Until Then

by hye-kyo

Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.

Author's Notes: I watched the whole series last weekend in preparation for the live action coming this August (I am that excited!). And while watching I realized that there are just a few scenes dedicated to our OTP, of course every scene involves Kenshin and Kaoru but there are just a handful of scenes that explore their relationship. So anyway, I think of exploring those scenes more in this series. This collection will probably just have four or five installments. As for my other stories, Countdown will be updated this week as well as Falling Grace. There...I'm planning (and still planning, and you know what I mean when I say planing, of editing Mornings After).

So there you go, read and review!

Title: For Now

Rating: K

It had not really made sense to Kaoru the moment Kenshin knelt in front of her and asked for forgiveness, and her apparent confusion had caused him to speak more than she would have liked if she was more sober. If she had not emptied that mug of something yellow and weird tasting that Sano had said came from the West she would have immediately realized that what Kenshin meant all along was that the ring was never really for her, and that the meanings she had associated with it never really crossed his naïve mind. But she was never sober enough when it comes to things concerning Kenshin, she would have to remind herself to breathe and act normally whenever he was around, and she was more than drunk because of that draft beer Sano gave her, so when she realized what Kenshin meant she had some near heart and panic attack. She would have wanted him to stop explaining the minute realization struck her but she was of a weak mind and body and heard all that he had to say, even the unnecessary ones that caused more heartbreak for they were descriptions of the things he felt when he realized his blunder, words that went beyond the accidental way by which she got the ring, but the very fear he felt when he realized what giving a ring on Tanabata meant. When she realized he was scared of what it had implied and of what it could have caused, her heart broke a thousand times over and she lost consciousness.

When she came to she found herself in her room, a cup of water beside her beddings and she immediately felt thirsty, a queer kind of thirst that she had never really felt in all her life except when her father died many years ago, and sitting up, she took the cup and brought it against her lips, wanting to slake her thirst and realizing she could not. When she had emptied it she replaced it back on the little lacquer tray and tasted something salty in her mouth which seemed to grow bitter as she tried to wash it down by swallowing her own saliva and which taste seemed to grow stronger as the seconds passed by.

"Ah," she had exclaimed almost breathlessly, for air seemed hard to come by at this point in her life and she found herself feeling like a fish out of water, and briefly she wondered why there was something salty tasting on the water in her cup in the first place and thought that perhaps it was the result of her tears for she realized she had not stopped crying from the moment she blacked out to the moment she woke up.

"""

Kaoru had learned that the problem was resolved during the time she was unconscious— Sano and Yahiko had returned the ring to the owner and his fiancée who was beside herself with joy the moment she received the ring from the love-struck man. Tae-san had told her this, including the unwelcome use of lovey-dovey adjectives which caused her to feel jealous and anxious, feelings which she realized she had only felt when she met the rurouni. She had never felt so weak in her entire life and had never felt such strong need to wring someone's neck before. Tae-san had briefly gone out of her room to inform everyone that she would be treating them to a nice dinner at the Akebeko; she had informed Kaoru of this after she had informed everyone, the minute everyone was good to go so that Kaoru had dressed up while everyone was outside her sliding doors, including Kenshin, and begrudgingly she slid open the shoji a couple of minutes after she got dressed and stepped out into the cool night. The rurouni even had the audacity to say her name, "Kaoru-dono," which she did not bother to acknowledge.

To say that the trip towards the Akebeko was unpleasant was a bit of an understatement; even Yahiko, whose emotional quotient was greatly lacking, was sensitive enough not to say anything. Kaoru was building a little headache, probably a result from drinking something alcoholic earlier, that every sound seemed magnified and immensely annoying, even the weird noises Sano uttered when he tripped on a stone and had his ever-present fishbone accidentally stuck in his throat. She had tried very hard then to not scream her head off and pound everyone to ashes and storm away; Tae-san had gone out her way to invite them after all.

Tae-san had led them all to an unoccupied booth when they reached the Akebeko which, because of the lateness of the hour, is slightly empty, and had scurried away to prepare food. Everyone fell into an uncomfortable silence though Yahiko tried to break it once, even twice, with his jokes and Sano even joined but they nevertheless all hushed when she looked away and did not say anything.

Kenshin had suddenly stood up which prompted Sano and Yahiko to stand too, "Kaoru-dono," Kenshin began but immediately regretted doing so because Kaoru stood up too and said, "I'm leaving. Please tell Tae-san I'm sorry but I'm not feeling very well." She stepped down from the booth, slid her sandals, and without looking back at the three men, well Yahiko is not yet but he insists that he already is, looking at her.

"Kaoru-dono," Kenshin had caught hold of her hand and that slight touch caused her heart to do all sorts of somersaults in her chest such that her breath hitched a little and she felt a little dizzy. Her words got caught in her throat and without words to shield her and make her less vulnerable, she broke into tears.

"Kaoru!" it was Yahiko who rushed to her side and Sano who caught her from behind. She quickly pulled away and tried to rely on her own two feet to stand up but her knees betrayed her and her heart did too for her sobs did not dissipate, it looked like she would be crying the whole night, and the two boys who were holding her sat her down in the booth and gave her water until she calmed down.

"I'm sorry," Kaoru said between hiccups, her face red and her throat dry, "I am not feeling well, I would like to go home." She did not dare look at them lest her own eyes betray her, she was not so sure she was calm enough to face them. She was not really angry at them, if the feeling discussed is anger then surely she would point at herself as the object of her anger, they did not do anything wrong, Kenshin did not mean to trick her or make fun of her, considering everything, Kenshin too would qualify as a victim, he was not so familiar with what rings stand for anyway, just like his unfamiliarity with her feelings.

She was crying simply because she realized how wide the distance between them was, and he would forever be unreachable, and he is unreachable because of the sheer fact that she was Kaoru and not somebody else. If being Kaoru meant being unable to be with him, then perhaps what she ought to do was to change who she was, but that is impossible simply because it is not possible, just like how impossible most things are in the world.

"Stay here," Sano said, wrapping a haori of hers around her and he pulled Yahiko with him outside. Alone (the remaining customers had left, Tae-san has brought a glass of water and had left for the kitchen and, she suddenly noticed, Kenshin had gone too) she wondered idly how weak she had become. If she were to think that this moment is merely a passing phase, and like a rock, which form people see is actually the process it undergoes, for it will eventually dissolve and belong to the air, then perhaps in a later time, when she has become a much more attractive person, she would meet someone that would look at her and only her and love her until they both die and dissolve into nothingness and be one with whomever created them. Right, she would have to think of this as a passing phase.

"Eat this," Tae had came back from the kitchen and placed a bowl of noodles in front of her. She gave her a handkerchief to wipe the traces of tears on her face and gave her a smile that wordlessly said everything will be alright. Kaoru knew she would try hard to make everything alright, she was not just so sure she could at this moment in time but perhaps eating, she had taken a glance at the udon noodles Tae-san had placed on the table, could probably convince her to try and make everything alright.

Kaoru had always resorted to eating in times of distress; she was optimistic, but contrary to what most people think about her, she was also practical. There is no use in crying over spilled milk, though she had cried over Kenshin's lack of response towards her rather unconventional proposal, because if one thinks about, it was really her who proposed and not Kenshin, she was quick to understand the reason and with the reason being her, and with changing herself as a solution already out of the question, then perhaps it was time to move on and not bother him anymore. Besides it would only create unnecessary heartaches for her, and she was not really very good in dealing with heartaches.

But all her decisions, including the idea of putting up a wall to shield herself from all the heartaches she might encounter in the future, came tumbling down when Kenshin walked in holding a bouquet of flowers. Though many saw her as a bit unladylike, a bit is certainly an understatement, she was still the type of girl, she admitted, who blushes because of flowers.

"Kaoru-dono," he said, peering at her face, his amethyst eyes reflecting her eyes reflecting him, "This unworthy one is sorry, that I am. For now, please accept this," and he stressed, "For now."

She would have liked to ask what he meant by stressing the words for now but it suddenly seemed so out of the place in that moment. She blushed, like the girl that she knew she was, she blushed some more if that was even possible and hesitantly accepted the flowers he offered. She wanted to tell him then to take care of her, to treat her more specially, to recognize her importance but she realized she could not for this was Kenshin and Kenshin is not in love with her the way she is with him, at least for now, she would like to think that that was what he meant. She nevertheless accepted and placed the flowers beside her, scooped some noodles into her mouth just to do something, for she could not think of anything else to do for her hands were trembling. Blushing, she whispered, "I'll accept this…for now."

Her heart fluttered the moment he broke into a smile, and he sat down, taking the space beside the flowers, the flowers separating yet connecting them and he said words that planted seeds of hope in her heart and urged her to not stop loving him yet for there is still time, and there are still days that will be shared between them and probably kisses too, and until then she has to wait and let him love her in ways he knew and understood how, until then.

"Yes. For now."

A/N: This fic is unedited, as with my other fics. Anyway, this is a new writing style I'm trying to explore, so I hope you liked it (please look past the grammar mistakes, which I know are many). Thank you!