It's been two days since Peeta found me at the abandoned house and brought me to his apartment, and if he minds that I haven't made any move to leave he hasn't said anything. He packed me enough clothes to be here a week at least, and since I can barely get myself to get up and leave his bed during the day I plan on wearing out my welcome.

It's almost fucking infuriating how kind and attentive he's been while I've slowly gone quiet and utterly useless. He helps me shower in the morning, washing my hair for me, saying things about me to me that I've only ever heard come from him. When I start crying randomly in the middle of the night like a piece of shit he holds me and doesn't ask for anything more, doesn't even let his hands wander, like he's some kind of damn saint sent to me to help keep my sanity in tact.

I'm starting to think he may actually be just that; a fucking saint, which makes me feel ridiculous and stupid as hell but I can't help where my mind drifts these past few days, and if the thought has nothing to do with Madge or those assholes she calls friends then I won't complain.

This morning after we showered he even towel dried my hair and asked for help braiding it so he could help me with it from now on. It took everything in me to not refuse him, silently nodding like I had gone mute or some shit, showing him how to separate the strands.

If I thought I wasn't good enough for him before, I think it and even know it more vehemently now.

I'm in full breakdown mode, I've been here enough to know what it feels like, but for the first time I'm not face first in a bottle of liquor, using it to chase down whatever pills my hands land on. I know that even if I asked, the most Peeta would give me right now would be a beer, but for some weird ass reason I don't even want that. My pattern of self-destruction; for the first time maybe ever, seems to be evolving somewhat.

I would consider it progress if it didn't mean I've been thinking about all the shit that's been laid at my mental doorstep nonstop because of it. I think about the conversation I overheard between Madge and Delly all the time, at this point I'm not even sure if I'm remembering it correctly, if the utterly hateful things I hear in Madge's voice were real or are embellished by my mind.

I feel fucking crazy, and I can tell based on how Peeta eyes me worriedly when he thinks I'm not looking that I must look crazy as well.

I just wish I could get my mind to shut the fuck up, I wish I hadn't walked out onto my balcony at that moment, and had continued on in the state I was in, never hearing that conversation and not knowing how burdened Madge feels and has probably always felt in our friendship.

I'm sitting smoking out on Peeta's balcony; which is ten times nicer than mine, with chairs and a table with a fucking umbrella and a real ash tray, when I hear the sliding glass door open behind me.

I don't bother to turn around, since Peeta's roommate is basically nonexistent and giving us space, I know it's him, and I can feel his eyes on me as he approaches.

"Katniss? There's someone here to see you." He says as he comes to crouch down next to where I sit.

I can feel my eyes widen and my heartbeat start to run at a fucking gallop as I prepare for him to tell me it's her, my best friend who I am in no way prepared to deal with, ready to have it out and leave me an even more broken mess that I am now.

Without even thinking I turn to look into the living room of his apartment, confused and a little bit fucking elated when I see Delly and not Madge. She's obviously nervous, sitting in a lazy boy twisting her hands in her lap. Turning back to Peeta I raise an eyebrow at him, waiting to be filled in on what she wants.

"She's nervous you're mad at her I think. She's been really killing herself over this Katniss. I know you're angry at Madge but from what you told me Delly defended you right?" He asks in a gentle voice, like he's afraid I'm going to snap at him and bite his head off for his question.

"Yeah no, you're right, Delly is not on my shit list right now that's for sure. Why the hell is she nervous to talk to me?" I ask him in a whisper so she doesn't overhear. I'm apparently big on not being overheard now for blatantly obvious reasons.

"I don't know, why don't you go and find out?" He says with a shrug, looking from me to Delly who is still seated inside.

Sighing I stub out my cigarette into the ashtray and nod my head so he knows I'm coming. Standing I follow behind him as he makes his way into the apartment.

"Hey Dells, here's Katniss." He takes a moment to look between us, me standing awkwardly behind him, clutching one arm in my hand, Delly's eye flitting between him and me as she continues to wring her damn hands.

"So I'm going to go run some errands really quick and let you guys talk. I'll be back." He finally says after a moment, placing a kiss on my forehead and giving Delly a quick smile.

When I hear the front door close I'm still standing like a moron, waiting for her to say something for what seems like fucking hours.

"So…." She begins nervously before clearing her throat and staring at the floor like it has the answers to whatever question she's asking herself.

"I'm not mad at you Delly." I finally blurt out like some kind of maniac. I feel like an absolute asshole when I have to restrain myself from laughing when she looks visibly relieved.

"Really? I thought you were, I know you heard what Madge said-" She begins but I cut her off with a quick shake of my head. I don't want to talk about Madge, and she must receive the message loud and clear because she nods once.

"Delly you were defending me. You didn't say a damn bad thing about me. I'm not mad at you. If anything I like you more now than I did before." I tell her honestly, finally sitting down on the couch near the chair she's sitting in.

"Oh thank god Katniss because you're my friend and I don't ever want you to be upset with me over something, especially when I only think good things about you." She says quickly, like I've given her some kind of fucking gift and she needs to tell me how much she loves it.

"You're my friend too Delly. And thank you." I tell her in a barely audible voice, but I know she heard me because her entire face lights up like a damn Christmas tree. She regains her composure quickly though, and I'm grateful she seems to be holding off on the gushing she's known to do with her sorority sisters.

Delly seems to know me better than I ever really gave her credit.

"You can tell me to fuck off if you want, but how are you doing Katniss?" She asks after a long stretch of quiet, catching me slightly off guard at how she's worded the question, and honestly at the fact that she's even asking.

I take a long moment to think about my answer. Usually I just tell people I'm fine, but I know I don't look it, and she's my neighbor who knows I'm basically living with my boyfriend to avoid going back home to the scene of the crime.

"Not great I guess, but Peeta's been really understanding. He kind of hovers or whatever but it's nice, I've never had anyone really look after me before." I tell her with a shrug, not meeting her eye. The carpet has suddenly become very interesting to me too.

"Yeah he can hover. One time when I was six I had the flu and I swear he came over every day with one of his toys or something to make me feel better. He didn't really understand that having fun wouldn't make me stop puking my brains out." She offers with a smile and even I laugh a little at thinking about my then six year old boyfriend offering a sick friend a toy to play with to get better.

"I can only imagine how bad he is since he's in love with you." She adds as an afterthought and I feel my face flush.

"Yeah but I'm just not used to the attention. Usually by now I'd be passed out and you'd be carrying me up the stairs or some shit." I say, knowing we both know it's the truth. Finally I look up to meet her eyes, and see that there's no judgment or malice in them, she seems to just be agreeing with what I've said. She would know, after all she has carried me up those damn stairs many times.

"This is better." I add, almost as an afterthought and she nods her head in agreement.

And I know it is, this is better. I don't miss waking up on my bathroom floor not knowing what happened the night before, tasting stale alcohol on my lips, pills scattered all over my bedroom dresser. It is better instead having someone who doesn't hate me for falling down, someone who is giving me the time I need to pick myself up all while lending a helping hand.

Maybe all I've needed to help myself get better at dealing with my shit and breakdowns was to know that someone actually just give a damn that I got hurt in the first place.

Delly leaves soon after Peeta gets back from the store, saying something about dinner at her sorority house, and surprising both Peeta and I when she gives me a long hug before she walks out of the door. I'm sure I looked somewhat shocked, but the smug smile on Peeta's face tells me he had an idea we would work everything out to begin with. I just roll my eyes at him with a small smile and throw myself back down on the couch, watching as he goes about putting away whatever groceries he bought on his outing.

"So everything's good with Delly?" He asks when he's finished and has come to join me in the living room. I lift my legs up for him to sit down next to me, immediately placing them back down on his lap once he's seated.

"Yeah. Nothing was really bad to begin with. It was nice of her to come over here though." I tell him honestly. He hums in agreement, playing with my feet as he thinks about what he wants to say next.

I just watch him, watch his process of trying so desperately to word whatever he wants to say in a way that won't send me flying off the handle or running into his room, wondering what on earth he could see in me before he finally speaks up.

"So you haven't heard anything from Madge I'm guessing?" He asks timidly, not looking at me and starting intently at my feet.

"No I haven't. Delly said she thinks Madge headed home for the break before fall classes start." I tell him, and I can hear how small my voice is, but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm passed hiding the fact that I'm upset about this from him, besides he knows me so well by now I couldn't hide it if I tried.

He just nods his head, not pushing the issue, knowing that even knowing that tid bit of information is driving me mentally insane before speaking up again.

"I was thinking maybe we should go somewhere for the break. Nothing crazy you know, neither of us is made of money, but maybe just something for a day or two. Get out of this damn town before fall semester starts and we have to deal with classes again." He says as he begins to rub my feet.

"Yeah that could be good. Where would we go?" I ask as my eyelids flutter shut at the feeling of his hands working on the arch of my foot.

"I don't know, we can take a few days to think about it I guess, but I'm glad you want to go. I think we could use some fun." He says and I nod in agreement, letting my head fall back against the armrest of the couch.

Fuck he's good with his hands.

We sit on the couch for a long time in silence, in fact I'm practically asleep, when the front door opens and I tense up at the sound of Peeta's roommate gracing us with his presence for the first real time since Peeta carried me up the stairs the other night.

I would be lying if I said the dude – Finnick - isn't seriously attractive. It's like some wonderful fucking rule that hot men move in packs and Peeta and his roommate are no exception.

A few months ago I would have drunkenly thrown myself at him, but now I can just appreciate that he's good looking without wanting to fuck his brains out, since the only man I want to have sex with is currently rubbing my calves and does shit like ask to learn to braid my hair.

A few months with Peeta is breaking me of so many of my bad habits, and it's enough to make my head spin, but I like it so much I'm not about to question it.

I hear more than I see Finnick walk over into the living room before he comes fully into my view, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms with a shit eating grin on his face. I try to not immediately act defensive, Peeta has warned me that Finnick could be an asshole but didn't mean it and was really a good guy, but I don't know that for myself yet.

"Well isn't this all very domestic of you two? Tell me Peet, what do I have to do to get the same kind of treatment from you? I'll tell you now if it's sex I'm open to it." He says with a wink in my direction and I clench my teeth with the effort it takes to not roll my eyes at him.

"Sorry Finnick, I'm pretty sure it would make Annie super jealous if she knew I gave you better foot massages than she does." Peeta replies playfully, earning a laugh from Finnick.

I've yet to meet Annie, since I haven't really met Finnick until now, but from what Peeta's told me, when she's around Finnick's an absolute sap. It must be something to behold because right now he's grinning wolfishly at the two of us, like some douche at a club who just set his eyes on the drunkest girl in the skimpiest outfit.

"Oh I don't know about that Peet, I think she'd be into it, she'd want to watch you rub me down. How about you Katniss would you like that?" He asks me, that same ass eating smile plastered on his face and I sit up abruptly, holding in the hell fire I want to rain down on him.

"Nope. What I would like is a cigarette." I say more to Peeta than to Finnick, trying to keep myself from running out onto the balcony to escape this weird ass bro fest.

I'm alone for about a solid minute before I hear the glass door sliding open behind me, but once again I don't turn around. If it's Peeta that's one thing, if it's Finnick he'll get whatever he invokes now that I'm out in the open.

"Mind if I join you?" Finnick asks as he sits down and pulls out his own pack of cigarettes, not waiting to hear my answer as he lights one. I shrug, because my answer obviously doesn't matter to him, and turn to look out onto the parking lot below us.

"Sorry about that in there. I know I can be a bit much." He says after a moment of quiet and I turn to look at him with a raised eyebrow, causing him to laugh.

"Yeah I know, suggesting a threesome is probably more than a bit much, but it's just how I am. You'll learn I don't mean half of what I say." He offers and I lower my eyebrow slowly.

"Your girlfriend must be a fucking saint." I say in response, making him laugh again.

"She really is, but she's more than just that. She's brilliant, and funny, and gorgeous. I think the two of you would get along. I know she wants to meet the girl that has Peeta smiling that a fool all the damn time." He tells me with a sincere smile and I feel myself blush slightly. He notices and raises his own eyebrow at my reaction.

"Seriously Katniss. That guy was so mopey when he got here, which I understand. I mean I don't understand but I get it I guess. But then one night he comes home from the library and all of a sudden it was like someone added instant cheer into his cereal that morning." He says as smoke curls around his mouth before floating up into the air around us.

"He makes me happy too." I tell him, not really ready to tell this stranger about how much Peeta really does make me happy. He considers me for a moment and nods his head as though I said something thought provoking.

"Good, because I'm pretty sure that guy in there-" He pauses to point through the door to where Peeta is sitting on the couch watching TV, "would move heaven and hell to make you smile, you know?"

I don't take my eyes off of Peeta, watching as he laughs along with whatever it is that he's watching as I nod. I know Finnicks' right, Peeta has proven more than once he will do whatever he can to make me happy, to make me feel better about myself and to help me get control on what I'm dealing with.

I couldn't be more lucky if a genie offered me three fucking wishes.

"Yeah I know he would. Trust me I know how lucky I am." I tell Finnick, my eyes still on Peeta. He seems to realize I'm deep in thought and doesn't speak anymore after that, the two of us smoking in silence, and after a moment I decide three things.

The first is that despite myself – and himself – I like Finnick. The second is that I know where I want to go on vacation. The third is that I have something I desperately need to tell Peeta.

My last session with Haymitch he said something that I guess didn't really resonate with me until now, and it's fucking annoying how his little "nuggets of wisdom" tend to creep up on me, but I can't help but hear him in my head at this moment right now.

"You're always running girl, some bad shit happens and you run from it. I get it, I do it too, but if you want to ever have a chance at getting a handle on this shit maybe you need to start confronting some things from your past. And even more than that, maybe you should confront some of the things that are happening right now in your present."

Getting up I flick my dead cigarette into the ash tray and pause for a moment to nod at Finnick, which he returns, before heading into the living room and coming to stand directly in front of Peeta.

He doesn't look upset at all that I'm blocking him from the television, he just looks up at me and smiles like I just told him I shit him out the sun and stars.

"Hey sorry about him, I know he can be a bit much." He says, his smile still dancing in his blue eyes.

"He's alright, I actually think I like him." I say, still not moving and not letting my gaze waver from his.

"I know where we should go for our vacation." I tell him, and he quirks an eyebrow. I know he's probably wondering what's up with me right now, but for the first time in days I feel like I have too much energy to be sitting. He must sense the shift in my mood because he's still smiling that smile he seems to save for me.

"Oh yeah? And where is that exactly?" He asks playfully, sitting up fully and leaning forward to place his hands on either side of my hips.

"My dads cabin, it's only like four hours from here. I haven't been in years but I want to take you there." I tell him, leaving out that I haven't been there since my dad died. I know he'll know it without me saying it.

"Katniss are you sure?" He asks me, and I couldn't be more sincere if I wanted to be, because this man in front of me knows how big of a deal this is for me, knows without me saying anything that this is a huge step.

"Yes Peeta, I'm positive. Want to know why?" I ask him, bringing my hands up to rest on his forearms. He nods in reply and I smile.

"Because I love you. That's why."

His eyes light up in response, and I know that while he didn't mind waiting for me to catch up, he's thrilled to hear me say I love him too. He's on me in an instant, kissing everywhere he can reach, and I'm giggling like a girl in love because for the first time ever I am exactly that, and I know that some things may be shit right now; I still need to deal with Madge, and I still have a lot of work to go before I can learn how to break down without falling completely apart, but for whatever reason Peeta loves me and I am lucky because of it.

I hope everyone enjoys this chapter, and I'd like to say thank you to everyone who listened to me and didn't leave Madge hate! I got some great and insightful reviews on the last chapter, and I promise I won't leave you guys hanging on what's going on between Madge and Katniss for long!

I'd also like to dedicate this chapter and give a shout out to ordinaryryder for all the encouragement, and feedback on the story and for really helping to get my ass in gear and keep it that way when it came to finishing this chapter and not letting me take my usual four months to update! :)