taking so long?" Edward said coming up next to me and Aiden. He immediately scooped Aiden up and placed his hand on my back. I jumped a little at the unexpected touch, but it was comforting in a way I hadn't expected either.

"My change, sir," I asked even more forcefully this time. The cashier held out my change in a way that would have been awkward for me to grab without grazing his skin. When I hesitated, Edward grabbed it out of his hands and we started out of the door.

It had been a while since I was in an uncomfortable situation. I was usually better at noticing my surroundings and observing the people around me. If I had noticed the cashier looking at me earlier, I might not have made a purchase. Or I would have asked Edward to stay with us. But I had been concentrating on Aiden and I let my guard down. I just couldn't let Edward or Aiden see how affected I was about what just happened.

Edward led us to our seats with me carrying a bag with the bottles of water that Edward purchased and the sock monkeys. He was still carrying Aiden and kept a hand on the small of my back as well.

I was trying to keep my breathing in check as we walked, because I could feel my heart hammering inside of my chest. I was scared, that much was clear. It had been a while since I felt this scared, but there was an extra degree added to my anxiety level because Edward and Aiden were the only ones around me that I knew. And they were still practically strangers to me.

I glanced over at Aiden quickly as we were walking, needing to make sure he was ok, but he had his face buried in Edward's neck. I immediately felt horrible, as Aiden seemed upset by the encounter and the whole event could have been avoided if I had been more vigilant. The fact that I couldn't comfort Aiden at the moment did not help my guilt either.

I don't know how Edward did it, but he was able to keep me relatively calm while weaving through all of the other fans. The hand he placed on my back was enough to keep me close while navigating the hallway toward our seats. Somehow, we made it to our seats without bumping into anyone, which unbeknownst to him, might have sent me into a full blown panic attack.

Our seats were right behind the dugout on the third base line. I've never seen a professional baseball game in anything but nosebleed seats before, so I was a little in awe.

"Aiden, are you ok?" Edward asked him seriously as soon as we sat down. Aiden hadn't spoken since we were in the store, so I was worried too.

"Daddy, that man was creepy," Aiden said matter-of-factly. I burst out laughing at his reaction. He didn't seem frightened at all anymore, he just felt like sharing the fact that he was creeped out with us.

"Yes, he was, son," Edward said with a smile and a small laugh.

We got Aiden situated between Edward and myself, and Edward looked over at me and mouthed, "Are you okay".

I nodded back at him because now that we were seated, and I knew Aiden wasn't upset, I was feeling better. I just hoped that Edward hadn't noticed how stressed the whole event had made me and ask any awkward questions that I couldn't answer. I didn't want to explain my reaction to him. I also wasn't sure I could explain it to myself. It took Jasper, Rosalie, and Charlie months to figure out how to calm me down after a panic attack or near panic attack, but Edward was able to do it with just one touch. Before I could start overanalyzing what just happened, "Let's Get it Started" by the Black Eyed Peas started playing over the loud speaker and Aiden jumped up to start dancing and singing. Any questions or feelings that I was about to overanalyze would have to wait till later, because right now I had a baseball game to watch with my son.

~~~~~~~~~~~ RMS ~~~~~~~~~~~

The game was so much fun. Aiden really got into it and was cheering the loudest of anyone around us. When I would cheer right alongside them, Aiden would look up at me with a giant smile. I think I cheered louder and more often than I ever had in the past in hopes of seeing that smile. But most of all, I sat there with a smile watching Aiden more than I watched the game. If it wasn't for his blinding smile and cheers at the end of the game, I might not have known who won.

Our walk back to the car seemed to take forever. I think I was walking slowly because I didn't want to say goodbye yet. Hell, I almost didn't ever want this day to end. The only thing that would have made it more perfect would have been having Anthony with us. Aiden was excitedly walking between Edward and me recounting some of the better plays of the day. I was trying to listen intently, wanting to see the game from his eyes, but I couldn't get rid of the sense of foreboding that I felt.

The traffic leaving the stadium was typical bumper-to-bumper game day traffic. I noticed as we were finally pulling out of the parking lot, that Aiden had fallen asleep.

"How about we have breakfast tomorrow at your hotel?" Edward asked quietly so Aiden wouldn't wake. "We can decide what to do then."

"We'd like that," I replied. "Thank you for today, Edward."

"Aiden had a lot of fun. I did too for that fact."

"He's an amazing kid."

"He warmed up to you quicker than I expected. He really likes you."

"Edward," I started not sure what to say next but we needed to talk about this. "How are we going to do this?"

"Let's find some time to talk tomorrow. Maybe the boys can entertain themselves. Or we could do it the day after. My parents were going to invite Anthony, you, and your friends over for a barbecue so everyone could meet on Saturday," Edward said. I was really grateful that everyone would have a chance to meet one another and the boys. But mostly, I was glad I still had some time to sort out my feeling about this situation. The truth was, I was so conflicted that I wasn't sure what I wanted yet, and I wanted some time to figure it out on my own before discussing it with my dad and everyone else.

"You're right, we have time. And that sounds like fun, the barbecue, I mean. I'll talk to Jasper and Rosalie but I'm pretty sure we'll be there. My dad will be in town by then and they were all really hoping to meet Aiden as well," I replied.

"Funny story," Edward said with a little chuckle, "my brother and sister are so impatient to meet Anthony, that I had to tell them we were going to the aquarium and then the zoo yesterday because I knew they would show up trying to catch a glimpse."

"No!" I said laughing quietly.

"Yes they did," Edward replied. "I know them well enough that they never would have been able to watch Anthony from afar, so I had to trick them. Good thing too, I guess since they went searching at both places. I just didn't want to overwhelm Anthony."

I just laughed again lightly. Edward's comment about watching from afar was hitting a little too close to home. That is what I would have to do for the rest of Aiden's life if we kept this arrangement the same. I really hoped we could find a better arrangement.

"We're here," Edward said quietly getting out of the car to come over and open my door.

"Are we home?" I heard a tired voice in the backseat ask.

"Not yet, Aid. Your daddy's just dropping me off at my hotel," I said stepping out of the car. I motioned to my head to Aiden and I think Edward understood that I wanted to say something to him quickly before he left.

I opened the backseat and knelt down so he could see me.

"Thanks for today, Aiden. I had a lot of fun," I said as I handed him the sock monkey that I had been holding onto. He hugged it to himself lightly before looking back up at me.

"Me too, Bella," he mumbled. "Will you come back tomorrow?"

"Is it ok if I bring Anthony to play with us too?" I asked making sure he was ok with meeting my son. He nodded at me with droopy eyes. I knew he would be asleep again in a matter of seconds so I moved his curls from his forehead and gave him a quick kiss to the forehead. "See you soon, Buster."

His eyes opened once again and he smiled up at me, "see you soon, Bella."

Edward understood the emotions that I was dealing with so he handed me my bags and gave my hand a small squeeze.

"I'll call you in the morning, Bella," he said opening his door to get back in the car. "Sweet dreams."

"Sweet dreams," I replied quietly before I rushed inside a little quicker than normal.

I couldn't stay to watch them drive away because it wouldn't take much for the tears to start flowing. I felt so torn. A part of me wanted to stay with Aiden. I wanted to see his bedtime routine. I wished for one more hug or to even just watch him sleep, as I had done with Anthony so many times. I also couldn't wait to get upstairs to see Anthony. I couldn't remember the last time I had gone this long without seeing him. I felt like no matter which choice I made I would be betraying a son.

When I got inside, there was an elevator waiting for me so I rushed into it. I held my breath the whole time the elevator was moving out of fear that I would truly start crying. Once the doors opened, I practically ran to the door of the hotel room.

After I got the hotel room door open, I went past the living room where I saw Jasper and Rosalie asleep on the couch and checked in on Anthony. He was fast asleep, as expected, so I put the matching sock monkey in his hands and saw him cuddle up to it a little. I knelt down and kissed him on the forehead and pulled the covers up to his chin. I missed this little boy so much today that I couldn't help but climb in next to him and love on him some.

As I watched Anthony dream, I silently vowed to always protect him and to make sure I always put his needs first. I promised that every day he would know how much I loved him and that he was my son no matter what genetics told us. I silently swore to him that meeting Aiden today did not change how I felt about him.

I needed Anthony to know that I loved him and that I would always do what is best for him, even if that now included sharing him with another family. I didn't know how that would work or what that would mean for him, but any transitions and adjustments that would have to take place; I needed to put Anthony above all else. At the same time I felt guilty because I wanted to be with Aiden as well. My heart was breaking because both of these little boys lives were about to be completely turned upside down because of a mistake that wasn't their faults.

I don't know long I sat there watching him, silently making promises. I could feel my face getting wet with my tears. He is such a happy, energetic child, and I'm scared that this was going to change that. I felt so angry that we were put in this situation, but I also couldn't imagine living in a world where I never met Anthony. If I were to wish that we were never put in this quandary, it would be like wishing that I never met Anthony. I just didn't know how to feel. I love Anthony so much but I also can't help but feel angry for all that I have missed with Aiden. How I will continue to miss out on so many special moments.

"Bella," Rosalie said softly behind me. My back was to the door and I never heard her come in the room. It took effort, but I took my eyes off Anthony and searched out hers. "Come on, I'll make you some tea."

I saw Jasper standing in the doorway looking at me with sympathetic eyes. I looked back at Anthony one more time before starting to get up. "I love you so much, little man. Dream only happy dreams."

Rosalie took my hand as soon as I stood up. She didn't pull me into the other room, because I think she knew how hard it is for me to walk away from Anthony right now. It was almost like I was afraid he was going to disappear.

I don't know how much more I can take of this constant pull in different directions. No matter what I do, I feel as though I am always walking away from a son. This was a lose-lose dilemma I found myself in.

"Bella, did today not go well? You're scaring me here," Jasper said as I came and sat down on the chaise lounge.

"It could not have possibly gone any better than it did," I replied with a watery smile.

"That's great, Bella. Do you want to talk about it?" Jasper asked.

I could tell Jasper was trying to be respectful by not pushing me, but I also knew he was dying to ask about my day. The problem was, even the questions that he did ask were hard to answer. I didn't know how to do anything but cry right now. So that's what I did, I started crying harder.

"Oh Bella," Rosalie said coming closer with two cups of tea. "Talk to us, girl. It might help."

I pulled my knees up under my chin so Rosalie could sit down on the chaise and hugged myself tightly trying to hold myself together.

"I don't know what to do anymore. How will I ever leave? But I can't be his mom, because he already has one. What can I do? I just love him so much already." I finally admitted it, not out loud to them, but to myself too. I was able to choke back my tears until I looked up at Rosalie, who was crying as well. At the sight of her, the flood gates opened and I bawled. I cried so many tears; some were tears of joy at how wonderful a child Aiden is. Others were tears of frustration at the situation that I found myself in. I was so confused and didn't know what to do anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~ RMS ~~~~~~~~~~~

It took a long time, but I was finally able to calm down. Once I stopped crying, I told them everything about my day. We stayed away from talks of the future and what this meant for Anthony and me, but I felt like such a proud momma when sharing every detail that I learned about Aiden.

Jasper and Rosalie mostly just sat there listening, which is exactly what I needed. Once in a while one of them would comment on Aiden's personality traits that seemed similar to Charlie or me. I also told them about my conversation with Charlie and his promise to sit down and talk everything out with me once he arrived.

We did talk a little about the next couple days and how excited I was for Anthony and Aiden to meet. I didn't know which I feared more, that they wouldn't get along or that they would become inseparable, but I kept my fears to myself for the time being. That seemed to be the way I dealt with things as of late.

Rosalie and Jasper became visibly excited when I told them about the cookout we were all invited to the day after the next. They were very much looking forward to meeting Aiden and the rest of the Cullens. I could also tell that they would be on guard for me, making sure that Anthony and I were treated respectfully. I couldn't ask for two better friends.

The only other part of the day that I kept to myself was the interaction with the creepy cashier and Edward's ability to keep me calm afterwards. I knew Jasper probably would have given me the third degree for not being better aware of my surroundings and Rosalie would have tried to dissect Edward's ability to calm me down. Neither were conversations that I was interested in having at such a late hour, so I kept the whole incident to myself. Though it could end up biting me in the ass later. I tried hard to push the entire incident out of my mind. I didn't need any additional drama right now.

After recapping my day twice to Jasper and Rosalie, we all decided to get some sleep. Since I would be busy with Anthony, Aiden and Edward, they were getting up early the next day to go on a food tour of Chicago. Conveniently they decided to leave before Anthony and I had breakfast with Aiden and Edward. I knew they were both dying to meet Aiden, but since it was planned for the day after next, they were going to respect my wishes to not overwhelm the boys any more than necessary.

Not wanting to disturb Anthony, I decided to crash on the couch. I figured I would have a hard time trying to fall asleep because of my mind being in overdrive, but I was pleasantly surprised when I succumbed to slumber rather quickly. I must have finally worn myself out with the emotions that I have experienced the last couple of days. But it was more than my mind that was overwhelmed, my body felt completely exhausted too.

~~~~~~~~~~~ RMS ~~~~~~~~~~~

"Just give me one smile," the voice called. "Don't be like that, I'm just trying to pay you a compliment."

The voice sounded eerily familiar but his face was hidden in shadows. He voice kept coaxing me to smile, but I could barely move let alone smile. It was as if I had no control over body.

The voice continued to taunt me and as my hazy vision began to clear, I realized I was no longer in a hotel room with my son, but in the room that I longed to forget. I knew deep in my subconscious that I was trapped in a dream, but my body was unable to move, my voice unable to scream. Every joint was locked together and I was still as a stone except for my eyes.

Despite knowing this was a dream, the room I was in terrified me beyond belief. It is the room that I was trapped in, for what felt like a lifetime, nearly five years ago. Only then, I couldn't move because I was tied to the bed, or I was drugged to a near catatonic state rendering me immobile.

As the room became clearer, the face to the voice that I had been hearing was finally visible. It belonged to the cashier from the Cubs game earlier today. He was looking right at me, and my mind wouldn't allow me to look away. As I stared into the face of the man that frightened me earlier today, it morphed into a man that has been terrifying me in my sleep for five years now. The man I hated. I watched as the cashier who had greasy skin and hair, was overweight, and only a few inches taller than me transform into a man who is much taller, more built, but was now also wearing a ski mask over his face.

I could see his lips moving through the mask, but I couldn't make out what he was saying. I could only hear my pounding heart in my ears, preventing me from hearing his words and voice anymore. I could not only see him getting closer, but I could feel it too. My body started to sweat and my mind was working overtime as I tried to get my limbs to move, to fight back this time, as I hadn't been able to before. It was useless though. I couldn't even look away, as he crept closer and closer to me. I never could look away in my dreams. I stared at the man, subconsciously trying to find something in his features that I had not noticed before.

I remembered some features and distinguishing marks that I had described to the police before, but it was never enough. He wore a mask, which only left his cold, almost black eyes uncovered. I could see so much hate in his eyes that I could only hope were reflected in my own. He usually wore a black hoodie, too. And my eyes were rarely uncovered for long enough to find any more marks. So when he haunted my nights, I would stare. I had no other choice but to watch him, my body wouldn't move, and my eyes couldn't shut.

As he got closer, I felt something on the small of my back. It was like a talisman that I had never felt before in this room, and never in my dreams before. It was a tiny anchor that unlocked my whole body and allowed me the ability to finally move after all this time.

I screamed and jerked up off the couch, grateful I hadn't been in bed with Anthony who, no doubt, would have be awoken by my noise. It was the first time since the nightmares had started five years ago that I woke up before I felt his hands touching me again. I couldn't help but be grateful to whatever it was that saved me from completely reliving the worst moments of my life. I just wish for the life of me I knew what it was that had changed and allowed me to escape before I was forced to relive the torture the he had inflicted on me those horrific nights.

A/N Please review! I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am for each and every one of your reviews.

No promises on the next chapter, as this is my busiest month of the year at work, but I am hoping it will be before next year.

One more thing before you ask - no, the cashier didn't have anything to do with Bella's attack. It was just a trigger for her nightmare.