"There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down"
- "Look After You" - The Fray

Cooper and Blaine are ten and six when their mother passes away. Though Blaine is young, he still somewhat understands what it means when Cooper tells him one day that she's very, very sick. It's a late night in April when Blaine says goodnight to her without knowing that it'll be his last time doing so.

Cooper stays up late that night, aware that everything might not be okay – even though she keeps insisting that it will be. Blaine sleeps peacefully in the corner of the hospital room while Cooper sits at their mother's side, holding her hand.

"I know your dad might not always show it," She says softly, smiling at Cooper, "But he loves you. He loves you both very much."

Cooper nods, teary eyed, "I know, mom."

"Just be patient with him, okay honey?" She requests.

"I will." Though Cooper isn't really sure what her request means, he agrees.

She then glances across the room to her younger son who is still peacefully curled up in the chair and smiles at Cooper. "Take care of your brother, Cooper. He loves you and he's going to need you."

He nods, "I will."

He falls asleep holding her hand that night and almost sleeps throughout the night, only woken up when nurses come rushing in the room suddenly at four in the morning and kick him and Blaine out. Cooper stands outside the door holding onto his little brother who is crying in his arms, and he knows what is happening by the look on his dad's face.

"What's going on Coop?" Blaine sobs, looking up from where his head is buried in his shirt. "Is mom okay?"

Cooper's heart lurches painfully in his chest. He strokes his brother's curls softly, her voice ringing in his ears as he tries to think of the right thing to say to Blaine.

Take care of your brother, Cooper.

"Everything is going to be fine," He murmurs, holding Blaine close.

When Blaine is in the seventh grade, he realizes just how serious the fights that his dad and Cooper get into are. Ever since their mother died, there has been tension between his older brother and their father. He's heard the yelling before, but it's never been this bad. He's sitting in his room, doing homework when he hears his father yelling at the top of his lungs at Cooper downstairs. He wants to go down there, he really does, but he remembers something Cooper told him when he was eight –

Never go downstairs when you hear me and dad fighting. I'll take care of it.

It isn't until he hears his older brother running up the stairs and slamming the door that he gets worried. He hears his father throwing around a few things downstairs, and when the yelling and violence finally subsides, he sneaks out of his room and across the hall to Cooper's.

He knocks softly a couple of times on the door. He can hear a muffled sob from inside the room before Cooper yells, "Leave me alone!"

"Coop?" Blaine asks, his voice quiet. As soon as the word leaves his mouth, he hears Cooper crossing the room quickly. The door then flies open and he's met with his big brother standing on the other side, eyes red from crying.

He wipes his nose with the sleeve of his hoodie before straightening his posture and asking, "What do you want, Blaine?"

Blaine feels small when Cooper talks to him like this, and he immediately feels like the scared six year old sitting in the hospital room, unsure of what he could do to fix things. "I- I just wanted to know if you're okay."

Cooper's body quickly relaxes when he sees the worried look on his twelve year old brother's face, and he opens the door wider, "Come in." Blaine obeys and Cooper quickly shuts and locks his bedroom door behind him. He sits on his bed and motions for Blaine to sit with him.

"Are you alright?" Blaine asks again, worried. It makes his heart ache, seeing his brother like this and he wishes there was something he could do about it.

Cooper wipes his own tears away quickly, "Yeah, I'm okay…"

"What happened?" Blaine asks, still worried.

"It's complicated…" Cooper says, glancing toward the door and wondering if their dad is still as livid as he was ten minutes ago. "Let's just say dad isn't really the most open-minded person in the world." Blaine raises an eyebrow at him in confusion and Cooper just half-smiles in return, "I'm alright, Blaine."

Blaine wants to believe him – he really does – but the look on his brother's face has him worried. He feels an unfamiliar ache in his chest because he knows he can't cheer Cooper up. He can't make things better. He's sure that if he keeps prying, Cooper will just reply with something like I'll tell you when you're older or you're too young to understand, so instead he just wraps his arms around his brother's middle and nuzzles his face into his chest. "Well, I still love you."

And he means it.

By his freshman year in high school, Blaine has known for a while that he doesn't like girls. Well, he likes them – he has plenty of friends that are girls – but he doesn't like them the way he's supposed to. He contemplates for a while whether or not he should tell his dad and decides against it. From the homophobic comments that he makes at Cooper every once in a while at the dinner table, he assumes that he wouldn't be very open-minded about it.

When he decides to tell Cooper, it's like something inside of him clicks and he doesn't know why.

He and his brother are on their way to get coffee one weekend when Blaine decides to tell him. He's not sure exactly what to say and he's not sure exactly how Cooper is going to respond, but he needs to get it out and remembers Cooper telling him once that he could tell him anything – no matter what.

"Can I tell you something?" Blaine asks, glancing nervously at his brother.

"Of course," Cooper replies cheerfully, smiling back at him. His smile fades, though, when he sees the look on Blaine's face. "Is everything okay?"

Blaine catches himself staring at his brother for one reason or another and shakes himself quickly out of his daze when he realizes that he's waiting for an answer, "Yeah, everything's fine… just- you promise not to judge me?"

Realizing that it's going to be a serious conversation, Cooper pulls the car over without warning, causing the car behind them to honk loudly as they speed by. Thankfully, they're on some side road and there isn't much traffic. "Blaine," Cooper says, turning off the engine and shifting in his seat to look at him, "I've told you before and I'll say it again: you can tell me anything. I know I might not be around as much as I was in high school because of my college classes, but that doesn't mean I'm not here for you, okay?"

Blaine nods, "Okay."

"So what's on your mind, bud?"

"Well, I… There's not really an easy way to say this," He swallows hard, nervous because he's never actually said it out loud yet, "I uh… I'm gay."

When Cooper just stares at him, wide eyed, Blaine immediately regrets his decision. "Or at least, I think so," He backtracks, "I mean-"

"Stop," Cooper says sternly, causing Blaine to jump. His tone then softens, "Don't second guess yourself. If that's who you are, you shouldn't be ashamed to tell me so."

"Well you didn't say anything and I didn't know…" Blaine trails off because suddenly Cooper is holding his hands and their faces are mere inches apart. He can feel his heart pounding in his ears and he's not sure why, but part of him doesn't mind it. Cooper smells like cologne and spearmint gum and he feels this warmness in his chest when he breaths his scent in in. He almost forgets what they're talking about until Cooper speaks again.

"I love you, Blaine," He says, smiling, "No matter what. I don't care if you like girls or boys or both or neither. I'll love you no matter what, okay?"

Blaine suddenly feels tears welling up in his eyes and he nods quickly, "Okay."

"C'mere," Cooper says softly before pulling him into an awkward hug over the center console. Though he's happy for his little brother, his face is serious when they pull apart. He remembers a conversation that he had with their father a couple of years ago, and he doesn't want Blaine to go through the same thing. "Just don't tell dad," He warns, "I want you to be able to be yourself and be proud of it, but he's not quite as… accepting."

Blaine nods, somewhat understanding, though Cooper has never really mentioned his own sexuality before, "I know."

At that, Cooper straightens his posture and starts his car back up, "Alright. How about some coffee?"

It isn't until his junior year of high school that Blaine realizes who exactly it is that he has feelings for.

By the time he's sixteen going on seventeen, Blaine is going to school at Dalton Academy. After the incident at the dance his sophomore year, Cooper convinces their father to send him there, even though it is expensive.

Thankfully, Cooper is the first one to the hospital that night, and he's the first to hear what exactly happened – that Blaine went to a dance with a boy and they got jumped afterward. He somehow manages to convince their dad that Blaine and the boy only went as friends. He feels this immediate instinct to protect his little brother, and that is exactly what he intends on doing.

"Don't worry," Cooper says softly, when Blaine asks if he knew, "I've got things under control." And he does, because his mom's voice is still in the back of his head, reminding him to take care of his little brother.

It's that night that Blaine feels this weird ache in his chest. He's felt it a few times over the years – when he came out to Cooper, when Cooper showed him how to tie a tie for school dances, when Cooper kissed him on the forehead and sent him on his way to school on his first day of high school. He only feels it when he's around Cooper.

He didn't feel it earlier that night when the boy he went to the dance with gave him as kiss before they walked out to his car.

He only feels it around Cooper, and at the hospital, he feels it when he sees him, crying and worried.

When he comes home from the hospital, Blaine is out of school for a few weeks, and while he's not busy with his own schoolwork, (which he keeps putting off) Cooper helps him around the house. The first week, Blaine feels handicapped. He has to ask for Cooper's help with literally everything, including showering. He puts it off for as long as he can (which is about two days because it's Blaine) before Cooper insists that he shower.

"I'll help you," Cooper says, smiling in that loving, big brother way, and Blaine can't say no. Once they're in the bathroom, Cooper helps Blaine rid himself of his shirt. He then grabs a bag from the kitchen and wraps it around the cast on Blaine's arm before glancing down at his sweatpants. "You know those have to come off, right?" He jokes when Blaine just stands there. The water in the shower is already running and hot and the bathroom is starting to steam up, but Blaine is still in his sweatpants that he's been wearing for days.

"I- well," Blaine stutters, nervous. He mentally kicks himself because he has no idea why he's nervous about getting naked in front of his own brother, "I can get it from here."

"Don't be ridiculous," Cooper says, grinning, "Blaine, I've seen you naked a million times. We used to take baths together when we were little, for Christ's sake. I'm not letting you fall and hurt yourself in there just because you suddenly don't want me to see you naked."

Blaine laughs, trying to calm his nerves. "Alright, alright." At that, his hand drops to the drawstring of his sweatpants. He undoes them as quickly as he can with one hand and slips them and his boxers off then stands there in front of his brother awkwardly. It isn't until he looks up that he realizes that Cooper is staring at him and he instantly feels blush creeping up his neck. That, and that ache in his chest that he seems to feel around Cooper more and more lately.

Cooper finally clears his throat and holds his hand out for Blaine to take. "Lets get you clean!" He jokes in a singsong voice.

It's toward the end of Blaine's junior year that he finally comes to terms with his feelings. His awkward moments with Cooper start becoming more and more frequent. Sometimes, he'll feel his heart race and his face will get hot just from brushing against Cooper in the hallway or trying to grab the box of cereal at the same time as him in the morning. He starts to realize that he doesn't feel that way around any other boys – not even ones that he finds attractive. He even gets a boyfriend for a short period of time in the middle of the school year, but they break up after Blaine realizes that there just isn't a spark.

Not like the spark he feels when he's around Cooper.

He knows it's wrong and he wants to shake the thought from his head as fast as he thinks it, but he can't.

He's known for quite a while that he's different from most of his friends, even The Warblers, but he didn't want to admit it was like this. He tries to talk himself out of it for a while. He decides that maybe he feels the way he does around Cooper because he never really had a mother figure. Cooper has taken care of him for so long, Blaine tries to convince himself that maybe he feels the way he does because his brother is the closest thing to a mother he'll ever get again.

But he knows that's not it, either.

He doesn't want to say it out loud, (Hell, he doesn't even want to think it) but with each day that goes by, his feelings get stronger and harder to ignore. He doesn't want to admit it, but he knows that he has some sort of feelings toward his brother. Feelings that he knows he shouldn't have.

At first, Blaine wants to die. He feels like being sick. In fact, when he finally says it out loud, that's exactly what he does. He's sitting at his desk in his room, trying to concentrate on his homework but his mind just keeps repeating Cooper, Cooper, Cooper, you like Cooper, and it's all he can think. Finally he sets his pencil down, toying with the idea before whispering "You like Cooper."

He immediately feels sick to his stomach and rushes out of his room to the bathroom and barely makes it to the toilet before throwing up. As if on cue, there's a knock on the bathroom door. "You okay?" It's Cooper's voice, soft and concerned on the other side, and it's the last voice that Blaine wants to hear.

"I'm fine!" He calls back and cringes at his tone because it sounds rude. He doesn't want it to, but he can't help it.

"O-okay," Cooper says softly back, "Just let me know if you need me."

And there it is again, that warm, aching feeling in his chest.

Thankfully, Blaine doesn't puke anymore, and when he's sure that Cooper is no longer standing outside the door, he returns quietly to his room.

"This is so fucked up," He mutters to himself, sitting back down in his chair. He wants to say that he's imagining things – that there has to be some other boy out there that makes him feel the things that Cooper does – but he knows that's not the case.

He mindlessly opens up his laptop as he sits there and types google into the address bar. He stares at the website's home page for a good ten minutes, scared to type anything in because once he does, it's going to feel too real. So he stares at the webpage until he has the guts to type something into the search bar.

Taking in a deep breath, Blaine finally lays his fingers over the keyboard and types in the word "incest".

The first words that stand out to him before even clicking on any links are crime and abuse. "Great," He mumbles under his breath, "As if I didn't already feel like shit."

He then decides to click on the first link, which happens to be Wikipedia, and immediately regrets it. There's a section called between childhood siblings, which he clicks on, and it only makes him feel worse. "The most commonly reported form of abusive sibling incest is abuse of a younger sibling by an older sibling," He reads out loud to himself, "Great, I'm even the minority when it comes to this…"

He reads a couple more articles that basically tell him the same thing – that he is attracted to his brother because they have a dysfunctional family life. Though he admits that yeah, their family isn't perfect, he doesn't want that to be the reason that he has feelings for Cooper. Cooper, his perfect, smart, caring and beautiful older brother. Maybe he's being sentimental, but he doesn't want an excuse. He wants an explanation. He wants something he can relate to. Something that tell him that it's okay – that he's not fucked up.

Finally, after searching through page after page of odd and downright offensive articles, Blaine finds one that he can bear reading. The article quotes someone who says, "You can't help who you fall in love with, it just happens."

At the words, Blaine's heart leaps.

Love.

After reading a dozen or so articles, the last one is the only one that stands out to him. The other articles quote lawmakers and professors and psychologists saying that what he feels is wrong, abusive and criminal. With just one quote from an unnamed person who mentions love, Blaine suddenly feels somewhat better because someone out there feels how he feels.

He loves Cooper. He knows it's probably wrong, and Cooper most likely doesn't feel the same way, but in that moment, he doesn't mind because he's finally figured it out – why he feels the way he does when he steals a glance at his older brother or brushes hands with him in the car.

He loves Cooper.