A/N: I was bored... And that is how babies are made. xP
Just kidding. I'm not a moron... officially.

Disclaimer; I don't own Naruto or any of the Proper nouns.

The woods were peaceful.

It was the kind of thing you would see in Disney movies and in cliché soap operas. The lighting was relatively dim, soft dapples of light falling onto the musky forest floor through cracks in the canopy of leaves and branches. Animals of many kinds frolicked wantonly. Mother's cooed gently to their offspring and birds sang in hypnotic singsong voices.

There were many creatures underground as well. Bugs and worms crawled aimlessly through the soft, moist earth, and hibernating animals woke from their slumber and shook their sleepy heads, realizing that winter was over and spring had begun.

But not all of the things waking up were animals.

A hand shot up through the floor, scattering pine needles and multiple leaves, whilst scaring various faunae in the process.

A second arm broke through, the owner smirking in triumph. The arms gripped the underbrush and slowly hauled the man out.

He collapsed onto the ground near the hole; his eyes screwed tightly shut and panting heavily.

The man looked no older than twenty, but it was quite obvious that he had been twenty for a long time. His hair was a silvery white color, drenched in dirt, blood and sweat. The robe he wore was dirty and old, black and bearing red clouds in an almost proud manner. A small necklace hung limply around his neck, and he held it almost lovingly.

'Don't just sit there, dumbass. You have work to do, Hidan. And time-'

"Is money," chuckled Hidan feebly, "Yeah, yeah. I know 'Kuzu. I fucking know." The man pushed himself weakly to his feet, smiling fondly. He glanced around in a nonchalant manner. 'It's exactly the same,' realized the jashinist. The soft buzzing of the bugs wisped around him, and he heard his voice...

"See, you and I have different beliefs. I believe in the Will of Fire. That pathetic Lord Jashin or whatever isn't your God any more. I am. The only one bringing down vengeance is me."

"Heh. You fell right into my trap."

"There's a paper bomb beneath you. I bet even a moron like you would be able to figure out what that means.

"Haha. This forest is different. It will keep watch over you- make sure you won't escape. Forever."

Stupid Shikamaru. Stupid. That bastard took him away from his family.

Hidan smirked. 'Heh. "Forever" isn't as long as I thought.'

He was home now. He was home. He would walk back to the base, open the door, and then would be glomped by the motherly, chipper figure that was Konan. Tobi would bawl his eyes out in happiness. Kisame would grin like a motherfucking shark. Itachi would stare at him for a few minutes before smirking and making a smart-ass remark. Pein would say that he should have returned sooner, whilst attempting to stifle his thankful smile and hide the relief in his eyes. White Zetsu would smile and say that he was happy that he was back, and Black Zetsu would say that he was hungry. Kakuzu would whack him with an inanimate object. Deidara would rant about how careless he was and how he shouldn't have come back at all, while trying to ignore the fact that he was crying almost as much as Tobi was. And Sasori would roll his eyes at them from heaven and mutter something about how his best friends were morons.

Yeah. He knew they would. He fucking knew it.

'Stop thinking. Your head will blow up from the lack of practice. …Come home already, dumbass.'

Hidan smiled. On second thought, Kakuzu would probably do more than just hit him.

The zealot slowly began walking in the direction he knew the base would be. He was limping, and his muscles clenched painfully with each step.

Hidan couldn't care less.

His thoughts were trained on the Akatsuki.

"Shut up, Deidara-chan! At least I'm not so much of a pussy that I had to get my arms sewed back on!" ((Hidan))

"Better your arms than your head." ((Kakuzu))

"Kakuzu! Who's side are you on?" ((Hidan))

The jashinist smirked and snickered lightly at the memory

Hidan stopped his pathetic limping and blinked at the small opening in the leaves in front of him. Wasn't the forest bigger than that? Unfamiliar noises rang from behind the barrier, and a strange, smoky, unnatural, smell was wafting from behind the leaves.

Too impetuous to hesitate, the silverett pushed away the branches and walked into the raw sunlight, groaning in pain as his dilated eyes made contact.

His crimson eyes widened at the unfamiliar sight, gasping sharply as his heart began to sink and his hope began to fade away.

Huge skyscrapers lay in rows and millions of people walked down the sidewalks. Large machinery drove down the stony roads, and sounds rumbled loudly from the futuristic city.

…How long had he been in that hole?

He quickly ran across the street, the large machines honking and voices cursing at him. Hidan grabbed onto the first person he saw and twirled the man around.

"What year is it?" asked Hidan desperately, begging the man with watery cerise eyes to tell him that it hadn't been too long.

The thirty year old shook him off irately and growled, "You high? It's 2012, dumbass." The man quickly turned around and took off into the mass of people.

Six-hundred years. He had been stuck in that hole for six-hundred years.

He was dreaming. He knew he was.

They weren't dead. No. They couldn't be dead. Not now. Not yet. Not until he got to say goodbye.

'Listen to me,' thought Hidan bitterly, 'I'm talking just like Deidara does.'

He didn't want to face the truth.

'Did,' said his conscious, 'You're talking like Deidara did. Just because you want them to be alive, doesn't mean they are.'

No. They`re alive. They wouldn`t leave him.

…Right?

He missed them, realized Hidan.

In the ground, he hurt and he was hungry and he wished he was on the surface but he didn't miss them.

In the ground, he still had hope.

Now, that hope was gone.

Hidan had heard their voices.

'Hidan you moron,' they had said, 'get out of there and come home before worms start digging into your brain… or the lack thereof.'

Now, instead of hope, the voices brought him the pain of knowing that he would never hear them say that again. Not anymore.

He wasn't sad, though, he realized. He was numb.

He was content.

Or, at least he was until he felt extreme guilt. He was content, whilst they were six feet under and rotting.

He was the careless one, and they had died first.

Irony.

Humor. Humor was what fueled him now. Not hope. Not wishes.

Not Jashin.

Hidan had thrown his rosary into a trashcan.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair. Not fair at all.

He realized a long time ago that it was his own fault that he wasn't with them. If he wasn't immortal, he would be up in heaven with them. He would be with them again.

He would be happy again.

'Kakuzu.'

Wasn't Kakuzu immortal, too? He had found a way around having to live forever.

Suddenly, Hidan apprehended something.

If Kakuzu could die, so could he.

A surge of hope flared through his chest and he stood up from the curb he was sitting on.

Hidan smirked.

Deidara was right. Art was fleeting after all.

Hidan began walking, once again blatantly ignoring his painful limp.

How did he want to die?

Poison, Cutting, Rabid Unicorns. The choices were endless.

Humor amused Hidan.

That was a fact.

While contemplating this, his stomach growled painfully.

Oh yeah. He hadn't eaten in over six centuries.

Hidan attempted to ignore his hunger.

Unfortunately, just because things were good at ignoring Hidan, it didn't mean that Hidan was good at ignoring things.

Hidan decided after little thought to go find something to eat.

Irony.

Hidan walked into a pizza café, dubbing the prices reasonable.

Damn. He was turning into Kakuzu.

Handing the small amount of money he had* to the lady behind the desk, he grasped the two pieces of pizza he bought and sat down at one of the tables, eating slowly.

The small jingle of the parlor door opening caught his attention. Hidan turned around to look at the person/people walking in, and his breath caught in his throat.

"But Dan-NA!"

"Shut up, Brat,"

"Sempai! Sempai! Look at what I can do!"

"Settle down, Tobi-chan. Or we'll eat you."

"What type of pizza do you want, Itachi-san?"

"Hn."

"This pizza is horribly overpriced! I refuse to eat here!"

"Guys, please calm down! People are staring."

"If you all don't shut up, I'll rip out your entrails and hang you from a flagpole by your intestines."

Needless to say, the group stopped talking.

After buying two large pizzas, the group of teenagers sat down at a table and began to bicker loudly.

Hidan smiled.

Maybe the Akatsuki weren't dead after all.

A/N: I really like the start, but the ending seems kind of rushed. Whatever. It's much better than my other oneshot. xP
Please tell me if you want me to continue this. I lack inspiration. And an Iphone.

*Let's just pretend that in Naruto, they use Yen instead of Ryo. 'Kay? ^-^'

R&R! ^-^