The second part, here it is, yaaaay~

X

So we both went to bed. England went to his bedroom, and I went to the guestroom. Of course, that was just a pit stop. Just so I could change into my jammies. Okay, really, just my boxers. No point in putting all my jammies on if I'm just gonna take them right back off, am I right? Anyway, I grabbed the Dittle sound and the lube, and was off for England's room.

Creeeeak went the creaky old door. England's house sure was spooky. I hope it wasn't haunted. Those ghosts would be in for quite a show tonight! Though actually … that is pretty terrifying. The thought of ghosts watching you while you have sex, maybe even getting off on it, touching their little ghost penises …

… shit I am gonna have some weird-ass nightmares tonight! D:

But oh well. Hopefully there won't be too much sleeping. If ya know what I mean! WINK WINK.

I crawled into England's bed. I was giggling like HEHEHEHE because I was all excited! But guess what. England was already asleep! Dang, he's quick. I was all snuggled up under the covers beside him, and he was just lying there like ZZZZZZZZZ

I lay on my side, resting my head on my hand. "Psst, England, wake up," I said, poking him in the chest with my other hand.

"Mmm," he mumbled when I poked him. He stirred in his sleep but didn't wake up.

So I poked harder. "Dude, seriously. Get up."

He was lying on his back. He tensed up when I poked him again, but didn't wake up. WTF! What kind of heavy sleeper was he? He was like Snorlax and I do not play the Pokeflute, you guys. (Just the skin flute, HURR HURR.)

"Mmm, ohh …" he mumbled all sleepily when I kept poking him. "Flying … Mint Bunny … I told you to use … the litter box for that … zzzz …"

I stopped poking. England was clearly in sleepy slumberland. But I was not gonna wait until morning for this. Oh no. You guys know how I feel about waiting. England was asleep but he seemed to be responding to me. So I had an awesome idea …

Guess what it is. No, seriously. Guess. Think on it. You got it?

AAAAEEEENT WRONG! You're so silly, boys and girls. The real answer? I was gonna fondle England in his sleep until he woke up! Get him all warmed up so that when he did finally wake up he'd be all hot and bothered and ready for it. He'll roll right over and beg me for it! And I'll be like DON'T MIND IF I DO~ and then we'll have some good sexings.

So my hand traveled down. Down to between his legs. And I lightly cupped myself a handful of sleepy flaccid Brit cock.

England mumbled in his sleep again. A weird little "mmph" sound, but then he simmered down again.

"Pffftchhhppfftt," I snickered. Oh man. England was gonna love this. I bet this is one of his fantasies. I mean, we all know he's kinky like that. Who wouldn't want a big, strapping, handsome guy (that's me, you guys!) to sneak into their bed and take advantage of them as they slept? Well … what kind of kinky person wouldn't want that? I bet he thinks about stuff like that as he touches himself and chokes himself and smashes his balls in a vice grip or whatever else crazy crap he does to get off.

I tried that once. Not that ball smashing, hells no. I got my limits. And those are tender things! They need to be treated with care, like little baby ducklings between your legs. No, I tried choking myself once while jacking it because I heard that feels really, really good. Autoerotic asphyxiation, the scientists call it. I liked it all right, but it's not worth having to wear turtle necks every day until the bruises on your neck heal! Because what was I gonna say when someone asked me what caused that? Oh yeah, I was dicking around and choked myself with my tie to get off? LOL, no. Turtle necks it was and dude … turtle necks are gay.

But back to my non-gay story of me fondling another guy in his sleep.

I rubbed my hand over his junk as he slept. It was over his clothes but I could still feel the outline of it. I did it lightly, so he wouldn't wake up immediately. I wanted him to get at least a little hard before that happened.

England was making some faces. Like he was stirring in his sleep. He mumbled too, sounds like "mmm" and "mmmph."

"Yeah, you like that?" I whispered. I gripped him a little harder through his jammies fabric. "How about this, hmm?"

"Mmm …"

"Hehe, yeah. You're so naughty. You're gonna love this."

England made another noise, similar to a moan, like "ohhhh …." I wasn't sure but close enough! That's all I needed to move on to the next step …

I slipped my hand inside his pajama pants. Very carefully! I felt around, playing pants hide-and-seek for England's penis. "Ready or not here I come~" I said as I groped for it. Then I found it. Got myself another good handful. "Yay, I found it—"

"Nnnhuh?" England stirred awake.

D:

Oh fuck.

Was it too soon? I better make him want it or he might kick me out the door! Or in the balls again. And I already told you they are tender as baby ducks.

England's eyes fluttered open. They took a minute to adjust, but then he looked to me. He saw me lying on my side right beside him, my hand down his jammies pants, and cupping his penis.

He was so shocked that his mouth opened to say something, but nothing came out. He trembled slightly. And he turned as pale as ghost that was probably watching and invisibly fapping to this. Pervert ghosts …

"Oh, hey. Sup?"

That was a smooth thing to say to someone when you get caught with your hand down their pants, right? Well, whatever. I didn't know what else to say. I was caught off-guard. I was caught red-handed. Dick-handed, actually. What do you say when you're caught dick-handed?

England finally managed to say something. "Y-you're … you're touching me …" he stammered.

Crap. He said that it in an OMGWTFBBQ kinda way. Not a sexy "ohhh you're touching me~" let's-get-it-on-and-do-some-boning kinda way.

I guess I still wasn't doing it the way he liked :/

But I had to try!

So I started to stroke him. Not just fondling anymore. I was pumping him like I pump myself at home when I watch the free porn samples online on my MacBook Pro because hell if I'm giving them my credit card when I can just play the same 30 second clips and get off on that just as easily and really who wants to have to sit there and type out their credit card number and expiration date and security code and all that crap when you got your pants unzipped and your erect cock out and all ready for a good fapping?

Anyway. Yeah. That's how I stroked England. Hard and fast.

England quickly sat up. And tensed up. He was trembling more. "W-w-what the fuck are you doing? !" he asked, looking down with big ol' eyes.

"I think you know," I said slyly, giving him a wink ;) "Does it feel good?"

"STOP AT ONCE!"

I pulled my hand out his pants. But don't be disappointed. Things are about to get saucy up in here. Know why? Because I yanked his jammies pants down.

"Bloody hell!" exclaimed England.

He went to reach for them but I pinned his arms down. Because I climbed on top of him.

"You're half hard," I said as I straddled over him. "So it did feel good, huh?"

"Why the hell were you molesting me in my sleep? !"

"Shhh …" I sat back, releasing his arms. I crawled backward over his body, then leaned over for something … "You don't gotta be like that this time. Because I finally figured out the sorta stuff you like …"

England looked confused. "Eh?"

I held up the Dittle sound in one hand and the lube in the other. "HMMM? !" I said excitedly. "How's this sound, huh?"

Get it? SOUND? Because I'm using a Dittle sound? LOL puns.

Then England looked even more confused. "What is that?"

Hmm. That's a weird thing for England to say. I mean, he's kinky as fuck. He knows what a sound is. But maybe he's used to the other kind? Because there's more than one kind. The other kind is called the Van Buren or Van Halen (HOT FOR TEACHERRRRR) or something and it's curved. I didn't get that kind because you can't get a boner with it and what's the fun in that? Though some people like it … because of the pleasure denial … sooooo if that was England's thing I was in for one freaky night! :D

Oh well. I could show him the straight ones are good too. Like Aladdin sung to Jasmine in that movie, I CAN SHOW YOU THE WOOOORRRLD~!

I sat in between England's legs. I popped open the lube and poured it over the Dittle sound. It dribbled all over the sheets. "Sorry I'm making a mess, but you know you're just gonna have to wash these sheets anyway, haha." I hesitated. "Maybe the mattress too, if we get REALLY crazy! Wait … how do you clean a mattress? Because I don't know. I'm sure you do, hehe …"

I don't want to know what kind of freaky crap has gone on in England's bed! LOL.

"The hell is wrong with you? !"

I set the lube aside. "Sorry, jeez! It's hard not to make a mess lubing that sorta thing up."

"I wasn't talking about the mess, I was talking about the fact that you're – ffffuuuuu —" England sorta trailed off into this strangled choking hiss.

Because I grabbed his cock with my now lube-bottle-free hand. Real tight. "Hehe … you like that, huh?"

England didn't respond. He just sat there, looking down at my hand gripping his half-hard cock, and trembled with this super shocked look on his face.

"Welp, you're gonna like this a lot more …"

England's eyes met mine. "What?" he asked very quickly. "What are you going to d — OH FUCK."

Interruption number two! This time it was because I pushed the tip of the Dittle sound into the tip of his cock. Yep, I just sorta pressed that metal thing up against his peehole and slid it in.

England started shaking even more. That's good, right? "W-w-what are you doing? !" he could barely get the words out. "T-t-take it out!"

I slowly kept pushing it in. Inch by inch. I counted in my mind … 1 inch, AH AH AH! 2 inches, AH AH AH! I counted like the Count on Sesame Street, LOL. Because he was the one who taught me numbers :)

With one hand, I held the sound steady. With my other, I held England by the base of his cock to help support the weight. (That sound was heavy!) Though I did start rubbing my fingers along the base of his cock, trying to get him harder.

I kept pushing until I ran out of cock to push into. He was fully stuffed. Cock stuffed. Double stuffed. No wait that's Oreos.

"Mmm, how is it?" I asked, giving him a sexy look.

England couldn't stop staring down. "Oh my God …" he said with a weird voice. "What have you done … I'm afraid to move …"

"Don't worry, I'll do all the work. You got something metal?"

"W-what for? !"

"To clang against it for some vibrations."

"Just, please! Take it out!"

I was confused. Did it work? Was England so turned on he wanted it out so we could get to the regular sex? (Well, regular as sex with kinky England would be, hehe.) Or did he legit not like this? And I'd STILL not done what he'd liked? I couldn't tell.

"Why did you do this to me …" said England, still looking hardcore shocked. "What even gave you the idea …?"

I made a pouty face. Because that didn't sound happy. :( "Well … I really wanted to have sex with you …"

"Wait … THAT'S THE HOLE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO USE? !" he exclaimed.

"Uh …"

"My God … all this time … for gay sex … I thought the penis was inserted into the rect- … oh bloody hell …"

"UHHHHH …"

"What was I thinking …"

"… dude, are you for real? This is not how it's normally done …"

"Well, that's what I originally thought but I never – damn it, that's unimportant! What is important is you taking that bloody rod out of my damned penis!"

I sure hope it's not bloody. I mean I used lots of lube …

But I listened to England. I sighed as I slowly pulled the sound out. When it was out I looked at it. Phew, no blood.

"I'm sorry, England," I said, looking away. "I really thought you'd like that … I thought it was like … your thing …"

England quickly pulled his pants up. "I don't know why you would think that."

"I'm sorry, jeez! My bad! I was only trying to please you!"

England huffed and looked away.

"Well … um … I kinda give up …" I said sheepishly, fiddling with the Dittle sound so I didn't have to look him in the eyes. It was all wet and sticky. "I've tried everything. This game's gone on too long — it's like in overtime or something. Can you please just tell me how you like it? Or at least gimme a hint?"

"… what?"

"Just however you like to do it, whatever weird kink you have, I don't care. Just tell me and we can do it." I smiled up at him. "I don't care how, I just really, really wanna have sex with you …"

"I don't have any weird kinks!" said England. "Who told you that?"

"Uh … I thought it was obvious?"

"Of course not!"

OOPS. My bad, LOL. Well, you know what they say when you assume! You make an ASS out of U and ME! Even though I was after ass all along … hmm …

I shrugged. "Well … um, okay. We can do it the normal way. I'm not picky." I chucked the sound over my shoulder and picked the lube bottle up. "Roll over."

"What? !" exclaimed England, backing himself up against the headboard of his bed. "No!"

"Crap, you wanna top don't you? … Auugh … FINE, I'll let you if you're really good at it. Are you good at it? BE HONEST."

England still couldn't stop trembling! "H-how should I know? !"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, usually, you can tell by the person you're banging … if they're moaning and cumming, you're probably doing it right."

"WHAT PERSONS? !"

You know, I never got that. Why is there both the words "persons" AND "people"?" Doesn't make a lick of sense.

"The persons you bang, duh," I said as if it was obvious. "I don't know your personal life. Your … persons life. Damnit, that sounded weird …"

"I don't 'bang' any persons!" he protested.

"Tch," I clicked my tongue. "Been a while for ya, huh? Out of practice? … maybe you should let me top then. I'm pretty good!"

"I'm not out of practice!" he said all pissed off. "I've never had sex before!"

"So your game ain't been so good, we all go through dry spells every now and th — WAIT WHAT? !"

And then my brain exploded.

WTF. Seriously. WTF you guys! DOUBLE YOU TEE EFF! No, this was worth the full OMGWTFBBQ! There was no way. England's never had sex before? ! I must have heard wrong …

"What … what did you say …?" I managed to ask.

England glanced away, embarrassed. I don't think he meant to blurt that out like that but he couldn't take it back. "I've … never had sex before."

Then my brain exploded again.

How could this have happened? ! England was way older than me. Like, a thousand years old. Yeah, wrap your head around that for a minute. A THOUSAND YEARS. Could you imagine not having sex for a THOUSAND YEARS? It had to happen at least a couple times! Just as a coincidence. Just sorta find yourself having some sex and be like "oh hey I'm having sex." Not saying that's happened to me after Jell-o shots those couple times at Applebee's (that's just for eating good in the neighborhood) (LOL insert 'eating out' joke here.) (Because I will go down, hehe) but you know what I mean.

ANYWAY. Yeah. England was apparently a virgin! A thousand year old virgin. And that movie made it sound like being a FORTY year old virgin was bad! That's small potatoes compared to England! He went friggin' CENTURIES without once gettin' it in! THE HELL? !

I mean, I lost my virginity a long time ago. And I'm way younger than England. Ahh, I remember my first time. I was pretty young and puberty was kicking my ass. Made me horny all the time. I fapped like four times a day, LOL! Then one day I went to visit Canada. And we made a snowman out in the snow and I took the carrot we used for the nose and stuck it way lower like where its crotch would be and was like "HEY CANADA LOOK IT'S A SNOW PENIS LOLOLOLOLOL" and he LOL'd too and then I put it in my mouth and then somehow one thing led to another and before we knew it we were rolling around in the snow humping on each other. I got frostbite but it was worth it!

But back to England and his non-sex-having self.

"You're a virgin?" I asked, sitting back awkwardly from him. "Like … for reals?"

"Yes …" England wouldn't look me in the eye. "Stop making me repeat myself."

"I'm sorry, it's just … wow. How did that even happen? I mean, how have you never had sex before?"

Seriously, you guys. I mean, England's not a bad looking guy. He's hot! I told you about them leg and ass muscles, unf. Who wouldn't wanna piece of that? Guys would be popping boners and girls wetting their panties and hermaphrodites doing a little of both just thinking about banging him. I know I did …

SO HOW? !

"It just never did," said England. "You know how I keep to myself."

"Yeah, but still!" Even people who keep to themselves can get laid every now and then! At least once in a thousand years! I mean, look at Canada. He's forever alone and he still got some. Don't know if he's gotten much since, but yeah, LOL …

"Haven't you heard of my policy of Splendid Isolation?"

"Haven't you heard SEX IS AWESOME?"

England sighed. "I have. Though the fact that it's been so long but I've yet to experience it has made me all but given up. I get anxious that it hasn't happened so I avoid it even more, and it has snowballed like that for years …"

Dude he said snowballs. Ahhh now I'm thinking about my first time again … hgghh …

"It's not too late!" I said. "You don't gotta be anxious! You should be excited! I mean, do you wanna go your whole life not knowing what it's like?"

"Hmm." England looked deep in thought, staring down at the sheets. "Funny you should ask. A little while back, I made myself a promise. That if it didn't happen by a certain time, I would just do it. For the hell of it. With a willing friend, or a one night stand, no strings attached, that sort of thing. Just to experience it."

"WELL DUDE!" I exclaimed. "I could be those things! What was the certain time?"

"Um …" England looked even more embarrassed. "When I turned five hundred."

HE SAID FIVE HUNDRED! Do some math, boys and girls.

"Wait a minute …" I was doing the math too. Took me a minute. "You're over five hundred years overdue then!"

"Brilliant deduction," said England, rolling his eyes.

"You're due for TWO fuckings!" I said. "One for each five hundred years." (Did math just get me a two-for-one sex coupon?)

"It doesn't work that way!"

Oh :(

"I … just don't know," said England.

"Come onnnn," I said, smirking. "Do it with me. I'll take care of ya reeeeal good. I gots lots of practice~"

"I know." Crap, England looked kinda pissed! "Which is precisely why I am even more hesitant to agree to do it with you."

"WHAT? ! WHY? !"

"You've been sexually harassing me!" he said. "Doing all these sexual things! Freaky sexual things. A riding crop, using a paddle on me, whatever the hell that metal thing was! You really scared me."

"DUDE!" I exclaimed. "I only did all those things because I thought you wanted them! I thought you were the kinky one!"

"Hardly!" England scoffed.

"Soooo … you were intimidated by me because I was trying to do all kinds of kinky stuff to you and you were a virgin. And I was intimidated by you because I thought you were super kinky and I wouldn't be able to keep up!"

"I suppose so …"

I gave a little wave. "Haha! What a silly misunderstanding!" Then I realized something. "Oh! But what about all those dirty magazines you keep in your room?"

England looked insulted. "What dirty magazines?"

"Sealand said you have a stash of secret books in your bedroom!"

England hesitated for a moment. Then he leaned down and under his bed. I saw his ass crack when he leaned over like that. Shhh don't tell him I was ogling him like that, hehe. Anyway, then he pulled out a stack of books and threw them in between us on the bed.

"You mean these?"

I looked down at them. All kinds of spooky looking books full of spooky things.

"What the hell is that?" I asked.

"They're books on the occult," said England. "Most of them are spell books. Not that dark magic is my primary kind – obviously I prefer not to summon the devil if I can avoid it — but I have used these before."

"Necro …. Necro … FFFFF – how do you even say these titles? !"

"Necronomicon," corrected England. If you thought we were gonna say 'necrophilia' you're a perv, LOL. "Obviously I don't want a child to have access to spells and works on dark magic or Satan."

"Or Lovecraft," I said. "Cthulhu would not like that."

"Indeed," said England. "Why you thought they were pornographic is beyond me."

There I go assuming again! Silly me~

"Well, I'm sorry, England. I had no idea. I didn't mean to scare you. Do you forgive my derpy self?"

Awkward silence.

"Listen, um, America …" England finally said, putting the books away. "Regarding all this … you know. It's not like I've never given it thought."

"Yeah?" I asked, getting a little excited even though he didn't really answer my question.

"Yes … including with you. It's — it's certainly crossed my mind before."

Oh man. England is implying some heavy stuff here … I tried to contain my excitement even though on the inside I was like OH BOY WHERE IS THIS GOING? !

"I feel like … despite how absolutely daft you are … well … damnit, I forgot where I was going with that, but .."

Crap was does daft mean …

"I might be willing …" continued England, with a shaky voice. "… t-to do it with you."

"WOW REALLY? !"

:D

BOW CHICKA WOW WOW~

"Cool beans," I said. "Let me just get my penis out—"

"N-not now!" England quickly added.

"Awww …" I pouted.

"I'm not mentally prepared. Perhaps … in time … I may be …"

Craaaaap. I hate waiting! I have mentioned that many a time in this epic tale. "How long?"

"I don't know," he sighed. "Maybe a couple weeks, maybe a couple months, maybe even years …"

FFFFFFFF—

"Well, actually … maybe my birthday?" England looked like he was thinking. "That's about, oh, five months away? I suppose that could be my birthday present."

FIVE MONTHS? ! I don't even like waiting five minutes for sex! Foreplay doesn't usually last that long with me. I'm not very patient. I'm like ROLL OVER AND LET'S DO THIS WHOOOOOO! (orrrr I roll over. Depends on what I'm in the mood for, hehe.)

"I'll say my birthday … tentatively …" said England. "But I may change my mind."

"Are you sure?" I asked sheepishly.

"I'm sure."

I sighed. A long, heaving one that just kept going and going until I ran out of air. "Fine."

An awkward pause.

"… I guess you want me to sleep in the guestroom, don't you?" I asked.

England nodded. "… yes."

I sighed again as I hopped off the bed. Neither one of us said anything else as I walked awkwardly out of the bedroom. I glanced back when I made it to the threshold to the doorway, hoping I'd see England change his mind and give me a COME AND GET IT~ look. But that was just wishful thinking. He'd already rolled over and was facing the wall.

"Dang," I muttered as I closed the door behind me.

Cockblocked again :/

X

I couldn't get to sleep. I'd lie there for a while, sleep wouldn't come, so I'd roll over in a new position, but nothing. It just wasn't happening. My brain was going too crazy! It wouldn't stop thinking about England and his virgin issues and how the hell he went that long without getting any and what it would be like and how he looks naked and how tight he must be if he's never been penetrated and how good that would feel …

Well, eventually, I got sorta horny thinking about all that crap. So I rubbed one out. After I came, I felt a lot better, and finally went to sleep. With the wad still in my hand, LOL. Oops. Oh well, I just washed it off in the bathroom in the morning.

Yep, in the morning, I cleaned off the crusty jizz, got myself dressed, and went to the kitchen to see if England was awake yet. He was. He was making breakfast for us. Sausages and oatmeal. Does than even go together? I don't even know.

He finished making the oatmeal first, and set a bowl of it in front of me at the table. Then he returned to frying the sausages. But he didn't say a word the whole time. Not when I came into the room, not when I sat down, not when he gave me the oatmeal, not even when I squealed EEEEEEEE when I took my first bite because that shit was hot! I stuck my tongue out and waved my hand in front of my face, but still, he was silent.

He didn't say anything until he finished making all the food and came to sit with me. He sat across from me at the table, swirling his oatmeal.

"I was doing some thinking," he said.

"Yeah?" I replied, my mouth full of crappy oatmeal. This was definitely not Quaker Oats … that guy's got it going on. This stuff? I have no idea.

"I've changed my mind. About … what I agreed to last night."

My spoon clinked dramatically against the bowl. So dramatic! "WHAT!"

I couldn't believe it! After all that! He was gonna get my hopes up like that and then reject me all over again? ! That's messed up! I was all excited too! I even tweeted about it from my phone I was so happy! (That was before I jerked off and got my fingers all sticky. The Apple Geniuses hate when you bring in sticky iPhones, LOL.) (Not that I know from personal experience or anything.) (But seriously, why don't those air spray cans you clean your keyboard with clean out semen too? Because I got a MacBook Pro and yeah.)

"Why?" I demanded to know.

"I've decided to change the time."

Oh. DAMNIT. Now I gotta wait even LONGER! GRRRR I HATE WAITING! This sucks Mayor Bloomberg's dried out wrinkly old balls that can't even make 32 oz. of semen.

And if you're thinking, "Silly America! No one can make 32 oz. of semen!" Well, shut up. How do YOU know? You ever tried it? Because I have. I marathonned it one day just for the lulz. To see how much I could make. Poured it into an empty 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew. I bet I would have made it, but I got distracted after like the fourth time I came by a Yo Gabba Gabba marathon. What are the odds of a Yo Gabba Gabba marathon the same day I have a fapping marathon? ! Ruined everything. Also does Muno have herpes? Because I'm worried about that guy …

Anyway I HATE WAAAAAAITING!

"I would like to do it sooner," said England.

Wait, what? Did he say SOONER? Did I hear correctly? OH GLORIOUS DAY

"How soon?" I asked, trying to contain my excitement.

"Hmm," thought England. "I was thinking after I finish with breakfast and am done with cleaning the dishes."

Oatmeal went EVERYWHERRRRE

It sprayed out of my mouth because I was NOT expecting that, you guys! I thought he was gonna say like a couple weeks or something but HOT DAMN! He said it so casually too! Like it was nothing!

"Hmm, actually, I want to brush my teeth first," he said, still all nonchalant. "So yes, after we finish eating, the dishes are done, and I brush my teeth. We can do it."

"Holy crap," I said with a huge grin on my face. "I can't believe it. Cool beans. Coolest beans EVER!"

"Yes." England casually took another bite of his oatmeal.

"But … what made you change your mind? I mean, not that I'm complainin', but …"

England looked away. "After you left last night, I couldn't sleep. I kept tossing and turning, but it simply wasn't happening."

"Yeah?"

"The only thing that let me sleep was … well …" He blushed a little. "… this is pretty damned embarrassing to admit, but I pleasured myself to thoughts of you."

"Uh …"

"After I … you know, finished … I went into such a peaceful sleep. Best sleep I've had in a while."

Shh, don't tell England I did the same thing! That'll be our little secret, you guys ;)

"When I woke up this morning, I couldn't think of anything besides doing what I thought of last night … in reality." He finally looked at me. "With you."

BOW CHICKA WOW WOW~

(For real this time!)

LOL sorry for ruining a possibly tender moment. Couldn't help myself!

Okay, back to the tender moment.

I smiled sweetly back at him. "Awesomesauce," I replied warmly.

And then we kept eating our oatmeal.

X

England told me to go wait on his bed while he finished up brushing his teeth. I tore outta my clothes and hopped on. Pffft … England actually made his bed. What was the point of that? You KNOW we're gonna be rustling up them sheets, hehe!

So I just sat there wearing only my boxers, waiting. (MY FAVORITE HOBBY /sarcasm.) Luckily England didn't take too long. He walked into the bedroom and saw me sitting at the foot of the bed, looking all excited.

"Whoo, you're done!" I said. "You ready?"

"Oh … uh, I suppose." England was wearing like regular clothes. No, they were pretty nice clothes. Why'd he bother dressing up if them clothes were just gonna be hitting the floor soon?

He just stood there, looking all around the room.

"So …" he started nervously. "… what do we do first?"

"You take off your clothes, duh."

"Oh — right. That does make sense." He faced away from me and started taking off that sweater vest. Damn, I almost wanted him to leave that thing on … something about it … unf.

"Want me to do it for you?" I asked excitedly.

"N … no. I can do it."

He kept facing the wall as he took off both the sweater vest and the shirt he had on underneath it. I could see his arms were shaking a little. I wanted to say something … but I didn't know what to say :/

Finally, he finished, and went to hang the shirts up in his closet. Still facing away from me, he started on his pants.

Goddamn this was awkward. I mean, sex is often a little awkward. It's just how it goes sometimes. But this … this was really awkward. Hardcore awkward. Me just sitting there watching him undress, and him not even willing to face me while he did it …

Finally, England's pants were off and he hung them up too.

"Do … do I take my socks off too?" he asked nervously.

I shrugged. "Doesn't really matter."

"My feet get cold easily … I-I think I'll leave them on."

"Ai'ight."

So then England was just standing there in his boxers (and socks) in the middle of the room. Looking everywhere but at me, and rubbing his hands together anxiously.

"… what now?" he asked.

"Get in the bed, dummy!"

DANG. I mean, I know England's a virgin and all, but come on! He's gotta know at least this much. Doesn't he have HBO?

"N-now listen," said England, trying to make his voice stern despite how nervous it sounded. "I want to do this, but I don't want you bossing me around. I want to do it on my own terms. So let's get those straight before we go any further."

I flopped on my back with a sigh. "Fiiiine … what are they?"

"First of all, if I change my mind at any time for whatever reason — that's it. We stop immediately. Understand?"

Auugh. I wish England would at least get in the bed to lecture me. It was weird with him still standing in the middle of the room like that. Especially being almost naked.

"Now, also …" England's voice grew even more nervous. "S-since this is my first time and I don't know what I'm doing … and you obviously do …"

Oh yeeeeah. England knows I got game.

"I would like you … to lead."

I sat up. "You mean top?"

"I-if you think that's best …" Pffft, England's face was so red. "I mean, you know more about this than I do. It seems best that you do … you know … the work."

I always assumed I'd top anyway. Or at least I mean, I'd be the one putting it in him. But my dreams of England riding me like a horsey were all but dashed! D': Oh well … maybe in time, I could put those muscles to use and we'd go NEEEEIGH NEEEEEIGH together all night long, hehe.

"Is that okay?" asked England.

"Absofruitly!"

England took a deep breath. "The last thing is fairly simple … I just ask that you're gentle with me."

"Yeah, yeah," I replied, waving him off. "You're not the first person's virginity I've taken, I know the drill."

England stared back at me. And not in a happy way. Crap, maybe I shouldn't have said that. He probably doesn't want to think of me like that. Like he's just one in a line of many. He probably wants this to be all special and crap. Oops …

"R-right …" he finally said.

Aaaawkward~

So England finally got into the bed with me. He sat down and appeared to be thinking about something. "We do it on top of the covers, right? Or do I need to turn down the blankets?"

"Pfft," I cracked up. "Dude, you are way overthinking this."

"Hmmph! I just want to make sure I do it right." Suddenly his eyes widened. "Oh, I almost forgot! Get out of here, you all." He waved his hands like he was shooing something away. "Go on … I'll come and find you when I'm finished. No, don't give me that look. It's not going to work this time. Go on."

… the heck?

"Flying Mint Bunny, you get out of here this instant!"

Oh. England and his delusions. Wow, he even thinks about them before sex? Maybe I did bag myself a freak after all …

"Finally," said England. "All of them are gone. I didn't want them to watch. That would be awkward."

This is already awkward … and he just made it even more by talking about his imaginary friends right before getting it on.

Then again, I shoo my pets out of the bedroom before sexy times too. Well, usually. Sometimes I forget and while I'm pounding away I hear my whale in the background making all these confused noises like "MOOOO? !" and I'm like jeez shut up I'm busy over here you need to GTFO go eat some krill or something, ugh.

"All right, now that that's done …" began England with a shaky voice. "I suppose I just … lie down? Does it matter if I lie on my back or my stomach?"

"Not really — it's up to you."

"Oh … all right."

You know … somehow talking it out like this, takes all the sexiness out of it. I didn't even have a boner! Not a full one, anyway. I was like … just a little hard. Like I felt some twitches down there when I got to see England almost naked. Because I was like awww yeeeah. Show me some skin, baby. Pale and pasty. Just how I like it, unf. But the awkwardness was dampening my erection! And not the good kind of dampening of erections. Like, actually getting it damp and wet. I meant dampen like it was stifling it :(

England fluffed his pillow, then lie down on his back. Took him a minute to get situated, but then he quit squirming around. "I think I'll do it this way."

I grabbed the bottle of lube I'd left there from last night. It was on the nightstand. "Okay. So you're good?"

England's eyes were locked on the lube. "Um … is this going to hurt? I mean, I understand it usually does the first time, but I'm just curious what I'm in for …"

"Uhh …"

"How big are you?"

"UHHH …"

Crap. What do I say to that? ! I don't wanna scare him! Then he'll be nervous and tense up and it will definitely hurt a lot then! Or worse, he'll puss out and I won't get laid at all! And how I do say how big I am? There's no good answer to that! If I say I'm small he might be less scared of pain, but OUCH to my pride, dude! I'm not saying I have a small dick! But if I say it's big, he'll get scared! It's a Catch-25. 28? No, 21. Nailed it.

"I'm … uh … average sized?"

England was looking between my legs. Trying to sneak a peek at my package through my boxers. "Okay …"

:I

"Just try to relax," I told him. "It'll hurt less if you're not all tensed up."

England took a deep breath, then slowly exhaled. "I'm trying. It's just that a million thoughts are going through my mind at once."

"Me too."

LOL I think he believed me. I had only two thoughts in my mind. SMEX, of course. And whatever happened to the Noid? Y'all remember him? He was red and had big ears like a rabbit and he was always messing up Domino's pizzas? I mean, I guess it's a good thing we don't hear about him anymore, since he hurt pizza and all. But still. I hope nothing bad happened to him …

I grabbed the top of England's boxers. His face was burning red, looking away, as I slowly slid them down.

I pulled them all the way down and off, then tossed them on the floor. I tried to be all nonchalant as to not make England more nervous, but I couldn't help but immediately look.

Oh.

England wasn't hard either :/

I guess because he was nervous. Welp I guess it's my job to get him in the mood …

I popped the top of the lube bottle. "You ready?"

England's eyes widened. "You're … you're gonna put it in already?"

"No, I'll finger you first."

England sighed out of relief. "Oh … okay." Then he tensed again. I guess he was thinking about me putting my fingers inside him.

"It's gonna feel weird," I said as I poured some lube in my hand. Then I rubbed it between my fingers. "But you'll get used to it."

England's eyes followed my hand as I set the lube bottle back on the nightstand. "Understood," he replied.

Damn this was awkward …

I sat on my knees between his legs. He spread them a little wider so I had plenty of room. With one hand, I spread his ass cheeks open a bit more. With the other, I rubbed against his entrance with one finger. I could feel him twitching against me. I applied more pressure, and slowly slid in.

England's eyes were practically bulging off his face. He was watching all this, looking very interested even though he was nervous. He watched me push in my finger all the way.

"You good?" I asked when he didn't say anything and that was awkward.

"Um … yes," he replied with a shaky voice. "It doesn't hurt. It just feels … odd."

I pulled back the finger until it was almost all the way out, then pushed it back in. England trembled when I did that. He was shaking like a vibrator.

"It's okey," I said. "Just relax."

England nodded. "I'm okay. Keep going."

So I slid in the second finger. The lube was starting to dry on it so I needed to hurry up! When I pushed it in, England grunted and his butt popped up off the bed for a minute. Like he was arching. But then he breathed out and plopped back down.

"Simmer down," I said.

I started working the two fingers inside him. Slowly thrusting them in and out, spreading the lube inside. He kept squirming and gasping. Like he couldn't catch his breath. But I also kept hearing him take deep breaths like he was trying to control it, and it just went back and forth like that.

"Does it hurt?" I asked.

"It's uncomfortable," he replied, his voice shaky. "But I wouldn't say painful. It just feels like … a lot of pressure." He tensed again, gritting his teeth as I thrust inside him. But then he forced himself to relax. "A-A lot of pressure."

I looked down at him. Lying beneath me, completely naked, blushing from his face all the way down to his chest. Trembling and twitching. And … still flaccid.

The crazy part? I wasn't all that hard either :/

I pulled my fingers out of him. And wiped them on the sheets. "England …"

His eyes had been squeezed shut for the last minute or so. He opened them and looked at me. "Yes?"

"I don't think this is working."

"This isn't how it's supposed to be?"

"Not really."

I sighed and flopped beside him. I lay on my side, still wiping lube off on his bed.

"What's wrong?" asked England, rolling over on his side to face me.

"We're supposed to be all over each other," I said. "All excited and eager and you know … horny. I mean, neither of us even has a full erection!"

England glanced away. "I did think it felt rather unnatural. But I assumed it was because I didn't know the difference. But it shouldn't be that way?"

"No."

He sighed, letting his eyes flutter shut. "You know … this wasn't how I pictured my first time to be. I had a lot of fantasies … none of them were like this."

"Yeah?" I asked. "Tell me about them."

"Ohhh … they're rather embarrassing."

"Dude, you're lying naked beside me from the most awkward foreplay OF ALL TIME. What else do you have to lose?"

"Ha," he chuckled nervously. "I suppose you're right. Well, one of them … and don't you laugh! I had a fantasy that my first time would be at the Stonehenge. Being laid down in the plush grass there between the stones, or perhaps being pinned up against one of them, hell maybe even climbing on top of one and doing it there, I don't know, it was always an idea of mine—"

"HAHAHAHA!"

England's eyes sprang open. "GIT!" he said as he playfully smacked me.

"Haha, sorry, that is just so funny to me." I mean, the Stonehenge? Really? You don't see me banging people on top of Mount Rushmore or Plymouth Rock or Fraggle Rock. "Besides, that would suck. Outdoor sex kinda blows."

England looked surprised. "It does?"

"I mean, any sex is good sex. Not like I'd turn it down because of that. But it's a real hassle outside sometimes. It's dirty and annoying and you always gotta worry about someone seeing you." I LOL'd a little. "This one time, I did it outside, and I accidentally rolled onto an ant hill! And they weren't the nice kinda ants like in that movie A Bug's Life, they were FIRE ANTS! Haha, oh lawd, we didn't even get to finish I was crying so much — uh, I mean, in so much pain, haha. I didn't cry."

"Wow … I didn't think about things like that. Now that you mention it, I suppose it isn't very practical, what with the dirt and twigs, and whatever else is out there …"

I grinned at him. "Tell me another one of your virgin fantasies."

"You'll just laugh again!"

"Just do it!"

He sighed. "Fine. Well, you know how I've always been fond of the sea. One of my fantasies was that for my first time, I would take a long walk on the beach, and then someone would lay me down in the sand, by the water, and we'd do it as the waves came crashing over us, thrusting to the same rhythm as them along with nature, making love as the sun beamed overhead and dolphins chirped in the background …"

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

I LOL'd everywhere.

"Shut up!" shouted England.

"Dude, that's so GAY! And CLICHÉ! And … dolphins? Really? You wanna hear them screaming EEEEEEEEE EEEEEEE in the background as you get it on? PFFFT!"

"You are such a twat."

"Beach sex blows! I've done it there before and … ugh. You get sand in all your nooks and crannies. If ya know what I mean!"

England made a face. "Ugh …"

"Yeah, it's gross. Plus there's little rocks in the sand and they scrape you up, and you get salt water in your mouth, and you can't use the waves for a rhythm — it's too slow. And dude … I got sunburn EVERYWHERE."

"I didn't think about all that …"

"How do you get sunburn on your taint? ! I dunno, but I did one time, haha! That was a sobering dose of reality to rub aloe vera down there …"

"Why must you ruin my fantasies? !" asked England.

"I'm just telling you the truth!"

"I hesitate to even tell you my last one. Especially since it was my favorite …"

"Aw, come on. Please do!" I want the lulz …

England fiddled with the edge of his pillow. "I had this fantasy of losing my virginity in the cockpit of a B-17 Flying Fortress."

"HAHAHA — wait, what?"

"You heard me," he said sternly.

The gears were slowly turning in my head. Waaaait a minute … "But that's … that's an American plane. The kind I flew during WW2."

"Yes."

And then it clicked. "Wait! Are you saying your fantasy for your first time was with me? Your FAVORITE fantasy?"

England blushed even harder. "… yes. In your plane."

England wanted me since WW2? ! And kept me waiting all this time? ! Y'ALL KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE WAITING!

"That. Is. Awesome."

England looked really embarrassed. "Heh …"

"Buuuuut … plane sex sucks too."

"You've done it there? !"

"Mmmyep. Not so great. It's all cramped and there's no place to really move around too much and there's no good ventilation and the SOUNDS are just so loud you can't even hear sexy noises or moans or anything. Definitely not an ideal place for banging."

England shook his head. "You have taken all the fun out of my fantasies."

"I'm just being real, yo," I said. "The bed really is the best place to do it." I hesitated. "Well, the couch is good too. Or on a table or desk or something. Or even against the wall if you got good balance. But for your first time, the bed is definitely the best place for it!"

"You are so daft." There's that word again … "America, I am trying to tell you I did want you to be my first. Are you an idiot?"

"You're the idiot! If you wanted my hot bod why didn't you just ask? !"

"It was too intimating! I knew you … well, got around. And you being so much younger than me … it was too much pressure. I didn't think you'd want someone so … inexperienced."

"You dummy. I wouldn't have cared."

England smiled at me. "Come here."

And then he leaned over and kissed me. A chaste, virginal kiss. On the lips, but not open mouthed.

Well, I was gonna change that, hehe. I kissed back, encouraging him to open his mouth. He didn't seem to get the hint at first but I kept pressing my tongue until he finally parted his lips and let me slip inside.

And then we were totally making out. As soon as I starting moving my tongue all up his mouth, he got braver, and was giving it right back to me. Something came over both of us and we just went at it like horny schoolkids. It got hot and heavy and we both moaned into the kiss.

"Mmm," I said into his mouth.

I felt him grasp at me. Like he was trying to reach for my clothes to pull me, but I wasn't wearing any except the boxers. I got the hint though. That he wanted me to climb back on top of him.

So I did~

I crawled back on top of him so that I was straddling over him. The whole time I didn't break the kiss because I'm good like that. We were still going at it when I felt England's hands again. This time they were trying to grab at my boxers. He was trying to push them down.

But he couldn't quite reach very good.

So with one of my hands, I reached down and tugged them off. I finally had to break the kiss as I shimmied out of them.

Both of us were panting as I tossed them aside.

Things were a little different now. I was hard as a pet rock. Y'all remember them things? I had one named Rocky back in the 70's. It was so sad when he got hit by a car :(

I glanced down. England was hard too.

"You sure you wanna do this?" I asked. As if his boner didn't speak for itself. Just wanted to be sure!

England just smiled and nodded.

"Okey~" I quickly grabbed another squirt of lube and rubbed it on my cock. Ahh. Nice and slick, just like a Slip & Slide!

I kissed him one more time. Our lips were still pressed together as I entered him. The tip of my cock slowly pushed inside him. I did it all gently and crap like he wanted. Little by little it disappeared inside of him. He gasped into my mouth, squirming, but I gently kissed him back to try to calm him down.

Finally, I got it all the way in. I ran out of cock and was balls deep inside him.

I pulled my face back, breaking the kiss. "You okay?"

England was squeezing his eyes shut. He forced them to open but still grimaced. "Umm … it hurts a little …" He saw me frown and quickly added, "B-but it's all right. Keep going. Just … gently."

I was as gentle as a lamb. BAAAAAAA!

So I started a slow, rocking rhythm. I really wanted to just plunge in and fuck the hell out him, but I held back because I'm a pretty cool guy and I'm not gonna do that to him on his first time. There will be time for that later hopefully ;)

Though it was hard to resist! England was hella tight! So tight hgghhh … it was definitely obvious England was a virgin! So much pressure on my cock ajasjlaskjdlaq …

It's probably a good thing I had to go slow or else I probably would have cum already just from how tight he was! Couple good hard thrusts and I would have gone SPLOOOODGE everywhere.

… probably shouldn't have admitted that.

England was taking a lot of deep breaths. I could tell he was trying to relax. Though he still would involuntarily gasp a lot on certain thrusts too.

"Doing okay?" I asked.

England nodded. "Y-yes," he replied. "It's … kind of nice."

"Mmm."

"I appreciate you being gentle."

This was weird. I wasn't used to having sex this way. I was used to some CRAZY sex. Like random quickies in the JC Penny's supply closet or sneaking a BJ under the table at Chipotle's while I ate my burrito or taking a gamble in a dirty bathroom and trying out that glory hole. I hope the janitors clean those things …

But this was way different. This was all sweet and gentle. And in an actual bed. And while a bed was my preference, it's just not what I'm used to.

Suddenly, England arched. "Do it there again …" he gasped. "Ah … no … a little farther back …" He was squirming under me like crazy. "A little more … ah, FUCK …"

"Here?" I thrust to where he was trying to get me to go.

"Nngh … yes. Right there."

So I aimed for that spot. England did too. I could tell while he was squirming he was trying to angle himself just right.

"Ohhhh …" he moaned. "Yes … keep going …"

"Okay~"

"Right there … yessssss …." he hissed.

"Haha, wow, you're really liking it now, huh?" I panted. "You sure you're not faking? Only women can get away with that, hehe."

England cupped my face and smirked. It was pretty close to his. "What are you saying? That women fake their orgasms with you?"

"WHAT! No! I make them scream and moan and sometimes even squirt all over the place! I ROCK."

"Heh … do the same for me, would you?"

BOW CHICKA WOW WOW~

Third time's the charm!

Balancing myself on one arm, I gripped his cock. He gasped when I did that.

"Lookee what I found here …." I teased.

"Mmm …" England moaned, bucking into my hand.

"You want me to touch you?"

"Yes …"

"You suuuure?"

"YES!" he shouted desperately.

I was still gently banging him. So he must have been REALLY horny to want both so bad!

"Hehehehe …" I snickered as I started to stroke him. I stroked him faster than the rhythm I penetrated him with. It was like twice as fast. Thrust X2.

England arched into my hand. "Oh God …"

"See what you've been missing out on?"

England didn't respond. He was breathing really heavy. He grunted and clawed at my back. I bit my lip in pain when I felt them rake down along my skin. OUCH DUDE. But that's okey. I like scratch marks. I like to show them to people later and be like LOOK WHO GOT LAID LAST NIGHT! YOU JELLY? And they always are. I wear them scars proudly!

"Yes … yes … yes …" England chanted, squeezing his eyes shut.

I was thinking about Neosporin for those scratch marks when it happened. England arched again, making a choking sounding grunt. Then my hand felt hot and wet. I looked down and he was cumming.

I kept stroking him through it. Every last drop.

England trembled through his orgasm. He didn't say anything during, just made that strangled sound. Until every squirt was out of him, all over his stomach, all sticky and white, and he collapsed.

"Damn," I said with a big grin. "I'm good."

England sighed peacefully. He was covered in his own jizz but didn't even mind. It's hard to mind anything right after you come. "Pat yourself on the back why don't you?" he said sarcastically.

"I would but you scratched it all up!"

"Oh." He opened his eyes to meet mine. "Sorry. I was lost in the moment."

"Nah, it's cool."

I resumed thrusting. I hope you guys didn't forget about ME! I haven't cum yet. And I neeeeeded to. Watching England gasm all over the place almost made me pop right then and there. I was pretty darn close …

Just a few more thrusts and that was it. I jerked and trembled. England watched with a perverted curiosity as I emptied myself inside him.

"Ennnnnnggggg—"

I never finished his name. I kept dragging it out and finished cumming before I did. When it was over, I shuddered hard. That was a good gasm :D

I rolled off of him, to lay beside him.

"That was nice, America," said England, looking me in the eyes for once.

Nice? That's not normally what people say to me after sex. They usually say things like "Look what a mess you made" or "That didn't last very long" or "Bye I'll catch a cab" or "No I won't make you a sandwich." Nobody ever wants to make me a sandwich! :(

But England … was complimenting me? That's rare. Rare in that he normally never compliments me AND people usually don't say nice things to me after sex. I was caught off-guard.

"Umm … thanks?" I replied, all confused.

"No, thank you." He rested his head on my chest. "I was very nervous to do that. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."

'As bad'? Okay that's a little less of a compliment but whatever …

"You're welcome?"

"Though I must confess …" He was staring at the ceiling now. "What really made me change my mind."

"Hmm?" I was all sleepy. From a good bonin'.

"I really did intend to wait just a little while longer," he said. "But after you left me alone in the bedroom last night … alone with the lube and that … that metal thing, whatever it was …"

"Uh …"

"Well, um, this is rather embarrassing. But I tried it again."

"YOU DID WHAT? !"

England quickly sat up. I did too. "I-I-I was lonely! And horny! All I thought about was you, and that metal thing was the first sexual experience I ever had with someone else and even though it felt a bit uncomfortable I still felt a sexual thrill I'd never experienced before!"

"HOLY CRAP DUDE."

"I couldn't quite do it though …" he said, blushing. "I didn't know what I was doing. It just made me more desperate. More sexually frustrated. I just finished with my hand but I vowed that I would get you to show me how it actually works." He glanced to me with a hopeful look on his face. "Could we? You said something about clanging metal on it … could we try that?"

"Uh … WOW." I didn't know what to say! This was pure chaste virginal England we were talking about! Scared of riding crops and paddles because they're too sexy! And he wants to try SOUNDING? For only his SECOND time having sex? Usually stuffing your cock is what you do when you've had so much sex you can only get off on the crazy stuff …

"Well?" he asked.

"Um … yeah, I guess!"

"Brilliant."

WHAT HAVE I DONE? I've created a sexual deviant! D:

… that good or bad? :I

"I think we should do it after lunch," he said matter-of-factly. "Yes, after lunch would be splendid. Give us time to recharge."

"Umm … okay …"

"I'll make us sandwiches."

"OKAY!" I replied excitedly. Nobody ever made me a post-sex sandwich before! No matter how many times I'd asked for one. "AWESOME!"

"With a nine and half liter cup of Coke."

That's random. "… okay?"

He smirked at me. "That's 32 oz."

England knows me so well :'D

(The end!)