Hey y'all! Yup, it's really me, and I have an Artemis Fowl fic now! I know, unexpected. But hey, that's me! And that's why you love me, right? Of course it is. Now, I am a huge fan of Hartemis, so that's what this story's gonna be about! And this is what's been keeping me from updating my other stories. I feel super guilty about that. Will you forgive me? *does puppy dog eyes* Including this, I am now juggling three stories at once. It is difficult, to say the least. Anyways, I'm stalling. Now read, before I have to make clicking sounds with my tongue! (Oh, and flames are welcome. They're what keep me all warm and cozy at night.)

1. Creative and Unexpected

Artemis sighed, a habit he had gotten into recently. He stared blankly at his computer screen, completely at a loss. Even with all of the activities he could engage in, he felt as if there was nothing to do. After all the adventures he had gone on, and species he had saved, everything just seemed so... lackluster. The only thing that he looked forward to anymore were his calls with Holly. Those, and the occasional lecture he would give to the twins.

"Artemis?" said Butler. The man had become increasingly worried about his young charge. It had been nearly three years since he traveled back in time to save his mother, and since Holly Short had said goodbye to him. "Artemis, I really think you should come out." Butler was currently standing outside the door to Artemis's study.

"Why?" he asked, blunt as ever.

Sometimes, that kid can be just, well, maddening! thought the bodyguard.

"Because you've been in there for days." he replied.

"I fail to see how that is a bad thing."

Butler had had enough.

"Artemis, if you don't come out here, so help me I will come in there and carry you out!"

Butler heard Artemis sigh reluctantly, and a few seconds later, he emerged from his study, looking completely feral.

He wore a disheveled red robe, with similarly messy (and greasy) hair that almost hung down to his shoulders. He looked gaunt and thin, even more so than usual. Dark bags hung under his eyes, probably from lack of sleep. He was obviously in desperate need of a shave, as he had started to grow a small, ragged beard.

"Gods, Artemis! You look terrible!" exclaimed Butler.

"Good. My appearance matches my mood." he said, his voice dull and lifeless.

"Can I help?" the burly man asked hopefully.

"I would highly doubt that, Butler."

I need to do something. His behavior is concerning, to say the least. thought the old man.

"Why don't you go horse riding, or something?" Butler suggested.

"Mmm." said Artemis, and set off down the stairs.

Good. Now that he's gone, I can start planning.

And plan he did. He took everything into account, including the weather forecast. After some hours, Butler was satisfied with his scheme. Now to put it into action. First things first, he would have to make a call.

Artemis didn't know this, but Butler had always hidden a fairy communicator in an old shoebox nestled in the back of one of the manor's few disused closets. It was now that he retrieved this communicator, and dialed a very familiar number.

As soon as the female elf's face popped onto the screen, she said,

"Yes?"

"Hello, Holly." said Butler.

"Butler? Since when did you have a communicator?" she asked curiously. "And why are you only calling me just now?"

"It's about Artemis. And it's important."

At this, she immediately perked up, an expression of worry on her face.

I'll file that away for later, thought Butler.

"Butler, what's wrong?" she asked. If Butler deemed something important enough to call her in person, and on such short notice, then she knew that she should be worried.

"He's been rather... withdrawn lately. I was hoping you could help."

"Me?" Holly was shocked that Butler would go to her for help. "Why me?"

"Isn't it obvious?" he asked as if it were the most plain thing in the world, "Your calls are the only thing that snaps him out of his mood."

"I suppose I should be flattered." Holly said as flatly as she could, though inside, she actually felt a little excited that out of everyone, she was the one that could get through to him.

"Yes, you should."

"But what do you want me to do?"

"Anything. Just be creative and unexpected. And don't tell him that I put you up to this." And then he disconnected.

"Hmmm..." said Holly. It didn't take her long to figure out exactly what she would do. She immediately jumped up from where she had been sitting, and rushed out the door, to Police Plaza.

Artemis had busied himself the last few hours by taking a shower, shaving, grooming, and riding. He was currently sitting in the garden, contemplating small things, of no real importance, when a voice right behind him made him yelp in surprise and whip around.

"Wonderful day, isn't it?"

Artemis fumbled with his words for a moment, until he finally managed to say something.

"Holly! What are you doing here?" he spluttered.

"Oh, nothing." she said innocently, while twirling her now shoulder-length auburn hair around her finger, "Just this." She took his face in her hands, and kissed him.

By now, Artemis was absolutely sure he was dreaming. Granted, it was a very good dream, but a dream, nonetheless. When Holly broke off the kiss, he said,

"What was that?" he asked.

"A kiss, genius. What did you think it was?" she asked sarcastically.

"Very funny. Now why did you just kiss me?"

Then she did the last thing he would ever expect the Holly Short that he knew to do. She blushed.

"Well..." she said. Her gaze was glued to her feet.

"Holly! How unexpected!" said yet another voice.

Butler came striding up the garden path, with a huge smile on his face.

"Hey Holly, can I speak with you in private, please?" he asked.

"Um, sure, I guess." And she walked off, leaving Artemis to wonder.

"What the hell was that?" Butler said once they were out of earshot and free of surveillance.

"What do you mean? I kissed him!"

"Yes, I know that, but why did you do that?"

"You told me to be unexpected, and well, I sorta..." she trailed off.

"What was that?"

She only mumbled again.

"Say that a little louder, please."

"I love him, okay? Are you happy now, Butler!"

Butler could do nothing but sit there with his jaw on the floor. Nothing surprised him anymore.

"You what?" he asked incredulously.

"You heard me perfectly well." said the major.

"Since when?" asked the flabbergasted old soldier.

"Since the gorilla cage."

"That was nearly three years ago! Have you been holding on to it that long?"

"Yes." Holly said, sounding embarrassed.

"Well, in that case, I'll leave you to it." And he strolled off casually, as if nothing had happened.

"He'll leave you to what?" said yet another voice from behind me.

I turned to find Artemis Fowl, wearing his signature expression. He had one eyebrow raised, with a smug smile plastered on his face.

"Nothing. How long have you been there?" asked Holly, blushing profusely.

"Oh, I don't know. It is so hard to tell." he said innocently.

"Whatever. Hey, could I maybe stay here for the next two weeks?" she said out of the blue.

"Um, well, I suppose."

"Yay! Thanks Arty!" she squealed like an over-excited teen, and flung her arms around him.

Artemis was just happy that she couldn't see the blush that spread across his face as she did.

Wow, that turned out a bit better than I expected it to. Please remember to review! Also, who do you think would win in a fight between a genetically engineered sex falcon and a criminally insane hover-lobster?

The lonely god reveals himself.