h I awoke feeling as though the everlasting boner was still with me…oh wait, I chose the sword. Oh well, it's still there. I sat up quickly and looked around the cliché starting beach, pretty sun, sand, everlasting erec…sorry, ocean, and a Hawaiian tossing his balls into Selphie the Slut with her leather whip that she likes to use on eager men like Tidus the Drowner.

I laid back down and immediately saw the cleavage of my girlfriend with her face in mine like a crazy stalker watching me sleep.

"Ah!" I jumped up immediately and turn around like I was in the doggy style position. This was the first time in this "amazing" story I do something homosexual. So I'm gonna say it right now; I'm not a fag.

"Oh, Sora, you lazy bum! I knew I'd find you snoozing out here! Why aren't you helping?"

"Shut the fuck up, ho! You gave us the idea but you haven't done shit. Me and Riku have moved trees to make this thing…"

She laughed slightly as though she thought I wasn't about to bitch slap her like Wakka would do to Selphie, and when Wakka hit Selphie, it wasn't to imitate but to procreate.

"Oh fine, I'll get up…" But right as I did I whispered, "Ho."

"I knew I was the only one working on the raft." My douche friend threw a log at me that I barely dodged.

"Dick!"

My douche friend, Riku, was in fact a true douche bag. Anymore of a douche bag then he could hold all the cum a whore like Selphie could hold in her massive vagina. He already had the cum of Tidus's wagina inside of him….yes….a wagina.

"I guess I should take a break, anyway," Riku said as though he was tired. He didn't do shit either (thanks to the crap I did with the raft, I still kick Riku's ass later).

"Come on, guys! Let's keep working on it." Kairi stood up straight and Riku sat down.

"Nah…"

"Shut up, ho."

"I'll race you," she said as though she didn't hear us.

Riku and I looked at her then ourselves.

"Ready! Go!"

I instinctively stood up with Riku and ran as fast as we could to the eastern side of the island. I looked back and saw Kairi laughing psychotically as though she were either about to murder us or rape us.

My eyes widened and I ran as fast I possibly could, feeling like I was about to die…

Three hours and a few level ups later, I brought a few logs, a rope, and a cloth back to Kairi, she gave me a beer with the name Potion and asked if I was ready to go home.

"Sure."

After everyone had left the island, Kairi, Riku, and I watched the sun set, not realizing that it was burning the image, quite literally, into the back of our minds.

"Do you ever think…"

I stopped Riku mid sentence.

"I'm not going through an emotional speech again…"

I walked back to my boat and rowed home saying, "Fuckin' cliches."