Hello! This is the diary of Lord Voldemort, it's incredibly OOC so if you don't like that you can just, you know, leave. This is a new edited chapter so if it seems different, that's why. I edited it because well, it kinda sucked. The sequel is up so if you like this go check that out and please review!

Dear Diary,

I really don't see how this is going to help. Jane (my secretary) and Dr. Trimble say I'm stressed. I'm not stressed at all!

Bitch, I'm fabulous.

In fact, you could say I'm….anti-stressed. SEE, TOTALLY NOT STRESSED!

Okay, maybe I'm a BIT stressed about a few things…. like, Potter! Why can't he just die?

I've tried to kill him seven times! SEVEN TIMES! Can't he just do me a favor?

I mean, isn't nice of me that I always wait until the end of the school year to kill him? Despite my flaws, at least I care about his education. I've even made him an overachiever! Look at all the complex spells he had to learn because of me!

Seriously, you make the kid famous and admired be the entire wizarding world and he can't do one little thing for me. After all I've done for him!

Children are so frustrating.

Also, another thing I'm a BIT stressed about is that people are always asking me is 'Voldemort, why don't you have a nose?'.

Well I'm sorry! It's not MY fault that when I split my soul my nose would disappear! I had no idea that was going to happen.

They should really put on the manual 'WARNING: CREATING HORCRUXS MAY CAUSE BALDNESS, NOSE LOSS, AND EXTREME PALENESS. PRECEDE AT OWN RISK'I tried calling the company a few times but nobody would pick up.

So maybe, just maybe, if they had bothered to put that on the manual I wouldn't have made any Horcruxs and we wouldn't be in this whole war mess right now.

-Voldemort