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You guys, I can't believe all of you love this fic so much. I just don't know what I'd do without all of you. What this fic would be without you. I really thank you for all the inspiration and drive you guys give me, 'cause if you guys have hope in this fic, then so will I. I wonder if any of you guys are still reading this, haha!

Watch Me Remember

By Curiosity Killed Kristy

[Chapter 14: Nothing]

I stared at the phone.

Bewildered.

Angered.

And saddened.

"Grimmjow?"

The phone continued to blink back at me.

I could hear Starrk's shallow breaths on the other side.

"Yeah. I know it's gonna hurt…reallyhurt, but… When I think about all the time and effort I put into this, and how beautiful my baby will look when I finally hold her… I don't get scared anymore."

I swallowed.

"Grimmjow?" Ichigo asked again. Draped his arm around my shoulders, and stared at the phone number.

Bit my lip. Could taste the iron.

"I'll be there," I told Starrk.

The line went dead.

XXXX

Ichigo had repeatedly asked questions.

What's going on?

Is someone hurt?

Who is it?

But I was too wrapped up in my thoughts that I couldn't answer him.

We tugged on the nearest clothes we could find. Forgot about breakfast.

Skipped a taxi, and jogged all the way to the hospital.

When the doors slid apart, the smell of alcohol assaulted my senses.

Made me wanna gag.

The whiteness of the room making me wanna punch someone so that their blood could stain it.

But I pushed through. Rushed to the receptionist.

And even when she didn't have anything else to do but file her fucking ugly-ass nails, she didn't turn her attention back to us even after a minute had passed.

I felt someone tug at my shirt.

Whipped my head to see that Ichigo was pulling.

"Grimmjow, I think your boss is over there. I saw him just a while ago," he informed.

And we rushed there.

Legs on autopilot.

Minds a scatter.

Hearts on near cardiac arrest.

Starrk rose from his chair when he saw us from a distance.

Hal, Yoruichi, and Mila-Rose sat beside him. The third sister patted Lily's sobbing head.

I bit my lip, unable to express my worry.

Oblivious to what I should do.

Starrk patted my shoulder. Shook his head, as if to say, "Don't sweat it. We don't know what to do either."

He just cocked his head to the room next to his chair.

Ichigo prodded at my back.

I stared at him.

He nodded at me.

Go on.

And I did.

The door felt cold as it touched my fingertips.

Hinges creaking.

The hiccups of Lily causing my heart to ache.

And then I saw her.

Lying there.

IV drip in arm. Hair in disarray. Face sunken. And eyes dead.

"Grimmjow?" she asked.

And it was different.

It wasn't bright. Hopeful.

It was dry. Lacking of life. Miserable.

I closed the door behind me.

She sat up.

Rubbed at her red eyes.

And smiled at me.

It pissed me off.

"I guess… I'm not having the baby after all," she laughed shakily.

My fingers tucked into themselves.

Immediately, I was at her side.

Tucked her fragile body to me.

And held her there.

"Don't fucking smile at me that way. If you're upset, then cry."

She paused.

Her lips quivered.

And…

She did.

And it was painful, like a syringe poking at the tubes of a heart.

She grappled at my chest.

Lost.

Hurt.

And she held onto me, and I kept her there.

The tears never stopped.

Hiccups coming out every opportunity it could get.

"Grimm… what did I do? Did I do something wrong?"

She relentlessly asked me this.

What did I do?

What did I do?

What did I do?

I told her.

"You did nothing."

And that was the saddest confession I'd ever made.

XXXX

Lily slept beside her sister.

Eyes equally as red.

Starrk and the others had gone back to continue work.

And Ichigo and I stayed.

I had insisted that Ichigo just return home.

But he was a stubborn bastard like always.

"Grimm, I want to be here for this girl," he had said.

And I just couldn't refuse him.

Ichigo's head rested on my shoulder.

We listened to the two sisters sleeping.

Attempted to lull ourselves to sleep.

But we both knew we wouldn't be getting any tonight.

"Ichigo," I began.

He raised his head from my shoulder.

"Yeah?"

I sighed. Paused to think. Looked at him.

"Do you think that… Nel- do you think she did this to herself?"

He blinked at me. Let it process in his mind.

And shook his head.

"No… I don't."

I bit my lip, rotating the words in my head a few times.

It was the answer I had been looking for, but that's why it was so hard to accept.

I stood to my feet. Ichigo's eyes followed my every movement.

But somehow, he knew.

And he didn't stop me as I slid the door to the side.

"Grimmjow," he called out softly. I didn't look at him. "Please… don't do anything reckless."

I exhaled, and closed my eyes. "I'll try."

That was the best I could come up with, tugging on the sleeves of my jacket.

All I could think about was how sorry I was.

How sorry I was for Nel.

For the baby.

For Lily.

For everyone who cared.

And I was sorry for Ichigo.

Because I was leaving him again, and the realization made me even guiltier.

But this time, I would be returning.

I promised myself this as I exited the hospital, my feet padding against concrete.

XXXX

I searched everywhere.

Asked everyone.

And I had next to nothing even after all that.

So I looked in the only place I knew.

In the same alleyway I first met him.

I knew it was far-fetched, but I had to try.

I grew even more restless when there was nothing there, despite knowing that this would be the outcome.

And then I saw him.

A few feet off.

Smoking it up with a few of his buddies. Smiling it up. Living it up.

I felt the anger flare inside me, and all those months of learning how to control my anger, all those teachings from Starrk were gone.

I lunged myself through the throng, and I grabbed him by the collar, shaking his lanky body.

"You!" I seethed.

I threw him to the ground, and his group dispersed to watch from a distance.

"What the fuck-"

"You fucking did this!" I punched him, drawing blood from the first blow.

He struggled against my hold, yanking at my hand, but I was merciless.

I couldn't see anything but his blood, and his face, and my fist.

I only stopped to wrench more information from him.

Slammed him against a brick wall.

"Tell me you fucking did it!"

He heaved against my hold, his face deformed, and jaw so blue that it rivaled that of my hair.

After he mustered enough breath, he looked me in the eye and spoke. "I fucking did it."

He said it with no remorse. Emptiness.

It had nothing.

Nothing.

I punched him again. Felt the sting behind my eyes before I could control it.

But I held it in.

Pummeled all the pain I felt on his face.

When my arms got tired, I resorted to kicking and kneeing, and when my legs got tired, I let him go.

I wasn't satisfied, even after how battered he was.

He needed to suffer more.

But he just laid there.

Spat out more blood.

"I didn't… want that fucking thing," he said, all broken words, but no broken heart.

My breathing intensified, fists refueling.

But I held it in.

I could hear the police coming, and I promised Ichigo I wouldn't do anything reckless.

"You had nothing to do with her," I began. "Nothing."

The sirens grew louder.

"She didn't ask for help. She did everything, while you were out sniffing your brains out on marijuana." I gritted my teeth. "She…" I felt my voice break. "She did nothing to deserve this bullshit. Not a fucking thing."

His friends had already vacated the area after calling for help.

Right now, so was I.

As I trudged my way back to the hospital, I cried.

I cried because it was all for nothing.

XXXX

I had to leave early in the morning for work.

And I was glad for it.

By the time I had gotten back the night before, Ichigo was fast asleep, along with the girls.

So I didn't have to answer any questions.

After everything that happened, I felt it was for the best.

Urahara noticed how disoriented I was, so he didn't say anything.

Yoruichi probably didn't tell him yet, and I wasn't going to be the one to do it.

That scene with Nnoitra repeated in my head last night, and even now, it still was.

I could imagine what he did to her.

He probably grabbed her.

Hid her in a secluded place.

And tortured her.

Punched her, only aiming at the stomach.

Because that was where the problem was.

Once the bleeding started, he would laugh.

He would think it was over.

But it wasn't.

When I heard the sound of glass breaking, I looked around wildly.

I realized that it had come from me.

I gingerly picked up the box with a ceramic cup inside, but Urahara didn't blame me for it.

He just told me to take a break.

But I refused.

I had to keep my mind preoccupied.

It wasn't working.

XXXX

After the sun had set, I couldn't get my mind to work right.

I knew I had to get home.

I knew I had Ichigo waiting.

But I didn't want him to see me this way.

So I sat down in the lounge. Breathed in and breathed out.

I rubbed at my tired eyes.

Pulled at my hair.

But it had no effect.

The door opened.

I looked up, and it was Urahara.

He had two hot cups.

"Who's manning the register?" I asked.

He placed the cup in front of me.

"Ururu. She just got back."

I nodded for lack of conversation.

Stared at my reflection, and rubbed my cold fingers against the warmth of the cup.

I really didn't wanna talk about what had been going on in my mind.

But Urahara didn't say anything.

He just sipped happily on his cup.

Set it down.

And stared off in the distance, reliving a memory.

"I miss being a father," he began. I raised an eyebrow in question, but otherwise, let him continue. "I mean, Renji was the cutest thing when he was little. I don't know where he's going with that red hair, but I support it, I guess. I have to since he's my son. Besides, he stopped listening to me after the divorce."

He chuckled without humor.

Sipped again.

"I don't know, I guess after the divorce, I felt something was severed. I let myself go, and opened up this shop, and tried to go on, but in the end, it was a facade. I was the one who didn't try hard enough, and that's why I have no one."

I sipped from my cup, and nodded solemnly, still not knowing where he was going with this. Knowing Urahara, he could be going on just to hear his own voice.

But right now, I didn't think that was the case.

"Grimmjow, we lose things every now and then. But losing someone is the worst feeling, am'ma right?" he asked good-naturedly with a scoff, but his eyes were dark.

Vulnerable.

"Yeah…"

He smiled at me. "It's okay to be angry. It's how things are, and we feel even worse when we realize we can't change that. But, lemme tell you something I hadn't realized till everything was over."

I waited with bated breath.

"It's only over when you let it be over."

He eyed me carefully.

I only sipped.

And felt the hotness slither down my throat.

XXXX

I saw Ichigo waiting for me in front of the door again.

It was a common thing, but it only made me nervous.

When he heard my footsteps, he perked up, standing to his feet.

We didn't say anything.

He just opened the door and let me in, letting the silence wash over us.

When he locked the door, I turned around.

Already, his arms were opened wide.

I rushed inside them, enveloped by his strong embrace.

And he cried.

I let him because I cried for the same things.

Being afraid.

Feeling that clinching hopelessness.

The maddening anger.

It was overwhelming.

But right now, I felt none of them.

As I heard the last of his dying sobs, I knew what I wanted to say.

I eased him away from me, and I looked in his reddened eyes.

"Ichigo." I kissed his lips. "I love you."

He looked stricken for a moment.

I wiped at his tear-stricken cheeks.

"I love you," I said with more conviction.

He finally smiled, and kissed me too.

"I love you," he whispered

I felt lightheaded, but I liked it.

I pulled him back into my arms, and there was nothing and there was everything.

And everything was him.

And nothing was nothing.

Wow, guys. I'm really sorry. After that spiel on my fucking profile page on quitting my stories, I write this piece of shit, haha. But when I went through my messages, I realized how many of you loved my stories, and… I just couldn't give up. So I tried my best. Granted, this was made in the spur of the moment, but I hope you guys are okay with it.

I'm still transitioning into high school, and it's so hard. Idk how I even got the time to do this, but here it is. Please forgive me. But I will try harder once again. You guys really do inspire me. When I reread our messages and all the reviews, it pushes me to work harder, so please keep supporting me :) I love you guys.

Till next time!~

P.S., this story is nearing the end. But, it won't be for a while, so don't worry too much!