Before you read this please be aware that I HATE CHARACTER BASHING! I don't care if the character is the most deplorable piece of scum on the planet I don't like it. That being said I am not bashing on Keiko I actually really like her. Any woman who could keep Yusuke Urameshi in check is a trooper. Keiko isn't supposed to be evil, conniving or a boyfriend stealing tramp in this fic, if she comes off that way I apologize to any Keiko Yukimura fans. I find that I get a lot of my inspiration from songs this fic was inspired by Destiny's Child's 'Is She the Reason'. If you catch any errors feel free to tell me and PLEASE ENJOY!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything having to do with Yu Yu Hakusho or Destiny's Child.

Warning: SLASH M/M. If you don't like don't read.

Pairing: Kuwabara Kazuma and Urameshi Yusuke.

"Is She The Reason?"

The door was locked.

He turned the handle and then gave it a squeeze. Something cracked. Gently he pushed against the hard wood of the door.

Still it resisted. Testing the door again he could distinctly hear the sound of the chest of drawers that would have typically been sitting against the far wall of his bedroom. Yet he could hear it dragging behind the door as though it had been used as a barricade. He sighed.

It was right around then he'd finally noticed that he had screwed up big time. He hadn't meant to. In fact he had come to apologize. He'd known he had done wrong as soon as he'd done it.

Bracing himself he went to push the door with a little more force.

"Don't you dare Urameshi!"

He froze.

"You break that stuff I put behind the door and I break you!"

"Then how am I supposed to get in?"

There was a pause.

"You're not Urameshi. So don't try."

"Kuwabara." He began but was cut off.

"Don't even 'Kuwabara me', this is different Urameshi."

Yusuke Urameshi didn't think that Kuwabara Kazuma was an idiot but he had to face the fact that he wasn't particularly the brightest crayon in the box. He'd been hoping that Kuwabara hadn't noticed the differences between this situation and several others he had managed to get himself into. The other man had noticed and now Yusuke was barricaded out of the apartment that he shared with his best friend. His lover.

"Kuwabara, let me in."

"Are you really trying to get in here after I told you not to? Of all the things that could change why couldn't you be less stubborn."

"I'm just trying to make it right, dammit. Open the door!"

He went to force the door open again. Then all he heard was a thud, if he didn't know any better he could swear that the dresser was pushing back.

"Kuwabara." He began in a warning tone. "I'm tired, its late and I just want to curl up in our bed together."

There was silence and for a long moment Yusuke believed the other man was refusing to answer him.

"Tell me something Urameshi." Another pause. "Is she the reason?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean Urameshi! Keiko!"

Yusuke's stomach clenched at the mention of the woman's name. He reined in his unease. "Kuwabara", he began with a soft tone. "Can't we talk about this face to face?"

"NO!"

"Why not?"

"Don't change the subject. This is what I want to know."

"What is it then?"

"Is she the reason? Is Keiko the reason?"

"For what?"

"Is she the reason why I haven't seen you in two weeks?"

Again Yusuke flinched. "No."

There was a pause and for a few precious moments the brunette actually began to believe that Kuwabara believed him. And then suddenly there was a loud crash and the door flew open. The next thing Yusuke knew he was inside the apartment being pushed up against the back of the door.

"So." The other man began through gritted teeth. "You're just gonna lie to me now, huh?"

Yusuke lifted his hands to wrap them around the carrot top's wrists. "Kuwabara it really isn't what you think."

"Fuck that Urameshi. You've been back for two fucking weeks and when I finally hear about it, it's not from you, its from Hiei. HIEI! Then when I go to your party to see you, you're wrapped up in Keiko's arms like she owns you; like you want to own her!"

"Kuwabara." Yusuke pleads trying to get his attention.

"No." The carrot top grounds out. "All that I did, I did it for you. What we were doing was new to both of us; we didn't know how to start anything. Our relationships with women were blowing up in our faces left and right. But we both said it was worth trying."

Yusuke opened his mouth to comment, to agree, but Kuwabara continued voice heated, face angry.

"I knew at a moment's notice you could up and leave, you told me as much. But you promised you would tell me before anything was final. And then things changed and we got closer and I wanted to tell my family you begged me not to and I agreed." Kuwabara's eyes were fierce with what Yusuke could only describe as self loathing. He shook his head and lowered his eyes from the brunette's face.

"How could I disagree? Do you have any idea how hard I was falling for you and the best you could do was keep me at arms length?" He turned to laughed bitterly in Yusuke's face. "And you know the saddest part? I was willing to sit there, to wait forever at your side as silent as I'd ever been. But you know what Urameshi, sometimes it really sucks being your dirty little secret."

"You weren't. I swear." Yusuke squeezed Kuwabara's wrists trying to make the action seem comforting, calming.

"The hell I wasn't Urameshi!"

Yusuke had no response. He found himself unable to look away from the irate onyx eyes of his best friend. His lover. He watched as the other man's chest heaved with each ragged breath, his cheeks were flushed and his teeth were gritted together. Finally, Kuwabara tore his eyes away from the brunette's and he let him go, ignoring the thud the other man's shoes made as they hit the ground.

Kuwabara turned away from Yusuke.

"Just tell me the truth Urameshi. Is she the reason I haven't seen you? I tried thousands of different scenarios in my head. I thought maybe you were scared? Maybe this was just too different for you to go through with? Maybe she was just the safer, wiser choice? Maybe I just wasn't good enough?"

Yusuke took a step closer.

"The thing I hate the most." Kuwabara barely whispered lips seemingly unmoving as though the comment was meant for his own ears. "The thing I hate the most Urameshi is that I can't help but want to take you back."

Yusuke was at Kuwabara's side then, forcing the carrot top to turn and look at him. "Then don't Kuwabara."

The taller man scoffed and tore his arm from the brunette's grip. "Everyone else might think I'm an idiot but I'm not."

He stared into Yusuke's eyes angrily. "You're not getting off that easy Urameshi. You're going to tell me what I want to know before I decide anything."

Yusuke wanted for all the world for Kuwabara to tell him that it was over right now it was better than the words he knew he would have to offer to the carrot top as payment for his actions. Anything was easier than what he was feeling right this second as he stared up into the eyes of the man he had hurt so deeply, fear curling itself around his spine.

"Kuwabara, I had to talk to Keiko first because she was first, my first."

The carrot top looked away from him then. "So, because I was second does that mean I don't even get a visit?"

Yusuke shook his head. "No, no I had some things to settle, to make her understand that I would always love her but that I couldn't."

As soon as the word was out of his mouth he knew he'd said the wrong thing. Kuwabara visibly stiffened and his fists clenched so tight that he was sure that the carrot top would cut himself with his fingernails.

"So that's it?" He whispered, his voice too calm to be real. "I know you told me that you guys still…" He didn't say but pressed on. "But I didn't care I thought that you'd at least." His voice tapered away.

"Kuwabara. Would you look at me. Just please…"

"No, leave Urameshi. I've heard enough."

Yusuke shook his head. He hadn't finally gotten up the courage to tell the other man the truth only to not finish. With a curse he tackled the larger man to the floor and was almost alarmed when he barely put up a fight. Hands planted on either side of Kuwabara's face and legs straddling his waist, Yusuke looked down at his lover.

"Look at me!"

When he didn't Yusuke forced Kuwabara's face to look up at his own. What he saw in those onyx pools nearly broke him. Before his mind could register what his body was doing Yusuke descended upon Kuwabara's mouth. His lips pressed against the carrot top's fiercely forcing them to open and deepening the kiss. He tasted Kuwabara for the first time in what felt like an eternity. He had missed this, had dreamt of it on nights too cold to sleep, had wished for it as he'd said goodbye to his first love on his way to welcome his true love.

The contact sent tendrils of warmth through him. Yusuke could feel Kuwabara's torso arching towards him. He wanted the carrot top so bad he could feel the heat rise in his belly only to settle somewhere near his groin. He groaned into the other man and was far too relieved to hear a groan answer him. Just before he released Kuwabara's lips, sure that the carrot top would need to breathe soon, pain shot up his tongue and he pulled away attempting to appear as though the sudden sharp sensation hadn't excited him as much as it did.

He looked down at Kuwabara's face and saw a faint tinge of red to his lips. The human had bit him.

"I'm not your mistress Urameshi. You can't have both of us. You made your choice."

Yusuke captured the other man's wrists in his hands and nodded his head.

"Yeah. I did." He drew in a breath. "I did hesitate about making this permanent and I did take advantage of you where Keiko was involved and I'm so, so sorry. Two weeks ago I decided that I was through running; I went to tell Keiko that I would always love her but I couldn't not love you more."

He took one of his hands and ran it over the carrot top's hair and down to his face to wipe away warm tears. He dropped his lips to high cheek bones and kissed the soft skin there, his tongue darting out to sample the salt he found as well.

"I love you Kuwabara. And from here on out you will always be my reason for everything I do."