Summary: Two hearts, two souls, one decision. Choose wisely.

Standard disclaimer applies here.

[not] over you

.

.

i was thinking about you, and it kinda made me smile.

.

.

Inuyasha peered down at the pale face of the woman lying beside him. Her long, dark hair framed her ghostly pale face beautifully. Her long dark lashes swept up and her pink lips were set in a straight line. She looked like she was frowning, even in her sleep. Her white and red kimono fitted her slender figure perfectly, and her long wooden bow lay beside her.

She was the same, yet so different from her. Kikyo looked so similar to Kagome, but she lacked something that Kagome naturally had- Kagome was... warm. She always smiled, regardless of what she was feeling inside. Inuyasha sighed.

Why did he choose Kikyo? He wasn't entirely sure himself... perhaps it was because she was familiar. Or maybe because he felt like he owed her this, after all she sacrificed for him. Maybe he wanted to give them the life they were originally supposed to have together He wasn't sure exactly what he was thinking at the time. All he knew for certain was that Kagome loved him, and yet… he felt a sharp pain in his chest as he remembered the day he told Kagome that he decided to stay with Kiko. Essentially, he was picking Kikyo over her, right to her face. He winced at how horrible Kagome must've felt; how much pain she must've been in. He didn't realize at the time how greatly his decision would've impacted Kagome's life and most of all, her feelings.

She wasn't angry, as he'd expected. She didn't yell, didn't stomp, she didn't even cry. Instead, she gave him a small smile and murmured, "I'm happy for you. As long as you're happy, I'll be happy." And before he could even stop her, before he could even utter a word, she turned and left. He didn't follow; it didn't seem right at the time; after all, how could he have prevented her from walking away when he basically told her that he was choosing another woman over her? However, he'd never expected her to leave. How silly of him to expect Kagome to stay... how foolish of him to think that she was simply walking back to Sango and Miroku. He'd tried to ignore the sharp pain in his gut that day when he'd returned, expecting Kagome to be there- only to find Sango with a grim look on her face. She'd said three words that felt like daggers in his chest. "Kagome went home."

The worst part was, he couldn't even see her. The Bone Eater's well went from extraordinary to ordinary in the few moments their journey ended and the Shikon no Tama was vanished from the Earth forever. The sheer magnitude of what he'd lost in a single decision was heartbreaking, and he didn't realize it until he jumped into the well one day, anxious to explain himself to Kagome- to rationalize his decision with her (and himself, in many ways) and yet selfishly convince her to come back to visit (despite, he knew, how cruel that was of him to want), unsuspecting of the fact it could no longer act as a portal between two different time dimensions.

He'd lost her forever, leaving her last impression of him as someone who'd left her behind, who thought of her as a second option. Except it wasn't like that. Not in the slightest. She was more; only, he never told her this.

Inuyasha remembered not being able to sleep because of how angry he used to be, seeing Kikyo's haunted face in his dreams, but now- now he feared the idea of falling asleep, because he always dreamed of Kagome's retreating back. Not matter how fast he ran, he could never catch her. No matter how loud he yelled, she couldn't hear him. It was as if he never existed to her. The thought itself was petrifying, gut-wrenching, and left a nasty hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach. He wouldn't sleep. He couldn't.

Instead, careful not to stir Kikyo, Inuyasha stood up quietly and walked outside. The darkness stretched like a blanket over him, the stars brightly dusting the ink black sky. He'd never felt quite this lonely before. He found a hill and laid down on the soft grass, leaning his head back into his arms, and tried to forget the fact that it was Kagome who used to lie beside him; how he felt at peace in those moments, at how they would talk for hours and he'd felt like he could be himself- just a hanyou, not a hanyou thirsting to become a full-fledge demon, not a tempered monster. Just Inuyasha.

The stars were their thing- their moment.

Dreams, that's where I have to go
To see your beautiful face anymore
I stare at a picture of you
And listen to the radio.
Hope, hope there's a conversation
We both admit we had it good
But until then it's alienation,
That much is understood.
And I realize…

He wondered if she was looking at the sky too, if she thought of him often. In those moments, he hoped that her memory wasn't wiped away with the disappearance of the Shikon jewel- it pained him to think that he would no longer be anyone to her, not even in the fragment of her memories. To think that he'd thrown away all those years of searching- bonding- made him regret his choice. Yes, originally Kagome had been a nuisance- her uncanny similar appearance to Kikyo resurfaced bitter repressed feelings Inuyasha had; but after, it was no longer about Kikyo. It was Kagome. She's managed to worm her way into his heart and maintain a permanent place there. To say the past few years with her was for simply for the search of the Shikon Jewel would be a pathetic excuse- she was more. As much as he'd loved Kikyo and she loved him, Kagome was different. She didn't want him to change- not into a pure human for her or a full-fledge demon.

She'd accepted him as he was. Hell, she loved him as he was. And she always wanted the best for him- whatever made him happy, made her happy as well. Kagome came to accept their differences and his happiness was her priority; that was why she'd never leave him, no matter how many times he'd left her (and often in danger) to search for Kikyo, despite the promises to keep her safe. Inuyasha vaguely remembered something his mother told him, years ago after his father died, "Romantic love is wanting someone for yourself. True love is wanting the person you love to be happy." It explained the relationship between his parents, and looking into these words... it explained Kagame's feeling for him.

If you asked me
How I'm doing
I would say I'm doing just fine.
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind.

He needed to see the well. He needed to see her. His feet unconsciously carried him away from the cabin and towards the Bone Eater's well. Leaning over the edge and peering down, he met the face of disappointment once again- the well no longer worked.

But I'd go out
And I'd sit down
In a table set for two
And finally I'm forced to face the truth
No matter what I say I'm
Not over you

There was only one explanation for his longing. After all, he had the woman of his choice with him. Kikyo was alive once again; but somehow he didn't feel any happiness from knowing this. He'd assumed that he'd be complete with Kikyo around, but the truth was he'd never felt emptier. Despite the several months that'd passed since his decision, he felt himself constantly looking around for reassurance- for something to fill the hollow, empty feeling in his chest. Something- or someone- was missing.

And the feeling clawing at his heart- constantly, everyday, overwhelming and intoxicating- it felt strangely like the feeling he used to have for Kikyo, all those years ago. It was...love?

The realization hit him like a ton of bricks and knocked the wind out of him. All his protective antics, the spark of jealousy when Kouga was around, the way her smiles made it feel like something in his chest was going to burst and the feeling of loneliness when Kagome was away- it all meant that he loved her. And while his heart would forever hold a place for Kikyo, his affections for her were different then there were now for Kagome. Now he realized that Kagome didn't simply appear in his world to help him collect the jewel shards or to purify the Shikon No Tama- no, she was also here for him. Fate had decided that they were meant to cross paths and they were meant to be together.

Meant to be... desperation filled his veins; pain filled his heart. Inuyasha knew he was a fool; how could he leave Kikyo now, and how can he get Kagome back? There was no way. He couldn't believe it took him months to pinpoint an emotion that was there all along, buried under all his denial. He felt silly for pondering over the unfamiliar emotions brewing in his system for so long, when in the end everything could be placed with a simple label over it: love. He felt pathetic for pitying over what he'd had after he'd lost it.

Way too deep in thought and sleep deprived for months, Inuyasha didn't notice the soft footsteps behind him until a quiet voice spoke out. "Inuyasha? What is the matter?" He whipped his head around, and saw the tired figure of Kikyo. She looked at him with exhausted eyes, prying for answers as to why he was always wandering in the nights, restless and unable to sleep.

"It's… nothing," Inuyasha mumbled. He couldn't meet her gaze. Kikyo kneeled down beside him and placed her hand over his.

"You're thinking about her again, aren't you?" she whispered softly. Inuyasha opened his mouth to protest, but immediately shut it. How could he deny her rightful assumption? Word caught in his throat and he opted for silence; his amber eyes remained downcast into the wooden well. There was nothing to hide from Kikyo- nothing he could hide, for he couldn't even hide the pained expression on his face at the mention of Kagome. He was selfish, he knew, but he couldn't lie. He was too easy to read.

A light sigh escaped Kikyo's lips as she glanced up at the night sky. "Tell me, Inuyasha," she began, her tone gentle, "she's really changed you, hasn't she? For the better," Kikyo added, giving him a tender smile when he finally looked up. "To find someone who accepted you for who you are... I'm sorry I didn't. I never should have convinced you to become human for me. It wasn't right of me to demand that of you."

"It's not your fault," Inuyasha said. "I wanted to. It was my choice."

A sad smile curved onto Kikyo's pale face. "Exactly. I shouldn't have pushed you to, but I did because I knew you would. For me, you would've done anything." Kikyo removed her hand and sat down beside Inuyasha, her back towards the well. "But Kagome... she is different from me. She's made you a better person and she's allowed you to accept yourself."

Inuyasha looked away. It was Kagome who found him supportive friends he could always rely on. She was the one who found him a family who would die for him, who taught him to become stronger, to be good. "Yeah..."

"Do you love her?"

It was as if a boulder lodged itself in Inuyasha's throat as he grasped for words. How could he admit such a thing to a woman he'd loved nearly five hundred years ago, to this woman who'd sacrificed so much just to be with him? But then again...

...perhaps this was why Kagome never understood his affections, why she thought herself lesser in his eyes than she really was. He himself would confess he was confusing, indecisive between two brilliant women, his sentiments complicated. But for once, he was sure.

"Yes."

Kikyo leaned over and gently cupped Inuyasha's face, a faint smile on her face. He twisted back in response, surprised, but Kikyo held on. "I suppose I should be angry that she has managed to claim your heart away from me," Kikyo said, "but I surprisingly... don't. I'm glad you found her and she has found you." Releasing him, she stood up. "I had anticipated this circumstance long ago, and I feel finally at peace, knowing that you are happy and the Shikon No Tama has been purified. For this, I shall grant you a wish, Inuyasha. If you wish to see Kagome, I can make that happen. Do you wish to see her?"

"Wait," Inuyasha interrupted, standing up as well. "What do you mean?"

"It's a simple question, Inuyasha. Do you wish to see Kagome again?"

"...Yes. Yes, I do."

"Thank you." Kikyo's body began glowing bright blue, her figure slowly blurring- and disintegrating at the edges. "I was only alive because I had one more task I had to finish," she said. "And now that it's done, I can finally rest. I hope you use this opportunity wisely, Inuyasha. Go to Kagome."

Inuyasha stared in a mixture of horror and gratitude as Kikyo faded away. "Thank you, Kikyo," he whispered. "And I'm sorry."

In a final burst of light, Kikyo vanished- and Inuyasha collapsed to the ground, unconscious.

-x-

The blazing sun woke Inuyasha up the next day. Groggy from sleep, he arose, conflicted with his surroundings momentarily- before the previous night's events came hurdling back at him at full force. Kikyo's final task, her fading words...

Go to Kagome.

Could he? Should he? He whacked himself for asking such stupid questions. Of course he should- Kikyo had used up the last of her powers for this. But the Bone Eater's well... did Kikyo's power manage to reopen the portal...? He wondered for a moment how Kagome would react to seeing him again, and pushed any negative thoughts, any shadowing doubts aside. Maybe she was furious with him and would refused to speak to him. Maybe she was undeniably upset. Regardless, he was not leaving until he told her exactly what was on his mind.

A breeze escaped the well, and his canine ears caught onto the faint sound of beeping- like those iron things Kagame's era was filled with. Not knowing what to expect but hoping for the best, he leapt into the well, the exhilaration of travelling about space sending adrenaline coursing through his veins once again.

Emerging in the familiar wooden hut in the Higurashi shrine, he opened the door, slowly taking in the sights around him- the sacred tree, Kagame's iron cart lying by the side of her house, her cat lounging lazily in the window of her room. His nose twitch as he took in familiar smells- curry, a dish he disliked but Souta loved; cherry blossoms, a light floral scent that Kagome's mother always had; dusty parchment, which was no doubt Kagame's elderly grandfather, who must've been cleaning out the family shed again; and Kagome. Kagome, who smelt of green apples and wild daisies, who smelt like home.

Oh, how he'd missed her wondrous scent!

His feet carried him before his mind could comprehend what was going on, and soon he was pounding at the door, fear and excitement bubbling under his skin, thrilled at the idea of seeing her again after so long. His impatient knocks caused a sweet voice to call out, "I'm sorry! Give me a moment, I'm coming!" Inuyasha's heart skipped a beat at the voice- a voice he hadn't heard in so long, but dear Kami did he ever miss. The wooden door slid open easily, and behind it stood a rumpled-looking Kagome.

"Hi, I'm sorry for-," Kagome started before her voice cut off in shock. Her brown eyes grew large at the sight of him, standing before her, and her mouth dropped ever so slightly.

"I-Inuyasha?" She stuttered. "What… what are you doing here? Where's Kikyo?"

He didn't plan exactly what he would say, but words and phrases where running through his mind, jumbled together in a big mess. The only phrase he could manage to spit out was, "You stupid wench! You didn't even tell me you were leaving!"

Kagame's temper flared, and being one to never back down from a fight with Inuyasha, she snapped back, "I didn't have a reason to stay!"

"Oh, so Sango, Miroku and Shippo aren't good enough reasons to stay? Your friends?"

"They already knew, you ass! I told them! They understood."

"Why the hell didn't you tell me then, woman? Was I not worth knowing?"

"I didn't tell you," Kagome retorted, "because why the hell would I? Why the hell are you here, anyway? Why the hell do you care?" Angry tears sprang to the owners of her eyes and she swiped them aside with a furious hand.

"I care," Inuyasha said, voice rising, "I have always cared-"

"Oh, really-" Kagome cut him off. "You-"

"-And I'm here because I fucking love you!" Inuyasha yelled in her face. His words struck a cord as Kagome froze, taking a step back away from him, her mouth agape. Her skin instantly paled.

Kagome shook her head. "N-no," she whimpered. "No. Don't say things you don't mean, Inuyasha."

His amber eyes looked at her solemnly as he said, with more confidence than he ever had in his entire life, "I love you."

"What about Kikyo?" Kagome blurted, hands over her mouth. "You can't just leave her like this. It's not right."

"Kikyo knows. She's the reason I'm able to reach you. Kikyo knew of my feelings all along, even before I did," Inuyasha confessed, ears burning. Words he'd never dreamed of himself ever saying were tumbling out of his mouth and he was unable to stop it. Truthfully, he wasn't sure if he wanted to. "I-I wanted to see you. And I'm... I'm sorry."

The tears in Kagome's fully spilled over as she launched herself forward, wrapping her arms around Inuyasha's waist. "I wanted to see you to," she cried, burying her face in his chest, revelling at the familiarity. In response, Inuyasha wrapped his arms tightly around her, as if she were sand about to slip from his fingers. He breathed in her scent, resting his head atop of hers. She let out a shuddering, content sigh and nuzzled into his chest.

And finally, finally- he was home.

Fin.

Note: I wrote this story a few years ago and have been meaning to re-write it for quite some time now. I ended up re-watching Inuyasha and felt inspired (or motivated hahaha) to fix this story up. :)

-A