Dealing With Duke

"DUKE CROCKER!" Audrey bellowed in her best, I'm the cops so you'd better watch out voice. "Get your ass out here."

After a long pause Duke Crocker swaggered into the bar area, a glass and a tea towel in hand. "Why Officer Parker what brings you into my fine and very reputable establishment?" Duke greeted smugly.

"You and I need a word," Audrey announced seriously, leaning towards the bar, a finger pointing accusingly at her friend.

"Pansies."

"What?" Audrey asked incredulously.

"You said we need a word, so I said a word," Duke explained.

"Pansies? Really?" Audrey raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, let me try again… Rent," Duke raised an eyebrow in return.

"Ha, already paid."

"Well if you don't like pansies and you don't like rent, I myself have always liked the word opportunity," Duke said the word with a little extra embellishment.

"Typical," Audrey sniggered. "Okay Duke, enough games, seriously, I came down here while its quite so I'd get a chance to tell you this. Back off with the fifth degree every time Nathan comes or goes from my place. Back off in general."

"Or what?" Duke teased. "I don't believe that mocking police officer lovebirds is actually a crime."

"Or this," Audrey announced with a self-satisfied tone as she handed over a clipboard.

Duke took the clipboard, a confused look on his face, and began to read through the pages. "Oh."

"Yeah."

"Hey, there's no way you could have seen all of this."

"I didn't."

"These are hardly federal crimes. I mean c'mon Audrey, parking 20 minutes in a 15 zone? Going 53 miles an hour in a 50 zone? Jaywalking?" Duke's eyes boggled. "Even you have to admit this is small stuff."

"Yes, but it all adds but and it's all small stuff that no one would normally notice, unless you happened to displease the Haven PD in which case we might have cause to pay a little extra attention to your activities. There's about four hundred dollars' worth of fines in that pile alone and it only took me a few days to get that. Imagine what I could get in a week?"

"Isn't this inappropriate use of police resources?"

"Stan was happy to help me out on his day off, and Dwight and Nathan pitched in too," Audrey explained.

"But you wouldn't actually do anything about this would you. C'mon Audrey we're friends!" Duke was beginning to look just a little insulted.

"And as your friend I need to ask you for a friendly favour, the normal amount of tongue in cheek Duke Crocker charm is okay by me, but tone it down a little around Nathan and don't make me late for work."

Duke sighed. She had him. He had been laying it on a little thick of late. He hated to admit it but he had perhaps been fuel by just a little jealousy. While there were always plenty of lovely ladies lining up to be on his dance card, what Nathan and Audrey had was, so much more, and everything that he didn't have in his life anymore. "Okay," he agreed sheepishly. "I'll go easy on Wuornos, but only because he's a total stick in the mud."

"Thank you," Audrey smiled satisfied. "He's my stick in the mud and he should feel comfortable coming and going around here."

"He seems pretty comfortable to me."

"Duke," Audrey warned, glowering.

"Sorry, last one I promise."

"Sure. Just remember if I give this list to Nathan, I can't protect you."

"I'll be good," Duke promised miming a scout promise and then crossing his heart.

"There's a first time for everything," Audrey returned with a grin.